Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Well, everything for the most part is going good right now. But I have just one little issue that I'm not so sure about. I know what I "should" do, but I don't "want" to. So here I go: Me and my ex (the young one) broke up and we've continued to have some contact. It's really hard not to because we have the same circle of friends and his brother is dating my roommate/best friend. I find myself in familiar territory because for some reason I've always kept in touch with all my ex boyfriends. But this time it seems a little different. Part of me wants to let go completely and part of me wants him around because we share a lot of good times together. I love him as a person and I want the best for him. I know he's going through a tough time because of the break up but he still seems to be around and want to be there for me. Now, I'm dating someone else and it's hard but I feel as if I do want to be his friend. I miss being around him and laughing with him, but that's it. I don't miss him as a boyfriend. I just miss my close friend. Now, the question...Should I continue a friendship with him?? or Should I wait for some time to go by so he can be more of friend than a guy trying to get back with his ex?? I know he still wants to be with me, and that's part of the reason I try not to talk to him..but am I being selfish in wanting to continue to talk to him?? I don't want to lead him on so if this is leading him on I want to stop...but how do I do that??? I enjoy talking to him but I guess I have to realize I left him and we both need to move on...I don't know any insight would be nice... Thanx!!
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Now, the question...Should I continue a friendship with him?? this is something that many women do that really pisses me off NSN. you left him now why u want him in your life as a "friend"?? If u know that he is still romantically attached to you then you are giving him false hope and stringing him along. Let him go completely and get on with his life after you. U are doing a big dis-service do him by still staying in his life. You have moved on, you should now let him move on also.
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Alpha: I know what you're saying...but HE wants to continue the friendship, it was his idea. All I'm asking is if I should too. I agree with you...that I shouldn't give him false hope but this whole thing was his idea...so no I guess?? But is that bad??
TUDOR Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 How does you current bf feel about you being friends with him? And I agree with Alpha, if he still has romantic feelings for you then your good intentions of being friends are doing no less damage to his hopes of it being more. I think he will view it as you saying there is still a possibility of more with him.
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Alpha: I know what you're saying...but HE wants to continue the friendship, it was his idea. All I'm asking is if I should too. I agree with you...that I shouldn't give him false hope but this whole thing was his idea...so no I guess?? But is that bad?? he wants to continue the friendship cause he thinks he can get u back this way. but he is wrong and you know this already. you know he will not get u back by being friends and you know his intent 110%. you need to tell him that he must move on and slowly wean him off of you. you 2 being friends will be a detriment to both of you over the long run.
blind_otter Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Don't do it. OR if you are going to do it, at least let the length of time you were dating pass by with No Contact. You have to let some time pass before you try to re-initiate a friendship or he will fall into the same relationship patterns with you (or try to) with disasterous results. He is young, let him get over you. He doesn't yet know about a lot of the relationship-type stuff that you take for granted.
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 he wants to continue the friendship cause he thinks he can get u back this way. but he is wrong and you know this already. you know he will not get u back by being friends and you know his intent 110%. you need to tell him that he must move on and slowly wean him off of you. you 2 being friends will be a detriment to both of you over the long run. So, I should NEVER be his friend... I mean his brother is dating my roommate/best friend...I'm confused
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 What's funny is that I usually do give it time. I'm friends with all my ex's but this one's hard. The whole situation has been difficult. He's a great guy, but it's true, I don't want to lead him on..I want him to move and be happy.
TUDOR Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever So, I should NEVER be his friend... I mean his brother is dating my roommate/best friend...I'm confused You can still coexist with him and be friendly when your paths cross as it sounds like they will with your situation. But dont' go out of your way to befriend him. There is no reason to be calling or seeing each other outside of running into each other with his brother dating your roommate.
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever So, I should NEVER be his friend... I mean his brother is dating my roommate/best friend...I'm confused you can be acquaintances and talk once in a while, but not friends. there is a big difference. Originally posted by NeverSayNever He's a great guy yes, NSN, he is a great guy.......BUT....not great enuf to be your lover anymore.
