Indonesia1 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Hi all So until 2 days ago i'd been with this guy from january. We had a good relationship for the most part but the main problem that had been was when we argued, which might have been a lot less frequently than others it was explosive. The kind that made both of us want to end the relationship each time. We only ever had these arguments pretty much after we'd been on a night out and drinking. They only happened with his male friends overhearing- so even though they like me as a person- i think they view out rship negatively as we would never do anything at his house- it was gross male student house. Conversely, we hung out and did all the normal couple things at mine. My friends really really liked him and thought our relationship was good. The relevance of this? it's harder for me right now as my friends can't remind me of the bad times where as his can. We both even said when it was good it was pretty much ideal, we never really bickered and have the same future goals- both medical students, similar morals etc. His friends dislike for me from an especially rock begininning put pressure on things. We had a near breakup just before summer. Stayed together, had a pretty perfect first visit and second visits. Problems arouse when I found it very hard to get him to arrange things, i let out my frustrations and he took them a lot harder than normal. Think he was resentful for my behaviour in the first couple of months. I got tired of it and said i wanted this to be over. after two days i knew it wasn't what i wanted, i just wanted us to both let go of resentment. We recently visited (couple of days ago). Had a pretty perfect two days, he told me he was really happy and optimistic about the future, he told me he had bought tickets for a couple of events for us in october. Literally HOURS later we had an argument at dinner. It escalated, i ended up threatening him (not physically) and was verbally so nasty. I hated myself for it. The next day he told me it's over and it's over for good. He was pretty calm. I asked if there's any chance of things changing he said no. He said we argue too much and he's unhappy. I asked him why he said he was happy just one day before. He said he was and has never lied about it. He is looking at our past arguments (which decline massively from the first two months) so bitterly. I can't undo my stupidity from the start and i feel like this slip up is costing me dearly. I'm gutted but at the same time relieved because the general mood from two weeks has been not great. However this is only 2/3 weeks and wonder if that's really worth ending the relationship over. Obviously to him it is. Also i recently started suffering from anxiety. I'm not going to contact him, i've been a desperate ex to someone else before and that's never going to happen here. i just feel weird that it was more an ending over an argument than a fizzle out. He said he still has strong feelings for me. I'm gonna try my best to get on with my life, but do you think there is any chance he may forgive that incident?
mavendark Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 He may forgive it in the future, in his own mind, but I doubt he'll ever contact you about it. You should forget about him, do not be a desperate ex (you're already on the right path), keep yourself occupied, and no contact. Strong feelings are not the only quality necessary for a strong relationship. Conflict resolution is very important as well and it seems that you might need to revisit how to effectively communicate with someone (threatening is a big no no).
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 If you were arguing that much, it indicates there were deeper communication and compatibility problems. You shouldn't be having so many arguments so soon into a relationship. It also breeds a heck of a lot of resentment, and I think this last incident was the straw that broke the camel's back. You stated this was happening just in the last 2 or 3 weeks, but you contradict yourself by also stating it was rocky in the first couple months too. It wasn't working. It's hard to say if he'll forgive you now, but it's clear it's over in his mind. What was it that you said to him? What was the nature of this threat? Any threat is not cool and he evidently agrees.
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