No contact with my neighbor...

[AlurOne]

Hey guys/gals... I dated a girl who lives in my apartment building, directly across the hall from me. Probably a bad idea from the start. But things didn't work out. We weren't exactly in a relationship, but I developed feelings for her. Enough so that I am left somewhat hurt and confused. We haven't had any contact in about a month, but when I see her around the building or on the street, it's really tough for me. We just ignore eachother now, which sucks but that's how she wants it to be.

 

We used to be such friendly neighbors before this. I reached out a while back to say that we should at least respect that if nothing else, but for some reason she seems to prefer uncomfortable awkwardness. It actually feels like she hates me, but I can't point to a reason for that to be the case.

 

Anyone ever in a similar situation? Seeing someone where you live or even work? How do you cope with feelings for someone who wants to ignore you, when you see them all the time? And btw I have twisted my mind trying to figure out the "why" of it all, and can't answer it. The situation had some other unique variables as well, but I'll leave those details out unless someone wants to ask.

 

Thanks, folks.

[Yummm]

Hey mate.

 

It really does suck, so I do know where you are coming from!

 

My ex gf who I loved dearly dumped me out of the blue 3 months ago and I was in pieces. She works within eye distance from me so I bumped into her almost everyday. At first the heartsinks were terrible and it brought back terrible emotions but as the weeks went by it became easier. She even started stalking me and waving at me a few times which used to upset me.

 

Over the last month it's become alot easier. I just came back from a 3 week holiday and since then i've seen her almost everyday at work again. I don't feel that awkwardness or pain anymore like I used to. As sad as it is to hear, we were once strangers and we are once again strangers...

 

The best advice I can give you is try to focus your mind on somebody else, once you do that, you'll be feeling less negative association towards your neighbor everytime you see her.

[lolablue17]

Have a talk with her, try to fix the atmosphere. I'm sure she isn't happy with the situation exactly like you.

[AlurOne]

Thanks for the responses. Yummm I apreciate what you say, gives me hope that I'll stop thinking about her. I just saw her this morning, and it is really tough on me.

 

Have a talk with her, try to fix the atmosphere. I'm sure she isn't happy with the situation exactly like you.

 

I feel like that you too, like how could someone want to keep such bad vibes where they live? I tried to approach her on this, and literally have been ignored even in person. It's clear she doesn't want me to speak to her... She pretends she doesn't see me, so I started to follow suit. The last contact that I mentioned was me texting her about being friendly neighbors again, and she responded that she's blocking my number.

 

Truthfully, I was only kind and supportive while we were seeing eachother, and there isn't anything I can point to that should have created a situation like this. The very last time she reached out to me, she texted "are you awake", I responded "yes", and then she never said anything. Since then I had been ignored a few times, confused before getting the picture.

 

I understand that people lose interest or whatever, but this just seems so unnecessary, to have such an uncomfortable situation... We even talked about this numerous times, that we need to be cool about the fact that we are neighbors. I would have never felt comfortable enough to keep seeing her if we didn't square this away as part of the process. In fact, she pursued me, and I told her I was always interested in her but weary of the neighbor dynamic.

 

My feelings for her aside, it would be so much better if we could just say "hi how's it going" when we run into eachother. I don't want to ignore anyone, and I've literally never had a person in my life who set that as the standard.

[lolablue17]

I feel like that you too, like how could someone want to keep such bad vibes where they live? I tried to approach her on this, and literally have been ignored even in person. It's clear she doesn't want me to speak to her... She pretends she doesn't see me, so I started to follow suit. The last contact that I mentioned was me texting her about being friendly neighbors again, and she responded that she's blocking my number.

 

you have a lot of power over her. you just too afraid\shy to use it.

 

Next time you see her, say "Hello, how are you doing?" She will ignore so you can go after her and say "What's going on? can't you say hello? did I do something to you"?

 

Next time do the same, and if there are other neighbours there, it's great, because she will be more embarassed. Do it constantly.

 

She can't do anything against you. She can't threat to go to the police because you live there and no one can force you not to be there. You just say "Hello".

 

After she's rude enough, you can tell her that the best way for her If she wants you to stop saying hello, is to talk to you, or to move out of the neighberhood ... Remember - saying Hello to a neighbour can never be considered as harrasment.

