zep52 Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 My girlfriend and i have been seeing each other for 2 years, she is very controlling and has a tendency to act childish and go into sulks that can last for days, but i love her, we have in the past year split 3 times, always because of her tantrums and me losing my temper , which she then uses to end things, a few weeks will go by and we get back together, in the past i have backed down allowing her to resume the relationship without losing face When we have finished before i would always run after her almost imediatly after we had split and after making my life hard for a few weeks she would always return, on Wednesday she threw a tantrum, and I FINISHED it with her, it has been 5 days now and i have made no effort to contact her, and she has made none to contact me, she must be wondering what is going on now because i would normally have contacted her by now, my question is this, should i keep it up or at some point should i contact her, say in a week or 2, please bear in mind that my goal is to get her back, whilst at the same time send a strong message saying enough is enough Thanks Dave
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Continue 'no contact'. Let her do the work to get you back. As soon as you call, you will have pretty much put yourself at her mercy and I would bet that she fully expects you to come running, whereupon she will do everything in her power to 'punish' you for your 'no contact' and try to make you pay for it. You can't send a strong message if you end the message by caving in and begging for her back.
Author zep52 Posted May 9, 2005 Author Posted May 9, 2005 You seem to have hit the nail on the head, but what do you mean when you say she will do everything in her power to make me pay, your getting me worried, i have read many of your posts and you have a god given gift for insight, is there a chance that by this show of emotional muscle that she may, just may realize that if she really loves me as she is constantly saying it is now or never and wake up to herself, or will her pride let her lose me, i want her despite her childishness but there has to be some kind of balance of power, One thing all this has taught me is that if one partner is submissive, so as to appease the other, it can only ever end one way, in murder (only joking) or in heartache, i still have some of her stuff which i fully expected her to demand returned, like before in a fit of anger, it has been nearly a week and no contact of any kind, i think she is leaving it here as an "in" so to speak, one things for sure, if its over, its over, and in time i think i will look back and shudder at what i have let her do to me, Thanks again Dave
morrigan Posted May 9, 2005 Posted May 9, 2005 Originally posted by zep52 she is very controlling and has a tendency to act childish and go into sulks that can last for days, but i love her, we have in the past year split 3 times, always because of her tantrums and me losing my temper , which she then uses to end things, a few weeks will go by and we get back together Ask yourself if things would be different if you two dated again, or if your relationship would repeat the same pattern. What is the dealbreaker for you with this woman? If your ex does come running to you, make it clear what you want from a relationship, and what the dealbreaker is. If the dealbreaker occurs, don't date her again. Else you reinforce what she expects from you--caving in and allowing her to behave towards you how she pleases. is there a chance that by this show of emotional muscle that she may, just may realize that if she really loves me as she is constantly saying it is now or never and wake up to herself I don't think it will work. People only change their behavior when they truly desire to. She will have to decide and do it on her own, no one else can coerce, threaten, or prop her into changing her behavior
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