elle28 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Boyfriend dumped me after a seven day holiday together saying he thought he was ready for a serious relationship, but actually isn't. He was so loving and sweet before the holiday, now i think I may have done something wrong. He said his head is still messed up from his ex(with her for 8 years then broke up 2 years ago). And he said he should be in his own for longer.is this just an excuse? Why the sudden turnaround? Did I annoy him? Racking my brains and sending myself insane as to why he would suddenly change his mind. Do men do that? Was with him for just over 3 monthi want to message him 2 days after he ended it and ask if i did something wrong. Will that seem clingy? At the end of our last call I said perhaps it's best we don't speak to each other to avoid confusion - was that the wrong thing to say?
kendahke Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Don't blame yourself. This isn't on you. This is on him. It may be an excuse, but it's one that he's going to hold fast to. What I think happened was that his ex got wind that he went on a holiday with you and she's said something to him to throw a wrench in your relationship's gears. He gave her entree into his head and now, he's allowing her to mind-eff him. I don't know how much more time he needs that 2 years out of that relationship didn't provide UNLESS he's been faking it with you for the past 3 months and the truth is he's not over her yet. No, what you said at the end of the last conversation was correct. Although it's hard, go NC. Don't contact him because you will not get the response you're after. HE needs to come to YOU, not the other way around. This has to be his idea on his own to realize that he's messed things up with you and needs to atone; if you're the one throwing yourself at him, he will remain entrenched in his mindset. And you want a man who will come to you not one you have to grab by the scruff of the neck and make them come along, you know? Do not be surprised if within 6 weeks, he's calling you trying to use you to make himself feel better about breaking up with you. If he's not coming to you saying "Elle, I made a huge mistake letting you go. I want to be with you more than anything else and I am sorry for breaking your heart and trust in me. Will you please give me another chance to make things right? I want to be your man", then hang up on him, block him on every communication device and move on. He has to come with that--he has to come correct. Anything less is not good enough.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I think I responded to you in the other thread you created about this situation. Anyway, to answer your question, there is no need to message him now. It doesn't really matter if the reason he gave is an excuse, because it doesn't change the end result. What type of information are you hoping to glean from him by asking if you did something wrong? There is a good chance he wouldn't be totally honest about it anyway, as a lot of people will avoid giving the whole truth in order to protect themselves or the person they broke up with. If it turned out it was something you did to annoy him, would that change anything? He still chose to end it instead of talking through it or bringing up any problem he might have had. That says a lot, I think. And no, you did the right thing by telling him you shouldn't speak for a while. It will be better for you to take some space so you can clear your mind too. Whatever the reason, he isn't ready to commit. It's possible he's felt this way a little longer than you realized but went ahead with the holiday anyway, perhaps hoping his feelings would change. Dwelling on the reasons this happened will drive you mental. Focus on trying to put it behind you instead.
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