Normal, odd, abusive or what? Questionable Skyping as well as requests (or demands)

[ladybug1984]

Long story, but for someone in a LD relationship (about a year), what would your reaction be if the other party repeatedly asked you to Skype unclothed, you refused, and the person kind of 'pouted' and wouldn't speak to you for a week? I swear I can't make this stuff up. Without sharing details and this getting long, this involves two 30-somethings, so this isn't a teenager). It started out asking just for photos and progressed into this. The R is about a year-old, so not exactly someone just met yesterday. Having been in crazy relationships before (and in one case somewhat abusive), OK, I have somewhat experienced it (embarrassed to say), but is this not crazy??

 

 

Also, same person insists on having a certain hairstyle and type of clothing whenever there are meetings other than on the phone or Skype ("Dont' bother to come if you aren't without make-up and hair pulled back" kind of thing).

 

 

 

I have friends that seem to pick some winners. And I have picked a few myself from time to time, lol, but this is like something you see in a bad movie! Is this just odd? Completely normal? Abusive? I honestly don't know what to say! I wanted to say this is for a friend, but sadly it's not. Why do I always find out about these things the hard way?!?!?

 

Thoughts?

Edited August 13, 2015 by ladybug1984
Was scared to say it was really me and then decided I needed to be upfront :(

[MissBee]

This person sounds controlling, manipulative and potentially abusive.

 

Any relationship where your partner is going to try to force you to do things you don't want to do, sexually, or otherwise, and will give you the silent treatment (a manipulative tactic) when you don't want to do it and then also tell you don't bother to come see them if you aren't dressed in a particular way is controlling and does not have your best interest at heart. They don't love you for you neither is your happiness and well being their concern, you are simply there for THEIR pleasure and benefit hence they only care about molding you and making you do what they want and will get upset (or escalate to anger and rage or even physical abuse) when you don't do it.

[CarrieT]

It is controlling and manipulative.

 

Anything you do via Skype can be recorded and shared on the 'net so you are smart to NOT get naked for someone.

 

If they get pouty for it, block them and remove the from your life.

[ladybug1984]

Miss Bee -

 

I almost didn't post this. In fact, I DID post it 'for a friend' and decided to go back and edit it. I am embarrassed that I have done this yet again. Wondering if I am just a poor judge of character and WHY. I certainly don't want to continue this.............and YES, would love to be able to spot these kind of people should friends or family get involved. Nobody should have to put up with what I had to several years ago - and MIGHT be putting up with again unless I put a stop to it. You are saying exactly what I was afraid of - which means I screwed up AGAIN (( But thank you for your honesty.

[ladybug1984]

Thank you, CarrieT. I was afraid of that (( Seeing it here on the screen (the comments) makes me stronger. Maybe this time instead of putting up with it for years, I am improving because I am shutting it down sooner. Maybe there won't be a THIRD time...........I'm committing to picking up signals like this earlier vs. later. I think you are exactly right.

[TaraMaiden2]

Delete, block, deny and do not engage with this guy a second longer.

This is known as 'ghosting; and it's more than he deserves...

 

Really, just completely drop off his radar and make like you never even knew him.

 

He's ridiculous.

To think guys believe they can get away with this, in this day and age?

 

Really?

 

I mean -

REALLY - ?!

 

You know the signs when you see them.

You just don't want to admit it to yourself.....

[pteromom]

Ridiculous!

 

Definitely do not get naked for him if you aren't into it.

 

And show up however you want.

 

If he doesn't like it, then for him, this is just about what you can do for him, not creating a mutual loving relationship.

 

Next.

[CarrieT]

OP, have you ever actually *met* this person In Real Life, or has this been online the entire time?

[ladybug1984]

<<<<<<<<hanging my head>>>>>>>>>>>> in shame and embarrassment. I should have known, yes.............and I feel like an idiot. I appreciate the confirmation. This just seems like such JUVENILE behavior but we are talking about an adult! I needed confirmation that it wasn't just me being out of touch with reality and seeing something that wasn't there.

 

CarrieT, yes, knew him for about a year before he moved which is what created the LTR.

[pteromom]

 

CarrieT, yes, knew him for about a year before he moved which is what created the LTR.

 

During that time, did he insist on certain hair and makeup?

