Popsicle Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 Popsicle why do you say that??? It's bull. You change, turn from this, get really strong boundaries, and this won't happen. It's not bull. Once the cheating types learn that you've had an A once, they think you'd be open to it again. And Autumnight, I never said I'd do it again. Not in a million years!
Author Heatherknows Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 It's bull. You change, turn from this, get really strong boundaries, and this won't happen. I believe people can change. It isn't easy but if you take steps it can happen. TBH I do want to contact that guy. I know he's a sleazy predator who was nasty to me more than kind. He was abusive in fact and I kept going in for more. I was looking for love, kindness, acceptance, friendship and passion. I still want all those things. I did play a part in this miserable plot. I posted sexy pictures and made these sexy fitness videos in hopes of becoming a fitness instructor. I was a bit out of my mind...lol. I was unfocused and looking for someplace soft to fall. I hated myself at the time and tried to get people to love me. What I got was a lot of sexualized attention from men and lots of outrage from those who didn't like seeing a woman use her sexuality. Men can get away with being sexually provocative and behaving bizarre but a woman cannot do the same. The experience I had on that site and with this man was terrible. I must learn from it or I'm going to repeat the behavior and I just can't do that again.
Author Heatherknows Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 It's not bull. Once the cheating types learn that you've had an A once, they think you'd be open to it again. And Autumnight, I never said I'd do it again. Not in a million years! Well...I'm not going to wear a T-Shirt that says "I had a crusty online affair." 5
Author Heatherknows Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 (edited) This exercise forum wasn't Crossfit was it? No, it wasn't. Did you meet someone on Crossfit that sounds similar? I'm not looking to "out" anyone. I met a predator but I was dangling food. Really. I'm not so innocent. I was LOOKING for a handsome guy to "seduce" me romantically. And that's not easy to do. Most guys are looking for sex. This guy was looking for real life sex. I was looking for online soft, flirty, cute romance. He pushed his agenda. I pushed mine. I wasn't that innocent but I'm not a player or out to hurt anyone. I don't think he was really out to hurt me. Actually, I really don't know what he wanted from me because I'm not exactly sure it was sex. Like I said the whole thing was weird and confusing and a huge waste of time. Edited August 13, 2015 by Heatherknows 1
SoulStorm Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 No, it wasn't. Did you meet someone on Crossfit that sounds similar? No. I Just know that Crossfit has forums and lots of infidelity has come from it You say that you were not looking to hurt anyone, but that's not necessarily true. You cannot say that what you were doing would not hurt your husband You cannot say that what you were doing would not hurt your moral standing (as evidenced by some negative comments to your video) You cannot say that this has caused you to question your very character So to say that you were not trying to hurt anyone is unjustified justification. Deep down...you knew this would hurt.
Author Heatherknows Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 No. I Just know that Crossfit has forums and lots of infidelity has come from it You say that you were not looking to hurt anyone, but that's not necessarily true. You cannot say that what you were doing would not hurt your husband You cannot say that what you were doing would not hurt your moral standing (as evidenced by some negative comments to your video) You cannot say that this has caused you to question your very character So to say that you were not trying to hurt anyone is unjustified justification. Deep down...you knew this would hurt. No. Deep down I thought it wasn't great but I didn't think it was bad. Now I do.
SoulStorm Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 No. Deep down I thought it wasn't great but I didn't think it was bad. Now I do. Reality always punches harder than fantasy 1
Popsicle Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Well...I'm not going to wear a T-Shirt that says "I had a crusty online affair." You don't need a T-shirt. You were, and even now here, on an online forum.
Hope Shimmers Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I understand what I did was wrong. You did the same thing I did but "worse" as you put it. So what do you do now to get that passion fix? Yep, point taken and you're right. I am in no position to give advice or criticism as I did the same thing. If I'm being honest, I was probably projecting. I apologize. For me it was both embarrassing and humiliating that I got involved, and something I deeply regret - some of the same emotions that I hear from you. But in hindsight it was also a huge learning experience. I learned a great deal about myself, the decisions I made that were less than optimal, WHY I made those decisions, and - most importantly - how to trust myself in the future and only give my heart to people who I know are deserving of it. In your case, your marital situation, although not an excuse (and you are definitely not blame-shifting), is not providing what you need in terms of intimacy. That part is on your H - again, not 'blaming' him for the A. I am not married, so now I get that passion fix from a single man. 3
Author Heatherknows Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 You don't need a T-shirt. You were, and even now here, on an online forum. How would someone seduce me here? I'm unable to send or receive PM's. They would have to seduce me in front of everyone.
