The truth

[Shai00]

I never thought I would be posting about me cheating. I was always the person that hated cheaters. I never understood how you could do something like that to someone you love but I did it. I cheated. I have been married for 15 years. We have 3 beautiful children together. My affair started in 2013 and it was with my husbands good friend. Our children played sports together. Our families were friends. In Dec of 2012 our boys had made it to the Championship game in Football. At that time my husband and daughter couldn't go with me and our boys. The guys family couldn't leave the day the team was leaving so after discussing transportation of how to get there we, meaning me, my husband, the guy and his wife decided that it would be good for me and the guy to ride together. The ride was fine. We talked much of the time but it wasn't anything out of the way towards one another. We arrived at the hotel and we went our seperate ways. He went to his room and I went to mine. The next day his wife arrived. Everything was still good. All the teams parents would go to dinner and come back, hangout and have drinks. I admit after drinking I was flirty but nothing out of the way happened. The week ended and we all came home. Months went by me and the guy and I had no one on one communication with each other. We would hang out as couples and I became good friends with his wife. Our families would do things together. August arrived and football started up. I would bring my boys to practice and he would bring his. I would bring my boys because my husband would take my daughter to softball. She had practice on the same nights. Me and the guy also helped the team sit up concession for the home football games. During that time things began to get flirty. We ended up meeting one night in September 2013 to talk. He was dressed nice after coming from a wedding. I complimented him on him looking nice and he reached in for a kiss. We left after a few minutes but we started texting and talking on the phone everyday. We set up a day when we would meet to have sex. Thats when it started that we would meet speradically. Sometimes we would meet once a week, once every 2 weeks or once every 3 weeks. I could tell my attitide changed. I felt like I was in a dark place and didnt think about anyone at all. I was so ill. Even in the end of my affair I told the guy that I had became someone that even I didn't like. The affair lasted 1 year nine months. June 8 2015 my husband found out about my affair by my 14 year old daughter. She became one of the bravest people I know. Even though she knew how bad her dad would hurt, she screen shot the text and sent them to herself. She gave them to her dad the next day. That day I had woke up and went and meet the guy. My husband called and told me I needed to get home that something was wrong. I went home and thats when he told me he knew. I was scared. I tried to deny everything but I was only digging a whole of lies to cover up my lies. I saw so much hurt and pain in my husband. The person that loved me more than life itself I had hurt. I called the guy and told him my husband knew. I told him we couldn't do this anymore. Everyday me and my husband would talk. We never faught. He thought a lot and I thought a lot. I didn't want my marriage to end. I wanted my marriage. We had plans to go to the beach at the end of June. We went and we had a great time with the kids. I could see the stuggle my husband was having. Thats when reality hit me of what I really done and who I hurt. I felt guilt, pain for my loved ones and I was willing to fight in everyway to keep my marriage. A week later we came home from the beach. I still had no contact with the guy. He called me 3 weeks after my husband found out on a friday. I was nervous he called me. He asked how things were going at home and I told him it was hard. He said he had missed me and asked if he could call me the next day which was saturday. I said no that I would be home the weekend, The weekend went by. We had an alright weekend but it was very emotional. Monday I got a call from the guy. He asked me how the weekend went and I told him it was still very hard and that I could see so much hurt in my husband. We got off the phone and I noticed my email password had been changed. So I called my husband, he sounded very emotional and he told me he would be telling the guys wife that day. I was very scared. I called the guy and told him he needed to tell his wife. He never told her. My husband told her. The next day which was tuesday the guy called me and asked how the night was. I told him this was the hardest thing to go through.... I couldn't complain because I caused this. I caused the hurt in our loved ones. Wednesday I was working and I spoke to one of my close friends about everything I had done. I told her I needed to do what was right. I called the guy and told him we could no longer talk. I wanted to fix my marriage. The next weekend my husband and I took a road trip. It was the best trip. We talked the whole time and I wanted to help him through this. I knew it would take a long time. I read a book with him and in that book it talked about the betrayer would have to do heavy lifting. Weeks have passed and things have got better. I have made a change in my life. I no longer see the dark place. I love doing and contributing to my family. I closed my personal banking acct., I bought him a phone on my phone plan, I changed my phone number. I tell him everything. I was very stupid and ignorant for my actions. I want my husband back.. The grass is never greener on the other side. My husband is an amazing man and never deserved to be betrayed. I know this story all over the place. I'm not a good writer and this is my first try at forums. I did it because my husband enjoys reading forums and told me it could possibly help me. I need guidance as to how to repair my hurt marriage. I will fight for my marriage.

