It's not mine

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

but what am I to do now huh?

 

That's really up to you. Some people work out stuff like this.

 

I can't just kick a 7 month pregnant women with no job out the house can I?

Sure you can. You certainly have legitimate reason to split up, if you choose. But make sure the test you got is accurate before doing anything.

 

And In all truthfulness I still love her.

 

Maybe you do. But why?

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

see i would kick her out but she has no where to go. We moved to a city three hours away from her friends and even if we didn't her friends are mainly the wives of my friends so if they found out what she has done I doubt she could stay with them. And her parents are still living but I told them what was going on last week and now they're not speaking to her. She's a only child so no siblings and like I said the guy lives with his older brother family and doesn't even raise his other two kids so I doubt she could go with him.

 

I understand all this, but this is her problem. Why are you making it yours?

[drifter777]

The biggest problem with just sucking it up and staying with your wife and his child is the very real - likely - chance that this is all going to fall down and crush your heart in the near future. The older the baby is the harder it will be for him/her and the harder it will be for your cheating wife to find a new job since she'll be staying home all that time. Not to mention you'll be forced to pay child support until the child is 18.

 

But hey - guys do this all the time. They accept their wives infidelity and raise someone else's kid. Maybe even a couple kids that are not theirs. Just grin and bear it and keep telling yourself that time heals all wounds.

 

Via con Dios.

[sweet_pea]

You need to get a lawyer (!!!) like yesterday! Seriously, no matter what you decide to do, get a lawyer ASAP to help you figure out what will work for you. If she is later in her pregnancy, you won't have much time or room to change things before the birth and then you'll be stuck.

[Itwasntme]

Update:

 

I set to meet a lawyer tomorrow after I drop her off at the airport which she knows about. And she won't stop crying! She has been at it since the results yesterday and seem to only get worst once I set the lawyer appointment. As for the STD test we had her tested 6 months ago to be safe during the pregnancy and they all came back negative and we haven't really slept together that much since she has been pregnant. So I'm not that worried about a STD(but still might go get checked out)

 

Well that's all I'm getting off for a while this has just been to much to handle, I haven't eaten anything besides pizza rolls and big red for the last two weeks, barely been sleeping and had to take a week off of work, I some how caught a cold in a Texas summer. So I'm probably going to eat more unhealthy food and go to wing stop and probably take some xanax to fall a sleep.

Edited August 14, 2015 by Itwasntme

[HurtOfGlass]

There has already been ton solid advice give on how to protect himself from being tied to this unborn baby and child support but I see the OP has only responded to posts that are a bit supportive of reconciliation and raising this baby. He hasn't said that he will see a lawyer to know his right when every person is asking him to do it as the first thing.

 

I think his mind is made up. He is going to play KISA.

 

Its apparent from the fact that he says "my is 9, damn near 10. I am only a 6 at most". This clearly illustrates that he feels like he has reached out of his league and doesn't want to leave because he thinks he will not find another gorgeous woman like her.

 

Until and unless he understands the gravity of the situation, he will not listen. I guess there are people who need to learn the hard way.

[Diezel]

I hope he's ready to take care of this kid for the next 18 years, even if he regrets it by year 2.

[Itwasntme]

There has already been ton solid advice give on how to protect himself from being tied to this unborn baby and child support but I see the OP has only responded to posts that are a bit supportive of reconciliation and raising this baby. He hasn't said that he will see a lawyer to know his right when every person is asking him to do it as the first thing.

 

I think his mind is made up. He is going to play KISA.

 

Its apparent from the fact that he says "my is 9, damn near 10. I am only a 6 at most". This clearly illustrates that he feels like he has reached out of his league and doesn't want to leave because he thinks he will not find another gorgeous woman like her.

 

Until and unless he understands the gravity of the situation, he will not listen. I guess there are people who need to learn the hard way.

Well before I get off let me say this. Yeah you maybe right I am responding to the R comments but I'm far from forgiving her it's more of the kid I'm concerned about. Right now that love I had yesterday is slowly turning into a deep hatred for her even now with her continuing crying and self pity party, I feel as if I should be the one lock in my room crying all day but I'm not. So am I thinking of adopting the kid? Yes, have I decided to take back his cheating mother and act like nothing changed? Hell no that would make simp.

[HurtOfGlass]

"Before you get off" let me just say you should forgive her and take her back. She is so remorseful. She is crying, right? You will have a great loving marriage where she will not cheat again and this child will be the apple of both your eyes. Don't worry about the OM. The child will only consider you "Daddy"

 

Good luck.

