Should I apologize if I want a chance to reconcile in the future?

August 14, 2015

Hey Guys, I posted about a week ago but I'm still having some trouble. Ill sum things up:

My ex was always the insecure one in the relationship. very insecure. she had trust isssues but I was always the absolute most faithful bf ever. One source of her insecurities that I didnt realize was my fault until after the relationship was this:

When I was 15 years old, my best friend passed away. We had a mutual friend. me and this girl became very close (just as friends) and really helped eachother along with the haling process of losing a close friend at such a young age. We got so close that we came to call eachother "bro" and "sis". It was obvious to everyone that this was a purely platonic friendship. after highschool she went away to college.

I got seriously involved with my ex after High School and we fell in love. She was vaguely aware of my frienddship with this girl and it wasnt an issue for the first year or so of our relationship. (Me and this girl didnt talk too much for a while after high school). A year into my relationship with my ex, this girl resurfaces in my life as a FRIEND and we started hanging out and talking more whenever she would come back into town on break from college. I made the mistake of not introducing them right away and my girlfriend came to resent her, I never lied about what I was doing to my girlfriend and always told her where I'd be and what I was doing. She started to become very jealous of this friendship and always felt like she had competition with this girl. She saw her as a threat and would often tell me that she didnt feel like my main priority.

I always thought she was being irrational with her over insecure behavior because I was obiously deeply in love with her and could care for no one else like I did for her, and I called this girl "sis" regularly so I didnt comprehend her level of insecurity.

It wasnt until after me and my girlfriend broke up that I realized I had not handled this situation well at all. I saw this girl purely as a friend so didnt feel like I was doing anything wrong. I failed to put myself in my girlfriends shoes.

(I would hang out one on one with this girl and go out to lunch and a movie, or one time when she turned 21 we went and got drinks at like 9 at night at Hooleys.)

It wasnt till after I was broken up with that I realized that I was a fool not to know that ANY girl would be feeling insecure about me going out on "dates" with another girl no matter what kind of platonoic friendship it was.

This so called "friend" of mine was completely MIA after the breakup and I feel stupid for fighting for that friendship now because we arent even freinds anymore. Me and my Ex were together for 3 and a half years and for 2 and a half years I constantly had to fight for this friendship within my relationsjip. Me and my ex every once in a while would get in heated arguements over things I was doing with her that I didnt percieve to be wrong at the time.

This is where the story gets wierd. I had just gotten done with finals and was stressed out. She had been nagging me about not being able to see her while I was busy studying and we were fighting about petty stuff for about a week during and after my finals. I was emotionally drained from that and the combination of having just finished all the studying and awaiting my final grades for the semester.

This girl friend of mine called me one afternoon and asked me if we cold hang out when she got into town. I said sure. She asked me how much I misssed her and I replied "Stretch out ypour arms as wide as you can, and do the splits, thats how much i miss you!" She then quoted me on twitter and my girlfriend saw and was furious. When I came over to my girlfriends house (She lives right down the street) that night, she wouldnt drop it and was so pissed. I became overwhelmed and impulsively broke up with her and grabbed all my things, had an emotional talk with her as to why I didnt think It would work out. I said I felt lost in my life and needed to find myself because we are both young. (im 21 and she was 19 at the time) The next day I immediately regretted it and got her back. it took some convincing. She was set tomove to LA in a month for school and the plan was for me to finish one more semester down here and then move up there to be with her. She was scarred that we werent in a good place and she was leaving soon and this "breakup" happened a month before shes supposed to leave. it made her feel insecure. 3 weeks go by and we are starting to heal as a couple. I had a surgery and was recovering and told her it was fine for her to go out and do stuff with her friends and coworkers because I didnt want her to be bored at home with me all day watching movies. 4 or 5 days of not seeingg eachother goes by and I start to feell something is different. she then comes to me and says things feel different ever since I broke up with her and that she doesnt think she can be with me anymore, all the while still telling me she loves me and asking me to cuddle even though we are breaking up. she kept kissing me and telling me she loved me. we broke up.

a few days go by and I see her posting suspicious pictures. she seemed completely fine with it. I impulsively showed up at the gym while she was there and told her we needed to talk. I reminded her of our extensive history and how much we loved eachother and how our relationship was worth salvaging. I proposed to her out of desperationa nd told her I never wanted to be without her and I wanted her to now how serious I was (I know I know, bad move). She was shocked and said she genuinely needed to think about it. She said she knew we had something special that could justify us possibly getting married. She said she needed me to give her space to make a decision and not talk to her. 4 days go by and its the 4th of July : I see a few pictures she posted with another guy with his hands around her hips at the pool and her smiling.