[Sandy43]

Your husband will go through a lot of emotions, I found a good site Understanding Your Loyal Spouse | AFFAIRCARE which helped my husband to understand how I was feeling (a lot of emotions involved with this). Also complete honesty and absolutely no contact with the other M.

Are you in MC?

[Shai00]

Thank you. I will look at that site. I had counseling for myself and went 1 time. I didn't feel comfortable with the MC. It was like she would try to say without saying it was his fault. It wasn't my husbands fault. It was mine. I am scheduling MC for us. I am trying to get it for next week.

[mrcoffeepls]

It sounds like you are going through a difficult time in your marriage. I want to affirm you for owning your actions. I think it takes courage to stay in a marriage and fight for it. And I believe it is worth it in the long run.

 

I have been on the receiving end of infidelity and it is hard. I would highly encourage you and your spouse to seek counseling from counselors who have walked this road. For my husband and I, getting support was the best thing we ever did.

 

Take care,

[Marc878]

I never thought I would be posting about me cheating. I was always the person that hated cheaters. I never understood how you could do something like that to someone you love but I did it. I cheated. I have been married for 15 years. We have 3 beautiful children together. My affair started in 2013 and it was with my husbands good friend. Our children played sports together. Our families were friends. In Dec of 2012 our boys had made it to the Championship game in Football. At that time my husband and daughter couldn't go with me and our boys. The guys family couldn't leave the day the team was leaving so after discussing transportation of how to get there we, meaning me, my husband, the guy and his wife decided that it would be good for me and the guy to ride together. The ride was fine. We talked much of the time but it wasn't anything out of the way towards one another. We arrived at the hotel and we went our seperate ways. He went to his room and I went to mine. The next day his wife arrived. Everything was still good. All the teams parents would go to dinner and come back, hangout and have drinks. I admit after drinking I was flirty but nothing out of the way happened. The week ended and we all came home. Months went by me and the guy and I had no one on one communication with each other. We would hang out as couples and I became good friends with his wife. Our families would do things together. August arrived and football started up. I would bring my boys to practice and he would bring his. I would bring my boys because my husband would take my daughter to softball. She had practice on the same nights. Me and the guy also helped the team sit up concession for the home football games. During that time things began to get flirty. We ended up meeting one night in September 2013 to talk. He was dressed nice after coming from a wedding. I complimented him on him looking nice and he reached in for a kiss. We left after a few minutes but we started texting and talking on the phone everyday. We set up a day when we would meet to have sex. Thats when it started that we would meet speradically. Sometimes we would meet once a week, once every 2 weeks or once every 3 weeks. I could tell my attitide changed. I felt like I was in a dark place and didnt think about anyone at all. I was so ill. Even in the end of my affair I told the guy that I had became someone that even I didn't like. The affair lasted 1 year nine months. June 8 2015 my husband found out about my affair by my 14 year old daughter. She became one of the bravest people I know. Even though she knew how bad her dad would hurt, she screen shot the text and sent them to herself. She gave them to her dad the next day. That day I had woke up and went and meet the guy. My husband called and told me I needed to get home that something was wrong. I went home and thats when he told me he knew. I was scared. I tried to deny everything but I was only digging a whole of lies to cover up my lies. I saw so much hurt and pain in my husband. The person that loved me more than life itself I had hurt. I called the guy and told him my husband knew. I told him we couldn't do this anymore. Everyday me and my husband would talk. We never faught. He thought a lot and I thought a lot. I didn't want my marriage to end. I wanted my marriage. We had plans to go to the beach at the end of June. We went and we had a great time with the kids. I could see the stuggle my husband was having. Thats when reality hit me of what I really done and who I hurt. I felt guilt, pain for my loved ones and I was willing to fight in everyway to keep my marriage. A week later we came home from the beach. I still had no contact with the guy. He called me 3 weeks after my husband found out on a friday. I was nervous he called me. He asked how things were going at home and I told him it was hard. He said he had missed me and asked if he could call me the next day which was saturday. I said no that I would be home the weekend, The weekend went by. We had an alright weekend but it was very emotional. Monday I got a call from the guy. He asked me how the weekend went and I told him it was still very hard and that I could see so much hurt in my husband. We got off the phone and I noticed my email password had been changed. So I called my husband, he sounded very emotional and he told me he would be telling the guys wife that day. I was very scared. I called the guy and told him he needed to tell his wife. He never told her. My husband told her. The next day which was tuesday the guy called me and asked how the night was. I told him this was the hardest thing to go through.... I couldn't complain because I caused this. I caused the hurt in our loved ones. Wednesday I was working and I spoke to one of my close friends about everything I had done. I told her I needed to do what was right. I called the guy and told him we could no longer talk. I wanted to fix my marriage. The next weekend my husband and I took a road trip. It was the best trip. We talked the whole time and I wanted to help him through this. I knew it would take a long time. I read a book with him and in that book it talked about the betrayer would have to do heavy lifting. Weeks have passed and things have got better. I have made a change in my life. I no longer see the dark place. I love doing and contributing to my family. I closed my personal banking acct., I bought him a phone on my phone plan, I changed my phone number. I tell him everything. I was very stupid and ignorant for my actions. I want my husband back.. The grass is never greener on the other side. My husband is an amazing man and never deserved to be betrayed. I know this story all over the place. I'm not a good writer and this is my first try at forums. I did it because my husband enjoys reading forums and told me it could possibly help me. I need guidance as to how to repair my hurt marriage. I will fight for my marriage.

