Why Married Women Cheat

[Just a Guy]

Hi Heather, If you don't mind may I know how old you ate? If you had mentioned it earlier I'm sorry I missed it. How long have you been married? Have you had any discussions prior to his renewed interest in you, with your husband? Did these center on his lack of interest in you? If so what did he have to say besides making some lame excuses? Did he come up with anything illuminating about his lack of interest? Do you know enough about your husband's childhood and early adolescent years to shed some light on his behaviour currently? Also what attracted you to your husband in the first place? In the early part of your marriage was your husband very attentive and did he find you to be sexy and as you put it' The tearing off your clothes to have mind blowing sex' with you? Guess the answers to these questions will give a clearer view of where you are coming from!

 

I would also like to say that I am a believer in reincarnation of souls and how souls who were connected in past lives reincarnate together. Sometimes the problem lies in one of the past lives where you may have deeply hurt your husband in some way and his treatment of you in this life is a consequence of that action on your part. I had mentioned somewhere about Dr. Brian Weiss who is s classically trained psychiatrist who stumbled upon this phenomenon some thirty years ago. He has written many books on the subject but his first book "Many lives Many Masters" is a classic and captures the essence of this phenomenon. If you Google his name you will get a lot of information about this subject and it may induce you to undergo therapy as prescribed by Dr. Weiss to cure your self of this particular problem. This is just one man's advice for you to take or not. Cheers!

Edited August 19, 2015 by Just a Guy

[Heatherknows]

Maybe, if sex became regular again, that need for further validation would fade. Maybe it is amplified because of the rejection.

 

If not, you'll need to address that part yourself. A normal, healthy sexual relationship does not include one person constantly reassuring the other that they are still desirable. It's a mutual sharing of pleasure and connection.

 

I honestly think if I was having sex once a week I'd feel desirable because of my husbands actions. Remember my marriage was just about sexless for many years. So if my husband f*cks me a couple of times it's not going to undue years of sexual neglect.

[xxoo]

I honestly think if I was having sex once a week I'd feel desirable because of my husbands actions. Remember my marriage was just about sexless for many years. So if my husband f*cks me a couple of times it's not going to undue years of sexual neglect.

 

I think that's likely

 

Let's aim for 3 times a week!

[autumnnight]

I think that's likely

 

Let's aim for 3 times a week!

You hussy! :D

[truncated]

There is a misnomer that if spouse A doesn't want sex, spouse B must have beaten or damaged the drive out of them.

 

This misnomer is not always the case. In fact, I would posit it is not USUALLY the case.

 

Not everyone starving of sex is starving because it is their fault.

 

 

In my opinion, the situation is often hard to pin down to reason a, b, c, d or e. It's a combination of factors, often all feeding off one another.

 

Some come form within, some come from the other spouse, some come from societal expectations, some upbringing, etc. etc. etc.

 

Unravelling that Gordian knot can sometimes be really hard.

Edited August 19, 2015 by truncated

[autumnnight]

In my opinion, the situation is often hard to pin down to reason a, b, c, d or e. It's a combination of factors, often all feeding off one another.

 

Some come form within, some come from the other spouse, some come from societal expectations, some upbringing, etc. etc. etc.

 

Unravelling that Gordian knot can sometimes be really hard.

 

I have found, many times, that people just flat don't know what to say when someone really HAS been a good spouse and tried everything at their disposal and the other spouse still won't step up and touch them. It's uncomfortable and unfathomable, so they insist that it HAS to be the starved spouse's fault. And in absence of that, they fumble around and then suggest the starved spouse get over it or, if they are "lesser", divorce over it. Because we all know "real" commitment means embracing a life of married celibacy.....

[Got it]

I honestly think if I was having sex once a week I'd feel desirable because of my husbands actions. Remember my marriage was just about sexless for many years. So if my husband f*cks me a couple of times it's not going to undue years of sexual neglect.

 

Heather, why does your husband's actions/inactions cause you to see it as a validation of you? Whether or not you are desirable shouldn't rest in his hands? Do you see yourself as desirable?

 

I was in a pretty sexless marriage as he had a low sex drive. But it didn't impact whether or not I thought I was desirable, I knew I was, I knew I was pretty good at sex, and I knew my "value". Just because he didn't want me didn't cause me to doubt myself. Why are you relying on others for your own estimate of yourself?

