jasxo Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I was dumped a little over a week ago by a man that I'm still very much in love with. He seemed genuinely upset but felt it was something he needed to do to "get himself together." We have not spoken since the day we broke up. I am doing strict no contact in hopes he will regret his decision. Last night his mom messaged me out of the blue and said "Hi how are you doing? Just thinking of you. Jon hasn't found any of this easy." I'm not sure what motive she has behind this message. She is very involved in her sons life. I know she will likely tell my ex what I say, so I want to be very selective about what I respond with. I don't want to make it seem like I'm suffering without him but I also don't want to sound insensitive. Any ideas of what I should say?
LeslieKnope Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Be nice, courteous and diplomatic. Don't give too much detail - something along the lines of 'I'm holding up okay. It's nice to hear from you', not too much more, should be fine. After all, you didn't break up with her! 1
hakim Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I was dumped a little over a week ago by a man that I'm still very much in love with. He seemed genuinely upset but felt it was something he needed to do to "get himself together." We have not spoken since the day we broke up. I am doing strict no contact in hopes he will regret his decision. Last night his mom messaged me out of the blue and said "Hi how are you doing? Just thinking of you. Jon hasn't found any of this easy." I'm not sure what motive she has behind this message. She is very involved in her sons life. I know she will likely tell my ex what I say, so I want to be very selective about what I respond with. I don't want to make it seem like I'm suffering without him but I also don't want to sound insensitive. Any ideas of what I should say? There's no motive behind it really, she's just looking out for you. Reply with something like this: "Doing fine. I think it's all for the best." 3
salparadise Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 It doesn't actually require a response, but if you feel compelled a simple "thank you for your kind thoughts" would be a nice acknowledgment and quite sufficient. 3
Realitycol Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I was dumped a little over a week ago by a man that I'm still very much in love with. He seemed genuinely upset but felt it was something he needed to do to "get himself together." it's an excuse, just trying to be nice. We have not spoken since the day we broke up. I am doing strict no contact in hopes he will regret his decision. strict NC is strictly for you. You don't do NC in hopes that he comes back. You start NC knowing it's over, he's gone, get this person out of my system so I can be up and running and meeting amazing people. Last night his mom messaged me out of the blue and said "Hi how are you doing? Just thinking of you. Jon hasn't found any of this easy." Is this a text or a call? How do you know it's not him stalking you through his mom's phone? I'm not sure what motive she has behind this message. She is very involved in her sons life. Is he a mama's boy..?I know she will likely tell my ex what I say, so I want to be very selective about what I respond with. Be short, concise, yet polite. I don't want to make it seem like I'm suffering without him but I also don't want to sound insensitive. Any ideas of what I should say? Say that you're doing well and been busy/caught up with life. Don't sound depressed and as if your life is ruined and you can't live without him. Just sound upbeat and that you realize there's more to life than the PAST relationship and you're looking forward to WHAT IS NEXT.
Chi townD Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I don't think she's being intrusive. I think she's just concerned because she really liked you. And she probably thought that you were good for her son. If it were me, I would just say that you're doing as well as could be expected. That this is very hard on the both of you; but, you hope that Jon finds what he's looking for. And I would just leave it at that. 1
dumbass2 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 The less, the better. I would not mention anything about it being hard on you as well. Just say "Thank you, I'm doing fine" and leave it at that. Very simple and acknowledges her and does not leave anything open for interpretation that she can pass along to her son like "doing as well as can be expected" or "doing ok, it's hard on me too". You don't want to be communicating back and forth with the mom at all.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I was dumped a little over a week ago by a man that I'm still very much in love with. He seemed genuinely upset but felt it was something he needed to do to "get himself together." Aw, bless. And he can only do this WITHOUT you, can he...? We have not spoken since the day we broke up. I am doing strict no contact in hopes he will regret his decision. Then your motivation is skewed. You should be doing NC for your own benefit, not for any ulterior purpose or motive. Please read the NC Guide in my signature.... Last night his mom messaged me out of the blue and said "Hi how are you doing? Just thinking of you. Jon hasn't found any of this easy." 'JON hasn't found this easy'?! How about YOU haven't found this easy - ?! Big deal! He did this, not you!! I'm not sure what motive she has behind this message. She is very involved in her sons life. Then it's possible he put her up to it.... I know she will likely tell my ex what I say, so I want to be very selective about what I respond with. Honestly? Would you really like to do what you really SHOULD do...? In that case - Do NOT respond, reply, react, or send anything, of any kind, back. If it's from her, it's from him. If they're that close, it's as good as HIM texting you. And NC is about YOU not breaking No Contact. I don't want to make it seem like I'm suffering without him but I also don't want to sound insensitive. In that case, total silence will tell them nothing, reveal nothing and not give anything about you away. And it's not rude, to ignore. It's self-preservation. If she can get a response out of you now, she will expect to be able to get a response out of you at any time. Any ideas of what I should say? Please, PLEASE - take my advice, and that of the NC Guide. Say absolutely nothing at all. Nothing. Ignore. Delete and pretend it didn't happen. 2
SoThatHappened Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I agree with TaraMaiden, but I also think that not responding could fester with you down the road. I'm all about NC. Used it myself. However, when my last ex's sister called me after the breakup to tell me I'm better off, I simply thanked her for the phone call. If I would've ignored I would have had that on my mind along with the breakup. I would simply thank her and leave it at that. Then continue NC with Jon.
TaraMaiden2 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 If you really, really don't feel you can't NOT reply, then look at her message: "Hi how are you doing? Just thinking of you. Jon hasn't found any of this easy." Then break it down. "Hi" - reply - 'Hi'... "How are you doing?" - you are not in any way shape or form obliged to provide this information, so - don't offer any response to this. "Just thinking of you." - reply - 'Thank you for thinking of me.' "Jon hasn't found any of this easy" - is HIS problem, not yours. If he hasn't found any of this easy, then he's brought it on himself and he can deal with it accordingly. So, to summarise, your reply (if you really feel you MUST reply) should be this - and ONLY this: "Hi, thank you for thinking of me." That's it. You don't owe her any more than that. It responds, but tells her nothing, because he doesn't deserve to know anything. 3
rester Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 So, to summarise, your reply (if you really feel you MUST reply) should be this - and ONLY this: "Hi, thank you for thinking of me." That's it. You don't owe her any more than that. It responds, but tells her nothing, because he doesn't deserve to know anything. Exactly that. Or nothing.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Respond with something polite, non-commital & short. I agree she's trying to be nice but that doesn't mean you should pour your heart out to her.
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