brad19 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Okay so I will be meeting her this month where I will be travelling to her country. We have been talking for like 6 to 7 months and we both love each other a lot. We have even skyped many times Now I will be staying in a hotel and I am wondering if its a good idea to stay in the same room? I am asking this because we discussed and she is totally fine with it as she gets to spend more time with me Now my main question is whether I am going too fast with it? Ofcourse we haven't discussed anything about sex yet since we just want to get to know each other. Please help how should I proceed further
LoveRefreshed Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Dude, you're saying you're in love but are questioning whether or not to say in the same room? How can someone be in love without a physical relationship, I don't know. I would stay in that room with her. I would be craving intimacy. 1
Author brad19 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 Well i do love her(Even if I havent met her in real life but skyped a lot) but do you really think its good to stay in the same room the first time we meet? I mean there will be awkwardness and she is obviously shy. I will probably stay there for a week or so.
LoveRefreshed Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 A) She wants too. B) Yes. This is your first time meeting, how long have you known each other? She may also want intimacy. If you've talked a lot and you love each other, how can it be awkward? You should already feel comfortable. IF it is awkward, you can always find another room, but then I would question it all. If you're truly compatible, that is.
mystikmind2005 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Separate rooms?? Looks like forcing the LDR to continue despite holding air tickets in hand. Hmmm this could be one for the next Dumb and dumber movie! lol 1
Qboro90 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Hell yes you should stay in the same room. You're flying to a different country to see this girl. She will feel incredibly insecure if you insist on getting separate rooms. Just because you share a room does not mean you have to have sex with her either. If you care about this girl like you say you do then initiating the physical part of the relationship is inevitable. You're going to have to spend time with her in an intimate setting in order to truly find out if the feelings you have for each other are real or if it's manufactured because of the perception you've developed of her online. Maybe you're worried about her thinking less of you if you stay in the same room and she won't have the same feelings for you anymore. Or if your inexperienced sexually and things lead that way and you think you disappoint it will ruin things. Is that possible? The fact that she's told you she wants to stay in the same room is all you need to know. She may be shy but she was confident enough to tell you that so take her word and trust that is what she wants and just go for it dude. 2
Qboro90 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Also forgot to mention that if you're flying to her country I assume that she either has her own place to live or lives with family still. Is her residence in the same general area of your hotel? If so then she also has the option to sleep at home the first couple of nights that you're there until you both warm up to each other and feel comfortable and eager to share the hotel room together. You can let her know that is ok with you if she prefers to wait a night or two before staying overnight with you. If in fact you are gna be there for a couple weeks then you'll still have plenty of time to share the hotel even if she sleeps at her place the first couple nights you're there. 1
Author brad19 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 Hell yes you should stay in the same room. You're flying to a different country to see this girl. She will feel incredibly insecure if you insist on getting separate rooms. Just because you share a room does not mean you have to have sex with her either. If you care about this girl like you say you do then initiating the physical part of the relationship is inevitable. You're going to have to spend time with her in an intimate setting in order to truly find out if the feelings you have for each other are real or if it's manufactured because of the perception you've developed of her online. Maybe you're worried about her thinking less of you if you stay in the same room and she won't have the same feelings for you anymore. Or if your inexperienced sexually and things lead that way and you think you disappoint it will ruin things. Is that possible? The fact that she's told you she wants to stay in the same room is all you need to know. She may be shy but she was confident enough to tell you that so take her word and trust that is what she wants and just go for it dude. Maybe you're worried about her thinking less of you if you stay in the same room and she won't have the same feelings for you anymore. No i am not worried about that at all. I want her to accept me for what I am and so far even after showing my negatives she seems to like me so i dont think that is a problem. She seems genuine if your inexperienced sexually and things lead that way and you think you disappoint it will ruin things Ah yes I am not experienced as I havent done before. I think she has also not done before. But that also isnt my worry either. I guess my main worry is that i might get too intimate with her and then miss her a lot more
Els Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Personally, I wouldn't sleep in the same room with a man I've only just met that day (and yes, despite having had a LDR, you've only just met). But that's just me. If both you and your gf are okay with it then it isn't necessarily a bad idea to do that. Do be careful though. I know that the risk is much lower for you as the man (as opposed to the woman), and you've talked for 6 months already, but there can still be risks. Meet in a public place first and spend the DAY together outside, then decide what you want after you've spent some time with her IRL.
