It's not mine

[DKT3]

Being black myself, I can pick up on these things.

What gave it away was the 'baby mama' reference and watching Straight Outta Compton .

 

So the OM is black as well? Because if not it's gonna be obvious it's not your kid.

 

I just don't understand why you don't think you deserve better than this. Keep on reading no more Mr nice guy.

 

Just for the record according to the article I read the other day 60% of the veiwer of Straight Outta Compton were white females 30+ years old. I guess its not a shocker because they also made up a large percentage of NWA's 90's fanbase.

 

Being a black male with a white wife I can say that her having a white AP caused some questions, IE is that really what she has wanted all along. But as time pasted it dawned on me I simply had an issue with another penis being inside her be it a white, black or purple one.

 

I agree with your statement about R in a good marriage in general. The problem is I thought we were in a good marriage, I treated her well, I have/had no habits, I told her she was sexy, I took her on trips and romanced her. BUT I was also selfish, I blew off her thoughts and opinions, I made a lot of unilateral decision, I thought I knew better what she wanted/needed then she did and the biggest one I travelled for work upwards of 250 days a year, as she begged and pleaded for me to find another career for years. Yeah I was a great husband (eyes rolling). I honestly didn't see it until we were divorce how horrible I was as a husband.

 

Now its not my fault she cheated, but I gave her more then enough reason to divorce me. That understanding made it possible to R. In many ways I see it as her also giving me a second chance.

[DKT3]

Double post

[Spectre]

Like I said, why would you want this woman or child in your life? First off, again: she doesn't love you. Don't fall for any BS she spews, she doesn't. So why? Does beer come out of her nipples? Is she super rich? I'm not trying to be crude here, but why is this woman so great she can go bang other men and get pregnant and you still want to work some stuff out and be in this kids life? Your wife can't be great just like 2+2 can't be 5. She cheated on you and even worse was too dumb to use protection. Get this toxic person out of your life and let her go raise her child on her own. You owe her NOTHING.

 

It just really seems like you want to willingly set yourself to be the fool, to be the chump, to be the guy who raises some little bastard and lets his wife walk all over him. Again I don't mean to be crude, but I'm trying to knock some sense into you.

 

Now its not my fault she cheated, but I gave her more then enough reason to divorce me..

 

Then she should of divorced you. The solution to having a "horrible" husband is not to turn into a horrible wife. I know this topic isn't about you, but if you are going to go there..

[Itwasntme]

MJJean: naw yeah I made sure what he was saying legit(well I Google the law on it for in texas) and my lawyer said it doesn't even matter if I divorced her before the baby was born, if you aren't divorced 300 days prior to the baby birth(which we arent )then it's still presumed to be yours. And do you mind if I asked why you and your ex separated?

 

Sandylee1: yeah I agree with you on the happy marriage part and that's why I'm not taking her back.

 

Singer23: that could be true but then again I don't know and actually I dont want to know. I'll just give her the benefit of the doubt and keep her at one

 

Lolablue1: see I know I probably won't be in the same exact situation but I don't want cheating period! And you've just admitted that alot women cheat. So I don't think being single for a while won't hurt.

 

DKT3: yeah my ex loves NWA.

 

wait so you're also in a interracial marriage? Man we have alot in common, but I don't know how I would feel if OM was white. I probably would of been even more angry and would of definitely never thought of taking the baby as mine.

 

And that's the thing my ex never said she was unhappy, she would always say how much she loved me and stuff so I had no idea.

 

spectre: I don't drink beer but no I don't want her

[m.snow]

joking post dont take it seriously.

 

que on music "go on girl" by ne-yo. (singer also found out his kid wasn't his.)

 

when you said your stbxw was a 9, how much of a 9. like kate upton 9, miranda kerr, adrianna lima.

 

so is the om black? or caucasian?

[Itwasntme]

joking post dont take it seriously.

 

que on music "go on girl" by ne-yo. (singer also found out his kid wasn't his.)

 

when you said your stbxw was a 9, how much of a 9. like kate upton 9, miranda kerr, adrianna lima.

 

so is the om black? or caucasian?

wait neyo made a song about a guy finding out about being cheated on?

 

hmm out of those choices it's hard to choose because she Really doesn't match a celebrity but its not Kate Upton she doesn't have a body like that and Definitely not lima she's like a 11 to me so I'll say kerr. But that's a loose choice.

Edited August 25, 2015 by Itwasntme

[StellaGrace]

MJJean: naw yeah I made sure what he was saying legit(well I Google the law on it for in texas) and my lawyer said it doesn't even matter if I divorced her before the baby was born, if you aren't divorced 300 days prior to the baby birth(which we arent )then it's still presumed to be yours. And do you mind if I asked why you and your ex separated?

 

Wait - so according to Texas law your name must go on the birth certificate as the father unless a divorce was finalized 300 days before the birth? That's pretty crazy - I mean a woman could meet a guy right after a divorce (or while paperwork was in process), get pregnant, and have a child with him 9 months later, and the ex would still be considered the father?

 

Does this mean you will be legally responsible for this child for the rest of his life?

