upset11 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 My fiance broke up with me two days ago. He then came over to my workplace yesterday to drop off the ring, along with ALL the gifts I ever gave him during our time together. It rip me apart. I understand if he came by to drop off MY things, but instead he came to drop off my GIFTS? That too at my work? He walked out of the office, and I chased him asking him to talk to me for 2 mins. He wouldn't look at me, or answer. He then walked out of the building and I saw him sit in a car with another girl (I think it was his ex - who has been a problem throughout our entire relationship). Then both of them just stared at me while I stood there like an idiot. I'm so hurt. I could never have the strength to return all the gifts he gave me. Those gifts held so much value and it's just cruel to return someone's gifts back to them, isn't it? I would never want him to hurt seeing all the gifts he brought me with his hard earned money... I feel so upset. I cannot stop crying and feeling like everything was all my fault. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
Kylemopar Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 It's okay for you to feel that way, youre heart broken so just let it out for now. I'm gonna guess that his ex was the one who made him do it. I'll will tell you this and it my not be something you want to hear but since he's back with her hes gonna get over you 3 times as fast now. Start dating other people, keep yourself busy. Seriously if I was there right now I would give you a big hug. Cause honestly what he did is just absolutely cruel, no woman deserves that. 2
pidgeon1010 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Yah my guess is she gave him an ultimatum to return all gifts and then came with him to make sure he did it. Sorry you are hurting. He is a POS and those two deserve each other. Hopefully as the days ago by, you will start to feel better and continue on the path of healing. Cut off all contact with him. Good luck! 2
Zapbasket Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I had an ex do that to me. He had put everything I'd ever given him in a big garbage bag and I had to leave his apartment for the last time with this huge bag of stuff I then had to haul on the subway and a bus back home. It hurt so much; I can just imagine what you must be feeling right now. As for why your fiance might have done that, it could be the ex as someone said, or it could be that he imagines that by getting rid of everything that came from you, he can excise the memory of you from his mind. People are shallow and stupid like that--thinking our minds and hearts are like etch-a-sketches where you can will memories away. We all know what kind of a fallacy that is. I'm so, so sorry; what he did was very cruel: to drop this stuff at work, to boot. You don't deserve to be treated that way; no one does. Give yourself permission to get ANGRY at him. I personally want to stuff dead rats up his exhaust pipe (and I'm not necessarily talking about the pipe on his car:eek:). 3
Phoenixashes Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Her presence there is definitely screaming "I want proof you did it, take me to her job and deliver it there, I don't trust you at her house." from the ex Do NOT be shocked if he contacts you soon with sweet words to remove his guilt or even tries to balance you both/return ehen it falls apart. Say NOTHING. even if you get pure silence feom him. Nothing. Delete everything. Inform friends and family what was done. No contact . To embarrass you at your place of employment!! So cold Any back story? Was the relationship good and this was out of the blue? How was his ex a constant issue? 1
lollipopspot Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 In a way, you might be glad that he did something so jerky. You don't want to be with a jerk, right? It might make him easier to get over. 3
Gloria25 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Cuz he's a spineless piece of garbage and flake... So, with every new woman in his life he has to "purge" himself of past ones? So, he must hail his new "queen bee" and prove to her his undying allegiance/devotion to her by taking every thing an ex gave him and burn it in Town Square at midnight? What a spineless loser. When people give you a gift, you be gracious....If you believe the gift was/is inapprorpiate you TELL THEM WHY. You don't just shove it back to them and/or put it in some garbage bag and give back to them. IT'S CALLED "COMMUNICATION" FOLKS!!! People put time and consideration into getting, choosing and/or giving you a gift. For you to fling it back at them like it's a flaming bag of smelly poop is you pooping on that person and the care, time, and consideration they took into getting something for you. If you "must" return it, have some decency to give the person an explanation why and still be/express some graciousness. Be glad you are done with this garbage of a flake...don't worry, karma will get him. I mean, if his new, insecure, and controlling gf is already putting him up to doing a stupid stunt like this, trust me, he's already getting his upcomings for treating you like crap times 3. 3
Gus Grimly Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I actually did this. I sent back most of the gifts I could cram in the box, every single card of affection she gave me plus a beautifully framed Photo of her and her kids. Selling on eBay what I couldn't send. I did this out of resentment because she not only broke up over the phone, by casually telling me during a typical conversion "oh by the way I'm sending you your ring back". That hurt but the box I received the next day was like a knife in the gut. What she sent was a box of junk (light bulbs, lots of extension chords, an old dirty shirt, chopsticks, an iPad manual, and a pad of paper) with the diamond engagement ring just thoughtlessly just thrown into the box. So I returned the favor. Fine, you're gonna send me junk, F*** You, take your junk back! It actually made me feel a lot better and gave me some sort of closurs or peace of mind. I'm not a mean person at all, but this woman is truly hateful and I didn't deserve to be treated like dirt. Normally I wouldn't have done something so petty. If she would have just been honest and not so cold and heartless by sending that box, I would have never even thought to do that. 2
