DirtyHairy Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Well I'm having some major issues with dating right now. It's been over a year since I went on a first date (last one I met on tinder which I'm not on anymore) and same length for the last time I was in a relationship, it was short and I wasn't treated well. I'm not even sure where to get a date. Anyways after that last breakup I realized I had really bad anxiety. Went to the Dr got medication for it and went to see someone to talk about it. I'm done with those sessions for quite a while now. Anyways I really want to start dating again but I just don't know if I can handle it if I'm rejected. Since I have been single I expressed my interest to two girls and they both liked me as a friend and thought I was fun to be around and funny but they didn't want to date. That's okay but I got kind of attached to each of them, different times obviously. I'm just having some anxieties about dating and how I will handle it this time around. Trying to find a career (I still work just not in my field right now but have graduated my post secondary) and am early 20s. I've asked my friends if they know anyone that they could introduce me too or set me up with but they didn't know anyone, which I find strange because most of them are in relationships so they have lots of groups of people to choose from. My main concern is my anxiety. I get very anxious thinking about being single. Like I'm okay with being single I've been single for a long time and I'm over all my exes (maybe not fully over how they hurt me though) but I'm ready to start to date. I just am afraid to get attached to someone who doesn't like me that way or doesn't want to date. It happens to me a lot and I get very passive aggressive when people ignore me when they mean a lot to me. I know I shouldn't be passive aggressive but that happens when my anxiety spikes and I try to not be like that and I always apologise if I end up saying something like that. I'll be honest that I'm very needy in a relationship and need a lot of attention. Which is weird for a guy to be like since most girls get scared away by that (at least in my experience). I'm not into "fake it till you make it" kind of mentality. I am who I am and I'm not ashamed of being an anxious person, or needy in a relationship. I'm very good in relationships if I find the right person. I dated someone for 3 years and everything was great and anxiety was never a problem and we both were good for each other...although she didn't think so in the end but you know. I'm happy with who I am and where I am right now in life but I'd like to start dating. Should I start dating or should I just wait till I get a career and get my anxiety to go away? I just don't think I can handle getting hurt again but I also am over being single and want to be with someone who balances me out. Since my friends don't really know anyone to set me up with I'll probably try online dating to get a date (have before small group of people use it where I'm from so its kinda hard) Does anyone else have anxiety here and has trouble dating? I'd really like some advice about how you handle it and hear your experiences it'll help me a lot I hope.
losangelena Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Should I start dating or should I just wait till I get a career and get my anxiety to go away? OP, you can't get anxiety to go away simply by ignoring it. If you're anxious to the point of needing medication, you can work on trying to REDUCE your anxiety, but generally speaking, avoiding uncomfortable situations or stress-producing activities will not make your anxiety over them go away. I speak from experience. Everyone fears being hurt, used, ignored, or treated badly in a relationship—you're no different. Don't put the cart before the horse, don't sit there and say, "well what if I meet someone who ignores me and I act out?" You will "what if" yourself into paralysis if you do that. It's a fool's errand to tell an anxious person not to worry, but if I were you, I would try to meet a few women and see how it goes. Online dating is great for this. But try NOT to put too much stock into each one. Keep it cool and casual at first (this is not "fake it til you make it"). Keep in mind that you want a relationship with SOMEONE, not necessarily the woman in front of you, so if she ends up rejecting you or treating you badly, you can simply step away and say, "clearly she's not the one for me." Your self-admitted neediness is another issue for another time. There is only so much assurance a partner can give us, so don't be walking around with false expectations of your potential relationship.
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