Author Heatherknows Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Yep, point taken and you're right. I am in no position to give advice or criticism as I did the same thing. If I'm being honest, I was probably projecting. I apologize. For me it was both embarrassing and humiliating that I got involved, and something I deeply regret - some of the same emotions that I hear from you. But in hindsight it was also a huge learning experience. I learned a great deal about myself, the decisions I made that were less than optimal, WHY I made those decisions, and - most importantly - how to trust myself in the future and only give my heart to people who I know are deserving of it. In your case, your marital situation, although not an excuse (and you are definitely not blame-shifting), is not providing what you need in terms of intimacy. That part is on your H - again, not 'blaming' him for the A. I am not married, so now I get that passion fix from a single man. I know what you mean about embarrassing and humiliating. I cannot believe I gave my time, attention, creativity and heart to someone who really couldn't care less about me. Now I need to figure out why I was really looking for that validation. Why was his attention important to me? I am going to seek therapy because this is something I need help with.
autumnnight Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 No, it wasn't. Did you meet someone on Crossfit that sounds similar? I'm not looking to "out" anyone. I met a predator but I was dangling food. Really. I'm not so innocent. I was LOOKING for a handsome guy to "seduce" me romantically. And that's not easy to do. Most guys are looking for sex. This guy was looking for real life sex. I was looking for online soft, flirty, cute romance. He pushed his agenda. I pushed mine. I wasn't that innocent but I'm not a player or out to hurt anyone. I don't think he was really out to hurt me. Actually, I really don't know what he wanted from me because I'm not exactly sure it was sex. Like I said the whole thing was weird and confusing and a huge waste of time. Heather, I wouldn't give ANY info aboutth e site name, you're green name, not even privately. Trust me on this. 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Heather, I wouldn't give ANY info aboutth e site name, you're green name, not even privately. Trust me on this. That sounds scary. LOL. Are you able to tell me why?
Popsicle Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 How would someone seduce me here? I'm unable to send or receive PM's. They would have to seduce me in front of everyone. You can send PMs once you're here for a month.
Author Heatherknows Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 You can send PMs once you're here for a month. Then I'll deactivate that function. Simple. 1
sandylee1 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Then I'll deactivate that function. Simple. Well said. 2
sandylee1 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Just to say I understand where you're coming from Heather. I think in the same way men will say women don't make as much of an effort with make up/lingerie etc. Men can also slip when it comes to romance and seduction. Kind of like. ..I've got her and married her, so I don't needto do that anymore. I'll bet those guys who do it online are not like that with their wives IRL. 2
elaine567 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 I've been married 14 years now. No kids. I'm middle-aged and not quite as pretty or sexy as I once was. I spend a lot of time alone and feel more comfortable interacting with nature than with others. I'm a bit of a hermit I suppose. My life revolves around shopping, cleaning, cooking, gardening, working out and pet care. I met a guy online whose hobby is to seduce women for fun. I was a game he played well. However, I wanted to play the game. I was yearning for some passion and excitement and he gave it to me. He played games, I tried to win them and spent too much time trying to figure out how to win them and never won crap. You are a bored housewife, who spends her life mostly alone, without any real challenge, and as an intelligent woman, you need intellectual stimulation. Yes, it was about the sex in part, but the high you got was also just from playing the game, trying to pitch yourself and win against this guy, who you knew was a player, and who you knew was a bit of an expert too. YOU knew you were never going to meet him in real life, so it was a safe game, but an exciting one. He provided a challenge to you, something that was missing in your life, and you were very happy to play that game. 1
Author Heatherknows Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Just to say I understand where you're coming from Heather. I think in the same way men will say women don't make as much of an effort with make up/lingerie etc. Men can also slip when it comes to romance and seduction. Kind of like. ..I've got her and married her, so I don't needto do that anymore. I'll bet those guys who do it online are not like that with their wives IRL. My husband is great at sweet things like cooking me dinner and giving me compliments but when it comes to the ripping my clothes off part that usually doesn't happen. I never thought in a million years that I'd be the one initiating sex.
