He asked me not to wear makeup?

[katiegrl]

Expectation toward a friend are different than expectation toward a girlfriend that is why he did not bring it up earlier.

 

 

 

 

You got these texted because 'you chewed him out royally' the night before. You made him feel bad for expressing a preference instead of having a conversation about it.

 

---

 

****Rest assured in the future he will not come forward with his likes and dislikes and this in every facet of your relationship including intimacy.***

 

---

 

I think that is even sadder. Not because you don't want to tone down your make up, it's your prerogative. It's sad that you addressed him with such aggressiveness. You could have simply said 'I know you prefer the natural look but because of my scars I feel my best with a bit of make up on. There was no need for you to go ape-shyt on him. Once again don't expect him to come to you with something else in the future.

 

Quote in asterisk -- ain't that the truth!

[kendahke]

Rest assured in the future he will not come forward with his likes and dislikes and this in every facet of your relationship including intimacy..

 

Perhaps this is a friendship that should stay in the friend zone.

[katiegrl]

I guess I'm kind of aggressively overstating the way I told him. The long and short of it is: I told I wear the makeup because of my scars, I don't feel pretty without it, and I should be allowed to wear whatever makeup I want. That was it.

 

Not to quibble, but do you wear the mascara, eye liner and eye shadow because of your scars too?

 

I mean, it's "those" things he thinks you wear too much of. Foundation to camouflage scars is totally reasonable.

 

That said, continue doing whatever makes you feel most comfortable... he only asked.

[vc1990]

Not to quibble, but do you wear the mascara, eye liner and eye shadow because of your scars too?

 

I mean, it's "those" things he thinks you wear too much of. Foundation to camouflage scars is totally reasonable.

 

That said, continue doing whatever makes you feel most comfortable... he only asked.

 

I will concede that you have a point there. You truly do. You got me.

 

 

I'll see him tonight. I could wear no makeup. But I just feel gross without it. It's like if you walked into a job interview with a ripped up shirt. They might not say anything, but they're mentally taking note of it and not in a positive way.

[Gaeta]

I will concede that you have a point there. You truly do. You got me.

 

 

I'll see him tonight. I could wear no makeup. But I just feel gross without it. It's like if you walked into a job interview with a ripped up shirt. They might not say anything, but they're mentally taking note of it and not in a positive way.

 

He did not ask you to not wear make up right? He said his preference would be you tone it down.

[katiegrl]

I will concede that you have a point there. You truly do. You got me.

 

 

I'll see him tonight. I could wear no makeup. But I just feel gross without it. It's like if you walked into a job interview with a ripped up shirt. They might not say anything, but they're mentally taking note of it and not in a positive way.

 

Sweetie, he did not ask you to go WITHOUT. Just less.

 

How about some soft shadow and mascara? Omit the liner.

 

Wear the foundation with a light blush.

 

Soft lipstick with a glossy shine to it.

 

So pretty!!!

[PegNosePete]

I should be allowed to wear whatever makeup I want.

And nobody has ever tried to disallow you from doing exactly that.

He expressed a preference, that's all, and got his head bitten off for it.

I think you owe him an apology for totally over-reacting.

[katiegrl]

Another makeup tip I learned a long time ago.

 

Makeup is meant to enhance your appearance, not change it.

 

One or two coats mascara tops. Over application of mascara DOES look fake!

 

Same with liner, if at all. Personally I hate liner, always looks very fake to me. Overkill.

 

You want to look *natural* and like *you*.

 

Not that you do any of those things, but if your boyfriend is saying it looks "fake" there might be something to that.

[Summer_Nights82]

To me this whole thing really is a slippery slope.

 

My now EX bf told me once early on in dating, I don't like you wearing lipstick or lipgloss or even Chapstick, I don't like the taste. Now I wear it very very rarely and I had put it on before one of our dates. My response was "I guess I won't be kissing you then" he shut his mouth quick.