I call her and she sends me to voicemail. I asked her if we could talk and she kept giving me short replies and saying I cant talk. I can talk tomorrow if you want. Im busy. She was all of a sudden cold and indifferent and it was blowing my mind. She texted me that it was over. I asked her if she had even considered my proposal and she said it was just too late. \

Come to find out a week later she is in a new relationship with this coworker of hers that she had started to see behind my back for that week I was recovering. (ugly dowgrade in my opinion and others)

I havent talked to her since and at that point accepted that it was over. To me it seems like a total rebound/ GIGS type scenario and the new relationship is moving extremely fast. He actually moved up to LA just to be with her. Not living together but still wtf.

My question is this: If I ever want another shot with this girl, do I apologize for the way I made her feel with having this friend who was a girl? Do I apologize for my shortcumings so that that is not something that will deter her from approaching me again. I know she still loves me deep down and we had an amazing connection. She latched on to the first guy that gave her attention after I had broken up with her and made her feel insecure, and then when she had a firm grasp she monkey branchedd to him.

August 14, 2015

I am about 18 years your senior, so I want to come at you with some "fatherly" advice, I have a three year old daughter, so it will give me a chance to practice for when she gets older. The first consideration is that you are both so young. Now I know you hear that and think "reactionary old man", people say that kind of garbage to people my age all the time. Keep in mind I was your age once and I thought that I was in love with my girlfriend at the time. She shares some similar traits with your ex-girlfriend and there are some red flags. Now I understand that you feel guilty about not "putting yourself in her shoes" when it came to her insecurity about the now MIA friend. That's fine to note that for future relationships and it is a very important trait to posses, being able to see where your partner is coming from. But to say that lead to what was your eventual break-up is a stretch. The red flag is that she moved on when you had surgery. An important trait for you to look for in a partner, is one that sticks by you when you are down and out. Surgery is a stressful and painful prospect. What is the sign of a great romance? How many times a person tells you that they love you or if they sit by your side, watching movies and bring you comfort. After several failed relationships (it takes a while to get it right) I finally met someone that has shown me what love is. There is nothing like being held by the woman you love when you need comfort; ask yourself, is your ex the kind of girl that would hold you tight as you sob uncontrollably in her arms? It sounds like this girl is the opposite of this. Take the time you need to get over her, but do yourself a favor...move on.

Good luck!

August 14, 2015

Dude you have it completely ass backwards. SHE should be apologizing to you and begging to get you back. Not the other way around. You screwed up with proposing to her. That came off as extremely desperate and essentially gave her all the power to treat you like a door mat because she knew then that you felt guilty(no need to feel guilty btw) but she used that to her advantage and cast you aside. She wasn't ever considering the proposal, she just said she'd think about it so she could get you to leave. That was an awful move on your part but apologizing for it is useless now. You'd need a time machine to fix that.

Now with that being said, the friendship that you had with the girl you grew up with never was romantic and you never hooked up or slept together from what you said in your post. If you date a girl who can't handle her boyfriends having girls as friends, especially one you've known since you were a kid and how your friends death was a part of that, then that's a huge red flag and she's not as amazing as you think she is. Now also I think you need to realize that this girl friend who you knew at 15 also probably has some kind of feelings for you. The fact that she posted that on Twitter and knew you had a gf at the time shows that she was trying to cause trouble and also wanted the public to know that a guy was excited to see her that much. So don't be so naive to think that she doesn't like you at some level.

