deusneo10 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Hey loveshack guru’s Been checking this site a lot this year and finally decided to put my own story up. I guess I just need some guidance here Its really long, im sorry but please read as much as you can if possible Ok, straight to work. Last year I started my first year of university and met a really sweet, cute girl in French class during first semester. She was of a similar European origin to me and we had a ton of things in common. After the semester was over, she e-mailed me wishing me well and hoping to see me next semester in the following classes. We then started chatting away during our semester break about our family and I got to learn a lot about her. We had even more in-common that I first though and we were so alike (to the point we would each say what the other person was thinking o.O). In that time her dad had been caught cheating (turned out he had been cheating for 15 years with multiple people) and she was having a hard time. But, I stood by her and was there for her whenever she needed me for which she was most grateful. At the time, I had a crush on another girl who lived a few states away (I live in NSW in Australia) and she was very upset that I had this crush (although she never told me then). I really began to get attached to her though, she just seemed too good to be true. When second semester started again, we begun hanging out. Now, before I continue a little story about my family. My parents are Christians… really strict Christians. We aren’t allowed out with friends, to the movies, we aren’t allowed alcohol and even TV is considered evil. I had never told her this because I thought it would scare her away (and I was embarrassed). I was the black-sheep in the family, always getting in trouble and being rebellious and never listening. I was a good kid in everyone’s books though but my parents and I had an identity crisis at the time. Back to the story, we met face-to-face casually for the first time and hit it off. She was quite shy and anxious. I had to admit, I was very much myself. I was falling for this girl so hard and she didn’t even have to say a single word. We talked about common interests for 4 hours… originally we planned for only 1. At the end though, she got emotional and told me she liked me and was very upset I liked someone else. She said that she had bad luck with guys and wished she could at least have me, since I seemed to tick all her boxes. I at that moment wanted to tell her I was going crazy about her but I couldn’t, I suspected maybe her decision making was clouded by her dads recent betrayal and I didn’t want her to make a decision she was going to regret. I couldn’t stomach taking advantage of her like that. For the next month we acted like best friends, talking for hours every night and morning and slowly progressing to a romantic relationship. By the end of the month, we shared both our first kisses together and then the month after we took it up a notch by making out. I told her I wanted to be with her but she was not having any of it. She found out about my parents and was scared but also annoyed that they wont let me be with her. She said she’d wait though until I saved enough money for me to move out so we could be together. Everything felt surreal then. We had our fair share of arguments, I got a lot of compliments and attention from girls (I’m not a bragger, but I’m not ugly either, that much I’ll admit) and she felt really insecure about that. I tried my best to let her know that I couldn’t help that other people like me but to know I only had eyes for her. We argued a lot about my parents religion (she seemed to think it was mine too, I guess I don’t blame her) and she kept putting me in their circle when I clearly wasn’t. By the time university exams were over, we were so close. The last day we spent holding each other and kissing one-another. Not wanting to let me go she finally ceded. She told me she will miss me greatly but at least she will have all the time without university to spend on her “baby”. I was flattered and over-the-moon to hear that she would consider me worth her time. Since her exams finished 2 weeks before mine we talked a lot (yeah, when I should’ve been studying) until one weekend, I sent her a romantic message telling her I hoped she had a good week and I was looking forward to the holidays talking with her, to which she replied with a simple “Thanks, you too”. I was cut then, I guess I never saw it coming but I had a feeling what was about to go down. That morning was terrible, she told me everything she felt about me. She said she no longer saw “us” working out and that she loved me but was never “in-love” with me. She blind-sided me terribly and I felt like less than the dirt you’d walk on. I pleaded with her to explain why but she remained adamant that she didn’t know why. I was so angry at the time and so bitter. I felt like someone stabbed me in the back. We argued a lot but the harshest thing that was said on my part was that she was being very mean and rude. She on the other hand had apologised for leading someone on who was “crazy” (obviously a reference to my parent’s beliefs). I wanted NC, but she remained sure that there was no need as we never technically were dating, or had anything. I told her I couldn’t be friends with someone I was crazy as hell for but she just couldn’t understand. I gave in though to her demands and though we could stay as friends. I tried, going back to being friends but was left so confused by the way she acted. One night she was saying she wanted to kiss my lips so badly and that they were so attractive (they reminded her of her favourite actors) and the next she would act so cold and indifferent. She would also build-up this anticipation that she was taking me back only to friend-zone me over and over again. I tried convincing her that we had so much in-common and she admitted we did. She also admitted that she wanted to find someone like me to settle down with and in the future it may be possible (yeah right, I’m worth way more than a maybe, baby). To add insult to injury, she insisted we sleep together citing “I trust you and even though I don’t see you romantically I want to have sex with you”. I was furious and said I wasn’t a piece of meat, I deserved better than that and I wasn’t losing my virginity to someone who didn’t love me. She was upset but later apologised, but what was more confusing she stated that she couldn’t sleep with me even if she tried because she would feel like she owned me, and she could have me. I was obviously pissed, you could have me right now!!! So why don’t you??? > Due to her friends not finishing university yet, I was all she had but I was having trouble at home. My parents along with the situation with her were bringing me down especially since I still had exams to finish too. I was so stressed and lost 5 kilo’s due to not eating. She was upset she couldn’t talk to me, stating there are things she can’t tell anyone else. I was sick of it though, sick of being second best. The following week after exams was the last straw. She admitted she still had feelings for me but insisted we’re better off as friends. I told her I wanted NC for a month and she started crying. She said that If I were to initiate it she would respect it, but I’d be taking away the only thing that made her “happy”. Gee whiz, that was a kick in the balls (and I fell for it). Just as you’d expect, back to the friend zone. Two days later, we had a fight because I couldn’t be stuffed talking ( I was playing Battlefield, damnit I was having a good game too) and she didn’t like it that I wasn’t giving her as much attention. We argued and she insisted we take a break (lol, sure… whatever). A week later I apologised and wished her a good weekend. She insisted we continue the “break”. I asked her until when, she said she’ll contact me. It’s been 9 months and I haven’t heard from her since, she blocked me on social media and she ignored my message I sent her 4 months ago… It had cats in it too, I thought girls liked cats? Oh well, all for me! So yeah, basically I’m trying to find some humour in this, but really it hurts. I really liked this girl and am cut she doesn’t give half a **** about me. Deep-down I hope she realises one day just how painful this was and hope it never happens to her. IDK where she is now, but I still think about her every single night before I go to bed and I sometimes cry (just a little…) She was awesome and I really miss her, I know I should get over her but it’s been 9 months and I miss her more than ever now. It sucks when a person has such a big influence on your life and then just ups and leaves spontaneously like they were never there. I hope I’ll get over her soon, it’s funny I’ve known the silence more than I actually knew her and idk why I’m still beefing over it, guess it might just be the closure I need. That’s basically it. I gave this girl all I could but I guess it wasn’t enough, I don’t blame her for what she did. She had to make herself happy, if I couldn’t do it, at least someone can now. Deeper-down I also hope she will wake up one day and think about what she could’ve had. I guess I’ll just have to continue being just a memory Any advice guys? I need some help re-analysing this situation: / Also any hope of her ever contacting me again? LOL, I know it might be too late, but I’d still probably like to be friends with her… probably thanks guys!