[sandylee1]

Update:

 

I set to meet a lawyer tomorrow after I drop her off at the airport which she knows about. And she won't stop crying! She has been at

 

So I'm not that worried about a STD(but still might go get checked out)

 

I haven't eaten anything besides. ....

 

Great. That lawyers appointment is necessary.

 

She's crying for fear of loosing her meal ticket.

 

Please try to eat, drink, sleep and get fresh air.

 

Her getting out of your way is a good thing. You need to stand firm.

That image of her holding the baby coming your way is heartbreaking.

 

Think about that and the fact that she couldn't be bothered to make sure he wore a condom. I guess that would have got in the way of their multi position fun.

 

Look after yourself

[Keenly]

"Before you get off" let me just say you should forgive her and take her back. She is so remorseful. She is crying, right? You will have a great loving marriage where she will not cheat again and this child will be the apple of both your eyes. Don't worry about the OM. The child will only consider you "Daddy"

 

Good luck.

 

Post right from fantasy land.

[Keenly]

Well before I get off let me say this. Yeah you maybe right I am responding to the R comments but I'm far from forgiving her it's more of the kid I'm concerned about. Right now that love I had yesterday is slowly turning into a deep hatred for her even now with her continuing crying and self pity party, I feel as if I should be the one lock in my room crying all day but I'm not. So am I thinking of adopting the kid? Yes, have I decided to take back his cheating mother and act like nothing changed? Hell no that would make simp.

 

Don't adopt the kid. It's not your job to be some kind of superhero good guy here. She screwed up her life, the child is her responsibility and so are the consequences she faces now.

[GunslingerRoland]

I haven't read the whole thread, so I am probably repeating some other advise but here are a few keys.

 

Like others have said, see a lawyer first. They will give you the advise you need to follow. Make sure you do whatever you need to do so that when the baby is born it's clear that the baby is not yours.

 

You cannot legally kick your wife out on the street with nothing anyway, even if it wouldn't be horrible to do so. The lawyer will give you more advice on this matter, but don't be surprised if the lawyers recommend neither of you leaving the house yet.

 

If you want to work on the relationship, that is fine. By all means try to salvage it, but don't make a bunch of decisions based on the relationship being salvageable. If things work out and you decide to adopt the baby later, that is fine, but don't take the baby as yours now, when you don't even know if you can fix the relationship.

 

Good luck.

[Diezel]

Post right from fantasy land.

 

He/she was being sarcastic.

[central]

This would be the ultimate betrayal for me, and I would immediately file for divorce - whether or not I loved her still. That can be figured out later, but the initial thing is to protect yourself and keep your options open, regardless of what you may decide later. And under no circumstances allow your name on the birth certificate. The other man should be the one who is financially responsible.

 

It is usually suggested that you expose the affair and facts to everyone - all her family and friends, and the other man's family as well.

 

You are in great emotional distress right now, so making good decisions will be very difficult. I suggest legal advice and actions that will protect you and keep your options open.

[lollipopspot]

I haven't read the whole thread. But from the amount I have it occurs to me that some guys want to be fathers, and the child does not have to be biologically theirs. Maybe this is a guy who wants to care for a child. People adopt all the time. We have a cultural vision that it's women who push for kids, but some guys really want to develop a parental relationship with a child too. Maybe that's what's driving the OP.

 

Everyone seems to be seeing this as, "Not your child, not your responsibility." But that's perhaps not how he's sees it or wishes it to be.

[aliveagain]

I didn't find out about my ex's affair until our (so I thought) son was almost one year old. You have a limited time to decide your course of action because the clock starts ticking once you learn about the true paternity. You need the lawyer to tell you your options. I didn't want O/M in my life(he as the biological father has rights which he can enforce through the Courts) so I got rid of them all. The child is innocent but you deserve the right of paternity for your own children in your own marriage. Your not even married two years and she's fu*king and bearing children for other men, what can you expect for the rest of your life?

 

Even if you decide to stay with her and raise him as your own, the day will come when you have your own children and I guarantee you that you will give preference to your own biological children. This is not the same as deciding to marry someone with children, this is about a sneaky, lying cheater banging another dude and passing their affair child off as yours. He will remind you what his father and your wife did for the rest of your life. I made the decision that was right for me, I think it's the right one for you too.

[lollipopspot]

Even if you decide to stay with her and raise him as your own, the day will come when you have your own children and I guarantee you that you will give preference to your own biological children.

 

I believe that this is a stunted emotional perspective. Not that most humans aren't like this, but I don't believe it has to be or that everyone feels this way.

[Try]

So today the results of a prenatal paternity test I had my wife take last Monday came in and I'm not the father!!!!!