Now on to your ex gf. Dude. She literally was cheating on you so what do you have to apologize for? You broke up for literally 1 night. Wasn't like you separated for weeks/months. So she's using that as an excuse. She was getting involved with her co worker in all likelihood behind your back way before the day you broke up with her. Think about it. You got her back the next day and then 4 days later she's saying that "things are different". lol that's just straight up bs. Your feelings for her are blinding you from the obvious. A few days after that and she's putting up pictures of another guy holding her? Then a week later they're dating? And suddenly he's moving to LA to be with her?

Do you really think that their relationship progressed that fast over 2 weeks? Do you think this guy would move to La if he had only been invoked with her for a month? It's been going on for a while and she was just better at hiding it than you want to believe.

Your best move is not to contact her. She's young and immature. This guy will get on her nerves soon enough and she'll be the one thinking she made a huge mistake. Just gain your respect back and know that chasing her and trying to apologize is just going to emasculate you in her eyes. She screwed up, not you.

August 14, 2015

Dude you have it completely ass backwards. SHE should be apologizing to you and begging to get you back. Not the other way around. You screwed up with proposing to her. That came off as extremely desperate and essentially gave her all the power to treat you like a door mat because she knew then that you felt guilty(no need to feel guilty btw) but she used that to her advantage and cast you aside. She wasn't ever considering the proposal, she just said she'd think about it so she could get you to leave. That was an awful move on your part but apologizing for it is useless now. You'd need a time machine to fix that.

Now with that being said, the friendship that you had with the girl you grew up with never was romantic and you never hooked up or slept together from what you said in your post. If you date a girl who can't handle her boyfriends having girls as friends, especially one you've known since you were a kid and how your friends death was a part of that, then that's a huge red flag and she's not as amazing as you think she is. Now also I think you need to realize that this girl friend who you knew at 15 also probably has some kind of feelings for you. The fact that she posted that on Twitter and knew you had a gf at the time shows that she was trying to cause trouble and also wanted the public to know that a guy was excited to see her that much. So don't be so naive to think that she doesn't like you at some level.

Now on to your ex gf. Dude. She literally was cheating on you so what do you have to apologize for? You broke up for literally 1 night. Wasn't like you separated for weeks/months. So she's using that as an excuse. She was getting involved with her co worker in all likelihood behind your back way before the day you broke up with her. Think about it. You got her back the next day and then 4 days later she's saying that "things are different". lol that's just straight up bs. Your feelings for her are blinding you from the obvious. A few days after that and she's putting up pictures of another guy holding her? Then a week later they're dating? And suddenly he's moving to LA to be with her?

Do you really think that their relationship progressed that fast over 2 weeks? Do you think this guy would move to La if he had only been invoked with her for a month? It's been going on for a while and she was just better at hiding it than you want to believe.

Your best move is not to contact her. She's young and immature. This guy will get on her nerves soon enough and she'll be the one thinking she made a huge mistake. Just gain your respect back and know that chasing her and trying to apologize is just going to emasculate you in her eyes. She screwed up, not you.

First off, thank you for even responding and reading that long ass story. But you got only a few things wrong. She took me back when I got her back the next day, and then 3 weeks passsed before she started seeing this coworker of hers. She said that she had wanted to marry me and spend her whole life with me up until I broke up with her and that ultimately me breaking up with her is what changed everything. She said that she went to bed that night thinking it was over for good and that things just changed for her. she said it was something she could help it just made her feel unsafe in the relationship. shes the type that always needs to have someone and I think that after that happened she slowly started gravitating towards this guy

August 14, 2015

Any girl would feel insecure about me spending alone time and essentially going out on dates with another girl regardless of if we were just friends wouldnt they? And me meeting her for drinks one on one? Things like that that I was oblivious to at the time because I didnt place myself in her shoes....thats where the regret comes from

August 14, 2015

Any girl would feel insecure about me spending alone time and essentially going out on dates with another girl regardless of if we were just friends wouldnt they? And me meeting her for drinks one on one? Things like that that I was oblivious to at the time because I didnt place myself in her shoes....thats where the regret comes from

It's absolutely not true that any girl would feel that way about you hanging out one on one with another girl that's a childhood friend of yours. If you didn't explain the dynamic and history of why you're friends with her and about your friends death helping each other cope then that was something you should've done but it's her own insecurities that she's putting onto you. If this girl friend kf yours was a guy she wouldn't have cared at all. So it's just because she's a girl that it bothers her. That's unfair.

