lostinlove99 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now however I have always felt confused as to whether he is the 'one' or whether such a concept as the 'one' actually exists?! I have a male friend who I had a crush for about two years before meeting my current boyfriend. This particular guy was a flatmate of mine so I never let the way I feel complicate the situation as we lived in a house with other flatmates. He eventually moved out but we remained friends and hung out every now and then with our other flatmate. I assumed he had no feelings for me (even though I felt a spark) and mentally told myself to move on. So I did. During this time, a mutual friend of mine was interested in me and we started to hang out more. I had a bit of a crush on him but not in the same way as I did for my flatmate. This mutual friend asked me out for dinner and now we have been together for a year and a half. Even though I told myself to move on from my feelings of my flatmate, I still have the thought of him in the back of my mind and I always wonder "what if...". We didn't hang out for nearly a year and I don't think he was aware that I had found a boyfriend during this time. Recently, he wanted to try out one of my favourite hobbies (climbing) and asked to come along with me next time I go to the indoor gym. Leading up to this, he text me saying things like "Hope your day is going well :)" and "I'm looking forward to it :)" with smiley faces in every text.. which I thought was unusual as normally we didn't say things like that to each other. I guess the point I'm trying to make is, I've never been able to shake off this annoying feeling that he had a thing for me while I did too but being both introverted people, nothing ever came of it. I guess maybe I had more than just a crush on him, I felt like we had the same philosophy on life and felt such a deep connection... I'm not sure where this is going, but what I do know is that I love my current boyfriend and I'm sick of feeling like I can't forget about my previous flatmate. It's not fair on my boyfriend. I know I either need to forget about the other guy and commit to my boyfriend or break up with him. Unfortunately, it's never that simple a decision is it?
kendahke Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Deciding to do something you're not really committed to doing is always hard. The doing of it is easy. You haven't made your mind up about which way you want to go. As such, you're not giving your boyfriend a fair chance, despite what you feel for him. Nothing is going to come of this if the flatmate has never stepped to you and made his feelings for you plain. He just may not see you in the light still. Proceed as if this is the case and don't invite energy into you psyche that has no business being there. Don't mistake his interest in wall climbing with interest in you. To further remove confusion, you can give him the number to the place you go and he can get a session with one of the trainers there. My advice: You love your boyfriend? Act like it. It's really that simple and easy. The way your post reads, he's your consolation prize because who you really wanted didn't express his interest in you.
Author lostinlove99 Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Deciding to do something you're not really committed to doing is always hard. The doing of it is easy. You haven't made your mind up about which way you want to go. As such, you're not giving your boyfriend a fair chance, despite what you feel for him. Nothing is going to come of this if the flatmate has never stepped to you and made his feelings for you plain. He just may not see you in the light still. Proceed as if this is the case and don't invite energy into you psyche that has no business being there. Don't mistake his interest in wall climbing with interest in you. To further remove confusion, you can give him the number to the place you go and he can get a session with one of the trainers there. My advice: You love your boyfriend? Act like it. It's really that simple and easy. The way your post reads, he's your consolation prize because who you really wanted didn't express his interest in you. I agree with your statement on commitment. Deciding which way to go is most definitely the hard part. I guess you're right, the flatmate didn't say he was interested in me but I also never told him I was interested in him and made sure I hid my feelings as much as possible. What's making it hard to shake off is that maybe he did the same thing. But all I can do is speculate. I don't want to spend the rest of my life speculating. I would rather know for sure if he did or did not ever have feelings for me so I can move on. He's never had a girlfriend or talked about it which makes me even more confused. If I ask him this straight out I could ruin our friendship. I understand I need to simply love and commit to my boyfriend and forget about this other guy. But my mind won't let me
smackie9 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I tell you this right now....a guy doesn't make time to hang out with a girl he has no interest in. he has an interest in you yes. Now what you do with this is up to you. You are not engaged or married so YOU DON'T have to commit to anything. if this is something you need to pursue then do it. When you take a risk, most likely you have to make a sacrifice, and that would be your BF. It's up to you to determine if this friend is worth the sacrifice.
kendahke Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I guess you're right, the flatmate didn't say he was interested in me but I also never told him I was interested in him and made sure I hid my feelings as much as possible. What's making it hard to shake off is that maybe he did the same thing. But all I can do is speculate. I don't want to spend the rest of my life speculating. I would rather know for sure if he did or did not ever have feelings for me so I can move on. He's never had a girlfriend or talked about it which makes me even more confused. If I ask him this straight out I could ruin our friendship. I understand I need to simply love and commit to my boyfriend and forget about this other guy. But my mind won't let me Then ask him point blank if he's interested in you. You will then know which direction to place your next step. He's got to ACT like he's interested in you and calling you up out of the blue about wall climbing isn't enough to wreck your boyfriend's feelings. You need way more than that to justify that level of damage. However, what you need to do if you're this conflicted is to leave your boyfriend first so that you are free to make a better choice for your life. If you are more concerned about being some guy's girlfriend than you are being with the right guy for you, then you've got a lot of hurt waiting on you. 1
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