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OW is being sued

purplesorrow

By purplesorrow
in Infidelity

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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It will never go to trial. I think it's normal for you to feel as you are.

 

If you are speaking about AoA and how it progresses through the court I can give you a bit of insight into the process. It's essentially a damages action to the court.

 

We see it go to court often here. There are a couple lawyers that specialize in it. They win for millions that the offending parties are never able to pay.

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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This is it

 

If you have kids remember this is a civil action which is a matter of public record and usually picked up by the newspaper.

 

It costs about $8,000 to $15,000 to retain counsel who is competent at winning AoA and/or CC actions. Unless OW is very affluent, there is nothing to be gained because it is a damages action. Is it worth about $10k plus to humiliate WS and AP in public? That would be up to the individual and it doesn't seem PurpleSorrow wants that.

 

Money is not an issue for this bw so maybe it is worth it to her. Sometimes they piss off the wrong one.

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NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

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We see it go to court often here. There are a couple lawyers that specialize in it. They win for millions that the offending parties are never able to pay.

 

Hi PurpleSorrow. Please don't say your state but if it is North Carolina, 150 to 200 of these cases get filed every year and less than 3% ever go to trial. Even in high stake $$ cases think of John Edwards the politician, his BW was initially awarded $9M which got overturned in Superior Court to a pain and suffering award of circa $150,000. The wider ripple was the destruction of their children and the now ex Mrs Edwards said in hindsight she never would have pursued it, not only did it coat her more in legal fees than the actual award amount, the impact on her children still affects them all.

 

To your point, if a BS files such an action ( which not only costs the BS money) it ties the BS to the past and prevents them moving on. If the WS is with AP and AP has no money, the possibility that WS will try to help out financially which will impact the divorce action settlement. Why? Once WS moves out (separate and apart or separation of bed and board) the earnings of WS are not part of the marital estate. If the action was about money, I'd instead file a change in circumstances motion to get more alimony.

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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Hi PurpleSorrow. Please don't say your state but if it is North Carolina, 150 to 200 of these cases get filed every year and less than 3% ever go to trial. Even in high stake $$ cases think of John Edwards the politician, his BW was initially awarded $9M which got overturned in Superior Court to a pain and suffering award of circa $150,000. The wider ripple was the destruction of their children and the now ex Mrs Edwards said in hindsight she never would have pursued it, not only did it coat her more in legal fees than the actual award amount, the impact on her children still affects them all.

 

To your point, if a BS files such an action ( which not only costs the BS money) it ties the BS to the past and prevents them moving on. If the WS is with AP and AP has no money, the possibility that WS will try to help out financially which will impact the divorce action settlement. Why? Once WS moves out (separate and apart or separation of bed and board) the earnings of WS are not part of the marital estate. If the action was about money, I'd instead file a change in circumstances motion to get more alimony.

 

I can't say why this woman is pushing forward. But I hope she gets what she wants from it.

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NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

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Money is not an issue for this bw so maybe it is worth it to her. Sometimes they piss off the wrong one.

 

Possibly, but as you mention in an earlier post, what good is a judgment on an OW who can't pay? The downsides

 

BS spends money

WS gets humiliated (and ruins any possibility of reconciliation)

BS is known by her community as the one who got left for someone else

If there are children they know one of their parents is morally bankrupt

AP gets humiliated

AP potentially goes bankrupt

If AP has children they get humiliated too

(Potential backfire AP & WS bind together)

 

 

Benefits (possibly)

BS gets to show the world AP is a cheater

BS shows the world WS is a cheater

Possible monetary judgement

( possible backfire WS company fires him/her due to ethics or negative press. BS then receives less alimony)

 

It all comes down to what BS would like to get out of filing the action.

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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Possibly, but as you mention in an earlier post, what good is a judgment on an OW who can't pay? The downsides

 

BS spends money

WS gets humiliated (and ruins any possibility of reconciliation)

BS is known by her community as the one who got left for someone else

If there are children they know one of their parents is morally bankrupt

AP gets humiliated

AP potentially goes bankrupt

If AP has children they get humiliated too

(Potential backfire AP & WS bind together)

 

 

Benefits (possibly)

BS gets to show the world AP is a cheater

BS shows the world WS is a cheater

Possible monetary judgement

( possible backfire WS company fires him/her due to ethics or negative press. BS then receives less alimony)

 

It all comes down to what BS would like to get out of filing the action.

 

Yes, those are my feelings, not the one who is suing. I don't know what she hopes to gain but I do hope she gets it. Two families now destroyed.

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NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

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Yes, those are my feelings, not the one who is suing. I don't know what she hopes to gain but I do hope she gets it. Two families now destroyed.

