endlessabyss Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Sorry folks, This grass is greener theory is a bunch of BS. Your ex left you because there was a better deal, period. Most likely, they will not be returning after you split; if it does happen, consider yourself lucky. Furthermore, if they do return, keep an eye on them, because they might just be using you to close a void, until the next better deal reveals itself. I just talked to my ex of eight years for the first time in six months yesterday. We have been split up for going on four years; we had a child together. I haven't seen my kid since we split, and that is the reason I reached out to her, because I'd like to get back in my kids life. I caught my ex in the act of cheating, and it was hands down one of the hardest things I experienced. Now I have read on this forum numerous times that cheaters will always be cheater, their relationship wont last, blah blah. My ex has been with the guy I caught her cheating on me with since the time we broke up. They have started their own family, and are doing very well together. They may have problems behind the seen, but they have just purchased their first house. My ex has surpassed me in every phase of life so far since we split. Yes, it does hurt, still after four years, that she is doing so well, better than me. I can deal with it now though, because time has went by, and I have a better perspective on life. When I speak to my ex I still feel a lot for her as well. If you think your ex has "GIGS', you're just coping. She is gone; don't delude yourself into thinking she will come back, she misses you, or any of that non-sense. Move on, and learn from your suffering. Focus on your career, reading, studies, something other than the fantasy your ex is thinking they made a mistake by leaving you. They don't regret leaving you, and are enjoying the physical/emotional connection they have with another person. Sorry and cheers. 2
DKT3 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I'm sorry, I lost interest after this I just talked to my ex of eight years for the first time in six months yesterday. We have been split up for going on four years; we had a child together. I haven't seen my kid since we split, and that is the reason I reached out to her, because I'd like to get back in my kids life. No excuse for going four years without seeing your child....
Author endlessabyss Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 I'm sorry, I lost interest after this No excuse for going four years without seeing your child.... Nice to see you taking the moral high ground. You don't know my life or background. I made the best decision at that particular juncture in my life. Furthermore, I could care less if you lost interest; that isn't my problem. Regards
Gus Grimly Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 GIGS is a phrase most commonly used when talking about young men and women around the ages of 18 - 23 (ages can vary though), who one day decide to end the relationship to seek more enticing romantic encounters. Young people change and grow immensely as they become adults. One day they love hamburgers the next they're a vegan. These changes cause within a person problems in the relationship because the couple are no longer on the same page and one wants out to explore their options. The breakup is usually abrupt and without warning. That's what I think the term means. I could be wrong. Your situation just sounds like the usual story people post around here. Not really seeing where the GIGS terminology comes into play. To me GIGS is just part of growing up.
MuddyFootprints Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 It's unfortunate that you lost your connection with your child. I can only gather from your post that you stepped away from your father role and someone else stepped up?
theredpill Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I think you nail the real learning of all breakups and that's to become a better version of yourself. I'm thankful to all the amazing women who travelled the path of life with me, because that's what they all were, amazing. Each and everyone of them added to, expanded upon and enlightened my existence. Now I look more at the experience, rather than focus on the painful attachment if things don't work out and deal with it much more effectively than my younger days, heartless I've been told (ha ha) so if you're young, male and going through a breakup and want to jump off a building, don't worry that's perfectly normal, just don't do it because you'll be fine I would add, they really do miss you when you get your **** together - everybody is an option, absolutely everybody.... the only person who can make you the best option, is you. 4
Author endlessabyss Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 GIGS is a phrase most commonly used when talking about young men and women around the ages of 18 - 23 (ages can vary though), who one day decide to end the relationship to seek more enticing romantic encounters. Young people change and grow immensely as they become adults. One day they love hamburgers the next they're a vegan. These changes cause within a person problems in the relationship because the couple are no longer on the same page and one wants out to explore their options. The breakup is usually abrupt and without warning. That's what I think the term means. I could be wrong. Your situation just sounds like the usual story people post around here. Not really seeing where the GIGS terminology comes into play. To me GIGS is just part of growing up. I understood it was something different. If I did, that's on me. I think a lot of people around here keep false hope, or rationalize things. It's best to just move on.
Author endlessabyss Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 I think you nail the real learning of all breakups and that's to become a better version of yourself. I'm thankful to all the amazing women who travelled the path of life with me, because that's what they all were, amazing. Each and everyone of them added to, expanded upon and enlightened my existence. Now I look more at the experience, rather than focus on the painful attachment if things don't work out and deal with it much more effectively than my younger days, heartless I've been told (ha ha) so if you're young, male and going through a breakup and want to jump off a building, don't worry that's perfectly normal, just don't do it because you'll be fine I would add, they really do miss you when you get your **** together - everybody is an option, absolutely everybody.... the only person who can make you the best option, is you. This is a good post. You seem to have learned from your experiences. Kudos. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 It's best to just move on. I'm with you on that. The end of a relationship is devastating because up to that point you feel it's invincible, that it can never die. So when it does, you're left with nothing but despair and cling on to the hope that one day he/she will realize their mistake and come running back. Unfortunately, that rarely happens. 2
theredpill Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 It's absolutely horrible isn't it, especially when you really care - you can definitely get there with work and sometimes it takes years, well it did with my own self improvement (ha ha) but I'm pleased with my life's progress, the sadness is still there to remind me of the lesson. On a slightly happier note, also went through a similar thing with my daughter from 6 to 11 years old, her mother made things very difficult. She's 15 next month and we're closer than we've ever been (considering she's a teenager although there's uncanny timing affection wise, when she needs some money) if that's any reassurance for the future
Amelie1980 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I always thought GIGS was BS. They just found something shiny and new and someone they prefer to be with. 1
theredpill Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I think it can go either way, and if you sort the sorts, the poor rebound guy or gal gets dumped right in the middle of the intense infatuation stage, posts hear, heart broken. We're just all part of the cycle, we need to learn it, not fight it.