 

I saw it as having sex drives, so our sex life was an issue, definitely, but I didn't "own" it as an estimation of my worth. My value/worth is something I decide and others don't get to have a say.

[autumnnight]

There is a misnomer misconception that if spouse A doesn't want sex, spouse B must have beaten or damaged the drive out of them.

 

This misnomer misconception is not always the case. In fact, I would posit it is not USUALLY the case.

 

Not everyone starving of sex is starving because it is their fault.

 

It really did make me smile that someone pointed this out to me I'm not being snarky. I bet the ghost of my favorite English teacher prompted them

 

It's a misconception that misnomer means the same thing as misconception. <3

[TaraMaiden2]

It really did make me smile that someone pointed this out to me I'm not being snarky. I bet the ghost of my favorite English teacher prompted them

 

It's a misconception that misnomer means the same thing as misconception. <3

 

You're kidding!

 

Who the heck would do such a thing....?!

 

 

[autumnnight]

You're kidding!

 

Who the heck would do such a thing....?!

 

 

 

Some peacefully sweet person who wouldn't let me thank her privately!

[Heatherknows]

Heather, why does your husband's actions/inactions cause you to see it as a validation of you? Whether or not you are desirable shouldn't rest in his hands? Do you see yourself as desirable?

 

I was in a pretty sexless marriage as he had a low sex drive. But it didn't impact whether or not I thought I was desirable, I knew I was, I knew I was pretty good at sex, and I knew my "value". Just because he didn't want me didn't cause me to doubt myself. Why are you relying on others for your own estimate of yourself?

 

I saw it as having sex drives, so our sex life was an issue, definitely, but I didn't "own" it as an estimation of my worth. My value/worth is something I decide and others don't get to have a say.

 

It sounds like you have healthy self-esteem. I don't. Plus, being beautiful and sexually desirable was seen as important in my household. I'm not going to get into the whole childhood dynamic because I need to move on and concentrate on here and now but I'll say being sexy was very valued.

 

So here I am middle-aged, fragile and unable to establish a career with a husband who rather cook than fu*k me. So my head runs with erotic and romantic escapism and the mundane world I live in becomes more of a cage then a home. But I look in the mirror and know I'm not 22 and I look at my skills and mental health and know I'm lacking. So retreating behind a computer and chatting inappropriately seems to fit in with my abilities and schedule.

[autumnnight]

It sounds like you have healthy self-esteem. I don't. Plus, being beautiful and sexually desirable was seen as important in my household. I'm not going to get into the whole childhood dynamic because I need to move on and concentrate on here and now but I'll say being sexy was very valued.

 

So here I am middle-aged, fragile and unable to establish a career with a husband who rather cook than fu*k me. So my head runs with erotic and romantic escapism and the mundane world I live in becomes more of a cage then a home. But I look in the mirror and know I'm not 22 and I look at my skills and mental health and know I'm lacking. So retreating behind a computer and chatting inappropriately seems to fit in with my abilities and schedule.

 

My dynamics were different, but I can understand why you relate his desire or lack of to your desirability. For me, I was a virgin when I married and went to a very conservative church. I had no experience. I had also heard and read and overheard conversations with my married friends that husbands can't keep their hands off their wives and want sex all the time.

 

So with no experience and all that data, when my OWN H didn't seem to care....I naturally assumed I must not be enough to make him care/want/desire. So I worked harder, and there were no results, and I kept trying to find that magic shortcoming I could fix and attract him....

 

It takes years to get as emotionally destroyed as I was, and you're right, a few good night of sex doesn't fix it, just like a couple of months of honesty doesn't wipe out the pain of an affair.

[Heatherknows]

My dynamics were different, but I can understand why you relate his desire or lack of to your desirability. For me, I was a virgin when I married and went to a very conservative church. I had no experience. I had also heard and read and overheard conversations with my married friends that husbands can't keep their hands off their wives and want sex all the time.

 

So with no experience and all that data, when my OWN H didn't seem to care....I naturally assumed I must not be enough to make him care/want/desire. So I worked harder, and there were no results, and I kept trying to find that magic shortcoming I could fix and attract him....

 

It takes years to get as emotionally destroyed as I was, and you're right, a few good night of sex doesn't fix it, just like a couple of months of honesty doesn't wipe out the pain of an affair.

