Amas5750 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I feel like I'm floating in space, I can't believe I could feel this way or have this vantage point. My life truly sucks. I'm so shocked at how bad my subjective experience is of my life for the last 6 months. I had a divorce in January then an intense rebound relationship that ended too. My life is unbelievably lonely now. I never knew anything like this feeling before. I lost all confidence and hope. I truly think I have lost the will to live. I know that sounds dramatic; but I feel my life so painful. All day long I work with pregnant happy patients (I'm a nurse). All my colleagues and friends are happily married or partnered. All my sisters too. It's so isolating this experience. I'm so angry I work sooo hard at work and try to not feel resentful that everyone else has what I have I cry literally every day. I don't find anything enjoyable because I keep obsessing over how unfair I got treated in my marriage/rebound. I am a VERY good person. I am usually BERy kind and compassionate and help my fellow humans 100%. I've never done anything wrong; why has MY life turned into a hot pile of ****???? I feel like u cannot see any future I feel like (some) people have lost patience with my grief I feel like I might never be normal again. I hate this stage of my life. I never had these feelings in my entire life before. Will I ever be happy? I feel physically gutted sometimes. I feel like a ****ing spaceman or something; out of touch, out in orbit. I'm also angry at times How DARE this happen to me. I don't deserve it How on EARTH will I ever feel better. I feel hopeless and helpless. Do you think it's depression or for real I should feel this way.
SammySammy Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I view my life differently. I don't compare myself to other people. I don't feel bad when they seemingly have things I don't have. I'm happy because I choose to be happy. I can understand others getting impatient with your grief. I can imagine that victim mentality - hopeless, helpless and your life is going to be forever terrible - is quite draining on even the people who love you most. It's an inaccurate view of the world. The truth of the matter is you're not hopeless. You're not helpless. You're not going to be miserable forever - unless you decide to be. Happiness. Self-worth. Self-esteem. Positive self-image. All of those things come from inside a person. You're the only person who should determine if you have them. Take that power away from other people and outside events. Reclaim your power and decide you're going to be happy, healthy, positive and uplifting no matter what life throws at you. That's when you're most powerful. 3
Satu Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I think you need to fully feel and process your anger. Working with anger in a healthy way is very healing and empowering. It leaves you feeling fresh and clean inside. ******************************************************** Leaving anger aside for a moment, here is a clip from my journal: If you feel OK: You look at the past, and the past looks OK. If you feel bad: You look at the past, and the past looks bad. If you feel OK: You imagine the future, and the future looks OK. If you feel bad: You imagine the future, and the future looks bad. What that means, is that you have to find ways of making yourself feel OK in the present. One way of looking at things is to look at life as consisting of frustrations and satisfactions. You have frustrations in your life and some of them can't be made to go away right now. So what you have to do is add satisfactions. Do things that make you feel good Go to places that make you feel good. Spend time with people that make you feel good. Read books that make you feel good. Listen to music that makes you feel good. Do exercise that makes you feel good. Watch movies that make you feel good. And so on, and so on, and so on. Build a list of things that make you feel good, and do them. Take care. 2
casey.lives Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) people are selfish and will choose what they want over anything else, at any cost. it is a perpetually anger sad realization. it only leaves materialism and vaintiy as a source of life. for someone who knows that things are things and beauty is a cherry but not the ice cream... it leaves one crazily desperate and starving. life seems vapid. hunger over time makes u angry and sad. Edited August 13, 2015 by casey.lives 1
seasickpeeve Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 It is a bitter pill to swallow to learn that the universe is indifferent towards us - that just because we are good people does not mean we get out of life untouched by sadness and loneliness. Because we are good to others does not automatically mean others will be good to us 100% of the time. We just can't control what life throws at us. Life has thrown you something very hard to deal with. It's rubbish. It's not fair. It's not your fault but it is just the terms and conditions of being alive. Try not to take it as a personal thing but see it as a challenge. Can you get up and grow from this? Do whatever it takes, even if that means being totally selfish for a while and looking after only you. 2
dyna85 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I think given that all of this went down this year, your feelings are totally normal. I hit rock bottom this year and have experienced the exact same sentiments as you and have felt that it was all over and there was no point, but I recognize that there is a need to process those emotions, and you will get through them, but you have to let them flow through you and cry it out, before it gets better. The worst thing I've found is to freak out over my feelings... if you find yourself worrying as to whether you'll ever feel better, try to turn your focus instead to how you're feeling and acknowledge the feeling and try to understand it and go with it, instead of fighting it. I was reading this book called 'The Power of Focusing: A Practical Guide to Emotional Self-Healing' and the author writes about how you should say 'hello' to your feelings and listen to what they are telling you, rather than trying to get rid of them. After all, your feelings are a part of you and aren't to be shamed. Given circumstances, a divorce followed by the demise of an intense short term rebound situation, it's understandable for you to be feeling the lowest of lows, but you'll get through it eventually. You say people have lost patience with your grief... well, so be it. No one knows what you're going through better than you and you need to be patient with yourself. Don't try to chase happiness or run from your feelings, because you won't get anywhere fast. You need to slow down and take stock of what it all means for you and then you will gradually see the light. Peace & love.
