katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) On the rare occasion when I did the initial ask & the guy said yes, after that 1st date, I'd pointedly throw the ball back in his court: I had fun. Call me if you want to get together again. Some called. Some didn't. But nobody mistook me for an easy lay. We regret more in life the things we try rather than those we don't. That's perfect! It sounds like you stuck to that too, which is great. But reading this board, it amazes me how many women will continue to text and call men when they (the men) say they will call, but don't. The women will start questioning ....well maybe he's waiting for me to call him? Or "well I was the one to first ask him out, so maybe that's what he's expecting me to do again and thinks I'm not interested." So the girls keep calling, the guys keep accepting for no other reason other than they're horny or whatevs. But yeah... if a woman wants to ask a guy out, then great. But after that, throw the ball back at him, just like you did D0nnivain. And if he doesn't call, MOVE ON. Don't question it. Edited August 14, 2015 by katiegrl
Author rainrhonda Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Last night I texted and casually asked about his weekend plans, sordof to see if that would lead to something. Then, he called but I fell asleep and totally missed it. So I texted sorry that I fell asleep today, but nothing back yet. So I may have literally "snoozed" away an opportunity...
katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Last night I texted and casually asked about his weekend plans, sordof to see if that would lead to something. Then, he called but I fell asleep and totally missed it. So I texted sorry that I fell asleep today, but nothing back yet. So I may have literally "snoozed" away an opportunity... Sweetie, if he were planning on asking you out, but decided against it because when he called, you were asleep....trust me he's not worth it...and you're not missing much. A guy who was truly interested would have accepted your explanation that you fell asleep (which is reasonable as we all need sleep for heaven's sake), and texted/called you back asking you out. Hopefully he will do just that.... However, it's late to be asking you out for tonight or even tomorrow. I would make plans, and if he asks you out for tonight or tomorrow, suggest Sunday instead. Edited August 14, 2015 by katiegrl
Author rainrhonda Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 Update... He just texted that he's going to be out of town for work a few days, and wants to do something with me when he gets back I said yes So maybe now we're getting somewhere 2
angel.eyes Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 Thanks for the update.I hope things work out for you.
Author rainrhonda Posted August 15, 2015 Author Posted August 15, 2015 Thanks for all the thoughts... I guess asking about the weekend was just the little push he may have needed...
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 Thanks for all the thoughts... I guess asking about the weekend was just the little push he may have needed... Oh well, it is what it is, whether we like it or not
TunaCat Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 but don't ask him "When are you gonna ask me out?" Why not? I don't seen any issue with putting him on the spot. If he's into her, then he shouldn't be put off by her being bold & asking him when he's going to ask her out. It's not the 1950s anymore. 1
Author rainrhonda Posted August 16, 2015 Author Posted August 16, 2015 Why not? I don't seen any issue with putting him on the spot. If he's into her, then he shouldn't be put off by her being bold & asking him when he's going to ask her out. It's not the 1950s anymore. I agree. But I opted to be more subtle and just said "so do you have any fun plans for the weekend?"... Which isn't asking him out, and it isn't too forward. And after that, he asked me out. So if it was slightly obvious but not too aggressive, I'm okay with that. 1
h0000 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 He agrees to hang out with you,but doesn't sound too keen when it comes to making plans. I feel because you made all the advances and he doesn't really have any one else in the picture, he is giving you a chance and see how things go. Things can develop and i wish you luck.
katiegrl Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 (edited) I agree. But I opted to be more subtle and just said "so do you have any fun plans for the weekend?"... Which isn't asking him out, and it isn't too forward. ***And after that, he asked me out**** . So if it was slightly obvious but not too aggressive, I'm okay with that. Sweetie, I hate to be debbie downer, but he did not exactly ask you out. He said he wanted to do something with you when he returns. Very non-committal and open ended. Unless there is a specified day and time set, there is no date.... and IMO if he were truly interested, he would have done just that before he left. Set a day and time. When is he due back? Did he at least tell you that? Has he been in touch since he's been gone? I just don't want you getting your hopes too high about this guy. He sounds a bit shady to me tbh. Edited August 16, 2015 by katiegrl 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 16, 2015 Posted August 16, 2015 I agree. But I opted to be more subtle and just said "so do you have any fun plans for the weekend?"... Which isn't asking him out, and it isn't too forward. And after that, he asked me out. So if it was slightly obvious but not too aggressive, I'm okay with that. People who use the penis-vagina argument as for why the guy has to be the initiator, well according to research, every penis starts off as a vagina as the baby is a fetus in the womb during development, I guess when guys get called pussys for being a wimp, I think that's because every guy has an inner pussy in them, because our penis was once a vagina
mortensorchid Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 We have all been hurt in our lives, somehow in someway. And yes, many of us are gunshy about a lot of things. But our basic want and need for human companionship rules what we feel, do and say. A man or woman who truly does not want another man or woman as their life partner, from pure, unadulterated lust to making a person their life partner to something in between, will refuse any and all advances and shuts themselves off from the world completely. Like everything else in life, we keep on trying. A person who has completely given up will refuse anything and everything thrown at them. Fact. If this guy does not ask her out, he's just not interested. I had that proven to me once and for all, from now on I will NEVER approach another man ever again. And this guy is not doing it. I say she should move on.