 

If you were a virgin and the only man you had experience with was one who didn't seem interested in you sexually my guess is you felt defective. I know I would. I mean I have had experience with other men but these past years of pretty much no sex has left me very eager for sexual attention from cute guys. So until I'm not at risk for an affair I will keep a close rein on my behavior.

 

This last guy who showed me sexual attention was probably a closeted homosexual malignant narcissist.Needless to say the crumbs he threw at me were lacking. I mean, IDK if my assessment of him is true but my gut says it is. His sexual attention was weird. And now that he's going to travel the country to meet up with mostly homosexual males makes me think I'm right.

 

So I have a husband that hasn't wanted to have sex in years and some sexual attention from this weird creepy Internet guy...lets just say my sexuality feels very fragile right now. But I'm not going to get all crazy and depressed anymore. I'm going to educate and hopefully heal from this last punch.

Edited August 19, 2015 by Heatherknows

[xxoo]

It sounds like you have healthy self-esteem. I don't. Plus, being beautiful and sexually desirable was seen as important in my household. I'm not going to get into the whole childhood dynamic because I need to move on and concentrate on here and now but I'll say being sexy was very valued.

 

So here I am middle-aged, fragile and unable to establish a career with a husband who rather cook than fu*k me. So my head runs with erotic and romantic escapism and the mundane world I live in becomes more of a cage then a home. But I look in the mirror and know I'm not 22 and I look at my skills and mental health and know I'm lacking. So retreating behind a computer and chatting inappropriately seems to fit in with my abilities and schedule.

 

I'd love to see you take full control of what you can control. You can't control your husband or being middle aged

 

You can control developing your skills and your career. WIll that fix your marriage? Probably not. But you wouldn't be in exactly the same situation, and you wouldn't be deriving your self-worth primarily from how other's perceive your attractiveness (which is something you can't control).

 

I suspect it's easier to focus on what you can't control. Easier because it doesn't require you to step outside your comfort zone. But harder because it doesn't allow you to improve your life.

[truncated]

I have found, many times, that people just flat don't know what to say when someone really HAS been a good spouse and tried everything at their disposal and the other spouse still won't step up and touch them. It's uncomfortable and unfathomable, so they insist that it HAS to be the starved spouse's fault. And in absence of that, they fumble around and then suggest the starved spouse get over it or, if they are "lesser", divorce over it. Because we all know "real" commitment means embracing a life of married celibacy.....

 

 

I'm just saying that these situations are not usually as simple as a sex starved spouse.

 

There are often layers and layers of issues, and if the couple wants to work on the problem, then they need to find why their spouse doesn't want sex. Otherwise, how can the issue be dealt with? It may have zero to do with their spouse. they may have been abused when they were a child, they could have been raised in a family where sex was treated as "dirty" and it was only for procreation, they could have been raised in a home where there were unhealthy attitudes surrounding sex.

 

Then there are the mental health issues and health issues. Depression, some medications ( e.g.- birth control pills) , impotence, etc. they could be under a huge amount of stress, be coping with issue from work that they bring home with them, etc.

 

In some cases ( and I know this is going to get me flamed) there are some spouses who have a healthy libido but are also abusive, cruel, unaffectionate in other areas, etc. They are want to have sex, but their spouse has been made to feel so crappy about themselves that it's hard to get up the urge to want to be intimate with someone who has hurt you.

 

Then there are some spouses who really do starve their spouse of love and affection because they are seeking control.

 

My point isn't to assign blame, but rather to say that if a couple has a problem in this area, simply saying " we aren't having sex enough, you are starving me, so you'd better change" won't really get to the root of the problem.

 

It also helps to know what is going on their spouses head. look at the reasons for their lack of desire for intimacy, and see if there are ways to address this, or if it is so deep rooted that it won't really ever change. It could be that it is just who they are, on a very fundamental level, and nothing their spouse does or doesn't do will change that. Knowing that can give their spouse the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their life.

[Just a Guy]

Hi Folks, This is what I was trying to get across in other words. Very well put by Truncated. Seems to me that the real issues at stake are being overlooked or avoided by the OP. Unless one takes a hard look at what could be causing problems in one's life finding solutions may be as elusive as the Holy Grail.

 

Autumn Night, with what you have said about yourself at the time you got married, do you think your strict up bringing and attendance at a very conservative church, may have had something to do with your lack of being desired sexually and possibly romantically by your husband? Was he, like you also brought up in a conservative environment?

