cerebra876324 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I am afraid that my three year relationship is in some major trouble. Here is ashort background... We met online, and lived two hours apart for a year. I moved closer to attend graduate school, so the past two years we have lived closer (about 45 min away) but separately. This summer, her dog of nine years died, and she has experienced some problems with her immediate family and their health problems. She actually spent about six weeks at home (hours away) with her family this summer. I feel awful for what she has been through, and I have made an effort to help. I too have had a rough summer, as I have been unable to find a job following graduate school. I am living at home, again about two hours away. My girlfriend has really changed since she came back home. We used to talk daily, but she doesn't want to talk and only texts. The texts are always about her, and she never asks how I'm doing. This doesn't bother me, again, as I realize she has had a rough summer. She immediately got another dog after her dog passed, and she spends every minute with the dog (which is fine, I have no problem with this). However, she and I have seen each other one time in almost two months. I stopped by her house, and instead of spending time with me, she focused on her dog. Again, this is a three year relationship that was very good and we loved each other very much. I've made offers to come and visit, and she isn't interested or makes excuses as to why she can't do anything. I feel that she doesn't want a relationship anymore, and that she wants me to go away. She's not seeing anyone else, nor is she looking. She just stays home every day with her dog and wants to be alone it appears. I have no problem giving her space, but it's been so long since we've spent any quality time together. I will often text "miss you" and she doesn't reply. I've used words like "hun" in a text and she isn't affectionate at all back. She used to be very affectionate. I probably noticed the past 6 months or so that she has really started to change and become more distant, but this summer has been awful. Obviously, she's blowing me off. I know she's been through a lot, and I want to be sensitive to that. But at what point do I realize that she's being hurtful to me? I have issues with respecting myself, and I deserve better treatment than this. I've been so down about the lack of employment and been traveling for interviews, and she does not have my back it appears. What should I think of this situation, and does everyone think it appears done? She and I have been through so much together and were very much in love. I just feel like she doesn't love me anymore. I do care for her and I still love her in my heart, but I feel she doesn't feel the same. Any advice?
LostOne1 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 If it was me... I'd leave her alone. I'd say it's over for now... But, if you want to make it easier for your own self. Tell yourself it's over. So that way if it is... at least you are already on the path to healing. And, if she comes back to you or decides she wants to continue something. Then you have that choice if it opens up. But, I'd say move on......
Author cerebra876324 Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 If it was me... I'd leave her alone. I'd say it's over for now... But, if you want to make it easier for your own self. Tell yourself it's over. So that way if it is... at least you are already on the path to healing. And, if she comes back to you or decides she wants to continue something. Then you have that choice if it opens up. But, I'd say move on...... Thanks for this advice, I agree with you. As an addendum, she is a teacher and is getting ready to begin the school year. I have asked all week if there is a day we could spend some time together. We had agreed on today, but when I texted her to confirm she didn't reply. This morning she said she thought she replied but must not have. Then, I asked about tomorrow or the weekend, an her reply was "Friday afternoon or Saturday afternoon". I replied that I'd like to spend a day with her, she said she needs Sunday "for herself". I just figure if I'm going to drive four hours round trip to see her, it'd be nice if it was for a day not just a couple of hours. So, I replied: ME: Don't worry about it, Take this weekend to do your school stuff and relax, I don't want to bug you. HER: I gave you two options, why are you acting hurt? ME: I know you're busy and I know you want time to yourself HER: Then this is your decision. I said you could tomorrow or Saturday. If you don't want to come then that's your decision To me it just sounds like she doesn't want to spend a day with me, and honestly as if she cares if she sees me at all.
Qboro90 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 It sounds done in my opinion. The fact that she has been going through a rough time should have had the exact opposite on your relationship if she had the same feelings of love that you had when you began dating. She would want to have you as an escape and the one thing that's good in her life instead of ignoring you. You've been supportive and there for her and she hasn't felt the need to talk or be with you in person in order to just get her mind off things even if only for a little while? She's checked out of the relationship. It's not your fault at all. It's also not hers although I do think she's being pretty rude and inconsiderate with the way she's treating you lately (not replying to texts, no effort to come see you or ask you to come see her, the list goes on). Love fades sometimes. You'll keep thinking back to how it was when you first got together and grasping at the hope there is to get back to that but that is simply not going to happen. People emotions and feelings evolve over time. Sucks but she's clearly not interested in being in a relationship anymore. Tell her you need to talk to her either on the phone or in person would be best. If she can't give you that courtesy then just end it right there because she's a cold hearted b&:ch to be honest if she refuses or ignored you. If she agrees to meet/talk just express how you've tried everything you can think of to be there for her as she's gone through a rough patch with her family however you don't think it's selfish of you to want a girlfriend who shows she cares about you and gives you even a little bit of attention throughout the week. You love and care about her but you think it's best if you take time apart so that you can 1. Re discover how much each one of you means to the other during the absence 2. Give yourself the chance to be happy on your own instead of being miserable together and trying to force the love back to where it used to be. 1