File for divorce ASAP and list the reason being infidelity and that the child is not yours. Have your attorney tell you what and how to file so that you will not be stuck with child support. This does not stop you from trying to work it out, or from supporting her and the child if you decide to. What it does is give you time to see how this plays out. What you do not want is for you wife to leave you for the other man (OM) after the child is born, and you were listed as the husband and thus the presumed father responsible for child support under the law. As it stands now, there are husbands paying child support supporting other men's children even though the other man is living with the ex-wife and the child. In one recent cast the mother got pregnant and had a child while the listed father was in prison and could not have had any physical contact with the mother to get her pregnant; ignoring this obvious fact and DNA testing, the judge still ruled that the poor guy had to pay child support when he got out of prison (I cannot make this stuff up).

 

Your next wife and your own child will be deprived of income that they deserve and need if you have to pay child support for a child that is not yours. Telling your child no for something that would help them, as you mail the child support payment that would have paid for it, will kill you inside. Do the smart thing now for them and protect yourself.

[GorillaTheater]

Update:

 

I set to meet a lawyer tomorrow after I drop her off at the airport

 

Thank God, man.

[aliveagain]

I believe that this is a stunted emotional perspective. Not that most humans aren't like this, but I don't believe it has to be or that everyone feels this way.

 

I think this is a stunted emotional response from someone who has never been in that position so until it happens to you please don't speak for someone that has lived it.

[GunslingerRoland]

I haven't read the whole thread. But from the amount I have it occurs to me that some guys want to be fathers, and the child does not have to be biologically theirs. Maybe this is a guy who wants to care for a child. People adopt all the time. We have a cultural vision that it's women who push for kids, but some guys really want to develop a parental relationship with a child too. Maybe that's what's driving the OP.

 

Everyone seems to be seeing this as, "Not your child, not your responsibility." But that's perhaps not how he's sees it or wishes it to be.

 

The problem is his relationship may or may not be fixable at this point. He doesn't know this and won't for a while. If he takes on the kid as his own and the relationship is still screwed he's bought himself child support for life... for what? Good will? If he wants to adopt a child that isn't his there are tons of children in need that he can adopt.

 

If they work things out he can adopt that child at any point. Right now he needs to take whatever legal precautions to show that the child is not his.

[Try]

Everyone seems to be seeing this as, "Not your child, not your responsibility." But that's perhaps not how he's sees it or wishes it to be.

We are saying not to lock himself into court ordered child support for 18 or more years, which is different from us saying a definitive anything else. He needs to maintain control of the situation. It is not fair, but with court ordered child support, an ex-wife could make it difficult on an ex-husband to even see the child, and would remind the child that he is not really the child's father, but if he pays on his own without a court order, she would make visits easier and remind that child what a great father he is for doing this even though he did not have to. Less money, better results.

[No Limit]

She quit her job to move down here with me and be a SAHW.

 

This is all you need to know. Please, don't be manipulated by her crying - you are a walking paycheck in her eyes and she just grieves having lost her comfortable lifestyle. She wanted to use you as cuckold, not husband and partner.

 

2. Yeah as we waited for the results she kept trying to reassure me it was mine. And once it came back I wasn't the father, I asked last night why didn't she just abort the baby in secret? and she said for one she doesn't believe in taking a innocent life (which I already knew), two she said she had her doubts (that's why she sent those emails) but she still wouldn't take the chance of killing our possible kid which she was hoping was mine, and three she knew I wanted a kid and knew I would be happy so she just kept throwing out the possibility it was his. So you don't have to feel sad for her that was her choice to do this.

 

Again, total bull$hitting. She didn't want to abort the baby because she knew it was the baby of OM; women have themselves impregnated on purpose by their "shmoopies" all the time. You are so lucky to have found out before the birth, even if you don't know it. You wanting a child made it all the easier for her - she wanted a child too after all, only it ought to be by OM and since you wouldn't know, she thought you'd be happy too. Don't fall for her crap, save yourself. As long as the baby isn't born you will spare lots of time and money on court dates and lawyers. Do her parents know about it already?

 

I know it's hard, but cutting her off - and any deceivers like her - is the safest course of action. You can still find a faithful woman, have children - YOUR OWN biological children. Your soon-to-be-ex made her bed, let her lay in it, you don't need to pull her baggage along.

 

And don't adopt the baby, as sad as it is, it has no chance of developing normally with a mother like that anyway.

There's nothing you can do except leave the sinking ship - or go down with it.

Edited August 14, 2015 by No Limit

[Cephalopod]

Divorce her.

 

Every time you see that kid you will be reminded of what your wayward wife did to you. An open festering wound that will never heal. End this and move on and be happy.