[Heatherknows]

Seems to me that the real issues at stake are being overlooked or avoided by the OP.

 

 

That isn't correct. I've mentioned that my husband works long hours has a stressful job and has gotten more sexual since his sister has taken over the caregiving of his elderly mother. I do look at the whole picture. My husband will give me a million legitimate reasons why he isn't in the mood. But guess what?

 

I still want to fu*k; so there's that...

[Nikki Sahagin]

1. For sexual variety.

2. To feel sexually desired/wanted

3. To escape the identity of 'mother' and 'wife' for a while

4. To recapture youth

5. For excitement

6. For an emotional/mental/physical connection that may be lacking with the partner

7. For escape

[truncated]

That isn't correct. I've mentioned that my husband works long hours has a stressful job and has gotten more sexual since his sister has taken over the caregiving of his elderly mother. I do look at the whole picture. My husband will give me a million legitimate reasons why he isn't in the mood. But guess what?

 

I still want to fu*k; so there's that...

 

 

This is what I was trying to get at ( but using way too many words to do it...)

 

You know the reasons he gives for not wanting sex. Do you feel they are the real root cause, or is it something more?

 

If it was a temporary issue that you think could change when the circumstances do, you might be willing to wait.

 

If you feel like it's something much deeper that just a result of what's going on in his life, are you still willing to wait? Do you think he really sees this as a problem?

 

( I'm probably not wording this next part right, so please forgive me if it comes out sounding award)

 

Some people really do have a low libido, and it has zero to do with the person they are with. You could be the hottest thing to ever walk the face of the earth, and it wouldn't matter. The issues would lie within him, and since that is the case, there's not much you could do. You can't force someone to have a sex drive, and his lack of one is not a reflection on you at all. It's him.

[Heatherknows]

This is what I was trying to get at ( but using way too many words to do it...)

 

You know the reasons he gives for not wanting sex. Do you feel they are the real root cause, or is it something more?

 

If it was a temporary issue that you think could change when the circumstances do, you might be willing to wait.

 

If you feel like it's something much deeper that just a result of what's going on in his life, are you still willing to wait? Do you think he really sees this as a problem?

 

( I'm probably not wording this next part right, so please forgive me if it comes out sounding award)

 

Some people really do have a low libido, and it has zero to do with the person they are with. You could be the hottest thing to ever walk the face of the earth, and it wouldn't matter. The issues would lie within him, and since that is the case, there's not much you could do. You can't force someone to have a sex drive, and his lack of one is not a reflection on you at all. It's him.

 

I've always had the higher sex drive in the marriage. I'm working on making the home a more relaxing place for him to be. Mostly, meaning I'm working on being a more understanding partner. I've noticed when I'm more easy going and less critical he becomes more affectionate. Plus, I've become more seductive with him. I'll say things like "I can't wait to suck your d*ck this weekend." And I've been making an effort to dress sexier around the house. I also need to address my own expectations of sex which I think are unrealistic in long term marriage.

[Got it]

If you were a virgin and the only man you had experience with was one who didn't seem interested in you sexually my guess is you felt defective. I know I would. I mean I have had experience with other men but these past years of pretty much no sex has left me very eager for sexual attention from cute guys. So until I'm not at risk for an affair I will keep a close rein on my behavior.

 

This last guy who showed me sexual attention was probably a closeted homosexual malignant narcissist.Needless to say the crumbs he threw at me were lacking. I mean, IDK if my assessment of him is true but my gut says it is. His sexual attention was weird. And now that he's going to travel the country to meet up with mostly homosexual males makes me think I'm right.

 

So I have a husband that hasn't wanted to have sex in years and some sexual attention from this weird creepy Internet guy...lets just say my sexuality feels very fragile right now. But I'm not going to get all crazy and depressed anymore. I'm going to educate and hopefully heal from this last punch.

 

Listen, I was a virgin as well when I met my ex, we were high school sweethearts and so was my only experience. I still didn't "own" that his lack of desire was a reflection of me, I saw it as a reflection of him. It wasn't like I didn't have guys hitting on me, I knew how I compared to conventional beauty, so while I spent a lot of time scratching my head WHY he didn't want to have sex more I, honestly, saw it as more of a defect in him.