Qboro90 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Maybe you're worried about her thinking less of you if you stay in the same room and she won't have the same feelings for you anymore. No i am not worried about that at all. I want her to accept me for what I am and so far even after showing my negatives she seems to like me so i dont think that is a problem. She seems genuine if your inexperienced sexually and things lead that way and you think you disappoint it will ruin things Ah yes I am not experienced as I havent done before. I think she has also not done before. But that also isnt my worry either. I guess my main worry is that i might get too intimate with her and then miss her a lot more If you're afraid that you'll fall in love with her and then have to leave then why are you going to visit her in the first place? It seems like you haven't had too many girlfriends in your past or serious relationships (correct me if that's wrong) , but you have to realize that there will always be risk of heartbreak when you date someone. I think that you've also told yourself that you "love" this girl without truly knowing what that love really means or why. Right now you are perfect and once you meet her you fear that you might not be as perfect as you are over the computer/Skype. Same goes for her. You're going to have to put yourself out there if you expect to have any kind of meaningful relationship in your life. You're flying to see this girl. So you've already made that leap. You're going to have to leave once your trip ends. Be prepared for the emotional depression that will follow if you two really hit it off together. You can either leave and be excited/thrilled that you were able to transfer the online connection you had into a personal and physical connection as well, and that you're excited for having her going forward. Or you can focus on the "what ifs" and let that dictate how you act around her and hold back truly giving her your all simply because you fear the heartbreak you'll both have when you need to leave. And I think it's too early to think about it or talk to her about this but at some point you and her are going to have to make a decision about whether or not your relationship can continue. If it's going to have a real future then one of you is going to have to move to the other. I doubt you're going to marry her and just Skype. So if relocating is out of the question for either of you then perhaps it's best to enjoy the trip and time with her but prepare yourself for the inevitable end. 1
Author brad19 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 If you're afraid that you'll fall in love with her and then have to leave then why are you going to visit her in the first place? It seems like you haven't had too many girlfriends in your past or serious relationships (correct me if that's wrong) , but you have to realize that there will always be risk of heartbreak when you date someone. I think that you've also told yourself that you "love" this girl without truly knowing what that love really means or why. Right now you are perfect and once you meet her you fear that you might not be as perfect as you are over the computer/Skype. Same goes for her. You're going to have to put yourself out there if you expect to have any kind of meaningful relationship in your life. You're flying to see this girl. So you've already made that leap. You're going to have to leave once your trip ends. Be prepared for the emotional depression that will follow if you two really hit it off together. You can either leave and be excited/thrilled that you were able to transfer the online connection you had into a personal and physical connection as well, and that you're excited for having her going forward. Or you can focus on the "what ifs" and let that dictate how you act around her and hold back truly giving her your all simply because you fear the heartbreak you'll both have when you need to leave. And I think it's too early to think about it or talk to her about this but at some point you and her are going to have to make a decision about whether or not your relationship can continue. If it's going to have a real future then one of you is going to have to move to the other. I doubt you're going to marry her and just Skype. So if relocating is out of the question for either of you then perhaps it's best to enjoy the trip and time with her but prepare yourself for the inevitable end. Wow that totally makes sense. I guess I should just focus on enjoying the trip and spend some quality time with her and yes you are right. I have never been in relationship before. I just had female friends but I wasnt that serious. About this relationship, i really don't think we have a future which is why i am a bit worried about heartbreak(I dont know how that feels) and we both have also discussed about it due to our cultural differences. But anyway we are not thinking of future much as we dont really know what can happen. We are both happy with each other right now. She appreciates with what I am and I also do so. Hope you understand my situation:)
Qboro90 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 I understand what you're going through. If you don't see it being possible for you and her to have a future where you bother are living in the same country then I would caution you in telling her that you love her or leading her tk believe that you will continue flying to visit her over the next few months. That will only give her a false impression of the future with you. My suggestion is just to go there, hang out together, enjoy your trip and company, and don't think about what's going to happen after its all over. Just take the experience and make the most of it.