Sometimes people say things and you might think it's heartfelt and true but it doesn't hold as much meaning to them saying it as it does to you hearing it. Every couple that's in love will talk about "being together forever" "wanting to have your kids someday" "I wanna marry you" etc. Especially at the age you and her are. It's not something that's written in stone. And the reason why? Because at 19 and 21 years old your feelings can change overnight as you know all too well know. The breakup might have made her realize it sooner rather than later but the fact that she realized she was doubting you and the relationship would've happened eventually if something so brief could have that impact on her. There was more she's not telling you which you probably won't ever find out for sure and that is what is the hardest to deal with and has guys wondering "what if I did this instead of that?," "I should've told her how I felt sooner ..." And on and on.

If she could date and commit to having a guy move to be with her in LA so quickly then clearly the love you two had wasn't built to last regardless of how strongly you thought it was. You never realize what you have until it's gone. Unfortunately you realized that after her feelings changed but don't let her off the hook for jumping into a relationship with her co worker the way she did.

They work together so I'm sure they were at least flirting and probably more long before your break up. She didn't just go out after work while you were recovering from surgery and fall in love with him at a bar... It grew over time and she decided she wanted to explore things further with him. She can tell you all the things you want to hear but if she meant them then she would be with you.

The fact that she can lay in bed and kiss and tell you she wants to be with you and cuddle and then a few days later post shady pictures tells me that she is a great actor and might even believe her own lies which makes them sound genuine.

August 14, 2015

Idk the specifics of how he ended up in LA. But I honestly wouldnt count it out that he just moved up there to be with her because she is insanely (and I mean insanely beautiful). Does this sound like a GIGS case to you? I still feel like there is this bond that links us no matter what has happened...and I know she cant just forget what we had. The kind of passion and love we had cant just be so easily forgotten and it seems impossible that she could sucessfully trasition THAT quickly into a real relationship. If your looking at this objectively, what do you think the chances of her regretting throwing what we had away are and trying to come back or reach out at some point are? I still feel like there is so much unfinished business between us....Regardless of how crazy it sounds (lets play devils advocate here), is my best shot at being able to speak to her again to maintain NC until/if she reaches out to me? and does the distance between LA and SD play a factor?

August 14, 2015

Honestly, I don't know what more you could say at this point. She knows how you feel and still chose to be with another guy. I'm sorry this isn't what you want to hear but I think time and space away from her would be the best thing to do right now.

I'm sorry you are hurting.

August 14, 2015

I was a pretty good bf to her and helped her through some of the hardest moments in her life. I was her rock through her lowest times and she counted on me for everything....dont know how she could ever forget how good I was to her.

August 14, 2015

People are in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I'm going with "reason" on this one and I think you've figured it out.

And to answer your question - strict NC is the way to go if she ever shows up and apologizes then and only then should you give her your mea culpa.

August 14, 2015

You're seeing it as her choosing to "throw what we had away" and just not trust that you were meant for each other. First off she's not throwing what you had away. Every couple that breaks up isn't doing it purposely to give up on the other person or doing it to erase the time you had together. Her leaving doesn't mean that the time you spent together wasn't real or meaningful to her. It just means she was at a point where her feelings evolved into wanting something else. That's all. It's not a reflection of you as a boyfriend. Now when you ask what are the chances of her regretting her decision.... That's not something anyone here can tell you accurately because 1. We don't know her 2. We are only hearing your side of things and how you perceive the events unfolding. But if I were to guess based on my experience I would say that she is eventually going to break up with the guy she's with now. Now that doesn't mean that she's gonna do that because she misses you and wants you back. I'm saying it will end because she is going to be starting college in LA and 19 year old girls at some point during their college years will want to experience being single. So just bc if/when they break up that doesn't mean you're a lock to get her back.