 

Fast forward a couple of months and he starts saying things like, I don't want my girl wearing short shorts, or any revealing clothing. Now I'm as tomboy as they come and wouldn't disrespect myself by letting it all hang out anyways...but I don't need to be told by anyone especially not him

 

What I'm trying to say is that it was the beginning of him showing how controlling he could be. Some of you may shrug it off as an innocent comment but be aware of similar statements that come afterwards.

[pteromom]

Maybe I'm just trying to get some insight--do his words sound like a clueless guy who got himself in the hot seat, or the beginning of controlling behavior?

 

Could be either one.

 

Here's what you do.

 

"I think it is really nice that you like me without makeup. Very sweet. I prefer to wear makeup. But I will wash my face when we are hanging out at home alone, or if we are about to be intimate (assuming you are)."

[MissBee]

I'm going with controlling. Even his wording creeped me out. "It would mean a lot to me?" Wtf is that??

 

You are what you are, and you wear what you're comfortable with.

 

If he's outlining in detail the amount of make up you can wear, item by item, this early in...it's only going to get much, much worse.

 

You're in the stage where you get to know each other, and work out whether you're compatible. You put your best foot forward, and enjoy each other's company. And he has the audacity to tell you what kind of make up you can and cannot wear, during the early dating stage? Lol. Nutbag.

 

Run. Don't look back.

 

Ditto.

 

Anyone who would even THINK to say this is controlling at worst and really audacious at best. If you don't like women who wear lots of makeup, DON'T date a woman who wears a lot of makeup. However, it is NOT your right or place to "suggest" how much makeup she should wear. This isn't "sweet" it would turn me off to no end.

 

I don't like guys who wear lots of jewelry for example. That's me. But no way in hell would I go out with a man who wore more jewelry than I like then decide to text him about wearing it in moderation because he'd look nicer with less...wtf...I can't even imagine doing that. If it bothered me so much I'd just not date him or if I like him, suck it up.

 

OP, I'd continue wearing as much makeup as I want and watch and listen CAREFULLY if he further exhibits signs of being controlling and if he does, run the other way.

[deadelvis]

Ummm... I think he was trying to be nice. I told my GF I prefer her without makeup. Mostly just to be nice, and to make her feel pretty on the 90% of the days she doesn't wear any. After a while I decided she actually looks better with makeup, but I would never say that. You should always tell a woman she looks better with no makeup. It's like saying "no I think the extra weight you've put on is sexy" Sure it's a lie, but it's pretty much the only lie you can justify in a relationship IMO.

[GemmaUK]

I will concede that you have a point there. You truly do. You got me.

 

 

I'll see him tonight. I could wear no makeup. But I just feel gross without it. It's like if you walked into a job interview with a ripped up shirt. They might not say anything, but they're mentally taking note of it and not in a positive way.

 

 

I think his apology was sincere.

I think you have handled this well too VC.

For the record I feel gross and unpolished without make up too.

I have blonde facial hair so mascara for me is a must.

 

Again, see how things go but it sounds like all has worked out well here.

 

Dating is about setting boundaries as well as having fun.

Enjoy your date!

[deadelvis]

for the record... too much makeup is horrid. I don't want to look at my partner during sex and feel like I'm banging a clown

[MissBee]

There is such a double standard over this.

 

Women can tell their boyfriends to dress better or to cut their beard, but a man cannot tell his girlfriend he thinks she wears to much make up.

 

I do think socially, women are taught to be their man's next mother, where it's seen as okay to feed him, lecture him and dress him or where it is made to seem like men are just grown children that a woman needs to "train" so yes, there might be a double standard.

 

However, that's not what this [particular case boils down to to me. I am not going to text an adult male and tell him "You wear lots of shorts, shorts are fine, I understand why some men like shorts, but I hate shorts and I think you look better in pants so I'd like you to wear more pants. You don't have to stop wearing shorts, just wear them in moderation...":confused: I mean...for me, that is out of line. That's not something you text to begin with and the whole tone sounds like when your boss is emailing you to dictate something you should be doing.

