OW is being sued

August 21, 2015

Well, we can all agree to disagree. That's the beauty of LS

I do however see some validity in your point, nevertheless if we are to split the hair in four, we'd never get anywhere. One could say that each story is different and so is every affair, at the end of the day.

The husband who claimed that the OW was a free prostitute, now that's a man I'd love to be married to. Most probably the OW was a severely fragile woman psychologically speaking and he availed himself of her state. Really sad and frightening at the same time, that such men exist. Good luck to their wives, they'll need it.

August 21, 2015

Well, we can all agree to disagree. That's the beauty of LS

I do however see some validity in your point, nevertheless if we are to split the hair in four, we'd never get anywhere. One could say that each story is different and so is every affair, at the end of the day.

The husband who claimed that the OW was a free prostitute, now that's a man I'd love to be married to. Most probably the OW was a severely fragile woman psychologically speaking and he availed himself of her state. Really sad and frightening at the same time, that such men exist. Good luck to their wives, they'll need it.

I agree with you about the free prostitute statement.

that makes the mm look

(a) like a jerk who has little respect for women

and

(b) cheap

August 21, 2015

Well, we can all agree to disagree. That's the beauty of LS

I do however see some validity in your point, nevertheless if we are to split the hair in four, we'd never get anywhere. One could say that each story is different and so is every affair, at the end of the day.

The husband who claimed that the OW was a free prostitute, now that's a man I'd love to be married to. Most probably the OW was a severely fragile woman psychologically speaking and he availed himself of her state. Really sad and frightening at the same time, that such men exist. Good luck to their wives, they'll need it.

We are divorcing. It was awful for him to say but that's how he felt. I certainly wasn't going to defend her. And that poor fragile ow moved on to another husband. His bw is suing her, that's who this thread was about.

August 22, 2015

I agree with you about the free prostitute statement.

that makes the mm look
(a) like a jerk who has little respect for women

and

(b) cheap

Yep, he was a jerk. He said they both whored themselves out for cheap validation. I agree.

August 22, 2015

Good grief. I just can't believe it. Thank goodness I live in Europe....

It didn't get anywhere and the criminal investigation would have gotten me some stupid fine. It wasn't the end of the world. It was annoying more than anything else. I was like "you want in my finances? Really?" LoL!

August 22, 2015

And that poor fragile ow moved on to another husband. His bw is suing her, that's who this thread was about.

I am sorry about the difficult times you had to go through, and about the divorce. If you feel better now, then it's more power to you and hopefully things resolved for the best.

If the respective OW moved onto another married man, then she has her own issues to deal with (insecurity, psychological problems, etc.), apart from an obvious poor lack of judgment in choosing partners. I am a former OW myself, but I ended up being a OW because I loved MM and not because it was my hobby to fool around with married men or anything of the sort.

Nevertheless, for a spouse to sue another woman because their husband 1) cheated on them with said woman, 2) obviously found that woman appealing sexually or emotionally or whatever, and 3) because she 'got involved' in her marriage, is ludicrous, degrading and the stupidest thing ever in my opinion.

For the spouse, I mean.

Who on earth would do that, go to a court of law hounding a woman because her husband screwed her? It's just tragic and ridiculous to say the least. Perhaps the BS developed some emotional issues that are clouding her judgment. If that's her way of getting some 'retribution', she should sue her husband, not the OW.

Anyways, I guess it's a matter of opinion and everyone is free to think differently. I apologize if my posts encroach upon the point of this particular thread

August 22, 2015

I think it's ludacris, stupid and degrading to have sex with someone else's spouse. But to each his own right?

August 22, 2015

I think it's ludacris, stupid and degrading to have sex with someone else's spouse. But to each his own right?

It's true, it is degrading to have sex with a married person.

I just can't wrap my mind around this sort of reaction, legally pursuing someone for a 'matter of the heart'. If there have been other ramifications of the affair, such as financial (MM gave money and gifts to the mistress, took her on holidays, hid assets from his family, etc.) then yes, this is a matter to be resolved legally but with the husband, not the recipient of the things and favors he free-willingly bestowed upon her.

It's not the OWs fault in terms of 'faulting' the betrayed spouse. It's the husband's fault, as he is the one who took a commitment with his wife, he engaged himself in a marital contract, he assumed certain responsibilities towards his wife. Not a stranger.