You said that you started dating your ex after high school. Did you date girls before her? Had you been in love before? How about her? Did she have boyfriends? Or were you each other's first love? Just try thinking about when you were 15/16/17 years old and the girls you either dated, hooked up with, or were attracted to/had crushes on. Looking back at those girls, would you date or be with all of them in the present time? Or has your attraction/interests changed as you've gotten older? I'm 27 and I can't imagine dating the girlfriend I had when I was 20 years old right now. My tastes and what's attractive to me have changed so much as I grew and experienced more and matured. Your gf at 19 yo is still evolving as are you so her view of you might have changed.

August 14, 2015

People are in our lives for a season, a reason or a lifetime. I'm going with "reason" on this one and I think you've figured it out.

And to answer your question - strict NC is the way to go if she ever shows up and apologizes then and only then should you give her your mea culpa.

Im still searching for the reason. Im still so confused. It all feels like a dream still because it all happened so fast:sick:

August 14, 2015

You're seeing it as her choosing to "throw what we had away" and just not trust that you were meant for each other. First off she's not throwing what you had away. Every couple that breaks up isn't doing it purposely to give up on the other person or doing it to erase the time you had together. Her leaving doesn't mean that the time you spent together wasn't real or meaningful to her. It just means she was at a point where her feelings evolved into wanting something else. That's all. It's not a reflection of you as a boyfriend. Now when you ask what are the chances of her regretting her decision.... That's not something anyone here can tell you accurately because 1. We don't know her 2. We are only hearing your side of things and how you perceive the events unfolding. But if I were to guess based on my experience I would say that she is eventually going to break up with the guy she's with now. Now that doesn't mean that she's gonna do that because she misses you and wants you back. I'm saying it will end because she is going to be starting college in LA and 19 year old girls at some point during their college years will want to experience being single. So just bc if/when they break up that doesn't mean you're a lock to get her back.

You said that you started dating your ex after high school. Did you date girls before her? Had you been in love before? How about her? Did she have boyfriends? Or were you each other's first love? Just try thinking about when you were 15/16/17 years old and the girls you either dated, hooked up with, or were attracted to/had crushes on. Looking back at those girls, would you date or be with all of them in the present time? Or has your attraction/interests changed as you've gotten older? I'm 27 and I can't imagine dating the girlfriend I had when I was 20 years old right now. My tastes and what's attractive to me have changed so much as I grew and experienced more and matured. Your gf at 19 yo is still evolving as are you so her view of you might have changed.

We had each dated before and had serious relationships...I was definately more experienced that her. I took her virginity on prom night. I was definately her first TRUE Love and she was mine. I'd been in love before but never like this. this girl captivated me. The fact she looks like a model doesnt help much either. Idk I know I probably shouldnt but I still have this feeling that I havent seen the last of her....Im moving on as best I can, but things dont feel finished between us

August 14, 2015

Im still searching for the reason. Im still so confused. It all feels like a dream still because it all happened so fast:sick:

Sure you have. You learned that to be a committed man in a relationship you must always be willing to look at you, your behavior and the relationship in general from her viewpoint. Not just your own. You get that now.

August 14, 2015

I was a pretty good bf to her and helped her through some of the hardest moments in her life. I was her rock through her lowest times and she counted on me for everything....dont know how she could ever forget how good I was to her.

Just because she's not your girlfriend doesn't mean you never existed in her life. She can still appreciate the good times you had together and how you helped mold her into knowing the good things a BF should do for/with his gf. If people's feelings or outlooks couldn't change then we would all be married to the first person we ever had a crush on. That's just not how we are wired.

As far as your best chance to get her back in your life. Trust me when I tell you that no contact is your ONLY chance of her ever finding her way back to you. If you reached out to her when she moved to LA just to see how the move went and see how she's settling in she's just gonna walk all over you. You'll be the clingy ex BF who didn't have a life of his own and thought he was being nice by checking to see she was good but in reality it just makes you less appealing because you're showing you've got nothing else going on. She's going to LA and starting school. What are you doing? Are you going out with friends? Doing anything she would be jealous of not being able to be there for? She's busy and active so she's not harping on the break up like you are.