 

It's very different in person to say something like "Babe, I love you with short hair" or "Dresses look super good on you" or "You don't need make up" I mean, I have boyfriends say things to me about how they like my hair or that I don't need make up or they love a particular lip color...the difference is, it is without demands, attachments, prescriptions or suggestions on what they think I should be doing. It's not a weird text lecture about them thinking I should wear less makeup or more or straighten my hair or not and if it looks fake or whatever...it's usually an in person casual compliment that's on the positive side and there is no subtext where they are suggesting I do what they like. At no point do they insert what they think I should be doing, they keep it on the level of "You look good with red lips" or "You don't even need makeup" not anything remotely resembling they think I should wear more or less or do this or that. Likewise, I'm the same. If I like my guy in a particular color I just say "Blue really suits you" or I'll buy him a blue short or somewhere in person suggest something positive, I don't make it a case of saying "You really look better when you don't wear white, some men do, you don't though, I would prefer you wear less white..."

[autumnnight]

Could be either one.

 

Here's what you do.

 

"I think it is really nice that you like me without makeup. Very sweet. I prefer to wear makeup. But I will wash my face when we are hanging out at home alone, or if we are about to be intimate (assuming you are)."

 

I love this. It is kind. It validates his feelings without compromising yours.

 

It is what PARTNERS do

[Ruby Slippers]

Most men are clueless about makeup. But IMO, if anybody has to tell you you're wearing too much makeup, you almost certainly are. Or you're applying it incorrectly (visible line of demarcation at the jaw, caking it on too thick, etc.).

 

When men say they like you better with no makeup, most of them mean they like you better with makeup that looks like you're not wearing any makeup. You're wearing pretty much the same amount, just in more neutral colors.

 

I'll use the same woman to illustrate:

 

Too much makeup

 

"Natural" makeup (really just as much makeup by volume as the "too much" version, but in softer colors)

 

No makeup

[GemmaUK]

However, that's not what this [particular case boils down to to me. I am not going to text an adult male and tell him "You wear lots of shorts, shorts are fine, I understand why some men like shorts, but I hate shorts and I think you look better in pants so I'd like you to wear more pants. You don't have to stop wearing shorts, just wear them in moderation...":confused: I mean...for me, that is out of line. That's not something you text to begin with and the whole tone sounds like when your boss is emailing you to dictate something you should be doing.

 

It's very different in person to say something like "Babe, I love you with short hair" or "Dresses look super good on you" or "You don't need make up" I mean, I have boyfriends say things to me about how they like my hair or that I don't need make up or they love a particular lip color...the difference is, it is without demands, attachments, prescriptions or suggestions on what they think I should be doing. It's not a weird text lecture about them thinking I should wear less makeup or more or straighten my hair or not and if it looks fake or whatever...it's usually an in person casual compliment that's on the positive side and there is no subtext where they are suggesting I do what they like. At no point do they insert what they think I should be doing, they keep it on the level of "You look good with red lips" or "You don't even need makeup" not anything remotely resembling they think I should wear more or less or do this or that. Likewise, I'm the same. If I like my guy in a particular color I just say "Blue really suits you" or I'll buy him a blue short or somewhere in person suggest something positive, I don't make it a case of saying "You really look better when you don't wear white, some men do, you don't though, I would prefer you wear less white..."

 

Bolded especially - I totally agree!

 

I've never attempted to change a guy I have dated. They have asked me what might suit them or said they want a style change,only then would I ever suggest anything different.

[stillafool]

Most men are clueless about makeup. But IMO, if anybody has to tell you you're wearing too much makeup, you almost certainly are. Or you're applying it incorrectly (visible line of demarcation at the jaw, caking it on too thick, etc.).

 

When men say they like you better with no makeup, most of them mean they like you better with makeup that looks like you're not wearing any makeup. You're wearing pretty much the same amount, just in more neutral colors.