How many men you think stay 100% loyal to their wives throughout a marriage? I believe it's 0. Are spouses to sue every affair, every fling their husband has had?

Perhaps I come from a different culture, but this to me is akin to just lowering your human thinking standards.

August 22, 2015

It's true, it is degrading to have sex with a married person.

I just can't wrap my mind around this sort of reaction, legally pursuing someone for a 'matter of the heart'. If there have been other ramifications of the affair, such as financial (MM gave money and gifts to the mistress, took her on holidays, hid assets from his family, etc.) then yes, this is a matter to be resolved legally but with the husband, not the recipient of the things and favors he free-willingly bestowed upon her.

It's not the OWs fault in terms of 'faulting' the betrayed spouse. It's the husband's fault, as he is the one who took a commitment with his wife, he engaged himself in a marital contract, he assumed certain responsibilities towards his wife. Not a stranger.

How many men you think stay 100% loyal to their wives throughout a marriage? I believe it's 0. Are spouses to sue every affair, every fling their husband has had?

Perhaps I come from a different culture, but this to me is akin to just lowering your human thinking standards.

You shouldn't be shocked that people have a reaction when their whole life is turned upside down. I don't care about the number of men that cheat. I care only about the one that made promises to me. And no, all men don't cheat neither do all women. The ow is not innocent so whatever happens to her happens. Cheating spouses and ow don't lower standards?

August 23, 2015

You shouldn't be shocked that people have a reaction when their whole life is turned upside down. I don't care about the number of men that cheat. I care only about the one that made promises to me. And no, all men don't cheat neither do all women. The ow is not innocent so whatever happens to her happens. Cheating spouses and ow don't lower standards?

perhaps I wasn't clear in my earlier post.

After DDAY, I was ready to sue BOTH my fWH and his OW for half of the marital assets he spent on their affair which she never declined: trips, gifts, dinners, etc.

Humiliation? Give me a break! Nothing is more humiliating than discovering someone you loved and trusted has been lying to you while screwing you. people suspect, even your children, and no one says anything to you, you loving knucklehead.

no different than as an OW, discovering the existence of another OW.

I didn't CARE if I won. I just wanted to hurt those who had hurt me so deeply.

Isn't that what revenge and nuisance suits are all about? I was out of my mind.

I did not. But I certainly understand those who do or want to.

August 23, 2015

I just can't wrap my mind around this sort of reaction, legally pursuing someone for a 'matter of the heart'. If there have been other ramifications of the affair, such as financial (MM gave money and gifts to the mistress, took her on holidays, hid assets from his family, etc.)...

i honestly don't know why you're so incredibly shocked over a betrayed spouse suing their spouse's affair partner - since there are laws that actually allow that (in developed countries, mind you); clearly it didn't seem THAT ridiculous to the... well, folks who made the law in the 1st place.

but seriously - for the life of me, i cannot understand what is so shocking and ridiculous about suing the AP. it's actually perfectly logical.

Not a stranger.

the OW being a stranger doesn't really matter - because strangers can hurt you in a very real way, they don't have to have some kind of commitment to you in order to hurt you or damage you. so the "husband had the commitment, not the other woman!!" argument always fails.

How many men you think stay 100% loyal to their wives throughout a marriage? I believe it's 0.

it's safe to say that your belief is not correct.

August 23, 2015

as it stands now, form what I understand, there could be precedent for a spouse to sue an ow or om for the value or return of gifts that were made form the community property of the marriage. ( depending upon where you live)

I agree with this. I'm not talking about small trinkets hat have little value, but there are some married people who gift large amounts to the om or ow form the marital assets, and I really feel they should have the right to sue the ow or om to get them back.

I could be way off here, but form what I understand, a ws can't gift what isn't wholly their to give, and I;m sorry, but it's hard to believe that a ow or om could be naive to believe that a large gift of cash, jewelry, a trip, property, etc. from a married person is not coming from joint assets.

Edited August 23, 2015 by truncated

August 23, 2015

I think it's ludacris, stupid and degrading to have sex with someone else's spouse. But to each his own right?

