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OW is being sued

purplesorrow

By purplesorrow
in Infidelity

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ladydesigner Established Member

ladydesigner

Posted
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Another bw is suing the ow my stbx had his affair with. I live in one of the states with alienation of affection laws. On our dday she talked about what a good person she was. How she had never done this before and would never again. Part of me feels sorry for her, how humiliating. But a very small part feels she deserves it. Does this mean I harbor Ill will towards her? I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone. Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

 

Wow she hasn't had enough yet eh? :rolleyes:

 

I'm sure this experience is going to be a rude awakening for her.

 

I wouldn't go to court, keep on with your bad self purplesorrow you are truly a shero (because you are female:laugh:) I have admired your strength and dignity throughout your ordeal.

  • Like 2
TrustedthenBusted Established Member

TrustedthenBusted

Posted
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Not only would I go to the trial, everytime the plaintifs's lawyer said anything, I'd try to get the jury to stand up and do the wave until they threatened me with contempt.

  • Like 1
sidney2718 Established Member

sidney2718

Posted
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You should file your own suit. Pile the karma on.

 

I'd think twice about this. By filing suit, you tell the entire world what your husband did. It will be there in public forever. And what do you gain by this? It isn't as if she's going to steal your husband.

 

I think a good rule is to do only that which benefits you and your marriage. Let the rest go.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I get a strange sense that you aren't really divorcing your H. Would going to the trial make you really divorce him?

 

If it will help you in the other way by having someone other than your H take all the blame so you can stay with him, then going might be good.

Edited by Popsicle
MJJean Established Member

MJJean

Posted
Posted
Another bw is suing the ow my stbx had his affair with. I live in one of the states with alienation of affection laws. On our dday she talked about what a good person she was. How she had never done this before and would never again. Part of me feels sorry for her, how humiliating. But a very small part feels she deserves it. Does this mean I harbor Ill will towards her? I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone. Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

 

If it was me, I'd be testifying on the behalf of the other BS, if she needed me to, in order to help establish a pattern of the OW's behavior or something.

 

But I do understand the view of those who just want to move on.

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

Posted
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I get a strange sense that you aren't really divorcing your H. Would going to the trial make you really divorce him?

 

If it will help you in the other way by having someone other than your H take all the blame so you can stay with him, then going might be good.

 

How ridiculous! It is his fault. He is the one I was married to. We haven't lived together in over two years. We are just waiting for our final papers so your feelings are completely wrong. Going to trial has no benefits for me nor my kid. If I wanted to stay, I would. I don't need some silly mind tricks to do so.

  • Like 5
sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

Posted
Posted
I get a strange sense that you aren't really divorcing your H. Would going to the trial make you really divorce him?

 

If it will help you in the other way by having someone other than your H take all the blame so you can stay with him, then going might be good.

 

Pop

 

I've noticed you tend to have view that no BW divorces.......but so many do. That's where all the visitation, custody and split of finances comes in. Cheating is a dealbreaker for many and no second chances are given.

  • Like 2
Rainbowlove Established Member

Rainbowlove

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Posted (edited)
She has no issues with taking a MM does she?

 

First, no one takes a person, the person (WS) goes on their own free will.

 

Second, retaliation doesn't make anything right.

 

If she felt it was the right thing to do to not expose her, that's her call. You do what's right for you. She did what was right for her.

Edited by Rainbowlove
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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
Pop

 

I've noticed you tend to have view that no BW divorces.......but so many do. That's where all the visitation, custody and split of finances comes in. Cheating is a dealbreaker for many and no second chances are given.

 

Most stay though. Few divorce. And visitation, custody and spit of finances happen in divorces even without infidelity. Like mine.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

Posted
Posted
How ridiculous! It is his fault. He is the one I was married to. We haven't lived together in over two years. We are just waiting for our final papers so your feelings are completely wrong. Going to trial has no benefits for me nor my kid. If I wanted to stay, I would. I don't need some silly mind tricks to do so.

 

If you actually filed and went to trial, then I commend you.

 

I wouldn't bother with OW anymore then. Leave it in the past.

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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If you actually filed and went to trial, then I commend you.

 

I wouldn't bother with OW anymore then. Leave it in the past.

 

I must put being commended by Popsicle on my bucket list.

  • Like 4
Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Posted
I must put being commended by Popsicle on my bucket list.

 

I'm guessing this is sarcasm? Hard to tell on the internet.

AlwaysGrowing Established Member

AlwaysGrowing

Posted
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I get a strange sense that you aren't really divorcing your H. Would going to the trial make you really divorce him?

 

If it will help you in the other way by having someone other than your H take all the blame so you can stay with him, then going might be good.

 

Are WS not capable of change? Can they not also garner any life lessons and become a better version of themselves? Is there not one WS who has remorse?

 

And how exactly would the OP be placing all the blame on "someone" else? How exactly does the lawsuit against the OW from a different BW....say one darn thing about PurpleSorrow?

  • Like 1
Artie Lang Established Member

Artie Lang

Posted
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if you're divorcing and are well past what has happened to you, going to court to watch this unfold is pointless- just move.

 

i'm a little curious as to why you brought the subject up in the first place, if you truly are past this, though. maybe subconsciously, this affair still holds some headspace. just an observation.

 

 

as to the bw, if this is her decision- to pursue "alienation of affection -that is her right. i don't think it malicious or that she's acting out of revenge. she's using everything at her disposal to right a wrong that has been done to her.

