Versacehottie Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 yeah, i gathered that she might be a bit unconventional. She comes from a well-off Chinese family yet is getting her masters. That's unique and a bit liberal. And then there is being from a well-off family. I think that's going to put you in a position where you are brought up to care what people think and stick closer to traditional manners and would care very much about respect. So she probably is a dichotomy. As the poster above me said, stop doing "research" on her. That's not going to serve you. It will just make you anxious, second-guessing, and predicting and decoding her behavior. I guess you should keep seeing her providing you keep a thick skin and a positive attitude. I wouldn't let it go on for much longer though and date others as well (though I don't think you will do that but you should). Not answering the question of about how long she thinks it will take her to get her feelings sorted out, not answering is not a cultural thing, IMO. It's slightly rude and disrespectful to you. For sure, it shows she doesn't care much for your feelings at this point, ie not answering a question like that could have a guy walk with the other things that have gone on between you. She knows that but doesn't care. You seem like a low priority for her. I'm sorry. I think you should use her slowing down period to grow a backbone with her. It's the only way she will be truly into you. Level the playing field. Good luck
xcupid Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Forget the labels of boyfriend and girlfriend for the time being. If you're going to research then research to understand HER culture. It will help explain her upbringing and help you understand what is acceptable in her culture - her upbringing and culture will dictate her dating behavior. Then you decide whether you can live with that or seek someone else to date.
GemmaUK Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 I would ask her about dating and how her culture affects it. For all you know about the 38 yo she could have felt a bit lost and alone in a new country and got together with her mentor because he appeared to be understanding, kind, considerate etc. but also a bit of a father figure perhaps. This time around she is dating someone closer to her own age and you are both Chinese, maybe she thinks you would automatically know the culture and also what it's like for girls. Because you are American born and male and it sounds to me like you have come from a less cultured and more liberal family so therefore you can ask about it. Family isn't the only oppressor (for want of a better word) culturally, peers can be too. If you are enjoying dating her and are OK with initiating then go with the flow but you could find out what dating means for her on a cultural and personal level. A month in is a bit soon to be putting a label on things and you don't know each other yet, you're only just getting to know each other. Plus, I know for me personally that I need to feel a connection to a man before I would agree to be his gf. A connection for me comes from opening up, talking about your lives, common interests etc. I found something else yesterday posted on a forum which talked about Chinese girls not being happy kissing in public and then a US based Chinese guy slammed someone's gf for doing that. It is tough to tell though whether this is due to culture, trying to fit in, lack of experience or whether she is just not terribly into you. If she happily accepts dates each time though then just now I would see that as a good sign. If she starts to have less contact and starts cancelling dates it would be time to move on.
Versacehottie Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 For all you know about the 38 yo she could have felt a bit lost and alone in a new country and got together with her mentor because he appeared to be understanding, kind, considerate etc. but also a bit of a father figure perhaps. I think this is what she is doing with the OP too. If he's closer to her age, well then as a "friend" figure. I'm basing that mostly on the way she handled her reaction to the bf/gf controversy, not that there is one. A lot of people would be having discussions if someone prematurely called his gf. Only if they see the person as a doormat or a means to an end or don't mind much what happens with that person would they react as she did. That's human nature. IMO.
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