rainrhonda Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 (edited) Met a guy while out a couple weeks ago, there was instant chemistry he kept saying how beautiful I am, etc. So we got our numbers, since then its been some texting here and there and 2 or 3 long phone conversations. We agree that we like eachother, and want the same things in a relationship. But he hasn't asked me out yet. So what now? He seems like the type who enjoys courting a lady and all that, so I don't know if I should be the one to make that move. If we agree on being into eachother so far, what's he waiting for? And he is related to a good friend of mine, who says she knows he is single and that he treats women very well, and not the "player type". This friend of mine is pretty straight forward so if he was a dirtbag, she would be sure to let me know. Advice? Edited August 12, 2015 by rainrhonda
torturedartist Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Met a guy while out a couple weeks ago, there was instant chemistry he kept saying how beautiful I am, etc. So we got our numbers, since then its been some texting here and there and 2 or 3 long phone conversations. We agree that we like eachother, and want the same things in a relationship. But he hasn't asked me out yet. So what now? He seems like the type who enjoys courting a lady and all that, so I don't know if I should be the one to make that move. If we agree on being into eachother so far, what's he waiting for? And he is related to a good friend of mine, who says she knows he is single and that he treats women very well, and not the "player type". This friend of mine is pretty straight forward so if he was a dirtbag, she would be sure to let me know. Advice? My guess is that he's shy and afraid to make the move. Some guys are that way. I suggest doing some things to make it easier for him to ask you out. Drop some hints out there. Maybe even say, "so am I going to have to ask you out?" I'm sure you could get creative.
Author rainrhonda Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Ok I can do that. However he wasn't shy about approaching me and talking to me the night we met, and he was the instigator, so that makes it seem shyness isn't a prob for him. But perhaps people are more shy with some things than others.
Gloria25 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Ok I can do that. However he wasn't shy about approaching me and talking to me the night we met, and he was the instigator, so that makes it seem shyness isn't a prob for him. But perhaps people are more shy with some things than others. No, he is not shy... "Interested men act interested" I agree with making yourself available and/or dropping hints...but don't ask him "When are you gonna ask me out?" 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I also don't think he's shy. It sounds like he is not interested in dating (either in general or you). Don't get your hopes too high with this one, and certainly don't ask him out yourself 1
Author rainrhonda Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Our conversation last night was what we are both looking for, and we agreed on the same. Sounds like we both want the same type of relationship. So I don't gather he doesn't want to date anyone from that at all. He initiates calling and texting so there is certainly a level of interest I just don't know what the next step will be.
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 It's not the 1950's, it's OK to ask a guy out you know. I'm not talkin full on fancy dinner, but just suggest meeting up for a drink, or a coffee. 3
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Why don't you ask him out? Wish women would stop being stubborn like that 3
Author rainrhonda Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 I don't mind asking out men for a drink. However, I've learned there are some guys who like this but there are some who do not, so its hard to tell. Only one way to find out I guess. I will wait several days. Tho
Vintage79 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I don't mind asking out men for a drink. However, I've learned there are some guys who like this but there are some who do not, so its hard to tell. Only one way to find out I guess. I will wait several days. Tho Ask him out if you're interested and stop making up lame excuses - as is, you're interested and he may well never ask you out, so you'll be sitting there on the sidelines wondering and potentially very disappointed. I know very few guys who are turned off by a girl asking them out, in particular if they've chatted for a while - sure, there are a few, but I'd say >90% are perfectly comfortable with it. As such, in waiting, you're hoping he's in the <10% that would get turned off, and then on top of that, he still has to be interested in you. Basically, there's only a low single digit chance that asking him out will fail... I hope you're happy being single, wondering about a guy, and get ready for regrets... 2
smackie9 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 If he was truly interested in you, he wouldn't hold it against you for asking him out. If he did, then he is a waste of YOUR time....no loss to you, big loss to him.
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 The bottom line is he knows it's up to him to ask you out on a first date. He doesn't because he is not interested in going out with you at this point, for whatever reason. I would give him some more time to get it together and ask you out, and if that doesn't happen with a reasonable time frame put him down as a causal acquaintance and move on. Certain gender roles might be outdated but they are still valid in society. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Have you made it clear to him -- without saying it -- that if he asked you out you'd say yes? Even without being shy he may be afraid of rejection. 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Have you made it clear to him -- without saying it -- that if he asked you out you'd say yes? Even without being shy he may be afraid of rejection. The OP has made it clear to him that she likes him: We agree that we like eachother, [...] we agree on being into eachother
Author rainrhonda Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Yeah I'm not exactly afraid to ask about a drink, but I HAVE known men who said they prefer to do all the asking or work, etc. Not that its a deal breaker for them, just some prefer it that way. For others, it doesn't matter either way. So I just wondered. But I don't mind asking.