[AlurOne]

you have a lot of power over her. you just too afraid\shy to use it.

 

Next time you see her, say "Hello, how are you doing?" She will ignore so you can go after her and say "What's going on? can't you say hello? did I do something to you"?

 

Next time do the same, and if there are other neighbours there, it's great, because she will be more embarassed. Do it constantly.

 

She can't do anything against you. She can't threat to go to the police because you live there and no one can force you not to be there. You just say "Hello".

 

After she's rude enough, you can tell her that the best way for her If she wants you to stop saying hello, is to talk to you, or to move out of the neighberhood ... Remember - saying Hello to a neighbour can never be considered as harrasment.

 

Wow, I honestly never considered an approach like this. I'm very non-confrontational. But I feel bad every time I have to ignore her because it's not my personality to be like that with anyone, even though she set that protocol. At least if I'm still saying hi, then I don't have to feel like I'm going against my own grain I guess.

[keebee]

I'm not sure what the benefit of trying to force interaction with her would be. At best, it will make you look petty and unable to let things go, which would confirm in her mind that she was right to not pursue things with you. At worst, it seems extremely aggressive and needlessly confrontational.

 

She knows you want to talk to her. For whatever reason, she would rather have it be uncomfortable/awkward and not make small talk. That's her choice, and you'd be far better off respecting that. Would you really want to do something that you KNOW makes her uncomfortable? It certainly won't bring her closer, and it would likely make you feel bad, as well.

[Gus Grimly]

You could always be super friendly. Every time you see her just smile and say "hey". If she ignores you, whatever. Just keep being the super cool guy, make her wonder if she was overreacting. Coming on too strong might be a bad thing. People usually don't respond well to that in my experience. Just play it cool. If she's unresponsive to it, fine, let her revel in her own awkwardness.

[AlurOne]

You could always be super friendly. Every time you see her just smile and say "hey". If she ignores you, whatever. Just keep being the super cool guy, make her wonder if she was overreacting. Coming on too strong might be a bad thing. People usually don't respond well to that in my experience. Just play it cool. If she's unresponsive to it, fine, let her revel in her own awkwardness.

 

This. I think it's the best way to be. I'm friendly with everyone in my building, it's just my nature to be that way. And to ignore someone really goes against who I am, especially when I don't have an actual reason to do so, other than to follow her example. I've done that the last few times we crossed paths, but now I'm going to continue as I always have and say "hi" but not necessarily try and approach her. At least I'm not changing my behavior, and I can still feel like I'm being true to myself.

 

It's not me who wants awkwardness, so why change what I do?

 

Thanks for the smart reply, Gus.

Edited August 13, 2015 by AlurOne

[AlurOne]

Do you guys think that writing a letter would be reasonable? Or is that over the top?

[Gus Grimly]

Do you guys think that writing a letter would be reasonable? Or is that over the top?

I dunno, she seems inconsolable. Sounds like she wants nothing to do with you. I'd let it go. It's unfortunate since you live in the apartment complex across the hall. Get a girlfriend and let her see you two together, you could even say "hey what's up?". That will get her attention. Other than that, leave her alone.

[AlurOne]

I dunno, she seems inconsolable. Sounds like she wants nothing to do with you. I'd let it go. It's unfortunate since you live in the apartment complex across the hall. Get a girlfriend and let her see you two together, you could even say "hey what's up?". That will get her attention. Other than that, leave her alone.

 

Thanks again for the reply, Gus. I appreciate the perspective.

[Gus Grimly]

Thanks again for the reply, Gus. I appreciate the perspective.

No problem!

 

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but these affairs of the heart are always touchy. You don't deserve to be treated so coldly, but that's how she wants to do it. Doesn't mean you need to play her game. Like I said before, just be cool, be a gentleman and forget about her. It's her loss.

[AlurOne]

No problem!

 

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but these affairs of the heart are always touchy. You don't deserve to be treated so coldly, but that's how she wants to do it. Doesn't mean you need to play her game. Like I said before, just be cool, be a gentleman and forget about her. It's her loss.

 

You're totally right, I'm just always trying to think of some way to clear the atmosphere like someone else said. But it's probably beyond anything salvageable at this point I suppose. Thanks again, dude. You seem like a clear thinker.

Edited August 16, 2015 by AlurOne