You're putting yourself in her shoes and thinking about what she's going to do and how she's going to act based off the fact that you think you know her better than anyone. But you're also thinking about the best case scenerio's and assuming she's going to come to her senses and suddenly realize "oh **** I'll never find another guy like him, I need to get him back now!" . That **** never happens dude, it just doesn't. We wish it will but it doesn't.

Your best bet is so make it visible that you're doing things. If she hasn't blocked you on social media then go out with friends and put pics up showing that you're not crying in your room through the summer. Have a couple pics with a girl while you're out. Nothing drives an ex crazier than seeing her ex BF with another chick. She needs to come to the realization on her own that she wants you back. Nothing you can do or say to her will make her realize that sooner, so don't bother. Gain her respect back by living your own life. Worst case scenerio? You'll actuslly start having fun and meeting new people and she might not seem so important 1 mnth, 2 months from now.

August 14, 2015

Just because she's not your girlfriend doesn't mean you never existed in her life. She can still appreciate the good times you had together and how you helped mold her into knowing the good things a BF should do for/with his gf. If people's feelings or outlooks couldn't change then we would all be married to the first person we ever had a crush on. That's just not how we are wired.

As far as your best chance to get her back in your life. Trust me when I tell you that no contact is your ONLY chance of her ever finding her way back to you. If you reached out to her when she moved to LA just to see how the move went and see how she's settling in she's just gonna walk all over you. You'll be the clingy ex BF who didn't have a life of his own and thought he was being nice by checking to see she was good but in reality it just makes you less appealing because you're showing you've got nothing else going on. She's going to LA and starting school. What are you doing? Are you going out with friends? Doing anything she would be jealous of not being able to be there for? She's busy and active so she's not harping on the break up like you are.

You're putting yourself in her shoes and thinking about what she's going to do and how she's going to act based off the fact that you think you know her better than anyone. But you're also thinking about the best case scenerio's and assuming she's going to come to her senses and suddenly realize "oh **** I'll never find another guy like him, I need to get him back now!" . That **** never happens dude, it just doesn't. We wish it will but it doesn't.

Your best bet is so make it visible that you're doing things. If she hasn't blocked you on social media then go out with friends and put pics up showing that you're not crying in your room through the summer. Have a couple pics with a girl while you're out. Nothing drives an ex crazier than seeing her ex BF with another chick. She needs to come to the realization on her own that she wants you back. Nothing you can do or say to her will make her realize that sooner, so don't bother. Gain her respect back by living your own life. Worst case scenerio? You'll actuslly start having fun and meeting new people and she might not seem so important 1 mnth, 2 months from now.

Yea man thats what I've been doing. no sad statuses or quotes. (I noticed she had posted quite a few quotes directly referencing our relationship in the following weeks.. such as : we had the right love at the wrong time, and some others about moving on, or that the same moment cant happen twice) I just pst pictures of me out with friends, out partying, one with a girl friend of mine. didnt wanna go overboard with posting pics with girls. a few weeks into the breakup i made my instagram private and she accidentally followed me then unfollowed me real quick so i know shes checking up on me and keeping tabs...I debated on blocking her but I figured the jealousy factor could only help right? the other alternative was blocking her and leaving her to wonder..I am going to school as well. My semster starts monday so that should occupy my time.

