Being In Limbo Is Comfortable

[seth05]

I've had a crush on a female coworker for about a year. The signs that I think she has given are still ambiguous so I don't know if the crush is mutual. I have not yet received a single sign that has no room to be explained away. Even the asking me to go join her for a drink during a break or offering me half a candy bar and even touching me for the first time last month are still ambiguous. I still keep my hands to myself. I will not touch her no matter how many times she touches me.

 

At this point I do not feel comfortable asking her out. I also do not feel comfortable moving on from her. I have no interest in other women even though there have been other women at work who try to chat me up and even offer to buy me lunch.

 

Here's the thing that makes me a rare breed. My behavior around a woman that I am not interested in is almost identical to my behavior toward a woman that I am too much into. Which means if I have a crush on a woman I make it a point to dial back and limit contact with her. If I see her coming in my direction I turn my head away from her and pretend I didn't see her. I will even decline any offers for food or any favors. She wants to give me half a candy bar I tell her no thanks that's yours and you bought it with your hard earned money.

 

The thing is I behave the same way toward women I don't like but suspect are trying to come on to me. This way they hopefully get a strong hint that I am not interested and they will be discouraged from entertaining any more thoughts about dating me if that's their intention behind the behavior. It may not be her intent and if it isn't then I haven't hurt anyone from not being encouraging of the interactions. If a woman I'm not interested is throwing out signs that are ambiguous then I'm going to play it safe and behave in a way that is meant to discourage her regardless. This way I can't be accused of leading her on. If I accept a lunch invitation or a drink offer from a woman I'm not interested in then that's leading her on even if I cannot definitively verify her intentions

 

 

But concerning my crush I have been given alot of bad advice on this board for the past year with black and white answers to just ask her out or move on. That's loveshack for you. Members love to oversimplify solutions. Well nobody ever stopped to consider that maybe I am comfortable in this limbo state and I am willing to go on like this indefinitely. The advice needs to be tailored to my comfort level.

 

In other words I am so comfortable in this limbo state that even if she were to ask me out and confess her feelings I am not 100% sure I would say yes. At this point I'm not even sure I want to know the truth about how she feels about me. It would suck to find out she only likes me as a friend and it would scare me a little to find out that she does like me more than a friend.

 

So what does this mean for me? It means that I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't! I'm going to experience some kind of negative feelings regardless of what the truth is. The thought of her not liking me sucks. The thought of her liking me is scary because that means my life is going to change big time.

 

I also don't want to go on a date for fear I will fall for her more than I plan to. You can read all the advice you want about not falling for someone too fast and it may be good advice in theory but because God gave humans emotions there's not a single human being who always follows the rules of relationships. If God did not give us emotions then sure we would always let our rational brain dictate when to kiss and when to have sex and when to fall for someone.

 

I've already fallen for her enough as it is and taking an opportunity to go on a date may feed into it more. That's the risk we all take when dating. After each date both parties interest level is either rising or falling. Odds are one party's interest level is rising while the other is falling. That's a given. If I go on a date with her odds are at the end of the date one of our interest levels is going up while the other one is going down.

 

So with all these things in mind I feel comfortable like a ghost in limbo. Ghosts are not ready to cross over to heaven. They are stuck between earth and heaven. So I would rather remain ignorant of the truth about how she feels about me. It is within my rights as a human being to remain ignorant. If I don't want to know information then I don't have to know it. Even doctors respect that preference of patients who do not wish to know the truth about certain test results. All patients have to do is sign forms saying they understand the consequences of not wanting to know.

Edited August 13, 2015 by seth05

[mrldii]

...But concerning my crush I have been given alot of bad advice on this board for the past year with black and white answers to just ask her out or move on. That's loveshack for you...

 

Wait. I'm confused. How have you been given "bad advice on this board for the past year" if you only just arrived this month and this is your very first post?

 

 

And, what was the question? I'd hate to finally give some good advice on this board and have it be when I don't even know WTF I'm talking about.

[William]

Sorry, this is our hydra again so I'll close this up.