Are you talking about the rapper Ludacris or the actual word ludicrous? Assuming you meant the latter it is not ludicrous and has been happening since all of human existence. Why? Because it is natural. Humans like each other. Humans are attracted to each other. Just because we made some arbitrary rule that most of us agree to try and abide by(monogamy) does not change human instinct. It is not ludicrous, it is nature.

August 23, 2015

Are you talking about the rapper Ludacris or the actual word ludicrous? Assuming you meant the latter it is not ludicrous and has been happening since all of human existence. Why? Because it is natural. Humans like each other. Humans are attracted to each other. Just because we made some arbitrary rule that most of us agree to try and abide by(monogamy) does not change human instinct. It is not ludicrous, it is nature.

monogamy (& polygamy) actually aren't a matter of nature - but a choice. cheating also isn't a matter of nature - but again... choice.

and finally - mentioning monogamy & polygamy as an explanation of cheating & affairs never workd because MOST As are, in fact, monogamous (due to the non-existent sexual and romantic relationship at home).

so being with ONE person isn't what's NOT natural to humans - being with one person for their entire life is.

August 23, 2015

Are you talking about the rapper Ludacris or the actual word ludicrous? Assuming you meant the latter it is not ludicrous and has been happening since all of human existence. Why? Because it is natural. Humans like each other. Humans are attracted to each other. Just because we made some arbitrary rule that most of us agree to try and abide by(monogamy) does not change human instinct. It is not ludicrous, it is nature.

Thanks for the correction of my autocorrect. Attraction, totally normal. Cheating, totally cowardly. Don't pretend to want monogamy and then sneak around your partner's back. No one is forced to marry.

August 23, 2015

Thanks for the correction of my autocorrect. Attraction, totally normal. Cheating, totally cowardly. Don't pretend to want monogamy and then sneak around your partner's back. No one is forced to marry.

& also, many do not understand what POLY truly means.

f&cking your spouse + someone else on the side, at the same time?

yeah... that's NOT poly.

August 23, 2015

& also, many do not understand what POLY truly means.

f&cking your spouse + someone else on the side, at the same time?

yeah... that's NOT poly.

Completely agree. Most that mention it don't really want that any way. They want to screw around but want their spouses to be with them only.

August 23, 2015

Are you talking about the rapper Ludacris or the actual word ludicrous? Assuming you meant the latter ....

Rude much? I dont think that was necessary.

August 23, 2015

Are you talking about the rapper Ludacris or the actual word ludicrous? Assuming you meant the latter it is not ludicrous and has been happening since all of human existence. Why? Because it is natural. Humans like each other. Humans are attracted to each other. Just because we made some arbitrary rule that most of us agree to try and abide by(monogamy) does not change human instinct. It is not ludicrous, it is nature.

Funny...I don't really care if lying and breaking promises is "natural." It's still wrong. And people who defend wrong...well, that is a whole other thread....

When you're down to picking on someone's spelling, you really don't have much of an argument...

August 24, 2015

monogamy (& polygamy) actually aren't a matter of nature - but a choice. cheating also isn't a matter of nature - but again... choice.

and finally - mentioning monogamy & polygamy as an explanation of cheating & affairs never workd because MOST As are, in fact, monogamous (due to the non-existent sexual and romantic relationship at home).

so being with ONE person isn't what's NOT natural to humans - being with one person for their entire life is.

You expectation is un-natural. Any one of us can have that expectation. just because one party in the agreement decides it is not for them does not make it invalid. How they handle that decision ticks many people off. That is a valid response. To act like it is the worst thing thing that can happen to you is a bit overboard. "My spouse had an emotional affair, they slept with someone else." In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean jack. It doesn't make them broken. It makes them seeking out what is natural. What matters is the relationship you have with your significant other.

August 24, 2015

You expectation is un-natural. Any one of us can have that expectation. just because one party in the agreement decides it is not for them does not make it invalid. How they handle that decision ticks many people off. That is a valid response. To act like it is the worst thing thing that can happen to you is a bit overboard. "My spouse had an emotional affair, they slept with someone else." In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean jack. It doesn't make them broken. It makes them seeking out what is natural. What matters is the relationship you have with your significant other.

In which case the relationship with the significant other should be 'open' so that everything is, as you say, 'natural' without the deceit, no?

