Gingerlove Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Alright, so my boyfriend and I met at work. I had just gotten out of a long distance relationship and soon after started dating this guy. Well it went well the first year but now we are on year two. Our relationship has been awful these past few months. His family is the cause of a lot of our fights. In the beginning his half sister was talking a lot of crap about us at work (I'm lucky enough to work with both of his sisters.) I told him straight up I was not dealing with that and it better come to an end soon. When I was at my breaking point he finally faced her and told her to stop. Luckily that ended, but now it's constantly him feeding into every need his mom Or dad has. He just got a new job, his slack dad got fired from his for sexual relationships with another woman and laid around the house to rot. My boyfriend was now the adult and had to take care of him. His mom asked him for 1000$ to pay for lawyer bills. What's he do? Give it to her then when my car tire busts he refuses to help me. Even though he was driving my car around a lot. He finally moved out his dads house but when his dad got kicked out his house and the land, he was there for everything his dad needed. Even when his dad told him he wasn't helping move since he had a date with his new girlfriend. I didn't see my boyfriend for about 4 weeks. He wouldn't stop bending over backwards for the man that got him arrested and never helped him. I had to beg to just see him and he would cuss me out and tell me to go find my own plans. I'm just tired of every time his mom wants money or needs a ride since the other kids won't do it, that ill literally get tossed to the side. My boyfriend however gets mad because I won't go over there for the holidays. At my house we cook a huge dinner, sit around and cut up. His will light a cigarette up while locked in the house (I have asthma and smoking makes me very sick) but its too much of them to just not smoke for an hour in my face while eating so I now refuse to go. Same with any other time. We do come from different backgrounds, his mother and him grew weed together while my moms never touched it. I enjoy going on vacations, even as simple as the beach for a day while all he wants to do is fish in 105 degrees! I'm also tired of fighting. All we ever do is fight, and being tossed to the side on the weekend when that's the only 2 days we actually spend time Together, because his mom wants to fish, or some other sad excuse. Being called a B word was never my dream. I really care about him but a piece of me is so scared for the future or even having a kid and bringing it into this family. On the other hand, my mom helps take care of this bankers daughter. He got to talking to my mom and told her he wanted to meet him, he had a son who needs a good woman In his life. I've met this man 3 times and he's told me and everyone else that he wants me to be his daughter in law. Well his son is my age, but already has 2 kids. On that note, the younger of the 2 isn't even his. His wife cheated on him and she had this child. He wanted the Child to have a good life so got full custody of her. I commend a guy who takes on a child that isn't even his. But I've also never met the guy. We have been texting for almost a week now and he just asked if I wanted to meet up. I feel really bad, but then again I'm excited. My boyfriend doesn't know he exists, but we haven't seen each other in a few days either. I also had a long talk with my boyfriend on how I couldn't do this relationship anymore. He's being as nice as he can be now and I'm over here talking to another guy. I just want to see if this guy and I have anything in common at all but even if we don't, I know eventually my current relationship is going to burn at the stake. I really don't want to see my boyfriend hugged on another girl. I'm honestly a mess right now and don't know what to do. Everyone is pushing me to just talk to this new guy, just to see what would happen. But I don't plan on cheating in any way. I've only really dated one guy, the first was all long distance but I'm so confused! Help?!? Advice?
usernametaken Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Alright, so my boyfriend and I met at work. I had just gotten out of a long distance relationship and soon after started dating this guy. Well it went well the first year but now we are on year two. Our relationship has been awful these past few months. His family is the cause of a lot of our fights. In the beginning his half sister was talking a lot of crap about us at work (I'm lucky enough to work with both of his sisters.) I told him straight up I was not dealing with that and it better come to an end soon. When I was at my breaking point he finally faced her and told her to stop. Luckily that ended, but now it's constantly him feeding into every need his mom Or dad has. He just got a new job, his slack dad got fired from his for sexual relationships with another woman and laid around the house to rot. My boyfriend was now the adult and had to take care of him. His mom asked him for 1000$ to pay for lawyer bills. What's he do? Give it to her then when my car tire busts he refuses to help me. Even though he was driving my car around a lot. He finally moved out his dads house but when his dad got kicked out his house and the land, he was there for everything his dad needed. Even when his dad told him he wasn't helping move since he had a date with his new girlfriend. I didn't see my boyfriend for about 4 weeks. He wouldn't stop bending over backwards for the man that got him arrested and never helped him. I had to beg to just see him and he would cuss me out and tell me to go find my own plans. I'm just tired of every time his mom wants money or needs a ride since the other kids won't do it, that ill literally get tossed to the side. My boyfriend however gets mad because I won't go over there for the holidays. At my house we cook a huge dinner, sit around and cut up. His will light a cigarette up while locked in the house (I have asthma and smoking makes me very sick) but its too much of them to just not smoke for an hour in my face while eating so I now refuse to go. Same with any other time. We do come from different backgrounds, his mother and him grew weed together while my moms never touched it. I enjoy going on vacations, even as simple as the beach for a day while all he wants to do is fish in 105 degrees! I'm also tired of fighting. All we ever do is fight, and being tossed to the side on the weekend when that's the only 2 days