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 yes, NSN, he is a great guy.......BUT....not great enuf to be your lover anymore. Well, obviously...that's why I left him but it doesn't take the fact away that he's a great person and I care for him.
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever Well, obviously...that's why I left him but it doesn't take the fact away that he's a great person and I care for him. that's why u left him cause he is a great "nice" guy. you need bad boy NSN.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 NSN, you sound exactly like my Ex. I don't want to be friends with her because I know it won't work. She'll be OK with NC soon enough and we'll probably never talk again. The sooner that happens, the sooner I can move on with my life. Let this guy go. Implement NC and let him find someone else.
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Keeping intouch with him is only hurting you. You are still emotionally attached to him and everytime you see him, talk to him etc...It feeds that feeling... It will stop you from getting completely over him and also possibily finding somebody else as your heart will still be into him.
Merin Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 I have never remained "Friends" with an EX.. the only EX I still talk to is only because I have too... we have peeps together LOL so it's not an option to not talk.. damn it! Funny though.. every EX I've had always wants to keep the friendship but when it came down to it.. I had to really think about it and wonder if we had ever been friends to begin with.. does this make sense?
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Funny though.. every EX I've had always wants to keep the friendship but when it came down to it.. I had to really think about it and wonder if we had ever been friends to begin with.. does this make sense? Yeah it does Merin...I would eventually like to be friends with him..but I know the best thing to do is what you guys are saying...Let him go COMPLETELY, which I've known, but I guess I just had some hope that we CAN make it workable since my roommate is going out with his brother. Hey, I give credit when credits do...So you guys are right!! I don't want to get back with him or give him false hope, so I've come to my decision...It's best if I tell him we shouldn't talk... I know he's going to be upset but I have to...Hopefully, he'll understand once it all passes...
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever ...It's best if I tell him we shouldn't talk... I know he's going to be upset but I have to...Hopefully, he'll understand once it all passes... just tell him the truth....that u think that u 2 should not remain friends because you think it will keep him from moving on.
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 NSN, you sound exactly like my Ex. I don't want to be friends with her because I know it won't work. She'll be OK with NC soon enough and we'll probably never talk again. Please do me a favor don't compare me to your EX...You don't know me and plus every situation is different. I don't know what she did to you but you can't take it out on others. We're all human and we make mistakes, and some learn from them and some don't. I don't want to be thought of as a person who doesn't care for other peoples feelings. If it's one thing I do is put others in front of me when they need me. I'm always there when anyone needs me!
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Alpha: You're right...hard to admit!!!!
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 It's funny how others give you advice and don't take their own advice... PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!!!!!
ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever It's funny how others give you advice and don't take their own advice... PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH!!!!! We're experts when it comes to someone else's relationship because we're not intimately involved and love isn't clouding our judgement. But when it comes to our own relationships, love definitely throws a monkey wrench into things. I shouldn't have taken her call today. I don't know why I answered the darn phone.
Author Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 CO... Because you care about her and you want to know if she's ok...That doesn't make you a bad person. Which is part of the reason it's so hard for me to NOT talk to my ex, because in my heart I truly care for him.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by NeverSayNever CO... Because you care about her and you want to know if she's ok...That doesn't make you a bad person. Which is part of the reason it's so hard for me to NOT talk to my ex, because in my heart I truly care for him. I DO care about her, a lot. I didn't end it, she did. It's not like I fell out of love with her so I do care. But I also realize the longer I stay in contact with her the harder it will be to move on. She'll be in my thoughts too much, I'll wonder about her new relationship, I'll start to wonder if she'll bomb on this relationship and come back to me -- you know, all the stuff CRAZY people think when they want to hang on to a relationship that should have been allowed to die a hard, fast death....
blind_otter Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Look you guys it's like this. You cut yourself deeply. It frikkin hurts. And even as it heals, it HURTS, but you can't fiddle with it because it will take longer to heal. You can't be picking at the scab, checking to see if the skin underneath has healed yet. It just keeps the wound open and leaves a big nasty ugly scar. So leave it alone. Keep the bandage on. STOP PICKING AT THE SCAB.
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