JewelD Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 I feel like I'm floating in space, I can't believe I could feel this way or have this vantage point. My life truly sucks. I'm so shocked at how bad my subjective experience is of my life for the last 6 months. I had a divorce in January then an intense rebound relationship that ended too. My life is unbelievably lonely now. I never knew anything like this feeling before. I lost all confidence and hope. I truly think I have lost the will to live. I know that sounds dramatic; but I feel my life so painful. All day long I work with pregnant happy patients (I'm a nurse). All my colleagues and friends are happily married or partnered. All my sisters too. It's so isolating this experience. I'm so angry I work sooo hard at work and try to not feel resentful that everyone else has what I have I cry literally every day. I don't find anything enjoyable because I keep obsessing over how unfair I got treated in my marriage/rebound. I am a VERY good person. I am usually BERy kind and compassionate and help my fellow humans 100%. I've never done anything wrong; why has MY life turned into a hot pile of ****???? I feel like u cannot see any future I feel like (some) people have lost patience with my grief I feel like I might never be normal again. I hate this stage of my life. I never had these feelings in my entire life before. Will I ever be happy? I feel physically gutted sometimes. I feel like a ****ing spaceman or something; out of touch, out in orbit. I'm also angry at times How DARE this happen to me. I don't deserve it How on EARTH will I ever feel better. I feel hopeless and helpless. Do you think it's depression or for real I should feel this way. I've been feeling very much like this lately too. I think I'm an amazing person and yet I was cheated on and can't seem to find anyone to date or deal with rejection very well. These past few days, I was incredibly stressed. I stopped eating, I couldn't laugh or smile and I cried almost all the time, completely ignoring my friends and family because they couldn't make me feel better. I had even stooped to planning some low things to attempt to get revenge on someone. But then today, I went with some of my colleagues/friends to get a pedicure. I hadn't had one in over 5 years. It was soooo wonderful. For the first time in days, I felt GOOD. I was able to relax and enjoy the experience. Now I'm not saying a pedicure will solve your problems, but it helped me realize that you don't absolutely need love/romance to feel good or enjoy life. I was slipping into depression because I wasn't trying to help myself. I was putting myself down, beating myself up over things, and I refused to believe there would be hope for me in the future. Today, I stopped doing that. I write in my journal whenever I can and when I'm really having a down moment, I talk to myself out loud (alone in my apt). Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. So when you hear your mind telling you things like "You're not good enough. You'll never have this, you'll never do that", take a step back and talk to yourself like you would talk to a family member or close friend. One day soon you'll find real happiness, but you don't want it to be because someone decided they wanted to love you. Because if they ever decide to leave, you'll be back at this stage again. Anger is normal, but karma never fails. Those who have wronged you will get what's coming to them eventually. Probably after you have stopped caring. You may be lonely or it could be depression. Maybe try talking to a therapist? I like to watch Youtube and text my family/friends. I also have a dog, so I'm never truly alone. I have to get out of bed and stop moping 3 times a day to take care of him. Maybe consider adopting a pet? Cats are great if you work a lot. 1
Smitten and Bitten Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 ...but divorce sucks more. Enduring both within mere months of each other is soul-crushing. So no, what you're feeling and experiencing is normal: The anger, the resentment, the jealousy, the alienation, the despair. It doesn't help that the people who are supposed to care about you can often make things worse. People who haven't been through what you have don't understand, the people who have been through it don't want to be reminded of it. I could tell you what the last 20 years of my life were like but it would take too long, and you probably wouldn't believe me anyway. So here's a partial list, of only things that happened during the last 4 years, believe it or not. -Discovered my wife of 12 years was cheating on me. -Endured incessant accusations of having "anger issues" from both my wife