August 14, 2015

We had each dated before and had serious relationships...I was definately more experienced that her. I took her virginity on prom night. I was definately her first TRUE Love and she was mine. I'd been in love before but never like this. this girl captivated me. The fact she looks like a model doesnt help much either. Idk I know I probably shouldnt but I still have this feeling that I havent seen the last of her....Im moving on as best I can, but things dont feel finished between us

And the first serious relationship you had before her.. Can you remember thinking during that time that the girl you were with was so Amazing and incredible however brief it was? But that infatuation eventually fades and you found your ex and realized that maybe you weren't in love with the first girl because now you really are in love. It's just part of growing up. It's called "first love" for a reason. There's a second, a third, etc. just sucks right now bc you think she was the one that got away. She's not. She was just the best looking girl you had been with up until this point and the fact that a smoke show fell in love with you too makes all of us feel good. It'll pass

August 14, 2015

Yea man thats what I've been doing. no sad statuses or quotes. (I noticed she had posted quite a few quotes directly referencing our relationship in the following weeks.. such as : we had the right love at the wrong time, and some others about moving on, or that the same moment cant happen twice) I just pst pictures of me out with friends, out partying, one with a girl friend of mine. didnt wanna go overboard with posting pics with girls. a few weeks into the breakup i made my instagram private and she accidentally followed me then unfollowed me real quick so i know shes checking up on me and keeping tabs...I debated on blocking her but I figured the jealousy factor could only help right? the other alternative was blocking her and leaving her to wonder..I am going to school as well. My semster starts monday so that should occupy my time.

Yea I get what you mean. Don't forget that she's 19 so you can use your experience and not fall for her traps and games. She followed and unfollowed you purposely just to **** with you. Wanted to see if it would get a reaction from you and if you would text her something like "checking up on my Instagram huh ;)"... .. Good move not falling for the bait. Act like you don't know anything that's going on in her life also. The less you know the better. Knowing what she's doing by checking her social media is just gonna make you bug out inside your own head. Checking her statuses and seeing what she's ho to serves what purpose exactly? You're not going to change or affect anything she's doing or thinking so don't torture yourself. And don't make it obvious by putting up pics of yourself with chicks either lol. Don't want it to come off as manufactured and fake. She's 19 years old, she can easily be f@;)Ed with just as easily. At her age seeing that her ex is maybe forgetting about her is exactly when you'll get a 2am drunk text or phone call. That's when it's even more important not to give in. Because I'm telling you when she says she misses you drunk at 2am, you'll be psyched and think you're getting her back but the next morning she'll act like it never happened and chalk it up to a drunk night out, but now she knows you're still hung up on her because she got you to pick up.

August 14, 2015

And the first serious relationship you had before her.. Can you remember thinking during that time that the girl you were with was so Amazing and incredible however brief it was? But that infatuation eventually fades and you found your ex and realized that maybe you weren't in love with the first girl because now you really are in love. It's just part of growing up. It's called "first love" for a reason. There's a second, a third, etc. just sucks right now bc you think she was the one that got away. She's not. She was just the best looking girl you had been with up until this point and the fact that a smoke show fell in love with you too makes all of us feel good. It'll pass

I hope so man. Its been a month and a half and it still feels pretty fresh. Im not hyper depressed like I was to the point where I was barely eating, but Im still being massively effected by it. Its always on the back of my mind. I still find myself looking up articles like "How to get your ex back when shes in a rebound" or "how often do dumpers come back to the dumpee"....It feels pathetic even admitting that but im honestly just looking for answwers right now by whatever means necessary. Ive read that serious Long term relationship exes tend to often come back in one way or another and that eventually they regret leaving so suddenly for GIGS or stuff like that and it gives me a small sense of encouragement to just continue NC..im just confused still. I havent allowed her to see me vulnerable as I have stuck to strict NC for a month and a half so atleast she doesnt know Im still being affected. by all appearances on social media im having a blast

August 14, 2015

Yea I get what you mean. Don't forget that she's 19 so you can use your experience and not fall for her traps and games. She followed and unfollowed you purposely just to **** with you. Wanted to see if it would get a reaction from you and if you would text her something like "checking up on my Instagram huh ;)"... .. Good move not falling for the bait. Act like you don't know anything that's going on in her life also. The less you know the better. Knowing what she's doing by checking her social media is just gonna make you bug out inside your own head. Checking her statuses and seeing what she's ho to serves what purpose exactly? You're not going to change or affect anything she's doing or thinking so don't torture yourself. And don't make it obvious by putting up pics of yourself with chicks either lol. Don't want it to come off as manufactured and fake. She's 19 years old, she can easily be f@;)Ed with just as easily. At her age seeing that her ex is maybe forgetting about her is exactly when you'll get a 2am drunk text or phone call. That's when it's even more important not to give in. Because I'm telling you when she says she misses you drunk at 2am, you'll be psyched and think you're getting her back but the next morning she'll act like it never happened and chalk it up to a drunk night out, but now she knows you're still hung up on her because she got you to pick up.