xcupid Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Wow that totally makes sense. I guess I should just focus on enjoying the trip and spend some quality time with her and yes you are right. I have never been in relationship before. I just had female friends but I wasnt that serious. About this relationship, i really don't think we have a future which is why i am a bit worried about heartbreak(I dont know how that feels) and we both have also discussed about it due to our cultural differences. But anyway we are not thinking of future much as we dont really know what can happen. We are both happy with each other right now. She appreciates with what I am and I also do so. Hope you understand my situation:) If you don't think you have a future then why are you doing this in the first place? You don't have a relationship. You're both in love with the idea of being in love. You don't even know if you're compatible with each other. You'd be smart to NOT stay in the same room with her under these circumstances in my opinion. Good luck! 2
Author brad19 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 If you don't think you have a future then why are you doing this in the first place? You don't have a relationship. You're both in love with the idea of being in love. You don't even know if you're compatible with each other. You'd be smart to NOT stay in the same room with her under these circumstances in my opinion. Good luck! That confuses me now :/ . Yes we have a bleak future for sure but does that mean we cant enjoy now? Can you list the pros and cons?
fred123 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 why didnt she fly to see you first? why do you have to go there? how do you know she likes you more than a friend? what if you have misunderstood her liking for you only as a friend? please beware! dont get hurt
fitnessfan365 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 If you don't think you have a future then why are you doing this in the first place? You don't have a relationship. You're both in love with the idea of being in love. You don't even know if you're compatible with each other. You'd be smart to NOT stay in the same room with her under these circumstances in my opinion. Good luck! GREAT post. Was going to say the same thing myself. Overall, you're doing things ass backwards. Before spending 6-7 months talking, you should have met and spent a bit of time together first to see if you even enjoy each other's company. Then if you hit it off, you stay in touch, let things develop, spend actual time periodically, etc.. At this point I agree that you can't be in love w-the person she actually is, because you've never actually spent time w-her. All you know is that you're in love w-the idea of it, and that's it. 1
emi Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Im in LDR and i also met my boyfriend online. Back then, when hes said he likes me i straight up tell him i got no interest on dating a computer. I will need him to meet me then one of us need to relocate. And in my case im an asian, relocation to his country would be needing a marriage for me and im in no financial position to afford visit. I put all in the table, despite the fact i like him much as well and also afraid i may scare him off. But thats just how i am. What i mean is, you need to understand what you want, what you can do. You may have plenty of time to waste , but how about the girl? You seem got no clue what you want honestly
OldRover Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 First, you already have a relationship with her..... even if it's only online, and you do have feelings for each other. Regardless, if the trip is a flop, there will be a bit of pain. Second, she seems receptive, so ABSOLUTELY, stay in the same room, and if it leads to intimacy, so be it. I could argue to get some time with her before going straight to the hotel... perhaps dinner, a nice walk and talk... get a chance to break the ice a bit more. If it really flops, she could probably just go home on the first night and you could then decide what to do. As long as you're making a significant effort to see her, make the best of it. Treat her fair and be friendly... Then after the whole thing you two can discuss what the next step might be. Who knows. I made a trip one time, not internationally, but about as far across the US to see if a future would work for a summertime school romance, after which she headed for school in California. If the trip worked out, I would have moved there to develop a LTR, however, it just didn't. Still had a great time, and we just decided that our education at that point was more important. Was it worth the trip, absolutely... found out what I wanted to know. You do the same, but I hope you find a bit more than I did. 1
Lois_Griffin Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 We have been talking for like 6 to 7 months and we both love each other a lot. Of course we haven't discussed anything about sex yet since we just want to get to know each other. You do realize how ridiculous these two statements are and how MUCH they contradict each other? You 'love each other a lot' yet you need to 'get to know each other.' xCupid is right on the money. You're not 'in love' with each other. You're in love with the idea of it is all. Go for separate rooms. You can always change that later.