 

You are a wise and generous person. You will inspire others

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autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

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The idea that you are complacent because you didn't drag you hubby into court and that you ddidnt want to subject your kids to crap (yeah yeah....it was the WS who cheated but YOU chose to care more about them).....is laughable. This is your life, not a crusade or a plan. You have done what is best for YOU. Bravo for thinking instead of blindly reacting.

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understand50 Established Member

understand50

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The idea that you are complacent because you didn't drag you hubby into court and that you ddidnt want to subject your kids to crap (yeah yeah....it was the WS who cheated but YOU chose to care more about them).....is laughable. This is your life, not a crusade or a plan. You have done what is best for YOU. Bravo for thinking instead of blindly reacting.

 

You are divorcing him, what more do people want you to do.......

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VeryBrokenMan Established Member

VeryBrokenMan

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Another bw is suing the ow my stbx had his affair with. I live in one of the states with alienation of affection laws. On our dday she talked about what a good person she was. How she had never done this before and would never again. Part of me feels sorry for her, how humiliating. But a very small part feels she deserves it. Does this mean I harbor Ill will towards her? I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone. Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

 

I'd not only go, I'd take popcorn. ;)

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Artie Lang Established Member

Artie Lang

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Posted (edited)
2 People did wrong to the BW

 

i realize that, but if this is what this woman needs to move on- taking her to court -then so be it.

Edited by Artie Lang
NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

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i realize that, but if this is what this woman needs to move on- taking her to court -then so be it.

 

 

was there a post saying the OW hadn't moved on?

 

 

The OW could also bring suit and a counter action in this. It's a legal and emotional disaster area for all. Not advised.

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Redheaded Mistress Established Member

Redheaded Mistress

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Possibly, but as you mention in an earlier post, what good is a judgment on an OW who can't pay? The downsides

 

BS spends money

WS gets humiliated (and ruins any possibility of reconciliation)

BS is known by her community as the one who got left for someone else

If there are children they know one of their parents is morally bankrupt

AP gets humiliated

AP potentially goes bankrupt

If AP has children they get humiliated too

(Potential backfire AP & WS bind together)

 

 

Benefits (possibly)

BS gets to show the world AP is a cheater

BS shows the world WS is a cheater

Possible monetary judgement

( possible backfire WS company fires him/her due to ethics or negative press. BS then receives less alimony)

 

It all comes down to what BS would like to get out of filing the action.

 

Or the OW days "game on" and drags you through the mud during the process too.

 

Or there is no financial settlement awarded to the BS.

 

Or the inevitable countersuit by the OW results in the BS having to pay out to the OW.

 

Or your suit is rejected by the courts.

 

There's a lot that goes into these suits. Like I said, I got served with a notice of suit and I suspect the BW thought I'd panic and take off or she'd make money off of me thanks to a huge settlement I'd gotten... But I sent back a notice of countersuit for like 5 things and outlined just exactly how I'd drag her though the mud too.. And that was it.

 

There's a lot to lose potentially in these things.

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Sweet Workaholic Member

Sweet Workaholic

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"Is like burning down your house to get rid of the mice." The damage it does to ourselves is far worse than what we inflict on the revengee. Bad people are, in fact, their own worst punishment.

 

No human could avoid feeling that she deserves it (she does) and a little appreciation of her getting what she deserves. Enjoy that small gratification and move on (as you are).

 

I predict if you take time and energy to go to the trial, you will feel yourself (very slightly) cheapened. Your heart is too big to take gratification in another's (however justified) comeuppance.

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NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

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"Is like burning down your house to get rid of the mice." The damage it does to ourselves is far worse than what we inflict on the revengee. Bad people are, in fact, their own worst punishment.

 

No human could avoid feeling that she deserves it (she does) and a little appreciation of her getting what she deserves. Enjoy that small gratification and move on (as you are).

 

I predict if you take time and energy to go to the trial, you will feel yourself (very slightly) cheapened. Your heart is too big to take gratification in another's (however justified) comeuppance.

 

 

Very erudite and well written.

  • Like 1
NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

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Or the OW days "game on" and drags you through the mud during the process too.

 

Or there is no financial settlement awarded to the BS.

 

Or the inevitable countersuit by the OW results in the BS having to pay out to the OW.

 

Or your suit is rejected by the courts.

 

There's a lot that goes into these suits. Like I said, I got served with a notice of suit and I suspect the BW thought I'd panic and take off or she'd make money off of me thanks to a huge settlement I'd gotten... But I sent back a notice of countersuit for like 5 things and outlined just exactly how I'd drag her though the mud too.. And that was it.

