veganpilot Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I am 18 and he is 26. He is well aware of this when we met on that dating site. He said he was looking for something serious and so was I. We hit it off really well after the date and he wants to see me again. He asked me to see him again on Saturday, but I was busy so I said I can't but rearranged the schedule. We were supposed to meet tomorrow but today, he wished me luck finding someone else and told me that he feels that I am too young for him, 8 years younger. He says he felt like a pedophile and removed me from his friends list. Why is he doing this? I feel so depressed. We were talking fine a few days ago and got along super well what can I do about this?
Zippy2000 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 He told you why he did what he did. Part of dating is accepting that sometimes the other person just isn't going to be interested. The best thing you can do for yourself is to respect his decision and move on to someone that actually does want to be with you. I agree with Enigma. Sometimes a person has a set criteria to meet their "check list" of what they want in a partner. For example looking for some who is 20 to 26, and someone over 5 foot 6. If you dont meet the criteria then Im sorry. At least he has some integrity than fobbing you off with some lame excuse. You just dont fit his criteria. 1
Author veganpilot Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 But why did he really want to see and talk to me? It only went terribly downhill this week. He used to text me everyday and enjoy talking to me wanted to see me again as well. I don't know what happened here.
Toodaloo Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 But why did he really want to see and talk to me? It only went terribly downhill this week. He used to text me everyday and enjoy talking to me wanted to see me again as well. I don't know what happened here. He realised after that he was not at all comfortable with the consequences of continuing to date you. He felt very uncomfortable with that so ended it. Just because someone is a nice person doesn't mean that you have to date them. It was one date. He is probably right if you are this upset after just one date. Do what ever it is you do to feel happier, go out with your friends, paint your toes nails etc. Then move on to the next one. 4
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 And I hate to tell you this, but he is right. Please don't think me patronising, but you are barely out of your adolescence, and still just past what many would consider 'childhood'. Biologically, your brain had genuinely not finished forming yet, so sadly, many decisions and things you need to weigh up, you'll engage in impulsively, and based on an emotional surge, not a practical or logical one. That's neither criticism, nor is it your fault. It's juts the way your brain is actually wired, at the moment. Not only are you younger than him in years, you're also immature. And I think that may be what he came to realise. If you date guys of your own age, you'll see they're too immature, by and large, for you. Because when it comes to emotional matters, boys DO mature more slowly than girls. Not in all areas and aspects of mental development, for sure; but in emotional matters, they're about 2 years behind. They catch up eventually, certainly.... But sadly, I think that may have been the disparity between you and your ex. Give yourself time, and the freedom to just date casually, no strings, meet different people.... but don't be too quick to give your heart away. Plenty of time for that later, when you've got your head together. Chin up! (PS: We've all been 18. And we all know how intense and real, deep and meaningful such situations are. This too shall pass. Honestly, it will....) 1
Author veganpilot Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 I hate it when guys in their twenties refuse to date ma and a lot of guys in their 40s or 50s apparently think it is okay to hit on me. Why is this?
mike_89 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I hate it when guys in their twenties refuse to date ma and a lot of guys in their 40s or 50s apparently think it is okay to hit on me. Why is this? 40s or 50s guys feel young and virile again if they flirt with girls obscenely younger than they are. Well, many guys in their 20s have experience dating younger (pre 20) girls and discovered that it's just not all that. Often these girls are very immature and have no experience with relationships so the guy would be their first really serious relationship. It's just not worth the kind of crap they have to endure, and most prefer going for a girl that's a bit older just because they are more mature and have experience dating. It's nothing personal, I'd feel the same way this guy feels. 1
Noideanow Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 You Were busy when he wanted to see you:confused: could be he felt worthless and that you didnt like him enough?
Author veganpilot Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Actually that Saturday I had a date with another guy. We are not exclusive so I can see someone else. I would not if we were exclusive. Also on Friday I had another date with a guy. Unless he saw me with them, there is no other logical reason why he would do this out of the blue. I made some comments about lost sparks on FB and maybe Ice saw on my profile that I was interested in women. Whatever the reason I wish he could tell me instead of opting out for no reason.
Toodaloo Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Well if your going dating loads of other guys stop getting your knickers in a twist and move on! Seriously this is not worth crying over. How about dating men your own age??
