Author Islander19 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 My first bf was 18 years older, and honestly, after the high of the first 3-4 months, the age difference start feeling strongly: e.g. the different stages of life of his and my friends (he was 45, I was 27, his siblings had GRANDkids, and my friends were mostly in school). He was also super sensitive that I'll leave him for a younger man, he was insanely jealous because of this insecurity... Now, your difference of 11 years is more tolerable, so these may not be issue for two of you. But is still something to keep in mind if you stay for the long term (btw I'll say go for it if it is just for the casual, I think in a relationship with a big age difference the young one always learns a lot, not even talking sexual but life experiences). Another thing: you are still 27, so your attitude towards kids may evolve (for me personally at 27 kids were not remotely interesting, now at almost 31 I feel my instincts are kicking in). If she wants her biological kids she IS in a rush and will pressure you, it is an instinct. If you are not ready for it and she is this will be a major issue, so you need to discuss it carefully. Of course if you are both cool with adoption that's not a topic, but make sure you BOTH are . And last but not least, are you ok with the peer-pressure? There may be comments about it if you stay with this woman. Yes it is superficial and stupid, but only you know how you (and her) may feel about it. If the above points are not concerns for both of you - best of luck, and enjoy the budding relationship P.S. Two of my best friends have 28(!) years of age difference (she is the older one), and are happy together for over 20 years now... So sometimes age is just a number Thanks for the advice. Yeah, I'm sure there will be some negative peer pressure from some people regarding the age difference, but it's not a big concern for me. If things keep going as well as they have so far then I'm not going to let the opinions of other get in the way of my happiness. I've had a rough go of it when it comes to dating and this is the first woman that has come along in quite some time that I think I might have a future with. So I'm just going to enjoy it and see where it goes and not worry about what others think. Also, it's good to know there are couples out there with larger age gaps that are making it work
Author Islander19 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) You say that but I've seen so many couples where despite the man being older the guy is in great shape and the woman is just old. Best example would actually be my own parents, mom is 17 years younger but my dad's the one that takes care of everything even all the heavy lifting. The most recent statistics show that in most countries the lifespan of women is only 1-3 years longer than men, and bear in mind men are more likely to die 'all of a sudden' whereas women it's more of a downward spiral. But OP I don't think the age gap is a huge deal, I'm assume she's a hottie . I'm 26 and there are many women that are 10+ years older than me that I consider hot as ****. I personally think she's smoking hot . She's also very active and keeps herself in good shape. None the less, with her being 11 years older she's going to age faster than I will. I've given that some thought and honestly, if we continue to connect on a mental level like we have a few wrinkles or grey hairs aren't going to bother me. Everyone's looks fade eventually, so personality is the most important thing. She's simply just a wonderful person and has been so nice and caring to me, and so fun to hang out with, so I'm not going to let the thought of fading looks get in the way. Edited August 13, 2015 by Islander19 2
Gary S Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Other than some minor generational differences like music and movies, there is no problem with a 11 year age difference. Love does not know age. 1
blackcat777 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I'm almost a decade older than my boyfriend. We've been going strong for a year and a half. We've talked about taking things to the next level when he graduates college. Fortunately, I'm on the fence about kids, and if I do want one, I want to have it late (38ish). We did have generic conversations about the kids issue fairly early on... I wanted him to know I was SERIOUS about not knocking out eight kids next week when we started dating. I didn't want to scare him away. He was also moving an hour away early into the relationship. I asked as soon as I felt emotions forming if he'd be willing to attempt the long distance if things were good (he was). To counterbalance my own fears of coming across like his mom, being too masculine, or controlling... along with my fear of "stealing his youth" (which, I decided, to me, means robbing him of the opportunity to make decisions and learn from them himself), I appointed him as the boss of our relationship. He makes the decisions. He drives the car. He knows I won't pressure him for any of the "next stage" stuff in life, but that I do want marriage and a house some day. Our energy just meshes in the most incredible way. We're always laughing when we're together. We're on the same page spiritually and philosophically. It's challenging sometimes to be patient to