[sandylee1]

Just for the record according to the article I read the other day 60% of the veiwer of Straight Outta Compton were white females 30+ years old. I guess its not a shocker because they also made up a large percentage of NWA's 90's fanbase.

 

I agree with your statement about R in a good marriage in general. The problem is I thought we were in a good marriage........

 

Now its not my fault she cheated, but I gave her more then enough reason to divorce me. That understanding made it possible to R. In many ways I see it as her also giving me a second chance.

 

I'd say the audience of the film and similar films, if not black themselves, tend to associate with black people. The OPs wife seems to prefer black guys, so it makes sense that she choose it.

In fact it probably fits in with the kind of bad boys that she prefers deep down, but not who she'd want to marry and be out in public with.

 

DKT - Also although you THOUGHT you had a good marriage, being away for 250 days a year, having your wife ask you to get a job closer to home and you not trying to do so, was a sign of trouble ahead, but it's by no means a reason to cheat. People deal with much much worse and don't cheat. At least you had a job and were supporting your family .

 

If you're not happy in your marriage , get divorced. It's not such a difficult concept.

 

IWM - Some spouses just feel because you love them, you will forgive anything they do including cheating. I suspect your wife is one of these. Considering you initially wanted to stay with her even after she got pregnant by another man, you'd likely have definetly stayed if she wasn't pregnant and "just cheated". The early stages are full of shock and being in disbelief though.

 

As bad as it sounds, maybe it's a good thing that you've seen her for what she is. OP your wife lacks boundaries in a big way to have cheated so close to home as well. It was very brazen of her and you guys aren't on the same wavelength in the area of moral standards.

 

I can't imagine how deeply embarrassing and shameful it would be to have your pregnant married daughter returned to you, because she was carrying another man's child.

 

She should feel very ashamed of herself for that. She's gonna have to keep that quiet in the future, as I can't see any decent guy wanting her for anything more than a casual hook up knowing that. The deception and trying to fool you is much worse than the cheating.

 

People have unprotected sex and bringing children into this world wrecklessly, is just ridiculous and highly irresponsible.

 

You on the other hand.......have a lot going for you. Always remember that there is no price on integrity.

[sandylee1]

joking post dont take it seriously.

 

 

so is the om black? or caucasian?

 

The OM is black.

[Itwasntme]

Wait - so according to Texas law your name must go on the birth certificate as the father unless a divorce was finalized 300 days before the birth? That's pretty crazy - I mean a woman could meet a guy right after a divorce (or while paperwork was in process), get pregnant, and have a child with him 9 months later, and the ex would still be considered the father?

 

Does this mean you will be legally responsible for this child for the rest of his life?

Yep basically you're the father unless proven different. The limit of filing is when the kid is four but a man can file anytime if he can show he was mislead into thinking he was the father the whole time. And even then he has only a year after DD to challenge or he's stuck.

[Itwasntme]

I'd say the audience of the film and similar films, if not black themselves, tend to associate with black people. The OPs wife seems to prefer black guys, so it makes sense that she choose it.

In fact it probably fits in with the kind of bad boys that she prefers deep down, but not who she'd want to marry and be out in public with.

 

DKT - Also although you THOUGHT you had a good marriage, being away for 250 days a year, having your wife ask you to get a job closer to home and you not trying to do so, was a sign of trouble ahead, but it's by no means a reason to cheat. People deal with much much worse and don't cheat. At least you had a job and were supporting your family .

 

If you're not happy in your marriage , get divorced. It's not such a difficult concept.

 

IWM - Some spouses just feel because you love them, you will forgive anything they do including cheating. I suspect your wife is one of these. Considering you initially wanted to stay with her even after she got pregnant by another man, you'd likely have definetly stayed if she wasn't pregnant and "just cheated". The early stages are full of shock and being in disbelief though.

 

As bad as it sounds, maybe it's a good thing that you've seen her for what she is. OP your wife lacks boundaries in a big way to have cheated so close to home as well. It was very brazen of her and you guys aren't on the same wavelength in the area of moral standards.

 

I can't imagine how deeply embarrassing and shameful it would be to have your pregnant married daughter returned to you, because she was carrying another man's child.

 

She should feel very ashamed of herself for that. She's gonna have to keep that quiet in the future, as I can't see any decent guy wanting her for anything more than a casual hook up knowing that. The deception and trying to fool you is much worse than the cheating.

 

People have unprotected sex and bringing children into this world wrecklessly, is just ridiculous and highly irresponsible.

 

You on the other hand.......have a lot going for you. Always remember that there is no price on integrity.

You're probably right I probably would have taken her back if she didn't get pregnant by him and definitely if it was just a ONS. But what she did was just too dirty. And I do hope it haunts her not necessarily to be evil but so she doesn't pull this BS on another innocent guy.

[lollipopspot]

I think he means one is biological, the other a social construct.

 

O.k. then. Prove that GENDER is not also a social construct.

[sandylee1]

You're probably right I probably would have taken her back if she didn't get pregnant by him and definitely if it was just a ONS. But what she did was just too dirty. And I do hope it haunts her not necessarily to be evil but so she doesn't pull this BS on another innocent guy.