Author endlessabyss Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) It's unfortunate that you lost your connection with your child. I can only gather from your post that you stepped away from your father role and someone else stepped up? Not really. I was the greatest father I could be at that time, and I was a full time student in college, commuting. The guy my ex is with was desperate to be a cuck to my child, and weaseled his way into her life when she was at her most venerable. I stepped away because I was at a critical point in my life, and had health issues I was recovering from. The stress from the break-up, and the change of relationship with my kid, was causing me to regress, health wise. I had two choices, and I made the one most reasonable for everyone. I don't know what you mean by "step-up"? You most likely couldn't have walked my path. Edited August 14, 2015 by endlessabyss
mightycpa Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Sorry folks, This grass is greener theory is a bunch of BS. Your ex left you because there was a better deal, period. Most likely, they will not be returning after you split; if it does happen, consider yourself lucky. Furthermore, if they do return, keep an eye on them, because they might just be using you to close a void, until the next better deal reveals itself. I just talked to my ex of eight years for the first time in six months yesterday. We have been split up for going on four years; we had a child together. I haven't seen my kid since we split, and that is the reason I reached out to her, because I'd like to get back in my kids life. I caught my ex in the act of cheating, and it was hands down one of the hardest things I experienced. Now I have read on this forum numerous times that cheaters will always be cheater, their relationship wont last, blah blah. My ex has been with the guy I caught her cheating on me with since the time we broke up. They have started their own family, and are doing very well together. They may have problems behind the seen, but they have just purchased their first house. My ex has surpassed me in every phase of life so far since we split. Yes, it does hurt, still after four years, that she is doing so well, better than me. I can deal with it now though, because time has went by, and I have a better perspective on life. When I speak to my ex I still feel a lot for her as well. If you think your ex has "GIGS', you're just coping. She is gone; don't delude yourself into thinking she will come back, she misses you, or any of that non-sense. Move on, and learn from your suffering. Focus on your career, reading, studies, something other than the fantasy your ex is thinking they made a mistake by leaving you. They don't regret leaving you, and are enjoying the physical/emotional connection they have with another person. Sorry and cheers.Sometimes the grass IS greener. It doesn't mean they didn't get an itch... don't forget, your ex didn't know all that stuff going into it. She took a chance, rolled the dice and won. It could have gone the other way, and you'd look like an angel... or, as you say, maybe any grass was greener than you in her eyes. Don't be sorry. I think you're right about one thing. Any ex that leaves you and regrets it is nobody you want to stay with. If they do, there is an instability in the relationship, or the person, and you're just waiting for it to happen again. 1
jay1983 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Sometimes it seems like the grass is greener when they meet someone new. Then the novelty wears off and instead of moving back to the side they came from, they just find another fence. So no, the grass isn't always greener.
casey.lives Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 yeah, people shop around even when they are with others or with child. **** happens!
MuddyFootprints Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Stepped up = stepped into your roll... took over fathering. No, I haven't walked your path. I have been on the path of the mother of a child of a walk-away father. You did what you thought was best and may feel some regret. I encourage you to work through it. You may still have a chance for a relationship with your child. Edited August 14, 2015 by MuddyFootprints
Author endlessabyss Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Stepped up = stepped into your roll... took over fathering. No, I haven't walked your path. I have been on the path of the mother of a child of a walk-away father. You did what you thought was best and may feel some regret. I encourage you to work through it. You may still have a chance for a relationship with your child. Unfortunately, he can never fill my role as a father. I am the father, the biological father. My kid has my genes, my dna. Now, he can be a cuckold, which he voluntarily chose. If you're trying to project your situation on to mine you should stop. Regardless, if I reached out or not, my kid will always be curious where __ came from, and want to get to know me, just like I have the desire to get to know who __ is. Everything will work out the way it should.
MuddyFootprints Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 No projection, just encouragement. You sounded as though you'd given up completely. Just don't leave it up to _ to make the decision to connect. Get some help with how to bring yourself back into _ 's life in a healthy way. That's all I'm suggesting.
aloneinaz Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I think all the titles to explain a partner leaving a relationship are BS. GIGS, etc. The fact is, they didn't want to be with you any longer and left. Most of us on this site have ended relationships. All the R/S's I've ended because I just wasn't feeling it. I had no one in the wings. I just felt I'd rather be alone. Rejection sucks but it's SSOO part of life. The sooner we can accept it and cope with it, the easier our lives become. 2
Gus Grimly Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Rejection sucks but it's SSOO part of life. The sooner we can accept it and cope with it, the easier our lives become. When you think about the people that have come and gone from your life it's incredibly tragic. The loss of love is something we have to accept and deal with. The emotional experience of picking up the pieces and moving on, it can be unbearable. My breakup is still fresh in my mind, so reflecting upon it I've had to come to terms that .... the end has come, it's still hard for me to wrap my head around that it's arrived. To be so close with someone, sharing a life, intimate moments, thoughts and dreams, experiences and memories, now it's ended. The whole thing just feels so surreal. Moving on is the only thing we can do. There is no alternative.
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