and marriage counselor, neither of whom could seem to make the connection between my recently developed "anger issues" and my wife's infidelity. -The majority of our marital circle of friends sided with my then-wife and now want nothing to do with me. The remainder are all irritatingly married or otherwise attached (even more irritatingly, about half of them are divorced and oh-so-happy in their new relationships. The jerks.) -I was laid off. Twice. -I was duped by my then-wife (under the pretense that it was "best for the children") into leaving the house. When I realized I was had it was too late to go back. -I had to move in with family, who were more concerned about things like putting the cap back on the orange juice container then with my pathetic situation. -Met a woman and fell in love for maybe the first time in my life. I slowly discovered I was being played like the stupidest violin in the universe. It goes on and on. The thought of entering into a romantic relationship in the foreseeable future is pointless. So, Amas, I know how you feel. I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes wonder how I survived, but I did. And I'm happy I did. So what to do? I won't insult you by telling you to not be hard on yourself, to "pull yourself together" or the dreaded "everything happens for a reason". The simple fact is that you are in a terrible, lonely place (I remember the moment I was at my lowest: I looked outside a window, and just the way the sunlight shone outside made me burst into tears. It was a horrid, dead empty feeling. I was completely empty and soulless.) First of all you need to be selfish. You are the one who needs help and support right now, not your patients. You can start by standing up for yourself, and I don't mean this in the "stop being weak" sense but in the "because you deserve it" sense. Because you deserve to be happy, just like all those annoying, attached friends and pregnant patients. So, what would make you happy? I know, having someone who loves you for you. But it's hard to imagine that when you feel as empty as you do right now; You may sometimes wonder if there is a "real you" (there is) and the tragic fact is that there are people out there who seek out and destroy the desperate and lonely (your rebound partner maybe was one of those lovely people). What I'm trying to say is, don't look for happiness by looking for a relationship. Go be selfish instead. So, standing up for yourself. First you need to stand up to yourself: "I'm suffering, I need help and I deserve help, dammit!" you should say, or something like it. Then make it clear to the people you trust that you need help. If they get annoyed with you then they can go **** themselves. Seriously, you don't need that crap, and you're not obligated to put up with it. Yes, even if it's from family or "friends". If they get upset with you for having the audacity to expect their support then they can go **** themselves a second time. In short, maximize the time you spend with people who understand, or at least support, you, and minimize your time with those who don't, or won't understand. Especially those who won't. Whoever you do choose to spend your time with--family, friends, co-workers, support groups, counselors---do not fall into another "rebound" relationship! The next one is always worse than the last (I left that one off of my list). Another way to be selfish: Fill your life with the things you want. But how do you know what you want when that spark of life everyone is supposed to feel burning all of the time has died? Well, it hasn't died, it just feels like it. It's letting you know that it needs fuel and oxygen. That may be in the form of taking that trip you've always wanted to go on, getting the counseling you may suspect would help, starting that hobby up again or trying a new one. Do you write? Dance? Play sports? A musical instrument? Take photographs? Garden? Have you ever wanted to try acting, computer programming, martial arts, pottery making, painting? paint ball? Now is the time to try! Well this turned out much longer than I planned, it could have been a lot longer. I should have just written, "Learn to be selfish and don't take anybody's crap. And start kickboxing." I wish you the best. 1
laelithia Posted August 18, 2015 Posted August 18, 2015 Well this turned out much longer than I planned, it could have been a lot longer. I should have just written, "Learn to be selfish and don't take anybody's crap. And start kickboxing." I wish you the best. This!! I'm using this for myself, as I can relate to how you're feeling, OP. Sometimes we just have pick ourselves up and just do it
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