Marshbear Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Do you think it is possible to become obsessed with NC? Can it take over your life to the point that the fear of seeing your ex changes your behavior? I am practicing NC with my ex but I now wonder if my desire to have no contact with her is becoming an obsession? If I go some where where I think I might possibly see her I am very tense and want to get out of there as quick as possible. I find myself so driven with not running into or seeing her that sometimes it consumes me. Do you think this is a problem? How can I deal with my NC rules but also continue my life? Comments welcome...
Author Marshbear Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Anybody out there??? Appreciate comments...
Illusion24 Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 I'm going through with NC...It's really hard but you need to analyze the situation and realize it didn't work out for a reason. You can't be afraid to live you're life because you might run in to her. Have fun let her see you don't need her...Not sure how it ended but all I know is that don't HIDE...be you, live...Life goes on!
Author Marshbear Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 Thanks NeverSayNever, You are right. I can't hide but sometimes I guess I get so caught up in the NC that I try to avoid all contact and that makes me paranoid. I am going on with my life but I guess it wouldn't hurt to let her see that fact. I just need a balance of NC and living my life. Thanks.
outdated Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Balance. Show them you're the bigger person. If they don't respond or are crass and angry about it, that's healing too, because you can say to yourself "Why the hell did I care in the first place?", and that in itself helps healing. If you never are in contact with them and that works for you, then great, but if it makes you more miserable stewing on it with no contact, then that's doing more harm than good. Besides, if a little light contact makes them a little nervous and they see that you are moving on and there's no hard feelings, sometimes they begin to think a little differently, and sometimes they even squirm. No harm in that!
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by Marshbear Do you think this is a problem? No it is not. it is simply self-preservation instinct kicking in. Last thanxgiving I ran out on my on-again off again woman and instituted strict NC. I did not go to any of places we used to go or places I knew she liked. I did this on purpose even tho it was I who split. I had to teach her a lesson. she emailed me a few time over past 5 months and i never responded. then she sent me email about 10 days ago that I could not resist. I broke NC after 5 months and see how it worked? It worked great cause I wanted her back and I am meeting her for dinner at 8pm tonite
ltomlinson81 Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 I think whether or not you are doing NC, if you've recently been through a breakup its normal worry about seeing your ex out.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 That's a great point about NC, Alpha. If THEY initiate the contact, it's up to you decide what you want to respond to. But if YOU initiate NC and break it, then you have to start over.
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC That's a great point about NC, Alpha. If THEY initiate the contact, it's up to you decide what you want to respond to. But if YOU initiate NC and break it, then you have to start over. ahh but do you see what i did, COC? I made her sweat and work and think for 5 whole months to try to see me again. And during that time I never once contacted her or saw her or anything. Total radio silence. Nothing on the radar screen. I have made her beg and get on her hands and knees and that is the price she had to pay. My percieved value to her has gone up 100 times now.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale ahh but do you see what i did, COC? I made her sweat and work and think for 5 whole months to try to see me again. And during that time I never once contacted her or saw her or anything. Total radio silence. Nothing on the radar screen. I have made her beg and get on her hands and knees and that is the price she had to pay. My percieved value to her has gone up 100 times now. Agreed, but also... She loved you when you left her, no? I mean, was she in love with you or did she just love you as a friend? YOU broke up with her, not the other way around. You have always been in the driver's seat. Now if someone breaks up with you because they love you but aren't IN love with you, they have to go through a bigger change. Implementing NC doesn't mean they will come back. In just means you'll be able to pick up the pieces easier. NC is so much easier when YOU are in the drivers seat. When you've been dumped, you're just a bystander and other than implementing NC, there isn't much you can do. PS: If I can go 5 months of NC with my Ex, I'd consider myself weaned.
alphamale Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC She loved you when you left her yes YOU broke up with her, not the other way around. technically there was no "break up" cause on thanxgiving after a disagreement I just up and split. no drama, no yelling, no nothing. I just walked out the door You have always been in the driver's seat. sort of, yes, but the whole time of NC for 5 months I wanted her back so badly i could taste it. i thought of her 5x per day. I dated other women and even slept with some and it was just sex. no feeling for any other woman could happen. it was very hard for me but I did it. NC is so much easier when YOU are in the drivers seat. not when the person in the drivers seat really wants them back!
ConfusedInOC Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale yes technically there was no "break up" cause on thanxgiving after a disagreement I just up and split. no drama, no yelling, no nothing. I just walked out the door sort of, yes, but the whole time of NC for 5 months I wanted her back so badly i could taste it. i thought of her 5x per day. I dated other women and even slept with some and it was just sex. no feeling for any other woman could happen. it was very hard for me but I did it. not when the person in the drivers seat really wants them back! But my point is, she didn't walk out on you, you walked out on her. She still wanted you at the point you left. With me, she didn't want me anymore. So it's not like she's going to change overnight -- IF AT ALL. She may never have a change of heart. I know implementing NC is for ME to cope and move on. Right now she has someone else in her life and she isn't going to be missing me unless he screws up. And I am not holding out hope he will.
Recommended Posts