 

I really get a lot of "victim mentality" with you and I hope you can shake that. You are not a victim in this and have the ability to take a lot more control than you seem to believe. You can't change your husband but you can pretty much change everything else. It is more won't than can't.

 

I weighed the pros and cons with my ex and decided safety, security, and a nice guy was more important than sexual capability, etc. Having had the childhood that I did, that was very tumultuous, someone that was even keeled was a breath of fresh air. He was safe. And safe went a long way for a long time. So I moved my passions into other areas, heavily involved in the horse world, competed heavily which he was very supportive and a fantastic groom, and that was good enough. Well as I got older good enouch wasn't good enough any longer. I was less afraid to take the risk and was tired of trying to fit each other into spots that we didn't fit. I kept trying to fit him, a round peg, into a square hole, and it doesn't work. He wasn't happy, I wasn't happy, and I finally decided what are we doing?

 

I get the low self esteem, I battled anorexia most of my young adult life, struggled with creating my own identity, etc. But I also owned my decisions and mistakes. I owned every reason why I did what I did, why I had my affair, what I knew I was gambling and what my plan was (because, to me, to actually have sex with someone else - something I had never done in my whole life - that was the absolute death knell to my marriage).

 

Our childhood is our childhood, it shaped a lot of who we are but it doesn't end there. We can grow from it and be so much more. But you have to take the bull by the horn and start steering your life. And really deep diving what is that you can change, what can't be changed and when is it a "won't" oppose to a "can't".

[autumnnight]

I'm just saying that these situations are not usually as simple as a sex starved spouse.

 

There are often layers and layers of issues, and if the couple wants to work on the problem, then they need to find why their spouse doesn't want sex. Otherwise, how can the issue be dealt with? It may have zero to do with their spouse. they may have been abused when they were a child, they could have been raised in a family where sex was treated as "dirty" and it was only for procreation, they could have been raised in a home where there were unhealthy attitudes surrounding sex.

 

Then there are the mental health issues and health issues. Depression, some medications ( e.g.- birth control pills) , impotence, etc. they could be under a huge amount of stress, be coping with issue from work that they bring home with them, etc.

 

In some cases ( and I know this is going to get me flamed) there are some spouses who have a healthy libido but are also abusive, cruel, unaffectionate in other areas, etc. They are want to have sex, but their spouse has been made to feel so crappy about themselves that it's hard to get up the urge to want to be intimate with someone who has hurt you.

 

Then there are some spouses who really do starve their spouse of love and affection because they are seeking control.

 

My point isn't to assign blame, but rather to say that if a couple has a problem in this area, simply saying " we aren't having sex enough, you are starving me, so you'd better change" won't really get to the root of the problem.

 

It also helps to know what is going on their spouses head. look at the reasons for their lack of desire for intimacy, and see if there are ways to address this, or if it is so deep rooted that it won't really ever change. It could be that it is just who they are, on a very fundamental level, and nothing their spouse does or doesn't do will change that. Knowing that can give their spouse the knowledge they need to make informed decisions about their life.

 

Thank you for illustrating the point. It seems we cannot ever simply say" It is normal for you to crave intimacy from your spouse, and it is wrong for them to withhold it.

[Heatherknows]

 

I really get a lot of "victim mentality" with you and I hope you can shake that. You are not a victim in this and have the ability to take a lot more control than you seem to believe. You can't change your husband but you can pretty much change everything else. It is more won't than can't.

Yes I do sort of feel like a victim but I do feel I can change my husband. Recently, I found out my husband likes big boobs. Mine are small. I'm going to get implants size D.

 

Having had the childhood that I did, that was very tumultuous, someone that was even keeled was a breath of fresh air. He was safe. And safe went a long way for a long time. So I moved my passions into other areas, heavily involved in the horse world, competed heavily which he was very supportive and a fantastic groom, and that was good enough.

 

That makes perfect sense.

 

I get the low self esteem, I battled anorexia most of my young adult life, struggled with creating my own identity, etc. But I also owned my decisions and mistakes. I owned every reason why I did what I did, why I had my affair, what I knew I was gambling and what my plan was (because, to me, to actually have sex with someone else - something I had never done in my whole life - that was the absolute death knell to my marriage).

 

I am owning my issues and mistakes too.

[truncated]

Thank you for illustrating the point. It seems we cannot ever simply say" It is normal for you to crave intimacy from your spouse, and it is wrong for them to withhold it.

