Poegirl91 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Hi everyone, I am separated from my ex and hoping to soon file for divorce. First, however, let me give some backstory. Sorry if this is long. My ex and I started dating in April 2010, got engaged in October 2011, were married in April 2014, and I left in November 2014. Yeah, short marriage. So, we had problems from the start. We began fighting and arguing within 3 months of dating, and it progressively got worse. My ex was so controlling and manipulating I could hardly stand it and I even threatened on multiple occasions to leave him, but I never followed through. My friends and family told me I should not marry him, but I did anyway, because I didn't have the guts to break it off, and part of me hoped it would get better. It didn't. Once we were married it was way worse. We were 30 to 45 minutes from my friends and family and he never let me see them. He would even limit the time I could talk to my mom on the phone. He would belittle and degrade me, telling our friends how horrible I was with money and how I never did anything. He would always put me down and make me look bad in front of them. I couldn't even spend an evening with my family to go camping because he wanted me to be with only him. It got so bad that I couldn't take it. There were days and nights when I would sob uncontrollably because of how he treated me. I had no one to turn to because he had isolated me from everyone I loved and cared about. He controlled every aspect of my life. In August of 2014, I met my current boyfriend. We developed a friendship between then and the time I left, but I did not cheat on my ex with him. My bf helped me to see what I was really going through, and he gave me the strength to move on and leave. So, I left on November 1. There's a lot more to the story, but that's basically what happened. Now, here is where things get tricky. After I left, I told my ex I would be filing for divorce. He is a very fanatical, religious Christian, and says he will not sign divorce papers because of religious reasons. So, after doing some research, I found out about filing for fault divorce under grounds of indignities. My question is, how would I go about doing this? As in, what kind of proof would I need to have and how difficult is it to obtain a divorce this way? I am from Pennsylvania, and I know the laws vary by state. Any help is appreciated. Thanks!!
Minnie09 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Go see a lawyer. File. He can't refuse to sign papers. He will be forced to sign eventually by the family judge if he drags it out too long. A fault D based on what you want to use against him may be hard to achieve, because you need evidence. Witnesses. That will take longer than you'd want it to take, and you'd probably be doing him a favor. Grounds of indignities would be: willful and malicious desertion, and absence from the family home for the period of one or more years (your M hadn't even lasted that long) adultery (that's more likely to be adultery on your part, if any) cruel treatment, endangered your life or health marriage while a former marriage is still subsisting (not the case) imprisonment for a term of two or more years (not the case) indignities that make your life intolerable and burdensome (maybe.....but that's very subjective and where's the evidence?) Go see a lawyer and file. The M was so short I doubt you'll face any obstacles. And as I said, he can refuse only for so long, and if he's got his own counsel, they'll tell him that a quick D is his best bet. 2
Author Poegirl91 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 I probably should have mentioned that I have already spoken with a lawyer, but do not have the money to hire a lawyer. I am trying to file on my own. Also, in PA, the spouse can refuse to sign for 2 years before anything is done. If they choose not to sign, it will sit for 2 years until the marriage is considered irretrievably broken.
Tayla Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 In PA the terminology "formally separated"does not exist. The divorce decree makes the marriage dissolved. So technically your spouse can counter with adultry. Its best that you reside by yourself or only in a relatives abode. Temporary support can be filed since you are claiming mental abuse. Also contact your local Legal Aide Service. Paralegals can guide you at a reduced rate. Sorry to hear of the marital discord. Like you said there was probably more to the story then stated. Hope you get therepy... how sad ... 1
Radu Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Nobody can make you do anything you don't want. That being said, 2yrs is what will take for the divorce to be final from the sounds of it, so let this be a lesson to you. I'd file and put cause as mental abuse in any way possible.
bubbaganoosh Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Hate to throw another log on the fire but even if your given a divorce, the way you described you STBX, there's a real good chance that he might not leave you alone. If he's that controlling you can bet the house that he isn't going to just walk away so all I'm telling you is to be careful. Now what I don't understand is you knew he was like this and you married him so the question is why? The writing was on the wall plain as day and you ignored it.
Recommended Posts