mjkcal Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Awhile back I had a girl I had been seeing for about a month send me a text basically indicating thanks, but no thanks. We weren't exclusive. Surprisingly, I found myself alright with it. I mean, sure it stunk because I liked her. But in terms of her being considerate, I was good with it. If I had been seeing someone for a long time and we were exclusive, I'd expect a face to face conversation. Before that, though, after going through it myself, I felt the text was fine. In fact, it was more than I've gotten in some situations, where you just are ignored. What are your thoughts? If you haven't been seeing someone too long do you owe them an awkward face to face meeting? Would a text do?
Arieswoman Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Q When is ending it by text ok? A. Never. What is it with people nowadays, can't they pick up a 'phone ffs ? 4
Author mjkcal Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Q A. Never. Fair enough, I just think that's silly though. So you've been out with a guy or gal once you want them to either call you or set another meet to tell you? I'd rather not spend the time on it. I'm not sure what it's like in your dating bracket, but in mine VERY few women want to talk on the phone at all. Texting is the way it is.
quattrob Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I think doing it over the phone is fair enough and respectable for your situation. Since as you said you were only seeing each other for a month and you guys weren't exclusive. Her texting to "end" it is just plain disrespectful and just plain cowardness in my opinion. Any love relationship should be ended face to face.. if it's LDR it should be done over video chat. No excuses in my eyes, anything less just indicates they are cowards, selfish and disrespectful. 1
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Was seeing a girl for 3 weeks while my heart was ripped out from a previous relationship. She tried getting a spark out of me with no luck. She would have ended it with no text, phone call, or conversation if I didn't confront her. Neither of us really had anything invested, so I can understand why it's easy to just walk away or be impersonal and end it via text. I don't know if it's better than flat-out ignoring you, but at least it's something. A 1-month relationship ended via text. She wasn't feeling it. Now you simply move on with your life. That's it. If you spend one minute worrying about how "wrong" it was, you're wasting time.
Author mjkcal Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Was seeing a girl for 3 weeks while my heart was ripped out from a previous relationship. She tried getting a spark out of me with no luck. She would have ended it with no text, phone call, or conversation if I didn't confront her. Neither of us really had anything invested, so I can understand why it's easy to just walk away or be impersonal and end it via text. I don't know if it's better than flat-out ignoring you, but at least it's something. A 1-month relationship ended via text. She wasn't feeling it. Now you simply move on with your life. That's it. If you spend one minute worrying about how "wrong" it was, you're wasting time. I'm not worrying about it, I just think it's an interesting discussion. It came up with a friend of mine the other day, and she was indicating she ALWAYS expected it in face. So I thought I'd poll everyone, so to speak. I personally had no issue with being let go after a month of dating via text. There just isn't much invested yet at that point.
Gus Grimly Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I personally had no issue with being let go after a month of dating via text. There just isn't much invested yet at that point. Let's be fair, it's rude and it's the easy way out. At least write an e-mail. Texting is so impersonal. I'm annoyed by the fact people get offended if I call them. /facepalm 1
Michelle ma Belle Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 As much as I'm of the mindset that anything of importance should be done face-to-face or over the phone I can understand how casually dating someone for only a few short weeks might warrant a less than personal exit. Not MY style but I know it's how the young ones do it anymore If it didn't rattle your cage than I guess all is well with the world
aloneinaz Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I think it's pretty common these days for folks to simply vanish and not respond to texts or calls during the first month dating stage when they are no longer interested. At a month, I can kind of see what she did. He probably texted her something and she knew she wasn't interested any longer. She then took that opportunity to say "thanks, but I'm not feeling it". I don't think I'd care if I was him. Who cares how the rejection was presented? She no longer wanted to see him, and he no longer has to thinkin about her.
Xiomn Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 My ex broke up with me over Facebook which In my opinion is the equivalent of breaking up over text. We were together for 10 months. Absolutely pathetic. She lost respect for me because I begged and looked desperate when she broke up with me for a good two weeks but in the end I realized I lost respect for her too for ending it the way she did.
quattrob Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 My ex broke up with me over Facebook which In my opinion is the equivalent of breaking up over text. We were together for 10 months. Absolutely pathetic. She lost respect for me because I begged and looked desperate when she broke up with me for a good two weeks but in the end I realized I lost respect for her too for ending it the way she did. Actually I think she lost respect for you when she sent that breakup message on facebook. 1
Learningtowalkagain Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Awhile back I had a girl I had been seeing for about a month send me a text basically indicating thanks, but no thanks. We weren't exclusive. Surprisingly, I found myself alright with it. I mean, sure it stunk because I liked her. But in terms of her being considerate, I was good with it. If I had been seeing someone for a long time and we were exclusive, I'd expect a face to face conversation. Before that, though, after going through it myself, I felt the text was fine. In fact, it was more than I've gotten in some situations, where you just are ignored. What are your thoughts? If you haven't been seeing someone too long do you owe them an awkward face to face meeting? Would a text do? If sex was involved I at least do the courtesy of a phone call. If there was no sex then I feel a text is more than fine. She wasn't feeling it. No biggie and you don't need an elongated explanation. But that's just me.
mtnbiker3000 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 It's simply the world we live in now. Probably a result of technology, social media and our changing attitudes, perceptions and expectations. Honestly, my "phone" conversations have dropped by 99% over the last 5 to 7 years... 2
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I agree with mtnbiker. I also think it should be mandatory to give a "good-bye romp" when ending any relationship. Screw... and screw texting.