 

"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."- complacency was not an option for her it seems.

Edited by Artie Lang
lollipopspot Established Member

lollipopspot

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Those 'alienation of affection' laws seem awfully archaic. I would have nothing to do with it - well, maybe I'd consider it if I thought there would be a big payday, but that's greed talking, not that I think it's legally or morally right.

 

The law allowing such legal action dates back to antiquated times when a wife was considered the property of a husband. A broken-hearted hubby could go after his wife's lover -- not with a gun, but with the law.

 

In modern times, the suits are filed for two reasons: money and revenge.

Beware cheaters: Your lover's spouse can sue you - CNN.com

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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

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if you're divorcing and are well past what has happened to you, going to court to watch this unfold is pointless- just move.

 

i'm a little curious as to why you brought the subject up in the first place, if you truly are past this, though. maybe subconsciously, this affair still holds some headspace. just an observation.

 

 

as to the bw, if this is her decision- to pursue "alienation of affection -that is her right. i don't think it malicious or that she's acting out of revenge. she's using everything at her disposal to right a wrong that has been done to her.

 

"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."- complacency was not an option for her it seems.

 

So in your opinion I was complacent because I wanted to protect my kid? And it isn't on a subconscious level. The affair hurt and on some levels still does. I'm still waiting on the divorce it caused to be over. Forgive me if I haven't healed on your time table. Thanks for the observation.

  • Like 1
Artie Lang Established Member

Artie Lang

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Posted (edited)

like i said, it's just an observation. you opened the thread, not me... i'm just responding to it. you can interpret it however you'd like.

 

the fact that you asked for opinions about whether one should attend such a trial, says to me that you still have an interest in what happens to the OW. that's all i'm sayin'.

 

were you at any point thinking about attending? that's the question you should be asking yourself?

Edited by Artie Lang
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purplesorrow Established Member

purplesorrow

Posted
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No, I wouldn't go. What's wrong with asking others who have been through the same thing if they would?

goodyblue Established Member

goodyblue

Posted
Posted
No, I wouldn't go. What's wrong with asking others who have been through the same thing if they would?

 

Omg. It is natural curiosity to wonder what would happen at such a trial. I can understand. I'd be dying to know.

 

If you decide not to go but want to know the outcome, it is public record, you could find out through the courts if you decided to. That way you don't have to feel like a lookieloo.

 

Hang in there. <3

  • Like 1
sweet_pea Established Member

sweet_pea

Posted
Posted
Another bw is suing the ow my stbx had his affair with. I live in one of the states with alienation of affection laws. On our dday she talked about what a good person she was. How she had never done this before and would never again. Part of me feels sorry for her, how humiliating. But a very small part feels she deserves it. Does this mean I harbor Ill will towards her? I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone. Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

 

Nah, I don't think it means you harbor ill will towards her. Just means you're human. I honestly wouldn't feel very bad for her. It's one of those "actions, meet consequences" kind of things, especially if she's a "serial" other woman.

 

Personally, I probably wouldn't go to trial just because it wasn't my situation but that doesn't mean I wouldn't be curious to find out what happened!

NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

Posted
Posted
Another bw is suing the ow my stbx had his affair with. I live in one of the states with alienation of affection laws. On our dday she talked about what a good person she was. How she had never done this before and would never again. Part of me feels sorry for her, how humiliating. But a very small part feels she deserves it. Does this mean I harbor Ill will towards her? I thought I was pretty neutral after she finally left me alone. Would you go and watch if it goes to trial?

 

It will never go to trial. I think it's normal for you to feel as you are.

 

If you are speaking about AoA and how it progresses through the court I can give you a bit of insight into the process. It's essentially a damages action to the court.

NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

Posted
Posted
To show what she did would also show what he did. I didn't want my kid to know and certainly not to find out in such a public way. My ex is remorseful and has done a lot of work on himself.

 

This is it

 

If you have kids remember this is a civil action which is a matter of public record and usually picked up by the newspaper.

 

It costs about $8,000 to $15,000 to retain counsel who is competent at winning AoA and/or CC actions. Unless OW is very affluent, there is nothing to be gained because it is a damages action. Is it worth about $10k plus to humiliate WS and AP in public? That would be up to the individual and it doesn't seem PurpleSorrow wants that.

  • Like 1
NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

Posted
Posted
Not only would I go to the trial, everytime the plaintifs's lawyer said anything, I'd try to get the jury to stand up and do the wave until they threatened me with contempt.

 

I can understand the hurt and anger in your post. I'm sorry you are in pain.

NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

Posted
Posted
if you're divorcing and are well past what has happened to you, going to court to watch this unfold is pointless- just move.

 

i'm a little curious as to why you brought the subject up in the first place, if you truly are past this, though. maybe subconsciously, this affair still holds some headspace. just an observation.

 

 

as to the bw, if this is her decision- to pursue "alienation of affection -that is her right. i don't think it malicious or that she's acting out of revenge. she's using everything at her disposal to right a wrong that has been done to her.

 

"All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing."- complacency was not an option for her it seems.

 

2 People did wrong to the BW

  • Like 2
NewLeaf512 Established Member

NewLeaf512

Posted
Posted
I get a strange sense that you aren't really divorcing your H. Would going to the trial make you really divorce him?

 

If it will help you in the other way by having someone other than your H take all the blame so you can stay with him, then going might be good.

 

Popsicle just re the law, a BS is not able to bring an AoA or a CC case if WS & BS stay married.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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