 

There's a lot to lose potentially in these things.

 

 

Very interesting post. As a Barrister if you don't mind sharing, were you served with just an AoA or a CC (criminal conversation) as well?

 

 

where was the AP during this? Was the AP with you, with BS, or neither? I am barred in a few states in America none of which has this ridiculous law. Interestingly of all the AoA cases filed in the states that have it, I believe circa 70% are filed against OW. That is surprising as it is typically OM who has more money.

Sub Established Member

Sub

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There's a lot to lose potentially in these things.

 

True, but if the BW in this case has already lost her M, and her family's been uprooted, all the other losses may pale in comparison. It obviously depends on the individual, but she may give zero f**ks about not getting a settlement, or the suit being rejected.

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Cressida Established Member

Cressida

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So you let her get away with it, you said you didn't want to harm her kid....SHE is the one doing the harm, not you, and it looks like that's gonna happen now anyway. I would have exposed her to everyone, she deserves all she gets. She has no issues with taking a MM does she? She should accept the fall out that she creates.

 

But as for your question, I wouldn't go either.

 

 

The woman has a child, for goodness' sake. Have a little compassion you, those who take the moral highway.

 

She TOOK a MM? was MM a minor, underage, she threatened him, dragged him, forced him, put a gun to his head? It isn't just the woman's fault, you know. It's the MM who has the wedding ring on his finger, not the OW. HE should be the one to protect his wife and his marriage, not a stranger.

 

You would have exposed her? Would you have also exposed your husband if this was your case? Or just the 'harlot' who 'seduced' the poor little innocent loving hubby?

 

You sound like a BS version of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, no offense here :lmao::D

  • Like 4
understand50 Established Member

understand50

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Posted
The woman has a child, for goodness' sake. Have a little compassion you, those who take the moral highway.

 

She TOOK a MM? was MM a minor, underage, she threatened him, dragged him, forced him, put a gun to his head? It isn't just the woman's fault, you know. It's the MM who has the wedding ring on his finger, not the OW. HE should be the one to protect his wife and his marriage, not a stranger.

 

You would have exposed her? Would you have also exposed your husband if this was your case? Or just the 'harlot' who 'seduced' the poor little innocent loving hubby?

 

You sound like a BS version of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, no offense here :lmao::D

 

Look, it was the husband that engaged in the affair. He has lost his wife, they are divorcing. Seems like he has paid. As for the OW, sometime revenge, is just not worth the energy from you life.

Cressida Established Member

Cressida

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Absolutely, i was only replying to that aggressive comment about the OW and husband....whether the OW is in legal trouble or not, she has a child and any woes she might be involved in might lead to serious problems for the kid.

 

Secondly, it's this attitude of perfect contempt and hatred and despise for the OW (the poster i quoted even said that she would have 'dragged her ass through coal' or something of the sort, whatever that means), and that the OW 'took' a husband away, as if he's a mindless creature to be lured away by the voracious carnivore that the OW is.

 

I perfectly understand that for a BS there's a lot of pain and anger associated with the cheating, but any cheated wife should first direct these feelings towards her husband and not just the woman. OWs range from paid prostitutes and escorts to office flings, online affairs, shags and one night stands to short-term sex-based affairs and full-blown relations that last months, sometimes years. They are strangers to the spouse and her marriage, but her husband isn't.

 

It seems that we still live in the 15th century, a man being 'a man' and doing 'what men do', while women are vilified and chased with tar and feathers for having 'spread their legs' in front of a married man. Yes, their behavior is not the best, and I know being a former OW myself. However, to a BS her husband is the main culprit as he is the one who should have protected his commitment to his wife. What on earth, seriously now.

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ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

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Absolutely, i was only replying to that aggressive comment about the OW and husband....whether the OW is in legal trouble or not, she has a child and any woes she might be involved in might lead to serious problems for the kid.

 

Secondly, it's this attitude of perfect contempt and hatred and despise for the OW (the poster i quoted even said that she would have 'dragged her ass through coal' or something of the sort, whatever that means), and that the OW 'took' a husband away, as if he's a mindless creature to be lured away by the voracious carnivore that the OW is.

 

I perfectly understand that for a BS there's a lot of pain and anger associated with the cheating, but any cheated wife should first direct these feelings towards her husband and not just the woman. OWs range from paid prostitutes and escorts to office flings, online affairs, shags and one night stands to short-term sex-based affairs and full-blown relations that last months, sometimes years. They are strangers to the spouse and her marriage, but her husband isn't.