let him figure things out on his own, but it also feels good to have faith and know he will. He had a boss that took advantage of him for a while, and it was upsetting, but he finally put his foot down and carved out a new schedule and boundaries. (Currently, he has one painfully immature friend that is driving me crazy eight ways from Sunday.) My boyfriend would move mountains for me. He makes me feel so loved. He supported me in so many ways while I struggled so hard (emotionally, financially, physically) to finish school while managing my life and job at the same time. I've never had someone be there for me the way he is here for me. We both want it to work. He is THE love of my life. If I had to say we had a secret ingredient, it's appreciation for each other. A little bit goes a long way, and it snowballs. I try really hard to let him know I appreciate everything he does for me. He always goes out of his way to make me feel like a queen. About two or three months in, I made the conscious decision to forget about the age difference, and haven't looked back. Ultimately, both people have to be willing to do just that. Love is love, and if your goals align, IMHO, it's too precious to pass up without giving it your best shot. 1
LilaMarie Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Just one piece of advice... IDK if you want to adopt in the future or have biological children. Maybe you are fine with taking a chance, maybe not. I think it's better to make informed decisions than not. So here it goes...If the birth mother is 40 years old the risk of having a child with Down Syndrome is 1 in 100 (see marchofdimes.org)
SugarLips72 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) If she wants kids she needs to do it now. Why don't you 2 discuss kids? Lots of older women have kids with younger guys. She does not have a lot of time for someone else to come along. She probably does not have a couple years to wait. The bio clock is ticking loudly. FYI I am 43 and date younger men all the time. I have kids and I dont want anymore. Plus at my age I don't think I'm very fertile. Younger guys that do not have kids but want them obviously do not work for me. You may not work for her. Her time frame for getting pregnant without a bunch of expensive fertility treatment is rapidly approaching. My sister is 43 and waited too long to get pregnant and she has been unable too even with fertility help. Edited August 14, 2015 by SugarLips72
Author Islander19 Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 I'm almost a decade older than my boyfriend. We've been going strong for a year and a half. We've talked about taking things to the next level when he graduates college. Fortunately, I'm on the fence about kids, and if I do want one, I want to have it late (38ish). We did have generic conversations about the kids issue fairly early on... I wanted him to know I was SERIOUS about not knocking out eight kids next week when we started dating. I didn't want to scare him away. He was also moving an hour away early into the relationship. I asked as soon as I felt emotions forming if he'd be willing to attempt the long distance if things were good (he was). To counterbalance my own fears of coming across like his mom, being too masculine, or controlling... along with my fear of "stealing his youth" (which, I decided, to me, means robbing him of the opportunity to make decisions and learn from them himself), I appointed him as the boss of our relationship. He makes the decisions. He drives the car. He knows I won't pressure him for any of the "next stage" stuff in life, but that I do want marriage and a house some day. Our energy just meshes in the most incredible way. We're always laughing when we're together. We're on the same page spiritually and philosophically. It's challenging sometimes to be patient to let him figure things out on his own, but it also feels good to have faith and know he will. He had a boss that took advantage of him for a while, and it was upsetting, but he finally put his foot down and carved out a new schedule and boundaries. (Currently, he has one painfully immature friend that is driving me crazy eight ways from Sunday.) My boyfriend would move mountains for me. He makes me feel so loved. He supported me in so many ways while I struggled so hard (emotionally, financially, physically) to finish school while managing my life and job at the same time. I've never had someone be there for me the way he is here for me. We both want it to work. He is THE love of my life. If I had to say we had a secret ingredient, it's appreciation for each other. A little bit goes a long way, and it snowballs. I try really hard to let him know I appreciate everything he does for me. He always goes out of his way to make me feel like a queen. About two or three months in, I made the conscious decision to forget about the age difference, and haven't looked back. Ultimately, both people have to be willing to do just that. Love is love, and if your goals align, IMHO, it's too precious to pass up without giving it your best shot. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's good to know these kinds of relationships can work. Obviously the relationship I'm in right now is still in the early stages, but it's nice to know there's hope for us as I really am enjoying being with her.