the wierd thing was she changed her instagram account to private long before I did...not sure if that means anything. I tend to over analyze but at the end of the day I chalk it all up to me being an idiot andmanufacturing stories as to what certain things could mean. for example, in the first few weeks she made an obvious point of rubbing this new relationship in my face

August 14, 2015

And Yea I know not to respond to stuff like that. at what point do you actually respond of she starts to reach out though?

August 14, 2015

Looking up things like that is just going to give you a false sense of hope to be honest with you. You can read about what happened to other couples and the ones that got back together eventually all you want but the truth is that they are not you and your ex. The chances and averages don't mean anything because she's not just going to get back with you because it's happened in other people's lives.

I honestly think that you really screwed yourself with the desperate proposal. Right now you're that guy. She can say "yea one of my ex's actually proposed to me trying to get me back" and chalk it up to first love comedy. She won't be able to take you seriously until she sees you're dating or seeing someone else. Just the hard honest truth in my opinion. Not trying to be a dick.

August 14, 2015

And Yea I know not to respond to stuff like that. at what point do you actually respond of she starts to reach out though?

Worry about that if it happens. The best thing you can do is stop thinking when she's gonna reach out and start forcing yourself to expect that she won't. You'll just drag yourself down thinkin that "maybe next week she'll text me". Just wasting your own time doing that.

August 14, 2015

Looking up things like that is just going to give you a false sense of hope to be honest with you. You can read about what happened to other couples and the ones that got back together eventually all you want but the truth is that they are not you and your ex. The chances and averages don't mean anything because she's not just going to get back with you because it's happened in other people's lives.

I honestly think that you really screwed yourself with the desperate proposal. Right now you're that guy. She can say "yea one of my ex's actually proposed to me trying to get me back" and chalk it up to first love comedy. She won't be able to take you seriously until she sees you're dating or seeing someone else. Just the hard honest truth in my opinion. Not trying to be a dick.

She had told me days before that she had always wanted to marry me up until I broke her heart when I broke up with her. I know it was definately the wrong move but We had been talking about it for years so it didnt seem that crazy in the moment. I see what u mean though. Only time and NC will tell i guess

August 14, 2015

I am about 18 years your senior, so I want to come at you with some "fatherly" advice, I have a three year old daughter, so it will give me a chance to practice for when she gets older. The first consideration is that you are both so young. Now I know you hear that and think "reactionary old man", people say that kind of garbage to people my age all the time. Keep in mind I was your age once and I thought that I was in love with my girlfriend at the time. She shares some similar traits with your ex-girlfriend and there are some red flags. Now I understand that you feel guilty about not "putting yourself in her shoes" when it came to her insecurity about the now MIA friend. That's fine to note that for future relationships and it is a very important trait to posses, being able to see where your partner is coming from. But to say that lead to what was your eventual break-up is a stretch. The red flag is that she moved on when you had surgery. An important trait for you to look for in a partner, is one that sticks by you when you are down and out. Surgery is a stressful and painful prospect. What is the sign of a great romance? How many times a person tells you that they love you or if they sit by your side, watching movies and bring you comfort. After several failed relationships (it takes a while to get it right) I finally met someone that has shown me what love is. There is nothing like being held by the woman you love when you need comfort; ask yourself, is your ex the kind of girl that would hold you tight as you sob uncontrollably in her arms? It sounds like this girl is the opposite of this. Take the time you need to get over her, but do yourself a favor...move on.

Good luck!

she always was the type that would hold me if i needed her to and was there for me...but she said things just changed for her since i broke up with her and it broke her heart....do you think that could have really been the reason for us breaking up? could it have changed things that much for her?

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