 

It seems that we still live in the 15th century, a man being 'a man' and doing 'what men do', while women are vilified and chased with tar and feathers for having 'spread their legs' in front of a married man. Yes, their behavior is not the best, and I know being a former OW myself. However, to a BS her husband is the main culprit as he is the one who should have protected his commitment to his wife. What on earth, seriously now.

 

It depends how early out from Dday she is. A lot of BS's want to believe their WS and what they spew after Dday so the OW does essentially become the enemy. With time hopefully she will realize it is the WS. It took me a little bit of time to realize this :o but now I know my WS is ultimately to blame. It's misdirected anger, similar to the misdirected anger OW feels towards the BS.

  • Like 2
truncated Established Member

truncated

Posted
Posted
Absolutely, i was only replying to that aggressive comment about the OW and husband....whether the OW is in legal trouble or not, she has a child and any woes she might be involved in might lead to serious problems for the kid.

 

Secondly, it's this attitude of perfect contempt and hatred and despise for the OW (the poster i quoted even said that she would have 'dragged her ass through coal' or something of the sort, whatever that means), and that the OW 'took' a husband away, as if he's a mindless creature to be lured away by the voracious carnivore that the OW is.

 

I perfectly understand that for a BS there's a lot of pain and anger associated with the cheating, but any cheated wife should first direct these feelings towards her husband and not just the woman. OWs range from paid prostitutes and escorts to office flings, online affairs, shags and one night stands to short-term sex-based affairs and full-blown relations that last months, sometimes years. They are strangers to the spouse and her marriage, but her husband isn't.

 

It seems that we still live in the 15th century, a man being 'a man' and doing 'what men do', while women are vilified and chased with tar and feathers for having 'spread their legs' in front of a married man. Yes, their behavior is not the best, and I know being a former OW myself. However, to a BS her husband is the main culprit as he is the one who should have protected his commitment to his wife. What on earth, seriously now.

 

This post smacks of the double standard that has been applied to affairs for some time.

 

While I agree that the mm should be held accountable for the pain he causes his wife and family, so should the ow.

 

Just as it's time to get rid of the stereotype of the mm who is not responsible for his actions because "he is just doing what men do", it's also time to get rid of the stereotype of the defenseless, doe eyed ow who is led down the path of evil by the sneaky, seductive mm. So long as women continue to see themselves as helpless to withstand a man's advances and to just say "no", they give away their power over their own lives and happiness.

 

Both mm and ow are adults, and unless they both just fell off the turnip truck, they both knew about affairs and the pain and heartache they cause for all involved. One can hardly go on line, turn on the tv or pick up a magazine without seeing infidelity discussed.

 

As to the ow's child, yes, that child should be taken into consideration, but again, that old double standard tears its ugly head. the bs is expected to have consideration for the ow child, yet where was that same care and consideration for her children? Why is the ow not expected to avoid the affair in the first place because it could be hurtful to the bs kids? Why are excuses made? Why is the old chestnut of " not my marriage/ not my responsibility" trotted out in one situation but not the other?

 

The fallout to the ow child is because of her choices, just as the fallout for the bs kids are because of her ws.

 

The pain to the children is due to the affair even happening in the first place.hat horse has left the barn and for either the mm or the ow to claim it's the bs who is hurting the kids is pretty disingenuous.

  • Like 9
ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

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Just as it's time to get rid of the stereotype of the mm who is not responsible for his actions because "he is just doing what men do", it's also time to get rid of the stereotype of the defenseless, doe eyed ow who is led down the path of evil by the sneaky, seductive mm. So long as women continue to see themselves as helpless to withstand a man's advances and to just say "no", they give away their power over their own lives and happiness.

 

Totally agree! I'm getting tired of seeing this too. It really gets old after awhile.:rolleyes:

  • Like 8
NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

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The woman has a child, for goodness' sake. Have a little compassion you, those who take the moral highway.

 

She TOOK a MM? was MM a minor, underage, she threatened him, dragged him, forced him, put a gun to his head? It isn't just the woman's fault, you know. It's the MM who has the wedding ring on his finger, not the OW. HE should be the one to protect his wife and his marriage, not a stranger.

 

You would have exposed her? Would you have also exposed your husband if this was your case? Or just the 'harlot' who 'seduced' the poor little innocent loving hubby?

 

You sound like a BS version of Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, no offense here :lmao::D

 

 

In an AoA action, the MM is also exposed as a cheater. basically if there are kids I really do not advise this. In fact I don't advise it at all, but people have to make personal decisions

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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In an AoA action, the MM is also exposed as a cheater. basically if there are kids I really do not advise this. In fact I don't advise it at all, but people have to make personal decisions

 

I do not advise the affair.

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