Then that surely means everyone knows that everyone is screwing each other and there's no problem! .

To the vast majority (unless you really have not been truly reading here) the painful and devastating discovery of infidelity IS the worst thing, and DOES 'mean jack'.

August 24, 2015

You expectation is un-natural. Any one of us can have that expectation. just because one party in the agreement decides it is not for them does not make it invalid. How they handle that decision ticks many people off. That is a valid response. To act like it is the worst thing thing that can happen to you is a bit overboard. "My spouse had an emotional affair, they slept with someone else." In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean jack. It doesn't make them broken. It makes them seeking out what is natural. What matters is the relationship you have with your significant other.

Good one

So,according to you,Emotional Abuse is O.K.,especially in the name of love

August 24, 2015

You expectation is un-natural.

again -- mono & poly aren't a matter of human nature. it's a CHOICE.

people, in a very misguided attempt to somehow explain affairs with human nature, usually claim that folks cheat because we aren't naturally monogamous - however, that's completely incorrect.

in fact, according to the most recent scientific researches -- our nature is far more mono than poly -- most of us can be romantically IN love with only one person at a time + the fact that poly type of societies NEVER worked out speaks volumes. in human nature is to be possessive & jealous, after all -- it had ALWAYS been that way. that should also tell you just how NOTpoly we are in our nature.

why did we "adapt" mono as a socially acceptable lifestyle...? because it's a lifestyle that protects our species the most (considering the fact that human children grow and develop the slowest out of all other species). it benefits our species & our development much more than any other poly lifestyle.

it's always funny when i see someone bring up mono & poly arguments to explain CHEATING - in reality, in most cases... when people cheat, they are very mono with their affair partner (for that period) & when they leave their spouse for their affair partner = they leave one MONO relationship & enter another MONO relationship. usually, when folks fall in love with their AP - they fall OUT of love with their spouses & that relationship goes south. the fact that there are RARELY folks out there who can balance both M relationship and an A relationship also tells you that most are NOT poly at all.

so no... seeking out affairs is really not in our nature. at all.

is it unreasonable to expect that one will be married to the same person for 40 years & stay faithful...? probably. but human nature has nothing to do with it.

To act like it is the worst thing thing that can happen to you is a bit overboard. "My spouse had an emotional affair, they slept with someone else." In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean jack.

you're trying to minimize the pain of a BS by comparing it to the "grand scheme" of things.

relationship wise -- affairs are one of the worst things that can happen to a couple. those couples who don't think affairs & broken trust as a consequence aren't all that important...? if you look closer -- you'll see that they are in a very fragile & superficial relationship already. there is nothing "worthy" in those relationship - and with that, nothing can be "broken" by an affair to begin with.

life wise - sure, there are far worse things that can happen. and in LIFE, in general... sure, infidelity doesn't look that bad when compared to diseases, wars & death. but when a BS finds out about an affair - to them, at that point, it absolutely IS the worst thing that could have happened. affairs also have a great impact in children's lives (depends on the situation) - so it's absolutely ridiculous to claim that it doesn't mean "jack" in some "grand scheme" of things. in real life -- it means a whole lot.

we all have our crosses to bear and to some, infidelity will absolutely be the biggest one.

August 24, 2015

I find it ludicrous how those in affairs are so quick to defend them.

It is unimaginable to them that their AP, their soul mate could ever be cheating or chatting up other potential APs....

And the disdain they have for their BSs just bleeds through their posts to all BSs.

Sad really how transparent it is.

I never had a problem with monogamy. I found it very natural, safe, strengthening AND exciting.

I think of the old adage, and I believe it applies to relationships too: IF you are bored, you must be boring.

August 24, 2015

You expectation is un-natural. Any one of us can have that expectation. just because one party in the agreement decides it is not for them does not make it invalid. How they handle that decision ticks many people off. That is a valid response. To act like it is the worst thing thing that can happen to you is a bit overboard. "My spouse had an emotional affair, they slept with someone else." In the grand scheme of things it doesn't mean jack. It doesn't make them broken. It makes them seeking out what is natural. What matters is the relationship you have with your significant other.

By it's very nature an affair means lying and deception, even if just by omission. If it doesn't involve those things, it;s an open marriage.

It's says a lot about a person if they think that "doesn't mean jack".

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