fitnessfan365 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Have you made it clear to him -- without saying it -- that if he asked you out you'd say yes? Even without being shy he may be afraid of rejection. Since they've discussed relationship expectations and have been talking pretty regularly for two weeks, you'd think he would know to ask her out. LOL Speaking as a guy, my advice to the OP in this. Send a text saying - "What r u planning for our 1st date? I bet you're even more fun in person. ;)" This will beat him over the head w-the obvious since he's acting clueless so far, and it still lets him plan/ask you out.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 I share the following experience because it taught me that even when I think I'm doing a good job flirting & communicating my interest I might not be. Met a guy at a business / social Meet-up event. We chatted. Turned out he was in the market to hire somebody in my field to do work for him as a consultant. I thought I was being flirty & forward -- head tilts, hair flips, high heel shoe dangling off my foot, laughing at his jokes & occasionally lightly touching his arm. When I announced I had to leave the happy hour because I had a dinner meeting with a client (I said this so he didn't think I had a date), I stood there for a few minutes waiting for him to ask for contact info but he didn't. So I handed him my business card & said I'd be happy to assist him with his professional needs but I'd be happier if he called me socially. Then I left. He did call & we went to dinner. At dinner he admitted to me that if I had not said that he never would have called because he thought I was "out of his league." (that phrase makes me crazy) Anyway, I was flabbergasted because I thought I was flirting like crazy & practically clobbering the guy over the head with signals that I was interested. He didn't pick up on any but the last most blatant. So just because the OP is talking to this guy about what they each want in a relationship he may not know she would be interested in a date with him. While I find that hard to believe my experience as outlined above means it is a possibility.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Why do women think most men are turned off by women asking them out?
fred123 Posted August 13, 2015 Posted August 13, 2015 you could just be acting friendly. how does a guy know the difference? he probably likes you but thinks she only likes me as a friend and we are having friendly chats. why would he ask you out if he will look like an idiot?! sometimes you girls need to put yourself in our shoes!
Author rainrhonda Posted August 13, 2015 Author Posted August 13, 2015 I told him I like him on the phone... So that should be hint enough? Lol. And he tells me how beautiful I am, etc. So its sure not a friend zone thing... Last weekend I went out of town and he knew that, otherwise, he may have thought of asking me out then, but who knows. But somehow, I'm thinking with all the obvious, that he may still need a little push or green light to ask me out.. So I'll give that a shot. 1
Gary S Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 It's a complicated and confusing world.........some guys just don't know what to do, or they forget, honestly. Or, perhaps he is not into you enough. If they don't ask you out on the first call, they probably won't, sorry. 2
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 So I assume you are going to wait passively like most women?
katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) If he was truly interested in you, he wouldn't hold it against you for asking him out. If he did, then he is a waste of YOUR time....no loss to you, big loss to him. If he were truly interested in her, HE would be asking HER out! If it were me, I would just stop responding to his texts and move on. At this point, with the amount of *chatting* you've been doing, if asking you out is THIS difficult for him ...imagine dating him or having a relationship with him. My guess is it would be a constant push/pull between you.. he may be just another commitment phobe, who knows. I mean he can't even manage to make one freaking date! Despite knowing you are interested ...and yes he KNOWS. No thanks. Next. Edited August 14, 2015 by katiegrl 1
katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) So I assume you are going to wait passively like most women? No, if she were smart, she'd just move on. Good god, what is happening to men? Despite a woman giving you a million signals she's interested, you still require HER to ask you out? Is her chasing you really that important to you? If so, why? Trying to *flip the script* after years of being told you need to be the one to chase/pursue? I don't get it. OP, assuming you do ask him out, if you continue to date him, expect to be in the driver's seat all the way. Good luck! Edited August 14, 2015 by katiegrl 2
katiegrl Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Since they've discussed relationship expectations and have been talking pretty regularly for two weeks, you'd think he would know to ask her out. LOL Speaking as a guy, my advice to the OP in this. Send a text saying - "What r u planning for our 1st date? I bet you're even more fun in person. ;)" This will beat him over the head w-the obvious since he's acting clueless so far, and it still lets him plan/ask you out. Agree with your first paragraph. ...but not second. Unless he's retarded or has some other learning disability ...he KNOWS he should ask her out. Come on... no man is that clueless ... they've been chatting for weeks, she's given him the green light, give him more credit than that. For whatever reason, he does not *want* to ask her out. That's not to say he won't accept HER invite, should she ask. But clearly, he doesn't want to be the one to ask. Edited August 14, 2015 by katiegrl 1
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