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 There is no one size fits all answer to this. It's whatever the two people involved want. She seems wiling to share a room. If that is not what you want consider adjoining rooms. I'd rather have the option to be away from the person I only "knew" from OL rather than have circumstances force you together with no options for time apart / reflection. If she lives in the area the expense of two rooms may not be needed. She can just go home. You need to talk. You both need to be comfortable. If you want to fall into bed, fine but if you don't that is OK to.
cessna Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 You do realize how ridiculous these two statements are and how MUCH they contradict each other? You 'love each other a lot' yet you need to 'get to know each other.' xCupid is right on the money. You're not 'in love' with each other. You're in love with the idea of it is all. Go for separate rooms. You can always change that later. Couldn't agree more. This isn't a relationship and it's certainly not love. You're pen pals at most.
No_Go Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 It is really up to you. How old are two of you? Do you have sufficient resources to cover two rooms? I feel like from your posts that you're anxious because staying in the same room equals sex. Also you mentioned both of you have no sexual experience. If so, just state your preferences - that you want to get to know her before getting intimate - it is completely fine to do that, if she's a good person she'll understand. It seems like you're falling in love with the IDEA of being in love with her. Warning from someone who has been there, done that: that sets you for disappointments. Just enjoy the trip and put your expectations down for now. Okay so I will be meeting her this month where I will be travelling to her country. We have been talking for like 6 to 7 months and we both love each other a lot. We have even skyped many times Now I will be staying in a hotel and I am wondering if its a good idea to stay in the same room? I am asking this because we discussed and she is totally fine with it as she gets to spend more time with me Now my main question is whether I am going too fast with it? Ofcourse we haven't discussed anything about sex yet since we just want to get to know each other. Please help how should I proceed further
Author brad19 Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 It is really up to you. How old are two of you? Do you have sufficient resources to cover two rooms? I feel like from your posts that you're anxious because staying in the same room equals sex. Also you mentioned both of you have no sexual experience. If so, just state your preferences - that you want to get to know her before getting intimate - it is completely fine to do that, if she's a good person she'll understand. It seems like you're falling in love with the IDEA of being in love with her. Warning from someone who has been there, done that: that sets you for disappointments. Just enjoy the trip and put your expectations down for now. We both are around 25 years old. I think you are right about that but what if she says "i love you". What does that mean? I do "like" here if not love (For what I have seen her on skype). I am definitely not having any high expectation. Just that we will hang out together. I was just confused about having the same room or not. Maybe its not a good idea for now
No_Go Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 It means that you both developed feelings to the image of the online persona that you met. When you meet in real life, you'll see whether you're truly in love and compatible. The beauty and illusion of the online relationships is that you see your best without dealing with the daily problems (e.g. incompatible schedules, annoying friends, attitude to money, family, cleanliness, sex...). But anyway, you'll start seeing these after you meet in person. But to go back to the room question, after I read you again, it really seems like in your case it will be good to have separate rooms if you can afford it. At very least it will make the trip less stressful for you, and will allow you to have more privacy if you need it. Good luck! We both are around 25 years old. I think you are right about that but what if she says "i love you". What does that mean? I do "like" here if not love (For what I have seen her on skype). I am definitely not having any high expectation. Just that we will hang out together. I was just confused about having the same room or not. Maybe its not a good idea for now 1
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