ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 1. The love of your life telling you "I love you, I'm just not in love with you" and breaking things off abruptly, or... 2. Finding out they are dating someone less than a few weeks after your breakup? In regards to #2, I think THAT is had something to do with #1...... Thank the Lord for NC. Stick with it, folks. No good comes from trying to hold on to someone that doesn't want to be in your life....
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 #1 will hurt ALOT more. Does more damage emotionally to be told, I love you but I'm not inlove with you... #2 will hurt as well, but you can justify that the OP is only dating and with somebody else cuz it's a rebound thing. Good question Confused!
Merin Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 I think they go hand in hand... If the person wasn't IN Love with you to begin with.. then of course it won't bother them to move right along so to speak.. but I guess it also brings into question if the person even cared aboutcha as a friend.. the ****ers! LOL
NTB Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 i also think they both go hand in hand but what sucks more is you ex telling you they are dating someone new because of you but they still love you and want to be with you if that isn't confusing i don't know what is
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 I'm firmly convinced she was hanging out with this other guy before she broke things off with me. She must have some good feelings about him, enough to break things off with me. I wouldn't doubt it if she was dating him at the same time she was dating me. It wouldn't be the first time. I truly believe in KARMA....and I wouldn't wish anything bad on her, but if she gets hurt, she better not come running to me for solace....
tanbark813 Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 I'd take either of those over the relationship ending due to lying or cheating.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 The whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is damaging on so many levels: the type of slap that not only stings, it breaks bones. It broke me down some years ago. It hurts because you allow yourself to pin so much hope on the "I love you" part, that you are blinded to what "not in love with you" really means. You live in a lie, and afterward are hurt further by the acceptance that you deluded yourself into living that lie so that you could 'happily' hold on to the other person. I remember being infuriated when the realization came that not only was I begging for crumbs, I was savoring them like a fine steak dinner and dessert. Being held up to someone else and being found lacking is a sting, but being told that you are just not good enough to be 'in love with' - period - is a crushing blow. It is so much easier to take the "not in love with you" blow when you find out that it is happening as a direct result of another person's interference in your relationship. When you hear "I'm not in love with you", and there is no 'other person' you have no one left to point fingers at, and are left holding nothing but your partner's perceptions of your inadequacy as a romantic partner. Brutal.
EC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 The whole "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is damaging on so many levels: the type of slap that not only stings, it breaks bones. It broke me down some years ago. It hurts because you allow yourself to pin so much hope on the "I love you" part, that you are blinded to what "not in love with you" really means. You live in a lie, and afterward are hurt further by the acceptance that you deluded yourself into living that lie so that you could 'happily' hold on to the other person. I remember being infuriated when the realization came that not only was I begging for crumbs, I was savoring them like a fine steak dinner and dessert. Being held up to someone else and being found lacking is a sting, but being told that you are just not good enough to be 'in love with' - period - is a crushing blow. It is so much easier to take the "not in love with you" blow when you find out that it is happening as a direct result of another person's interference in your relationship. When you hear "I'm not in love with you", and there is no 'other person' you have no one left to point fingers at, and are left holding nothing but your partner's perceptions of your inadequacy as a romantic partner. Brutal. __________________ OUCH! Yeah that sh*t sucks!!
blind_otter Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 This is why NC is such a great thing. Then, #2 is a non-issue.
tiki Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by tanbark813 I'd take either of those over the relationship ending due to lying or cheating. Ditto, I'd take that anyday over someone lying to your face only to be cheating behind your back. Anyway, Confused....I personally would rather have #2 anyday. How'd ya find out?
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Well she just called me. I know the guy she is dating. Don't know him that well but she said she just started going out with him a few weeks ago. But I do know she had been talking to him for some time at her Church. He's a Christian (something she wanted) and he also rides sport bikes (so does she). She wants to remain friends but I think that's going to be hard to do. NO CONTACT is the best option for me. If her walls come crumbling down with this guy, then guess who she'll want to come running to? So, good luck to her.
tiki Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Well she just called me. That's just stupid. Why does she call if the frickin relationship is over? She's stringing you along...can't you see this??? Tell her to quit calling, cut out all contact with her. She's out of your life now and will do nothing but continue to hurt you on a daily basis until you cut out all contact!
dgiirl Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 3) I never loved you, but I didnt want to hurt your feelings, so we got married until I found another gf... (WTF?!)
Naive Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 They are both hurtful in different ways but both cause the same amount of pain
Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 She wants to remain friends but I think that's going to be hard to do. Now you see my point?? You talked to her, what happened to NC????
tiki Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC She wants to remain friends but I think that's going to be hard to do. No. What she WANTS TO DO...is play games and keep you stringing along like a puppy dog. You're letting her. You cannot be friends with someone that you've shared an intimate level with. It's not fair to either party. The relationship did not work, therefore, it should not TRY to work, even as friends. Rid yourself of her. Then good riddance!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 I should have made this clear. It's not like I want a friendship. I am not going to "be there" when she needs me. I dunno if this guy is going to work out for her. Maybe, maybe not. But hey, she made that bed, she can sleep in it. In my case, I took the call because I wanted to know what the deal was with the new guy, and now I know it's someone she had her eye on for a long time which definitely skewed her view on our relationship. Believe it or not, it made me feel better. IMHO, dating someone else is quite possibly the best thing for the both of us. I am NOT counting on getting back with her but she'd have to date someone else to recognize what she with me and change her attitude. But again, I need to stress this: IT MAY NOT EVER HAPPEN. This is why moving on and dating someone else would be in my best interest.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by tiki No. What she WANTS TO DO...is play games and keep you stringing along like a puppy dog. You're letting her. You cannot be friends with someone that you've shared an intimate level with. It's not fair to either party. The relationship did not work, therefore, it should not TRY to work, even as friends. Rid yourself of her. Then good riddance! I know, I know
tiki Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 ...you should read your own NC Guidelines in your siggie line, smokey.
Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 If you read your post over and over again...You'll realize in your heart you feel you still have an inch of hope...I can see it when you talk about her...Don't deny it, It's true the more you tell yourself something the more you'll probably start to believe it...
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 I KNOW, I KNOW!!!! That's why I regret breaking NC and taking the call to begin with....especially knowing that the guy she's dating had seen her with me a few times....
Lakespookie Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 2 dosent hurt it happens 1 now imagine a 10 ton truck fallin on you but your still alive now multiply by 10 and raise to an exponent of 200 thats what 1 does and to the whole friends thing its always that bit of hope, if you can make it work more power to u but it never will if you have that hope 1 in 100,000 with that hope
Author ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ Oh OC you never learn *tsk tsk* I do learn, trust me. I also know that I was fine until I picked up the phone. All those stupid feelings came back again. And just when I thought I had them under control. See kids, breaking NC is a NO NO!!! Bad, bad thing!
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