 

I don't think you truly understand. He will have to live this for years. It never goes completely away for most. He may have severe triggers for 10, 20 even 30 years from now. If you want a great perspective read/contact Mrs. John Adams or her husband Mr. John Adams. You feel embarrassed, guilty but his chest has been ripped out. That's where the term broken heart comes from. You can't understand and will never understand him because he's on the receiving end of this. And the complicated part is it went on for so long. Some do get through it but are forever changed. It's not uncommon for it to end 5 or 8 years later.

 

You aren't there this early but at some point if it doesn't seem hopefull you will grow weary of dealing with it as well. Look deep within yourselves. Do you have what it's going to take to get through this? It'll take years not months. Is it worth it?

 

I hate to sound harsh because I don't know him but this is what you're up against.

 

Good luck

[bubbaganoosh]

Maybe it just me and I've been on the receiving end of it too but when one cheats, gets caught and finds themselves in a real deep hole is when they finally realize how much they love the one they stabbed in the back. When they see the hurt on their face and the force from hearing that they have been betrayed in the worse possible way is worse then any physical pain boggles my mind.

 

I hope you can repair the damage and your prepared to carry the work load for a long time.

 

I was ready to tell you that you were not honest when the man you had the affair was calling you. Honestly when he called the first time you should have been short and to the point and told him no more but what caught my eye and this has me wondering why you were so ready to jump to his aid when your husband told you that he was calling the OM wife. Gotta tell you honestly you lost points on that one and if your husband finds out that you told him I wouldn't blame him if he gave you your walking papers.

[turnera]

So what have you been doing since?

[Diezel]

Wall of text crits you for 34,823,923 HP.

You die.

 

Game over.