shane147 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I have been a member on this post for about 6-7 years now and have recently went through and re-read all of my posts. Bottom line is that every few years, I find myself having the same feelings and problems pop up. I'll come on here and talk about it, as I don't really speak to friends or co-workers about it. I have tried many ways, many times to try to work with my wife to resolve these problems. Talking is almost routinely unproductive. Sometimes, the best way to communicate to her is to write it down. The other problem with reading the handful of threads I've started is the fact that I don't even know how to feel about it when looking at these. Either I'm pretty pathetic, or we have done an admirable job of "staying together". I suppose the question is, would it be a good idea to let her read my posting history, or would it just make me look like an idiot? Any thoughts.... feel free to read my old threads.
Tiger Lily Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Have you tried individual counseling (if marriage counseling has not been an option)? If you have communication problems, a counselor might help you get to the bottom of it. You won't be able to change your wife, but you can change yourself...which is usually the first important step towards a better future in your marriage. Personally, I don't think reading your past posts will make much of a difference (but you never know! you know your wife best). It just seems that if she really wanted to change, she would have listened to your concerns long ago. God bless OP. I do admire that you have stuck together, despite difficulties. Best of luck.
Mr. Lucky Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I suppose the question is, would it be a good idea to let her read my posting history, or would it just make me look like an idiot? Any thoughts.... feel free to read my old threads. There is no "one size fits all" answer to your question. My wife and I make a conscious effort to tell each other everything. So there's nothing I've posted here, including references to the challenges in our marriage, that would create issues were she to read them. Additionally, we're both open books when it comes to phones, email, social media, etc. But not everyone, including many successful relationships, works this way. And if that's the case with you, a massive data dump on someone not prepared for it might do more harm than good. In short, if you're trying to stimulate productive conversation, there might be easier ways... Mr. Lucky
carhill Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 My hat's off to you, OP. We both joined the same month and year and I've been divorced for five years. I'll call myself deficient in 'staying together' skills. If you really want to torture her, have her read my posting history
Satu Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Remember that you're an individual, as well as one half of a couple. Make sure that you understand yourself before you try to get someone else to understand you. I'm not being flippant here. We have to start with ourselves. Take care.
loveboid Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 It depends on the person. I can only speak from experience. When someone makes an effort to talk or make their unhappiness known and the other patches things up and makes an effort to keep things together but not improve things... well this could be a situation of one person partying at another's expense. The partier is completely happy with the situation, not putting in much but getting the benefits of the other who is, understandably, unhappy. The red flags would be a relationship where one person consistently feels unhappy and the other is consistently happy and won't let the other go and won't make changes because breaking up or making changes means the party is over. If this is your case then it matters not what you say or do, the other person will not care as long as they keep the relationship going reaping benefits at your expense.
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