Divorce final on 19th. Anniversary today. Should I even mention it?

[Sharpie77]

Quick backstory:

 

My wife and I were together for 12 years and as of today have been married for 9.

 

We lost our first child - our daughter - at birth in 2008. Changed us both in profound ways we didn't understand. She became unhappy and called end to marriage beginning of March this year.

 

We have our final court date on the 19th.

 

We still live together - mostly due to the fact that she has been unable to find somewhere to stay.

 

We have two kids.

 

For the most part, we've gotten along very well and have been civil with one another. Divorce itself has been amicable. There have been a few bumps in the road - feelings sometimes get hard to control...but for the most part we're on good terms. We're able to spend time together and it doesn't suck.

 

As I mentioned before - today is technically our 9th anniversary. We're obviously both aware of the significance of the day. I know it doesn't "mean" what it once did - but should I at least acknowledge it?

 

It's like a big elephant is in the room. I feel like someone needs to say something.

 

I was thinking of nothing more than a quick text saying we obviously both know what today is. I understand it doesn't mean what it once did...but we had a lot of good times in those nine years and they gave us three incredible kids. Hope your day goes well.

 

Nothing more than that.

 

I would imagine it's rough on her, too.

 

I just feel like one of us should say something. Next year - probably not - but this year considering the circumstances...maybe?

 

We don't hate one another. There is some anger - some regret - but not really any bad blood. We'll even sleep in the same bed tonight.

 

We were two good people who suffered a devastating loss and then lost one another. I like to think we've gone thru this with some dignity and at least acknowledging today would be something along those lines.

 

Thoughts?

[angel.eyes]

I think the message is fine.

 

On another note, I can't imagine the trauma of carrying a child to term and then losing him or her. I'm sorry you both had to go through such a horrible experience, and that it negatively impacted your relationship. I hope you're able to find happiness post-divorce. You sound like a good guy. Best.

[PegNosePete]

Why on earth would you want to acknowledge the anniversary of a failed marriage? What are you trying to achieve here?

[Sharpie77]

Why on earth would you want to acknowledge the anniversary of a failed marriage? What are you trying to achieve here?

 

...because we're stuck together for the time being. We're on good terms - friends, even.

 

It felt like a big elephant in the room this morning and I feel like it will only get worse as the day goes on.

 

I'm not trying to achieve anything other than to acknowledge what we both know today is and to at least give it a little dignity - nothing more.

 

Yes - it failed - but it failed for some really crummy reasons - but we got some good stuff out of it.

[Mr. Lucky]

Hope your day goes well.

 

That's the extent of the text I'd send and I think the meaning would be clear enough.

 

Kudos to you for keeping it sane and amicable with kids involved, not easy to do. Keep posting, let us know how it goes...

 

Mr. Lucky