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Saw my ex and cried...


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Posted

I am not at a very good place in my life right now.

 

Even though my life has been filled with various opportunities in regards to my job prospects as well as my studies, I have been suffering from depression and an eating disorder. My conditioned worsened in the past 2 months because I couldn't cope with my break up.

 

Yes, I am seeking help and I am getting consistent therapy, but I haven't felt happy with myself in a long time.

 

Today, while I was in one of my early morning stupors and riding the train to work, I bumped into my ex. He lives in the same city as me and even though New York is relatively small, I always feared bumping into him.

 

The sight of him stepping into the same train compartment as I, made me sick, and I started tearing up uncontrollably. He didn't notice me at first, and I had to text him to let him know he got on the same train as me. Don't ask me why I even bothered to contact him because I surly did not save his number in my phone, I remembered it by heart. But I had to let him know I was in no way following him.

 

Even when we got off at the same stop to transfer on to the next train, I made sure to keep my distance away from him. I was very hurt, and he could but even standing far off from me, he still made a point to look at me.

 

In the end, we ended up talking a little about where we were going. I was still crying and couldn't stop. We got on the next train, and I tried to stay away from him, and at the next stop he got off.

 

He didn't look like he wanted me back.

 

I don't know how I feel anymore. I don't know why I kept bumping into him (I saw him less than a month ago at a party).

 

If fate meant we were never going to be together, why are we still in each other's lives?

 

He told me previously he and his new girl were going to get married soon. So then why can't I move on? I want to stop hurting. I want to stop letting him have so much power over me.

Posted

Well you live in the same city. How did you guys meet? If you're still going the same routes and hanging with the same people you were before, it's likely that you'll keep seeing each other. I don't think this is fate's way of telling you that you guys are going to get back together eventually or belong together necessarily, it might just be a coincidence since you live in the same area. Now if he lived in London and you were still bumping into him, yeah that's something else.

 

Moving on takes time. You can't really force it, it happens on its own when you're ready. It's okay and completely normal to be upset. Maybe try avoiding places you think he may be? Don't change your life or anything, but if a party is being thrown by a mutual friend, maybe sit it out until you're strong enough to see him and not want to cry anymore. and don't keep up with the details of his life. You don't need to know anything about him or his new girl, it will drive you nuts.

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Posted
Well you live in the same city. How did you guys meet? If you're still going the same routes and hanging with the same people you were before, it's likely that you'll keep seeing each other. I don't think this is fate's way of telling you that you guys are going to get back together eventually or belong together necessarily, it might just be a coincidence since you live in the same area. Now if he lived in London and you were still bumping into him, yeah that's something else.

 

Moving on takes time. You can't really force it, it happens on its own when you're ready. It's okay and completely normal to be upset. Maybe try avoiding places you think he may be? Don't change your life or anything, but if a party is being thrown by a mutual friend, maybe sit it out until you're strong enough to see him and not want to cry anymore. and don't keep up with the details of his life. You don't need to know anything about him or his new girl, it will drive you nuts.

 

I want to forget. I really do.

 

I kept hanging on to hope to the point Im losing my sanity.

 

I have avoided him for the past 7-8 months. We do not have any mutual friends. We both live in a borough of New York City, but we have never crossed paths until now. He got on the same exact train compartment as me. Maybe it wasnt fate but the coincidences are just too much.

 

I dont ask him about his life. He shared them all on his own. He told me he's going on a camping trip. I told him not to tell me anything. I dont even bother contacting him anymore. I believe in God and I dont understand why he is torturing me with all these things.

Posted

I'm sorry dear, that you had such an experience. I can only imagine how difficult it was for you. I hope that in time you'll eventually be ok with everything. Take care, and be good to yourself.

  • Author
Posted

I feel really lost. I don't know why but I'm just depressed as hell....

Posted
I feel really lost. I don't know why but I'm just depressed as hell....

 

Hang tough Hun! This too shall pass. Are you getting any good advice from the therapists? Have you tried any medication to relieve some of the depression?

 

 

Many of us been where you are and have come out the other side to feel great and find happiness. Be kind to yourself and understand that people heal from relationships at different time frames.

 

 

Keep posting as there's lot of folks that can offer good advice.

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