Author cerebra876324 Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 It sounds done in my opinion. The fact that she has been going through a rough time should have had the exact opposite on your relationship if she had the same feelings of love that you had when you began dating. She would want to have you as an escape and the one thing that's good in her life instead of ignoring you. You've been supportive and there for her and she hasn't felt the need to talk or be with you in person in order to just get her mind off things even if only for a little while? She's checked out of the relationship. It's not your fault at all. It's also not hers although I do think she's being pretty rude and inconsiderate with the way she's treating you lately (not replying to texts, no effort to come see you or ask you to come see her, the list goes on). Love fades sometimes. You'll keep thinking back to how it was when you first got together and grasping at the hope there is to get back to that but that is simply not going to happen. People emotions and feelings evolve over time. Sucks but she's clearly not interested in being in a relationship anymore. Tell her you need to talk to her either on the phone or in person would be best. If she can't give you that courtesy then just end it right there because she's a cold hearted b&:ch to be honest if she refuses or ignored you. If she agrees to meet/talk just express how you've tried everything you can think of to be there for her as she's gone through a rough patch with her family however you don't think it's selfish of you to want a girlfriend who shows she cares about you and gives you even a little bit of attention throughout the week. You love and care about her but you think it's best if you take time apart so that you can 1. Re discover how much each one of you means to the other during the absence 2. Give yourself the chance to be happy on your own instead of being miserable together and trying to force the love back to where it used to be. QBORO90, thank you so much for this advice. This is exactly what I need to do. I want to meet with her--IN PERSON--to discuss what is going on. She's the type of person that will be in this mega independent phase, then next thing act like she needs me. This summer I have felt as though I'm not needed at all. Again, thank you for this excellent advice. 1
Qboro90 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 You're welcome. When she texted you earlier and gave you two options on when she can see you just decide which day you want to go and tell her that is when you're coming. The fact that you're driving 4 hours in order to see and make time for her and she's being pretty bitchy about it would piss me off if I were you. Just caution yourself on forgetting why you're there and what you want to say to her if she is nice and sweet when you get there. I doubt that though. The fact that she's told you she needs "Sunday to herself" is such a cop out excuse to limit how much time you can be there. She's already trying to get rid of you before you even get there. Make sure you express and show her how much you've done to be supportive of her over these past few months but at this point she should be able to show even a little emotion and affection towards you. You deserve better. I'm gonna say that she's not going to put up much of a fight when you say you want to take time apart so once you see that you'll know you made the right choice. Crappy situation when someone you love stops feeling the way you want but we've all been through it so hang in there. You'll survive and find someone who can treat you the way you deserve in no time. 1
Author cerebra876324 Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 You're welcome. When she texted you earlier and gave you two options on when she can see you just decide which day you want to go and tell her that is when you're coming. The fact that you're driving 4 hours in order to see and make time for her and she's being pretty bitchy about it would piss me off if I were you. Just caution yourself on forgetting why you're there and what you want to say to her if she is nice and sweet when you get there. I doubt that though. The fact that she's told you she needs "Sunday to herself" is such a cop out excuse to limit how much time you can be there. She's already trying to get rid of you before you even get there. Make sure you express and show her how much you've done to be supportive of her over these past few months but at this point she should be able to show even a little emotion and affection towards you. You deserve better. I'm gonna say that she's not going to put up much of a fight when you say you want to take time apart so once you see that you'll know you made the right choice. Crappy situation when someone you love stops feeling the way you want but we've all been through it so hang in there. You'll survive and find someone who can treat you the way you deserve in no time. Obviously she knows I'm upset about this, then she posts cute things about her dog on Facebook. Why does that bother me? Again, she can take time to be all about her new dog (which sleeps in bed with her--this is a big dog) and not a minute to care about me. Just frustrating.
SugarLips72 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 A 3 year relationship shouldn't end over text. I agree meet up with her in person then tell her you 2 need to talk about your relationship. Your needs are not being met.
Qboro90 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Obviously she knows I'm upset about this, then she posts cute things about her dog on Facebook. Why does that bother me? Again, she can take time to be all about her new dog (which sleeps in bed with her--this is a big dog) and not a minute to care about me. Just frustrating. If she's this happy and public about her new dog than I think you're over thinking how fragile and rough a time things are for her. They might have been a few months ago but she's clearly not struggling as much as you might think. So obviously be considerate and mature about talking about what's gone on with her family health issues and her old dog dying but also don't let her try to tell you she's a wreck either because she's publicly showing her happiness and daily life with a new pet. If she was so distraught she wouldn't be doing that.
Versacehottie Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 You're welcome. When she texted you earlier and gave you two options on when she can see you just decide which day you want to go and tell her that is when you're coming. The fact that you're driving 4 hours in order to see and make time for her and she's being pretty bitchy about it would piss me off if I were you. that was one of the all time bitchy responses about seeing her and she "gave you two options". I'm pissed for you!
ExpatInItaly Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 She's already checked out. Seeing someone one time in two months is ridiculous. And she needs even more space? You're right to concerned. She's blowing you off and being very inconsiderate. I think she's maybe hoping you will pull the plug so she doesn't have to. I would make the drive to see her and end it, in all honesty. It's obvious she's not into this anymore and there's no point dragging it out. 2
Zippy2000 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Sounds very like the girl I m seeing. Same thing as well. All text messages are about her. No flirting as in "honey" or anything like that which I dont mind. However during my dating escapades. I ve learned some women like to avoid confrontation. They over think things and to avoid any friction they rather do a "slow fade" than finish it themselves. Its a cowards way to do things and leaves the pursuer hanging on. If a person isnt making arrnagements to see you or texting back. Its likely theyve moved on without telling you. Remember if a person is interested. "They would make it happen"
Author cerebra876324 Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Thank you for the advice everyone! We'll see how things go today.
Recommended Posts