SingleMom123 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Hi, I'm a 39 yo divorced single mom and I've been dating a 46 yo guy for about 8 weeks. He's never been married and has no kids. It's gone well, see each on avg once during week and on weekends. We are sleeping together at this point. The issue is I'm ready to be exclusive and told him I'm only seeing him and asked if he's on the same page. He was a deer in headlights and basically didn't answer the question. Just said he really likes me and played it off the rest of the evening. So - do I just keep going with this for a while in hopes he'll come around or tell him I can only keep seeing him if we're exclusive? I'm not looking to get married or even move in - so I didn't think it was asking too much that he be my boyfriend at this point. Thoughts????
kendahke Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Hi, I'm a 39 yo divorced single mom and I've been dating a 46 yo guy for about 8 weeks. He's never been married and has no kids. It's gone well, see each on avg once during week and on weekends. We are sleeping together at this point. The issue is I'm ready to be exclusive and told him I'm only seeing him and asked if he's on the same page. He was a deer in headlights and basically didn't answer the question. Just said he really likes me and played it off the rest of the evening. So - do I just keep going with this for a while in hopes he'll come around or tell him I can only keep seeing him if we're exclusive? I'm not looking to get married or even move in - so I didn't think it was asking too much that he be my boyfriend at this point. Thoughts???? You're both grown enough to have this conversation and each give their honest answer. At 46, he should have no problems stating his intentions as far as you're concerned. Ask him again and if he deflects, you know all that you need to know. You can then either stick around and be exclusive with someone who isn't making you exclusive; you can not be exclusive and multi-date or you can dump him and find a man who wants exclusivity with you. 4
Gaeta Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 No, let him go chase all the rabbits he wants. You are old enough to know what you want and you have no time to waste on a 46 yo who can't answer a simple question. You are also a mother and have no time to waste on the wrong man. Two months is long enough for him to know if he wants to concentrate on you only. Taking your profile down isn't a marriage, it's just a gesture of sincerity toward each other. The 11 Differences Between Dating a Boy vs a Man - JustMyTypeMag All 10 difference between a man and a boy. Point 5 is of interest. 7
xcupid Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 What did you specifically ask him? Did you say, "Are you on the same page?" Or did you use the word "commitment"? Or did you ask him whether he wanted to be exclusive? How do you know he's not dating other women and sleeping with other women if you're not exclusive? At the very least you should both be exclusive and monogamous at this point in the relationship if sex is involved IMO.
usernametaken Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 How much are you two communicating? Do you generally know pretty well what he's doing on a given night? I don't think 8 weeks is too soon to want exclusivity, especially since you have a child and likely a more compressed schedule for availability where dates are concerned. I would just suck it up and ask him again, point blank, if he is still dating or seeking to date other people. If he is, and he's not willing to stop that yet, move on. Life's short. PS - I found it hard to date men without kids as a mom. They just didn't quite "get" my life as much. (obviously there are exceptions - just my experience)
mystikmind2005 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 a man that age who has never been married and your surprised he is reluctant to commit?? 1
Author SingleMom123 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 There is really no communication - we see each other but it's all small talk nothing about feelings. I fully get that being 46 and never married means he's unlikely to commit. But, I'm not looking to get married, engaged or even move in with someone - just the basic level of "you're not going to f&ck someone else while were dating." Call me old-fashioned. 1
autumnnight Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 This man is probably not going to be exclusive OR give you a straight answer. I remember dating someone, and at one point I said that I wouldn't sleep with more than one man. He jokingly said, "I won't sleep with more than one man either then." I chuckled. But you know, he never DID actually say he wouldn't sleep with more than one woman. Yeah.....that was pretty clear. If you want to ask him point blank one more time, then I would. But don;t expect a straight answer....which IS an answer. 1
mrldii Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 There is really no communication - we see each other but it's all small talk nothing about feelings. I fully get that being 46 and never married means he's unlikely to commit. But, I'm not looking to get married, engaged or even move in with someone - just the basic level of "you're not going to f&ck someone else while were dating." Call me old-fashioned. IMHO, you have every right to feel this way...and to expect it...and to say so. He, also, has every right to NOT agree to "commit" to an exclusive relationship. As kendahke pointed out, whether you stay or go is your choice: stick to expecting - and demanding - mutual exclusivity OR agree that you both will date others, which may include sex with others. Under NO circumstance should you accept his non-exclusivity while freely giving him yours...that's the surest way to set yourself up for disappointment. You strike me as the type that can't and won't multi-date (which is fine)...which means you shouldn't *settle down* with someone who can, will, and does. Best of luck to you... 2
Author SingleMom123 Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 Thanks everyone. Sometimes we know the answer deep down but we need others to say it for our heart to hear it.
mystikmind2005 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 How does that classic Meatloaf song go? 'I'll give you an answer in the morning" On the bright side, he did not simply lie and tell you what you want to hear, so, this guy might be worthwhile having a serious talk to understand his feeling on the matter?
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