treehugger101 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I have a boyfriend after having been single for almost 5 years. I am over my ex but lately I've noticed this is happening. Whenever I would think or talk to myself about my Boyfriend, I would say my ex's name instead of my Boyfriend's name. As I said, I am over my ex but yet this is happening. A friend of mine says I won't be happy until I am completely over my ex. Another thing I've noticed, is that whenever I get upset or my Boyfriend and I get into a misunderstanding or fight, I right away compare him to my ex, and say "man I wish I was with my ex, things were so much better" or "he would do that or this" etc. I don't know, what do you think, do you think I am over my ex? 2
Satu Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I have a boyfriend after having been single for almost 5 years. I am over my ex but lately I've noticed this is happening. Whenever I would think or talk to myself about my Boyfriend, I would say my ex's name instead of my Boyfriend's name. As I said, I am over my ex but yet this is happening. A friend of mine says I won't be happy until I am completely over my ex. Another thing I've noticed, is that *whenever I get upset or my Boyfriend and I get into a misunderstanding or fight, I right away compare him to my ex, and say "man I wish I was with my ex, things were so much better" or "he would do that or this" etc. I don't know, what do you think, do you think I am over my ex? *Why do you get into misunderstandings and fights? 1
Author treehugger101 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 Just like any other couple, we get into fights. 1
Satu Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 *Just like any other couple, we get into fights. So you think that every other couple has misunderstandings and fights? That doesn't tally with my experience.
Keenly Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 People view the past through rose colored glasses. No one ever remembers the bad, and they only remember the good. This is why people get back together and then break up again. You get back together and remember there is a reason why you broke up. 1
RocketQueen Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I think if your friends are commenting that you're not over your ex then you're probably not as over him as much you think you are. Comparing your current boyfriend with your ex isn't ideal either. Everyone is different so comparing boyfriends and their reactions is never going to end well in your mind. Like Keenly says, our minds have a great way of dumping the negative over time (we'd probably go crazy if it didn't) so you only remember the good things which is brilliant for when you do get to the stage where you truly are over them. It sounds like you're a little bit stuck in the past for whatever reason. Are you happy with your current boyfriend? As for the name mix ups everyone knows by now I will call them a list of family names before I get to theirs, my ex sometimes makes an appearance but I put it down to my age xxx
seasickpeeve Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I think this is totally normal. It's like when you are in school and accidentally call your teacher 'dad'. Your brain stores memories and links these to what is going on currently. I know at the beginning of my last relationship both me and my bf kept thinking/talking and saying our ex's name afterwards. It ended up being funny because we both knew we were over our ex's. It is just the way the brain is wired. You're subconscious is linking the feelings you have for the new guy to the old guy and saying 'look, it's happening again'. So the smart thing to do would be to re=evaluate any lessons you learnt from the last and apply them to your new relationship so it doesn't go the same way. The time to worry is if you are still comparing to the ex and thinking of the ex after being with the new guy awhile
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