elle28 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I met a guy a few months ago and it developed into my first real relationship. Things were great, although it always seemed he was rushing into things, I was always quite cautious. It felt good and I didn't pace it, though I should have done. We went away together as he had asked me to go to his family holiday home for a week, then when we got back, he turned around and seemed scared all of a sudden,then messaged me saying he wasn't ready for a serious relationship and that he should be on his own for longer (he had a bad breakup a year and a half ago). I called him, we had a small chat where he said it wasn't my fault and he didn't know what to do as we get on so well and it's annoying as he enjoys being with me. we ended it it with take care goodbye etc. I just can't seem to shake the feeling I did something wrong. And that 'it's not you it's me' always means actually is you. I have never had a breakup before and I'm really struggling - completely stressed and upset going over what I could have done differently. and how if we hadn't rushed it, things might be okay now. I wasn't to know he would dump me after the holiday, or I would have said no and slowed it down. Has anyone ever been told their boyfriend doesn't want to be with them, and how did you deal with it. Never dealt with this before
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 You deal with it by sucking in the lower the lip and move on with your life. Focus on you and the things you want in life. Turn a circle and you'll have another man in your life, no doubt.
losangelena Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Well, it's your first relationship, so there's that. After a few of these the significance of "what if" will diminish. There's no reason to tie yourself up in knots because there's really no way to know what "could've been." Was it him, or was it really you? How would you have ever known if you did everything "perfectly?" How would that have looked different from what did happen? Look, even if you did do everything the "right" way, or went at some "acceptable" speed, there's no guarantee that you'd still be with this guy. Sometimes things just end. To beat yourself up over some imagined, hypothetical mistakes is really just self-loathing at this point. Give yourself some time to feel bad, and then when that's done, decide you're not going to feel bad anymore and move on. He will probably not be the first guy to come and go. Breakups get easier the more they happen.
ThisisIt606 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Sounds like he had a lot of baggage and got scared things were moving too fast and intimate in the vacations together/meeting family sense. From what you told us, it sounds like it's all him and his life/issues/baggage he needs to get sorted out before he invites someone else into his life for a relationship. Last summer I was "dropped like a hot potato" as I like to refer to it by my bf. He said a lot about how I was the perfect gf, etc and he dind't know what he wanted. (he had his fair share of baggage) But he wound up dating some new girl about a month later and then got engaged to her in just 5 months of dating.... I'd say he was a special case... but point being he (and your guy) just isn't worth it and he's not right for you. This was your first relationship. Pat yourself on the back for putting yourself out there, gaining some experience in life and love and brush yourself off and get ready for the next adventure.
casey.lives Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 just get over it. at 28 people know what they are doing .. he dumped u.
SugarLips72 Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 This is the first time you have been dumped and it probably wont be the last. Time is about the only thing that makes things better. It's probably nothing you did. Maybe he decided he just was not feeling it. I have had so many brief relationships end its not funny. It sucks each and every time. I'm sorry
Strahatmak Posted August 12, 2015 Posted August 12, 2015 Whatever he said... you are dumped. How? It takes time; and during this grieving period, you: Let your emotions out, go whine with your close friends; Make your schedule full; Any activities, either learn something new or sports, but don't do it alone. And eventually you will move on. And most importantly, stay absolute no contact. No checking him on Facebook or Instagram or whatever.
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