SugarLips72 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 When it all comes down to it would you rather her have your baby or someone else's? The director of 15 Shades of Grey Sam Taylor Johnson is married to Aaron Taylor Johnson (they took each others last names) and shes 25 years older than him and they have 2 children together.
Vercetti Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 My wife is ten years older. The difference is never noticed. I don't like younger or peers in general. Hah I'm mature or she is less so for age, whatever there is balance. Number is last thing should be worried about. Early dating was hopeful she would be flattered by me being younger...Cause wanted her.
Versacehottie Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I'm almost a decade older than my boyfriend. We've been going strong for a year and a half. We've talked about taking things to the next level when he graduates college. Fortunately, I'm on the fence about kids, and if I do want one, I want to have it late (38ish). We did have generic conversations about the kids issue fairly early on... I wanted him to know I was SERIOUS about not knocking out eight kids next week when we started dating. I didn't want to scare him away. He was also moving an hour away early into the relationship. I asked as soon as I felt emotions forming if he'd be willing to attempt the long distance if things were good (he was). To counterbalance my own fears of coming across like his mom, being too masculine, or controlling... along with my fear of "stealing his youth" (which, I decided, to me, means robbing him of the opportunity to make decisions and learn from them himself), I appointed him as the boss of our relationship. He makes the decisions. He drives the car. He knows I won't pressure him for any of the "next stage" stuff in life, but that I do want marriage and a house some day. Our energy just meshes in the most incredible way. We're always laughing when we're together. We're on the same page spiritually and philosophically. It's challenging sometimes to be patient to let him figure things out on his own, but it also feels good to have faith and know he will. He had a boss that took advantage of him for a while, and it was upsetting, but he finally put his foot down and carved out a new schedule and boundaries. (Currently, he has one painfully immature friend that is driving me crazy eight ways from Sunday.) My boyfriend would move mountains for me. He makes me feel so loved. He supported me in so many ways while I struggled so hard (emotionally, financially, physically) to finish school while managing my life and job at the same time. I've never had someone be there for me the way he is here for me. We both want it to work. He is THE love of my life. If I had to say we had a secret ingredient, it's appreciation for each other. A little bit goes a long way, and it snowballs. I try really hard to let him know I appreciate everything he does for me. He always goes out of his way to make me feel like a queen. About two or three months in, I made the conscious decision to forget about the age difference, and haven't looked back. Ultimately, both people have to be willing to do just that. Love is love, and if your goals align, IMHO, it's too precious to pass up without giving it your best shot. The examples in your cute story are good for couples of any ages and age difference. Just good stuff all around<3 1
Gaeta Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 OP: Up to what age she can have children is very personal to her and her genetic. I know plenty of women that got pregnant by accident in their late 40s. At 47 my gyno told me I am as fertile as a young woman and gave me the go ahead for one last pregnancy (to which I laugh). On the other hand my cousin of 35 had to go through 5 years of fertility before having her 2 children. So when people say it's hard to have children after 35 don't let that bug you. If she wants children she needs to go to her gyno and have her ovaries tested. He can even tell her how many years of good fertility she has left in her.
wb1988 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I personally think she's smoking hot . She's also very active and keeps herself in good shape. None the less, with her being 11 years older she's going to age faster than I will. I've given that some thought and honestly, if we continue to connect on a mental level like we have a few wrinkles or grey hairs aren't going to bother me. Everyone's looks fade eventually, so personality is the most important thing. She's simply just a wonderful person and has been so nice and caring to me, and so fun to hang out with, so I'm not going to let the thought of fading looks get in the way. Wow it sounds like you might be in love Women that are really hot in their 40's are likely to be hot for a long time or even till the day they die — we've all seen 60-70 yo women that we hope to look forward to. Looks doesn't always fade that's just something ugly girls say.
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