jenlynn Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Hello Everyone, I shared my b/u story previously- it happened in November 2014. Abridged version, my now ex and I had been together for 3 years to almost the date, we were happy, lived together, had a dog together, shared hopes and dreams, did responsible stuff (ex: talked about and agreed on finances), he showed me engagement rings he had in mind for me, booked some trips for 2015 and then BOOM! I was blindsided by the- this isn't working for me and I haven't been happy for 1.5 years. Our friends and family were shocked by his declaration. Whaaaaa? I've struggled a lot since this time. My world was completely turned upside down. He wasn't communicating with me and his reasoning wasn't making sense. About a week after the b/u I stumbled upon texts btwn he and a co-worker and it shed a little more light on the situation. I moved out pretty fast as I didn't want to be the moppy depressed girl that hung around. I was just trying to preserve a little dignity and at the time, give him space (so of course, he could see how brilliant I was and how much he really missed me and needed me- I laugh at myself now). I struggled with securing stable housing, paying bills, making new friends (all my old friends and family were states away or were mutual friends with him) and keeping on top of my job. It was exhausting. We shared our dog and this didn't let me heal at all. I constantly had to see him, get texts from him and stop by our old home (as I continued to struggle with housing). He, however, barely missed a beat it felt. It just felt like getting continually slapped in the face. Finally, about 6 weeks ago I decided I had enough and left the city. In a way, it has felt like a break up all over again. I gave it time, space and then reality hit me that I wasn't getting better and staying around him was the slowestttttttt way to heal. He's been angry and upset and doesn't understand why I did what I did. He thought we were getting together so 'amicably'. The reality was that he was living a fun bachelor lifestyle on his great paycheck and would want our dog when it was convenient for him while I, was struggling day in and day out. It got to the point, where I was feeling taken advantage of and most importantly, I was allowing it. He also out of the blue (almost 9 months late IMO) accused me of stealing stuff when I left back in the fall. Examples: -my bike and a female nude abstract painting that he had bought for me- so gifts. Sigh. -And our dog and his food bowls and his bed- but then we ended up 'sharing' custody until I left. When I left in the fall, I didn't trust my ex to care for our dog as he had been going out on long and/or all night benders- drinking more heavily and taking some illegal drugs and unprescribed prescription drugs. It's been so frustrating for me to not feel any empathy or understanding from him. I feel like he had me unknowingly walking the plank for the last 1.5 years of our relationship. And when he broke up with me, I was left with no housing, a job that greatly underpaid and I wasn't excited about (had been greatly supporting him in building his career which we talked about), depression, heartbreak, no friends of my own and no family and I lost my family that I thought I was building. For age reference: we're in our early 30s. So, when he kept emailing me and asking me what was the sudden change, I finally answered. I'm still not sure if I should have just done NC (it felt a little harsh- there's that good girl syndrome thing) but I definitely should have kept it brief at most. Instead I just shared (i.e., overshared) with him that I had been struggling, things weren't getting better for me, it wasn't fair to any of us (him, me and our dog) and this simply wasn't working and was extremely unhealthy. I didn't point any fingers but just simply stated- where I was at emotionally/mentally. And how did he respond? More or less he didn't care and he appeared to take on the role of the martyr. So, to wrap it up- if you do choose to respond- less is definitely more. A War & Peace novel is not needed. I have learned my lesson and now I feel that I can start the true journey of rebuilding and healing.
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