Noideanow Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Actually that Saturday I had a date with another guy. We are not exclusive so I can see someone else. I would not if we were exclusive. Also on Friday I had another date with a guy. Unless he saw me with them, there is no other logical reason why he would do this out of the blue. I made some comments about lost sparks on FB and maybe Ice saw on my profile that I was interested in women. Whatever the reason I wish he could tell me instead of opting out for no reason. There you have it:cool:
No Limit Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Look, he might be wanting to look for someone to start a family with - and you're definitely a little too young for that. 1
MidwestUSA Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Actually that Saturday I had a date with another guy. We are not exclusive so I can see someone else. I would not if we were exclusive. Also on Friday I had another date with a guy. Unless he saw me with them, there is no other logical reason why he would do this out of the blue. I made some comments about lost sparks on FB and maybe Ice saw on my profile that I was interested in women. Whatever the reason I wish he could tell me instead of opting out for no reason. He gave you his reason. Accept it. One date, and you're commenting on Facebook about 'lost sparks'? You showed your maturity level right here, and he ran. And it could very well be that he's not into women who are into women. It doesn't much matter, does it? 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Maybe he met someone closer to his own age who interested him. Perhaps he really did realize that you two are at different life stages and it wasn't going to work. There's not much you do, but accept it and move on gracefully. 2
xcupid Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Actually that Saturday I had a date with another guy. We are not exclusive so I can see someone else. I would not if we were exclusive. Also on Friday I had another date with a guy. Unless he saw me with them, there is no other logical reason why he would do this out of the blue. I made some comments about lost sparks on FB and maybe Ice saw on my profile that I was interested in women. Whatever the reason I wish he could tell me instead of opting out for no reason. Have you thought about cleaning up your social media accounts that are revealing TOO MUCH about you and your life?! 3
Lois_Griffin Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 But why did he really want to see and talk to me? It only went terribly downhill this week. He used to text me everyday and enjoy talking to me wanted to see me again as well. I don't know what happened here. LMAO! First of all, guys in their 40's and 50's hitting on 18 year old teenage girls are pitiful and an embarrassment to themselves. I've always said men in that age bracket obviously don't own mirrors or they'd realize their dough-boy bodies, their surplus of nose and ear hair, their bald heads/comb overs and haggard-looking faces are just about the LAST thing a young girl fresh out of high school even wants to LOOK at, much less date. And before the usual outcry can start about how 'jealous' I am, save it. I'm married just over a year so I'm not 'jealous' of anything. OP, your 26 year old guy probably realized he was being a bit foolish dating a teenager. That's what you are, regardless of how mature you may be. Maybe his parents or friends shamed him, maybe he realized it just wasn't what he wanted to do. I suspect he probably found someone closer to his own age bracket. I mean, he can't even take you out for drinks because you're not legally old enough to drink. He's at a different stage in life. Just accept it and move on. 7
katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 But why did he really want to see and talk to me? It only went terribly downhill this week. He used to text me everyday and enjoy talking to me wanted to see me again as well. I don't know what happened here. Because after getting to know you a bit more, he realized you weren't the girl for him. Maybe he found your personality a bit immature, and THAT is why he said you were too young for him. He didn't know that when he *first* met you.
katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 You Were busy when he wanted to see you:confused: could be he felt worthless and that you didnt like him enough? LOL, no that wasn't the reason. Unless he is overly-sensitive, emotionally needy, insecure with low self-esteem. They had one date .....people are allowed to be busy for heaven's sake, and she did offer an alternative date.
Author veganpilot Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 No it's not the same guy. I am seeing both guys that are 26. Actually, good news for the lost sparks guy. He was actually depressed and we started discussing about our relationship and he came to the conclusion that he doesn't care about age and he asked me why. He called me hun and we started flirting again.
Author veganpilot Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 I don't think that is the proper reason. I think he found someone closer to his age bracket that is "beta". I am an alpha female with a dominant personality. I am also ambitious and career orientated. I left my home, family and friends behind to start a new life building my career. Maybe he wants someone more submissive and loving/available making him feel more needed.
katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I don't think that is the proper reason. I think he found someone closer to his age bracket that is "beta". I am an alpha female with a dominant personality. I am also ambitious and career orientated. I left my home, family and friends behind to start a new life building my career. Maybe he wants someone more submissive and loving/available making him feel more needed. Maybe this, maybe that, maybe he just realized he's gay!!! LOL See how silly all this speculating is? It could be anything. Bottom line, he's not into you, forget about it and move on. 2
Gaeta Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I don't think that is the proper reason. I think he found someone closer to his age bracket that is "beta". I am an alpha female with a dominant personality. I am also ambitious and career orientated. I left my home, family and friends behind to start a new life building my career. Maybe he wants someone more submissive and loving/available making him feel more needed. An alpha female would have never come up with a thread like this and say: Why is he doing this? I feel so depressed. We were talking fine a few days ago and got along super well what can I do about this? 7
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I hate it when guys in their twenties refuse to date ma and a lot of guys in their 40s or 50s apparently think it is okay to hit on me. Why is this? You're an 'Alpha Female'? And you don't know....?
RoseVille Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 And I hate to tell you this, but he is right. Please don't think me patronising, but you are barely out of your adolescence, and still just past what many would consider 'childhood'. Biologically, your brain had genuinely not finished forming yet, so sadly, many decisions and things you need to weigh up, you'll engage in impulsively, and based on an emotional surge, not a practical or logical one. LMAO! First of all, guys in their 40's and 50's hitting on 18 year old teenage girls are pitiful and an embarrassment to themselves. Totally agree! OP has much better, appropriate options available to her.
Author veganpilot Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 I am alpha, he is the only exception that made me feel this way. I usually vouch for something casual (without sex) and date around with little emotional attachment to men at all. I became too attached to this one and it led to this. I don't think investing emotions is a good idea. I am alpha, as in strong, ambitious, intelligent, independent, bossy, loves to lead a team and being career-orientated. I am training in a predominantly masculine field and excel in maths and science. I also love gambling. This guy just made me change my views. It's a shame that this could not be recovered. I have deleted his phone number and messages, everything. I don't want to seem so desperate by continually making contact. I ceased. It sucks that he used to do all the chasing, asking out, talking and flirting. Now I know emotions make me weaker than I actually am. I should keep them buried like hidden treasure like I always had.
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