we actually spend time Together, because his mom wants to fish, or some other sad excuse. Being called a B word was never my dream. I really care about him but a piece of me is so scared for the future or even having a kid and bringing it into this family. On the other hand, my mom helps take care of this bankers daughter. He got to talking to my mom and told her he wanted to meet him, he had a son who needs a good woman In his life. I've met this man 3 times and he's told me and everyone else that he wants me to be his daughter in law. Well his son is my age, but already has 2 kids. On that note, the younger of the 2 isn't even his. His wife cheated on him and she had this child. He wanted the Child to have a good life so got full custody of her. I commend a guy who takes on a child that isn't even his. But I've also never met the guy. We have been texting for almost a week now and he just asked if I wanted to meet up. I feel really bad, but then again I'm excited. My boyfriend doesn't know he exists, but we haven't seen each other in a few days either. I also had a long talk with my boyfriend on how I couldn't do this relationship anymore. He's being as nice as he can be now and I'm over here talking to another guy. I just want to see if this guy and I have anything in common at all but even if we don't, I know eventually my current relationship is going to burn at the stake. I really don't want to see my boyfriend hugged on another girl. I'm honestly a mess right now and don't know what to do. Everyone is pushing me to just talk to this new guy, just to see what would happen. But I don't plan on cheating in any way. I've only really dated one guy, the first was all long distance but I'm so confused! Help?!? Advice? Dump the boyfriend yesterday. He sounds like trailer trash. Might as well meet the new guy, but be honest with him if appropriate and say you're coming out of a relationship.
Author Gingerlove Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 He's a bit of a redneck yes, while this new guy is a son of a banker. I'm moving in completely opposite directions. I've already told the guy I've been on a break with my boyfriend which is true, considering we hardly talk or see each other. We just fight.
pteromom Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I also had a long talk with my boyfriend on how I couldn't do this relationship anymore. But you need to have THE talk with him before going on a date with someone else. He needs to know it is OVER. Once you are out of this relationship for real (not just kind of), then you can go on a date. However - since you've been with your bf for a year, I would suggest taking some time to just be single and remember who you are on your own before you date. I'm also concerned about this new guy. I know you are just thinking about going on a date, but you have to think about what would happen if it works out too. Two small kids, a cheating ex-wife, and apparently some other baby daddy out there are an awful lot of extra people to take into your life. If you proceed, proceed with extreme caution.
Vintage79 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 (edited) He's a bit of a redneck yes, while this new guy is a son of a banker. I'm moving in completely opposite directions. I've already told the guy I've been on a break with my boyfriend which is true, considering we hardly talk or see each other. We just fight. So you're lying to the new guy already? If you were really on a break - it should be fine seeing other people. You're not on a break unless you've chatted about it with the guy your dating. Edited August 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
ExpatInItaly Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 He's a bit of a redneck yes, while this new guy is a son of a banker. I'm moving in completely opposite directions. I've already told the guy I've been on a break with my boyfriend which is true, considering we hardly talk or see each other. We just fight. When did you and your boyfriend decide to have a break? I didn't read that anywhere in your post. It doesn't matter if there is a new guy on the scene or not. You are clearly not happy in your relationship and you know what you need to do. He may be a huge jerk, but it doesn't give you permission to go on a date with another man while you still have what you have described as a boyfriend. All it does is give you more incentive to break up with him, which sounds long overdue anyway. Think about how you would feel if you found out your boyfriend was about to meet up with some girl he thinks is probably better than you. You'd probably wonder why he didn't just end it with you first, right? 1
Author Gingerlove Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 (edited) I had "the talk" with my "boyfriend" Sunday before I even decided to go meet this guy. I've had "the talk" numerous times with my so called boyfriend. He never seems to take me serious. I've even went days without speaking to him and he blows my phone up. So, I've made it very clear by the long talk we had that I can no longer be in a relationship with him. Yes, I care about him but he only wants to be nice after I've trying cutting us off. That is why I have not spent time with my "boyfriend" in over 3 weeks. Texting each other a few times a day is not a relationship. His dad knew I still kinda had a boyfriend when he met my mom over a month ago. He also knows how my "boyfriend" ditched me on my graduation because he had a tummy ache, and how we fight. His DAD is the one who gave him my number. So he knew what he was getting into before he started texting. Edited August 12, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to edited post redacted and paragraphs added.
mystikmind2005 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 What i take from your story is this; First of all, obviously the BF will be extra nice when he thinks the relationship is going under, but beneath that, he is not having his needs met in the relationship and that is why you two fight. (that works both ways of course). Before starting dating a new guy, it might benefit to stop and reflect on yourself and your own flaws and what you can learn from your own mistakes in the failed relationship? In life, i see allot of people who carry personal flaws from one relationship to the next and never seem to learn and despite all the mounting evidence, it is always the other persons fault. I am not saying that is you, all i am saying is what do you have to lose to just put aside pride for a moment and think about it?
Recommended Posts