Qboro90 Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 First off, sorry to hear that you had to go through this, I'm sure it's been difficult. Correct me if I'm wrong but you and your ex lived very far apart and not in the same area when you weren't at school. Odds are that when you each were at home or not at school together she started to have feelings for someone else or the feelings she had for you started to fade because you weren't able to see each other in person often at all. If that's not the case and you saw each other frequently then this is just a case of a young immature relationship reaching its end. She most likely used you for company after all her friends left school and she had no one to talk to or hang around. You were convenient and never objected to anything she asked of you. You were too available and accommodating after she broke up with you and therefore she never felt and urgency or need to make an effort to do what you wanted for a relationship. Let's face it, she was getting everything she wanted and you were there talking to her as a boyfriend would yet you weren't getting any of the perks. So why would she do anything differently when you were always there? In the future when a girl starts getting hold and cold like that you need to have enough respect for your own self worth and needs to tell them that you're not the kind of guy that will hang around in limbo while she "figures out what she wants". I also think that she made herself available to get into a physical relationship with you which would have definitely made your relationship more serious and harder for her to discard. However due to your religious beliefs you didn't want to have sex with her or anyone that you weren't in love with. I think you have more of your parents mind sets engrained in you than you want to believe and some girls who are more accustomed to a westernized type of relationship might not want to sacrifice those experiences of dating because of the rules you and your family live by. Neither one of you is at fault for that. You just weren't compatible, it happens. How old are you and her if I may ask? If you are in college then I think kissing and pecks on the mouth are a bit adolescent at this point of your life. Even after breaking up with you she stayed in your life for quite some time. She told you she liked you and your qualities yet friend zoned you the next day. Part of me wants to tell you that you allowed that to happen and never stood up for yourself so in the future just be confident in expressing what you can and can't do. You were right in initially thinking you should go no contact with her but she sucked you into not doing that.
casey.lives Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 just be proud of the things you did and find someone who will appreciate them.
Author deusneo10 Posted September 1, 2015 Author Posted September 1, 2015 First off, sorry to hear that you had to go through this, I'm sure it's been difficult. Correct me if I'm wrong but you and your ex lived very far apart and not in the same area when you weren't at school. Odds are that when you each were at home or not at school together she started to have feelings for someone else or the feelings she had for you started to fade because you weren't able to see each other in person often at all. If that's not the case and you saw each other frequently then this is just a case of a young immature relationship reaching its end. She most likely used you for company after all her friends left school and she had no one to talk to or hang around. You were convenient and never objected to anything she asked of you. You were too available and accommodating after she broke up with you and therefore she never felt and urgency or need to make an effort to do what you wanted for a relationship. Let's face it, she was getting everything she wanted and you were there talking to her as a boyfriend would yet you weren't getting any of the perks. So why would she do anything differently when you were always there? In the future when a girl starts getting hold and cold like that you need to have enough respect for your own self worth and needs to tell them that you're not the kind of guy that will hang around in limbo while she "figures out what she wants". I also think that she made herself available to get into a physical relationship with you which would have definitely made your relationship more serious and harder for her to discard. However due to your religious beliefs you didn't want to have sex with her or anyone that you weren't in love with. I think you have more of your parents mind sets engrained in you than you want to believe and some girls who are more accustomed to a westernized type of relationship might not want to sacrifice those experiences of dating because of the rules you and your family live by. Neither one of you is at fault for that. You just weren't compatible, it happens. How old are you and her if I may ask? If you are in college then I think kissing and pecks on the mouth are a bit adolescent at this point of your life. Even after breaking up with you she stayed in your life for quite some time. She told you she liked you and your qualities yet friend zoned you the next day. Part of me wants to tell you that you allowed that to happen and never stood up for yourself so in the future just be confident in expressing what you can and can't do. You were right in initially thinking you should go no contact with her but she sucked you into not doing that. Wow, sorry for the late reply. I had thought no one could be bothered replying to my long-winded post. To answer your question, I was 20 and she was 19 at the time and in all honesty, I did allow that to happen. I had never gone through something like that so I did not know how to react. Thanks for the your time in replying to this, at least someone could be bothered hahah. And thanks Casey.Lives, it was hard to do that for the first few months but I'm getting there.
Recommended Posts