 

 

 

Who on earth ever said that you couldn't say that?

 

What I was saying is that having a l the information around why the spouse with the lower sex drive feels the way they do can help their So to decide if they want to work on those issues or if they are too complicated and ingrained to fix.

 

It's not about invalidating the feelings of either spouse, it's about trying to resolve the problem one way or another.

[TaraMaiden2]

Yes I do sort of feel like a victim but I do feel I can change my husband. Recently, I found out my husband likes big boobs. Mine are small. I'm going to get implants size D.

 

You only found this out 'recently'...?

Please let me give you a strong word of advice (as someone who once considered having implants, because frankly, I too have small breasts):

 

Don't even think about it.

 

True story:

 

In 1997, I was undertaking a course of Shiatsu, training to become a Shiatsu therapist. I was - and still am - a strong advocate of natural therapies, considering them widely complementary to conventional medicine, as we know it to be, in the West. Why natural therapies are known as 'alternative', when they are the ones to have been around for hundreds and perhaps, (according to authenticated and original, genuine oriental archives) thousands of years, while Western medicine and pharmacology has only been in existence for say 2 - 300 years or so, is beyond me...

 

Anyway, I digress, slightly...

 

The location I studied at, was a stone's throw away from the London central nucleus of medicine and dentistry, Harley Street..

 

I had long wanted to consider the possibility of implants and now, having come into an inheritance, and being so close to some of the world's most renowned medical experts and clinics, here was my chance to fulfil my dream.

One evening after study, I attended an appointment I had made with a recommended and highly-respected plastic surgeon who specialised in breast surgery, including reconstructive and cosmetic procedures.

I had an hour-long discussion with him, during which time he went through the procedure in detail, explaining what would happen, what materials would be used, care, maintenance, upkeep (yes, all necessary) and costs.

I made it quite clear that I didn't want to become pneumatic. I had no exaggerated size in mind. I wanted curve, proportion and a fuller bust. that was all. And he agreed that the requirement was totally logical, sound and sensible.

 

He then took photographs of my breasts and outlined - with a body-pen, as used by surgeons - exactly where the cuts would be, and how to deal with the whole process.

 

I then booked an appointment to meet the anaesthetist, and a subsequent date for the surgery.

 

I rang the clinic three days later to tell them I had been thinking about things very intensely, and had come to the conclusion that I had changed my mind.

 

I received a call, around 20 minutes later, from the man himself, telling me that was absolutely fine, no problem, it was my choice, but..

"...tell me, what made you change your mind?"

 

I explained that first of all, I was practising and studying an alternative therapy, which focused on the body's ability to move its own energy and life-forces, and to generate healing through massage - naturally - I felt it would have been fraudulent of me to practise a natural therapy on people, full of synthetic substance. I just felt it would be a 'block' and hypocrisy.

 

Secondly, I had to learn to be content with who I was. I had one body. And it was mine, and mine alone. Precious, imperfect, full of lumps and bumps, but mine nevertheless, and I had an obligation to care for it, look after it, nurture it and cherish it, riding along with it as it aged and transformed, on its own, with no additives, preservatives, enhancements or pretenses.

 

Thirdly - if I was to do this - it would have to be for me, because I, and I alone, wanted it. And I realised that a major part of my thought-process had been engaged in wanting to please a man.

And that was unacceptable, because if the only way my husband would be pleased with my appearance, was that I was physically changing it - implanting foreign bodies in it, for him - then he wasn't who I thought he was.

And I wouldn't be, either.

So I decided against it.

 

I cannot begin to describe how pleased this surgeon was with me, for coming to that conclusion.

He was absolutely delighted for me, and thrilled I had theought it through so comprehensively.

 

I still have small breasts.

I no longer have that husband.

Too much drifting apart, and too many differences... (This wasn't a catalyst for our separation)... though he confessed to being disappointed I didn't go through with it. Well tough luck, bud. Suck it up.

 

if you decide to go through with it, do it for the right reason.

You H liking big boobs, is NOT the right reason.

 

And I should warn you that, AFAIK, the majority of good, reputable, bona-fide professional clinics, will get you to have sessions with a counsellor to ensure that your reasons for having the procedure are indicative of "your head being in a good place".

 

How would you feel about being obliged to have counselling, for that reason?

Edited August 20, 2015 by TaraMaiden2