 

I know lots of people reconcile and for different reasons, but with cheating in certain circumstances, you really need to put your foot down. If you forgive too easily, they think it's not that big of a deal and do it again.

 

It's not always the case that all cheaters deserves a second chance at a relationship with you and this is a classic example.

 

I think from here on in, even if you never get married again, you need to have a zero tolerance approach to infidelity and anyone you date needs to know that from the get go.

[10thengineerharrison]

ok and that's it, right now getting back with her is the last thing on my mind! What I've been debating about is taking care of the kid and raising it as mine.

 

I hope it's starting to dawn on you that if you do choose to have a relationship with this man's child, you will be choosing to have a relationship with him as well for the rest of your life.

 

Why put yourself through that by getting attached before the baby is born? And, like it or not, THEY are a family now, and you're not a part of that. Please be careful of even giving the appearance of accepting any responsibility for their family. It will bite you in the legal a$$, especially if the OM is clever.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[10thengineerharrison]

Actually I think I am going to pull out. I really did want to try and make it work with the child but I can't lie any longer.

 

Oh thank God! (and I'm an atheist!).

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

[Spectre]

Wait - so according to Texas law your name must go on the birth certificate as the father unless a divorce was finalized 300 days before the birth? That's pretty crazy - I mean a woman could meet a guy right after a divorce (or while paperwork was in process), get pregnant, and have a child with him 9 months later, and the ex would still be considered the father?

 

Does this mean you will be legally responsible for this child for the rest of his life?

 

Fathers have such lovely rights in this country, don't they?

[beatcuff]

Fathers have such lovely rights in this country, don't they?

 

the laws are designed to protect the children. they should not pay for their parents sins. 300 days is more than enough time for a man to decide which direction to go AND if it is not, then D (you can always come back).

[Itwasntme]

the laws are designed to protect the children. they should not pay for their parents sins. 300 days is more than enough time for a man to decide which direction to go AND if it is not, then D (you can always come back).

Yeah it's to protect a child with no sins but what about the father that hasn't sinned? Why should a man who isn't the real father get stuck paying for a kid who isn't his and doesn't want?

[Morro72]

Yeah it's to protect a child with no sins but what about the father that hasn't sinned? Why should a man who isn't the real father get stuck paying for a kid who isn't his and doesn't want?

At this point the issue isn't what should happen, it's what will happen. The time for philosophical debates has long since passed.

[cgiles]

Wait - so according to Texas law your name must go on the birth certificate as the father unless a divorce was finalized 300 days before the birth? That's pretty crazy - I mean a woman could meet a guy right after a divorce (or while paperwork was in process), get pregnant, and have a child with him 9 months later, and the ex would still be considered the father?

 

Does this mean you will be legally responsible for this child for the rest of his life?

 

In france it's the same, except the only one who can ask a genetic test is the mother, and only during the 10 years after the child is born.

[sandylee1]

Yeah it's to protect a child with no sins but what about the father that hasn't sinned? Why should a man who isn't the real father get stuck paying for a kid who isn't his and doesn't want?

 

DNA will set you free.

 

Thank heavens for science.

 

I bet there are lots of men raising kids who aren't there's without knowing. Women who put it about like this are very dangerous.

[m.snow]

DNA will set you free.

 

Thank heavens for science.

 

I bet there are lots of men raising kids who aren't there's without knowing. Women who put it about like this are very dangerous.

 

UK i think has the highest. 1 in 4, in men not knowing they are raising their non biological child.

[Itwasntme]

UK i think has the highest. 1 in 4, in men not knowing they are raising their non biological child.

See that's sad, actually lets just drop the whole thing because I get more and more angry as I think about it and definitely when I think about other guys who doesn't deserve it going through the same thing. And what really gets me is my dad use to always joke about this when I was younger,! If I told him he needed to give me money because he was my dad,he would tell me he doesn't know if he was really our father and then say mamas' baby dads' maybe. And then he would say "son listen up if you have a kid make sure it's yours, lucky for me I married a good women and all of you are pretty just like me so I don't have to worry" now that I think about it he was right but I never took him serious.

[66Charger]

I really wasnt going to comment on this thread, but cmon, after cheating on you, getting pregnant by another guy, booted back home, looking at divorce and the romantic date she chooses for you on your return is a movie date to see "Straight out of Compton"?

 

Dude , cmon.

 

There is nothing to discuss here.

[drifter777]

UK i think has the highest. 1 in 4, in men not knowing they are raising their non biological child.

 

Actually, the misattributed paternity rate is less than 1 in 20 (5%) in the UK. Different regions may vary but they all average out to that 5% area.

 

DNA geneticists "discover" cuckold fathers in every study they do - no matter what they are studying. Now Doctors want all of us to have our DNA sequenced in preparation for treating some disease we might contract in the future. One of the drawbacks they have to resolve is how to tell all those fathers & sons they are not related. This will be harder on marriages than the Ashley Madison scandal.

Edited August 27, 2015 by drifter777