[ladybug1984]

yes, he did, Pteromom, but it didn't start out as big of a deal if I didn't comply. I would just kind of laugh it off and at first he didn't really react that much, but down the road he got to where he literally would NOT speak to me or would leave if I didn't comply.............it was sort of a gradual thing. Honestly, I had been in so many R's before where they didn't notice or comment on ANYTHING about my appearance, so I thought at least he was noticing. I think that was faulty thinking on my part. I just don't get why he wouldn't talk to me if HEAVEN FORBID I had on eyeshadow and lip gloss. WHY?!?!?

[Lois_Griffin]

Honestly, he sounds like a socially stunted freak.

 

Any supposed adult over 21 who 'ignores' you for a week because he's throwing a little hissy fit is an emotionally stunted man-child and isn't worth the powder to blow him up. I totally get why he's in his 30's and still single.

 

I'd be SO freakin' gone.

[craw]

<<<<<<<<hanging my head>>>>>>>>>>>> in shame and embarrassment. I should have known, yes.............and I feel like an idiot. I appreciate the confirmation. This just seems like such JUVENILE behavior but we are talking about an adult! I needed confirmation that it wasn't just me being out of touch with reality and seeing something that wasn't there.

 

CarrieT, yes, knew him for about a year before he moved which is what created the LTR.

 

Don't feel like an idiot - that's what manipulative people do.

 

It's a good thing there's a forum on the internet like this that we can reach out and share our problems. There's usually pretty good advice on here [except for mix racial couples], the hard part is actually following through with it.

[Satu]

Pull the plug and have nothing to do with him.

 

He's a creep.

[deadelvis]

be careful, my girlfriend has been freaking out that she may have been recorded masturbating on skype... you don't want that.

[spiderowl]

Do you really have to ask if this is abusive? He is just weird and controlling. You don't have to do any of the things he wants. It is entirely your choice. If he only wants a relationship if you do things as he says, then what does that say about him? The guys is trying to control you remotely and pressure you to undress in front of him (albeit by webcam). He is treating you like a prostitute. I'd get rid of him quick and hope he doesn't have your address because he's a creep.

[Hopeful714]

I hope this isn't the boyfriend you were talking about in the other post. If it is you gotta drop this dude. Just ghost as Tara said.

 

If this is what you are attracting and getting involved with you are far from healed from your past rs and need to spend some time alone rebuilding yourself, your esteem, and figuring a direction four your life. Do the work!

[regine_phalange]

If blow-up dolls could talk and skype, rest assured, that's the kind of woman he'd go for.

[ladybug1984]

Hopeful, it's not the same one, but I am seeing a pattern here.

 

 

When there is clear chemistry, it's hard to not just ignore some of the stuff I am describing. I wonder if there is something about those types that creates that chemistry? Why can't chemistry be there with the 'normal' people who don't act like that? I know everybody on here that says GO is right, but it's just so hard to do.

[Popsicle]

Why did he move and will be able to live near each other again soon?

Edited August 15, 2015 by Popsicle

[spiderowl]

Hopeful, it's not the same one, but I am seeing a pattern here.

 

 

When there is clear chemistry, it's hard to not just ignore some of the stuff I am describing. I wonder if there is something about those types that creates that chemistry? Why can't chemistry be there with the 'normal' people who don't act like that? I know everybody on here that says GO is right, but it's just so hard to do.

 

This is the kind of thing that women who end up in abusive relationships say. There is just that chemistry. Somehow they try to put aside the beatings, the burning, the insults. Where there is a pattern in these kind of relationships then one has to ask what it is about that 'chemistry' that is attractive - is it danger, unpredictability, impulsiveness, dominance, scent even? Someone who is in an abusive relationship and is not happy with it needs to ask themselves those questions and see if it is possible to get the qualities they need from a guy without the harmful ones that often seem to be part of it.

[elaine567]

Hopeful, it's not the same one, but I am seeing a pattern here.

 

 

When there is clear chemistry, it's hard to not just ignore some of the stuff I am describing. I wonder if there is something about those types that creates that chemistry? Why can't chemistry be there with the 'normal' people who don't act like that? I know everybody on here that says GO is right, but it's just so hard to do.

 

Watch this -

-

15 Traits of People Pleaser Syndrome (in 15 minutes)

YOU are open to being abused and manipulated.

People like this, will suss you out and use you.

YOU see "love", others would run a mile.