Xiomn Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Actually I think she lost respect for you when she sent that breakup message on facebook. I guess. I was just pointing out I pushed her away and she told me she clearly that she lost her love for me specifically after the break up because I begged her and wouldn't give her what she wanted, space. Mistake on my part but I've learned my lesson. 1
Author mjkcal Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 Let's be fair, it's rude and it's the easy way out. At least write an e-mail. Texting is so impersonal. I'm annoyed by the fact people get offended if I call them. /facepalm I don't disagree that people disliking talking on the phone is annoying. But, it is the way things are. If you don't talk on the phone ever and only text, then after a month of dating it seems out of place to call in my opinion. If you talk on the phone often, then sure. I see no difference between an e-mail and a text message. You can write a text message just as long as an e-mail. The only thing that's different is the format.
Holmes85 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 When is ending it by text ok? Ending by text is okay when : - You are a coward - You lack the strength and character to end things properly - You are selfish & immature - You have poor communication skills - When you can't wait to get in a relationship with someone else These breaking up through a text Gems most of the time have poor communication skills.
SammySammy Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Ending by text is okay when there is a threat of violence surrounding the breakup. When somebody can get physically hurt or go to jail.
candie13 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) I broke up with my ex over whatsupp after a big important fight. We had a 4-5 months RS and were about to fly to meet my parents in less than a week time - he had already introduced me to his dad and his half brothers. The guy wet his pants a week before meeting my folks and told me straight to my face, in a discussion he had provoked, that he wasn't sure he'd ever want to get married again - mind you, a few months earlier, I had probed the subject and he had given me a different story. I was in shock, I felt cheated, I got not mad, beyond mad - not that I have showed it to him. I was really upset during the face to face discussion, as I was obviously more involved than him. So I've left his place and next day I told him marriage is a dealbreaker to me and I simply vanished from his life from one day to the next. Had I known about his conviction at the very beginning, there would not have been a second date. He never tried to stop me, I even got a calm "thank you for all that you did for us". I wanted to scream with frustration. But it also showed me I was right to leave asap - something that months later became very difficult to digest. So yeah, months later, the anger melted away and I was deep in the guilt and hurt territory. I've carried them with me for quite a while. I eventually dropped him a long email explaining how un-loved he made me feel and how I had felt tricked into accepting that situation, as I had shared my values straight up since the very beginning and he made me think he was ok with them. 4-5 months later, yeah, I had started to emotionally invest. He never responded to that email - who the hell wants to be confronted about his lies he fed a chick in a RS that ended months ago ? It did me a world of good to share all that with him and allowed me to get rid of the guilt of having ended a perfectly otherwise functioning RS. It is what it is. Now I am happy to have heard about his convictions that early and not years later. Do I think I've dumped him the correct way? Of course not. I was not hurt, I was beyond hurt and mad. He never tried to stop me, he never once said - let's talk about it, let's meet up. Guess he was afraid of confrontation, so it was more comfortable to actually have me end it via text. I told him over long email the next day that I was expecting him to stop me and fight back. He emailed back trying to get me to come to his place to give him his things, but without a word about his feelings or about talking about it. I just mailed his stuff and never saw him again in my life. Of course, from a purely intellectual debate, I think ending it any other way than face to face or over the phone is coward and lame. When you realize that you've been served a bunch of crap and all around you was smoke and mirrors, the only thing you want to do is get the hell outta there, trust me. Like yesterday. People end up showing their true colors sooner or later. No break up face to face or over the phone will ever be able to change that reality . In the end, screw it, really. It ended. Basta. Move on. Edited August 13, 2015 by candie13
candie13 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 you know, thinking back, I was saying to myself that it was really stupid of me to have just dumped him out of the blue, via the text and then 3 months later to email him and share how I felt, share deeply intimate thoughts and feelings with a liar. Well... i did what I've had to do to get by. And if he was all that smart and smooth - and of course, right in his approach, he would have found a way to keep the girl, ain't it ? Now I feel blessed to have left that RS behind me, irrelevant of why and how it ended. The only thing that mattered - he's not the one. And I'd better move on fast !
adreamwithinadream Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 at least phone if you want to avoid awkward face to face moment but if its not close to serious text is fine i suppose if it was just like one date or something
foolinlove79 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 My ex and i bu many times. He would always do it by text or email. I have to say i preferred it that way. In those moments i hated him and didnt want to be around him. I think it depends on the type of rs you have and the people in it. I do think sometimes it is a better option for all involved. .
Haydn Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Obviously if it`s a LTR or you live together maybe a text is not a good idea. Imagine loping off to the bathroom to take a dump whilst googling pictures of cats and then you get a text from the living room... `Things are not working, when you finish your evacuation we need to talk` However a few weeks or a month.....no problem I prefer it than having to meet face to face and hear about all my faults in the most patronising way possible...... `But your a great bloke`......
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