Qboro90 Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Curious to see how things went if you and him got together. If he still hasn't nailed down a specific date yet then the next time he calls you or you're talking wait until there's a lull or break in the convo and say "so this phone relationship is really thrilling and all but if you wait any longer to ask me to hang out I think I'm gonna start collecting social security... What are you doing Saturday!?" And if he somehow isn't available playfully laugh and go with "ugh I give up". This of course depends if you have that kind of personality and you two are comfortable enough to tease him a bit into action. Hope it works out, good luck.
Author rainrhonda Posted August 18, 2015 Author Posted August 18, 2015 Yes we agreed on a certain day and time, and yes he has been in touch while out of town. He texts or calls almost everyday...
katiegrl Posted August 19, 2015 Posted August 19, 2015 Yes we agreed on a certain day and time, and yes he has been in touch while out of town. He texts or calls almost everyday... Fabulous! So when is your date? Be sure to update us!
Author rainrhonda Posted August 19, 2015 Author Posted August 19, 2015 He is out of town for a week, so it will be Tuesday of next week. He does have a son so he spent a few days with him before leaving. And for those wondering, he isn't a divorced man.. He and the mother were a couple but never married. She has a partner of her own now. Its very common at my age for all men I meet to be single fathers, so this is nothing I'm unfamiliar with or intimidated with.
Author rainrhonda Posted August 29, 2015 Author Posted August 29, 2015 We went out Tuesday, and had a good time. Nice dinner and good talks. He was full of compliments. We had very nice good night kiss. He was all smiles when we left. But no word from him since..so I sent a how are you doing text last night, but still nothing. So I guess he didnt like me as much as he lead on.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 Ugh. I'm sorry to hear he's poofed on you It sounds as though he was trying to get back into dating and you were maybe his first or second attempt and he's just not able to do it yet.
katiegrl Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 We went out Tuesday, and had a good time. Nice dinner and good talks. He was full of compliments. We had very nice good night kiss. He was all smiles when we left. But no word from him since..so I sent a how are you doing text last night, but still nothing. So I guess he didnt like me as much as he lead on. First off I am sorry. But lesson learned for next time. One never knows how he/she is gonna feel until they actually meet in person. So try and avoid getting too invested until you actually meet. Text for one week, tops. Then meet in person. If a guy hems and haws about meeting within a week, move on. Again, I'm sorry.
angel.eyes Posted August 29, 2015 Posted August 29, 2015 We went out Tuesday, and had a good time. Nice dinner and good talks. He was full of compliments. We had very nice good night kiss. He was all smiles when we left. But no word from him since..so I sent a how are you doing text last night, but still nothing. So I guess he didnt like me as much as he lead on. He didn't lead you on. His actions after the first date (e.g. the failure then long delay in setting a second date despite prompts from you) were indicative of his ambivalence. For whatever reason, once you met in person, you just weren't a match in his mind. That happens frequently. If you hadn't excused away his behavior as shyness, etc. and not pushed for a second date, you wouldn't have set yourself up for further disappointment. We aren't going to be a good fit with a lot of people. That's just part of dating. The key is to recognize when that happens and accept it promptly before we become emotionally invested. We can then move on quickly to the next person, who hopefully will be a better fit. If you're reminding a guy or trying to convince him to ask you out, you're typically wasting your time. Someone who has previously asked you out, is more than capable of doing that again without "helpful" hints and prompts...IF he's interested. Sorry this didn't work out. The right guy for you is definitely out there.
Author rainrhonda Posted August 31, 2015 Author Posted August 31, 2015 (edited) First off I am sorry. But lesson learned for next time. One never knows how he/she is gonna feel until they actually meet in person. So try and avoid getting too invested until you actually meet. Text for one week, tops. Then meet in person. If a guy hems and haws about meeting within a week, move on. Again, I'm sorry. I didnt meet him online. We met at a restaurant because we were there with mutual friends. So we had already met in person before a date. He was the one approached me and began talking to me, saying I am beautiful, etc and he asked for my number. We sat and talked for at least an hour that night. Edited August 31, 2015 by rainrhonda
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