Author Heatherknows Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 You are a bored housewife, who spends her life mostly alone, without any real challenge, and as an intelligent woman, you need intellectual stimulation. Yes, it was about the sex in part, but the high you got was also just from playing the game, trying to pitch yourself and win against this guy, who you knew was a player, and who you knew was a bit of an expert too. YOU knew you were never going to meet him in real life, so it was a safe game, but an exciting one. He provided a challenge to you, something that was missing in your life, and you were very happy to play that game. Unfortunately...you're right. He was the "God" on the forum and I wanted to win the prize. I got his attention quick and even though the rest of the people on the forum hated my guts I played his game and tried to win on my terms. Flirtation, attention, romance and his time were my goals. He spends so much time on that forum posting and flirting I figured it would be fun for both of us. It wasn't. It was many things but it wasn't fun and then I started to like him a lot even though I knew what he was and felt dirty for playing.
Sweet Workaholic Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Hi Heather Having read many of your other posts, it's fascinating to read this one as it gives more of a full perspective of you. You seem like a lovely person and I think that your bad girl side is not at all a bad thing. Let's face it, we all have fantasies. And I wonder if there is a single marriage in the world where the fantasies don't harmlessly occassionally involve people outside the marriage. How many MM fantasise about the top actors, models, etc. The same for women. We even jokingly admit it to each other. How many married people watch porn, read (well - look at, who ever reads them!) porn magazines, read sexy books - either together, or with friends or alone. I know for a fact that my own uncle - a great faithful man and wonderful father - kept a stash of this stuff under his bed. I discovered it when I was about 8! Whether or not my auntie ever knew or approved, I don't know, but it never made me feel any less for him. It's just inside us and part of what we are. I guess it becomes dodgy when it involves interactions with real other people. You flirted online, but you were 100% sure you didn't want it to go physical, and you maintained that. But there are dangers - you can never be totally sure what the other person wants or feels, whatever they actually say. And feelings can develop. My A was initially very simple chatting, extremely light flirting, not at all sexual, and I was 100% sure that I wanted nothing more. But I was weak and naive and it did develop into an A. I see your difficulty because you want the the fantasies to be about YOU, just like I did. Watching other people in a porn film has never held any interest to me, because it's about other people. You and I want other people to make us feel sexy and wanted, and not to watch other people's fantasies. I daresay there are flirting sites with rules that it is 100% anonymous and online and that members are forbidden to ever meet? But even in this real people and real minds are at work, and it's really best to stay away unless you are really sure you can be strong and treat it 100% as fun. It would be great if you could gently coax your H into being a bit more sexy like this. Perhaps he's shy, inexperienced and naive? Or is it that he has a low libido and not particularly interested in sex? Sorry - very personal questions and I don't expect you to answer. It would be wonderful if you could unlock this in him. If he is really not interested, do you think he would understand if you wanted to do some completely fun, no-strings, harmless flirting on the internet? He could even watch you and post with you possibly - could even awaken something in him? Good luck! You deserve some happiness and excitement in your life. So thoughtful and insightful People are complex mixtures of spirit and animal, good and bad Life is a balancing act between these poles Affirm all your feelings but govern your actions Heather, you sound like a wonderful person - I wish you good fortune on your journey 2
Sandy43 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 You can send PMs once you're here for a month. I've bee here over 3 months and I can't send pm's
DKT3 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 I've bee here over 3 months and I can't send pm's I see you have 51 posts so you should have PM now. Its a combination of 30 days and 50 posts.
Sandy43 Posted August 22, 2015 Posted August 22, 2015 Thanks Dkt3. Heather I am going to try to say this as nicely as possible, the amount of time you spend online may be part of your problem, when do you spend quality time with your H? You spend a lot if time on here posting about your M and lack of intimacy but that could be a contributing factor. Just a thought. 1
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