 

I'll use the same woman to illustrate:

 

Too much makeup

 

"Natural" makeup (really just as much makeup by volume as the "too much" version, but in softer colors)

 

No makeup

 

This is a good example. Personally, I think Reese looks the best with no makeup. Clean and fresh.

[h0000]

This is a good example. Personally, I think Reese looks the best with no makeup. Clean and fresh.

 

I think the first pic is quite fine as well. I would say Kim Kardashian wears too much makeup but reese has a good amount in either pics.

And Taylor swift seems to wear quite a lot of makeup but everyone says she's pretty ?

[ascendotum]

Anyone who would even THINK to say this is controlling at worst and really audacious at best. If you don't like women who wear lots of makeup, DON'T date a woman who wears a lot of makeup. However, it is NOT your right or place to "suggest"......

 

I agree on the ' If you don't like women who wear lots of makeup, DON'T date a woman who wears a lot of makeup', however don't fully agree with ' it is NOT your right or place to suggest. I think as one of the key people in your bf or gf's life and if you live with them that you do have the right to suggest things that they can or should stop doing to make you happier. It should be done tactfully of course.

If you have only recently started dating someone then its a bit presumptuous.

 

Ive have gfs suggest or request things of me to change to suit what they would consider a better version of me. Lots of gfs as the relationship goes on will buy their bf clothes in the style they prefer to see him dressed in. All my 'bad boy' type mates have had gf's that try to change them (domestic them & round off the rough edges) once they have them in a relationship.

 

women-change-men-and-what-happens-when-they-do

2/3 of women will try to change a new partner's appearance

women-set-out-to-try-to-change-a-man-and-when-they-have-changed-him-they-do-not-like-him

fair's fair that this can go both ways.

[Gaeta]

I think the first pic is quite fine as well. I would say Kim Kardashian wears too much makeup but reese has a good amount in either pics.

And Taylor swift seems to wear quite a lot of makeup but everyone says she's pretty ?

 

But these women don't wear that kind of make up in their day to day life. What you see is their made-up look for the camera. There is plenty of pictures showing they don't paint their face that way when they're out and about in town with their boyfriend.

[RoseVille]

BB cream wouldn't hide acne scars, it's VERY sheer. So if you have enough makeup on to hide those, it is indeed a lot.

[RoseVille]

Most men are clueless about makeup. But IMO, if anybody has to tell you you're wearing too much makeup, you almost certainly are. Or you're applying it incorrectly (visible line of demarcation at the jaw, caking it on too thick, etc.).

 

When men say they like you better with no makeup, most of them mean they like you better with makeup that looks like you're not wearing any makeup. You're wearing pretty much the same amount, just in more neutral colors.

 

I'll use the same woman to illustrate:

 

Too much makeup

 

"Natural" makeup (really just as much makeup by volume as the "too much" version, but in softer colors)

 

No makeup

 

Totally, completely agree, especially if the comment is coming from a man. So many women actually wearing a good amount of makeup are thought to barely be wearing any. The guys on my team think I wear lipgloss and mascara, if that. Ha!

[Els]

First off, I agree that he sounds controlling. What kind of guy says that to a woman he's newly dating?? Awful. It doesn't even matter if you're painted like an acrobat off the Cirque du Soleil, it doesn't change the fact that he's way off base if he thinks it's okay to say what he did, going on and on about it in such a strange manner. On the other hand, if he said something like, "You look great without makeup!" that would be fine IMO.

 

 

I find it all so hypocritical, because men LIE and say they prefer women with no makeup, but then they find out what NO MAKEUP really looks like, and they most definitely DO prefer makeup.

 

That being said, it isn't really fair of you to assume that he or all men are lying. My guy really does seem to prefer no makeup on an everyday basis. He doesn't really care about a woman being dolled up 24/7, and he likes that I can get dressed and go in 5 minutes if we spontaneously want to go out. That suits me fine, as I also prefer to reserve makeup for special occasions - I think it's a waste of time to apply it on a daily basis.

 

But, regardless of whether or not he was telling the truth, I still don't think it's acceptable for your bf to say what he did, especially in that manner.