Gloria25 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I actually did this. I sent back most of the gifts I could cram in the box, every single card of affection she gave me plus a beautifully framed Photo of her and her kids. Selling on eBay what I couldn't send. I did this out of resentment because she not only broke up over the phone, by casually telling me during a typical conversion "oh by the way I'm sending you your ring back". That hurt but the box I received the next day was like a knife in the gut. What she sent was a box of junk (light bulbs, lots of extension chords, an old dirty shirt, chopsticks, an iPad manual, and a pad of paper) with the diamond engagement ring just thoughtlessly just thrown into the box. So I returned the favor. Fine, you're gonna send me junk, F*** You, take your junk back! It actually made me feel a lot better and gave me some sort of closurs or peace of mind. I'm not a mean person at all, but this woman is truly hateful and I didn't deserve to be treated like dirt. Normally I wouldn't have done something so petty. If she would have just been honest and not so cold and heartless by sending that box, I would have never even thought to do that. Got it, and I'm with you on that... But from what the OP posted, we don't know how their RL was and/or why they ended the engagement. I actually was curious as to why he'd do that, cuz giving back gifts - especially from a fiance and done in such a rude and abrupt manner smells of something sour in the RL...especially if he already has a new chick lined up. 1
Gus Grimly Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I actually was curious as to why he'd do that, cuz giving back gifts - especially from a fiance and done in such a rude and abrupt manner smells of something sour in the RL...especially if he already has a new chick lined up. Yes, that was a red flag to me. That doesn't really happen overnight unless he's a real player and doesn't care who he dates. I wonder what his true motives were since he's the dumper as well. But, as I know from my recent breakup, people can be very cruel for no real justifiable reason (well in their head it was justified). 1
Gloria25 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) This thread is a sore spot for me cuz of some ungrateful people keep on posting about they will decline gifts and/or offers from women (w/o even explaining this to the women) cuz they are "suspicious" of it, and/or any other ooky-dooky- cooky reason they can come up with to be rude and dismissive to a woman they "claim" they have a "crush" (foul, nasty word) for. Yet, they say they won't stop doing favors for that woman Oh, so you wanna dictate if if a woman can reciprocate by getting and/or doing something nice for you? Then, you wanna just diss the gift w/o even explaining to her "why"? Then, although she says she's misinterpreting the stuff you do as signs of you being attracted and/or interested in her, you say you're not gonna stop doing that stuff? Wow, what a classy guy...all about "him", eh? Glad to see it's a one way street here. How hard is it to say, "Sorry, I cannot accept this because...." How freakin' hard is that? But no, she's breaking some "rule" that only he, himself, and God know. So, damned if she does, damned if she doesn't. Cuz it's sick and cruel and a freakin' game. Some people need help...they really do. I have a gf who makes me uncomfy cuz she spends on me...I am not rude and send it back to her. If she already bought it, I don't decline. I show gratitude and simply tell her "next time you don't have to". I'm not rude, abrupt, and won't explain things. Actually, I've turned down hanging out with her cuz I simply cannot afford to do the stuff we used to. At first I did not tell her cuz I was embarrassed - not to be mean and dismissive like "some" people. But, when I noticed she noticed a trend of me turning down invites to hang with her, I came clean...for her sake. I let her know that while I appreciate her, I want to pay my own way and just felt embarrassed that I can't do it like I used to. Also, I try to make up for it by sending her nice stuff now and then...especially if she deploys. I send her a care box even though she doesn't need it. THAT'S what people do in relationships (friendly, workplace/professional, familiar, and/or romantic). You take into consideration the other person's feelings (if you actually give a f- about them) and communicate to/with them. You just don't shove back a gift and be rude and abrupt. If you think the gift implies that you are in a RL with them and you don't want that impression, SAY SO. If you think the gift makes you indebt to reciprocate to them, SAY SO. If you think the gift is inappropriate (ie gift to a supervisor, gift from some chick you're not even dating, SAY SO. Edited August 11, 2015 by Gloria25
Author upset11 Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 I had an ex do that to me. He had put everything I'd ever given him in a big garbage bag and I had to leave his apartment for the last time with this huge bag of stuff I then had to haul on the subway and a bus back home. It hurt so much; I can just imagine what you must be feeling right now. As for why your fiance might have done that, it could be the ex as someone said, or it could be that he imagines that by getting rid of everything that came from you, he can excise the memory of you from his mind. People are shallow and stupid like that--thinking our minds and hearts are like etch-a-sketches where you can will memories away. We all know what kind of a fallacy that is. I'm so, so sorry; what he did was very cruel: to drop this stuff at work, to boot. You don't deserve to be treated that way; no one does. Give yourself permission to get ANGRY at him. I personally want to stuff dead rats up his exhaust pipe (and I'm not necessarily talking about the pipe on his car:eek:). Wow, I can't believe you went through something similar. That's terrible. I just find it stupid. If you don't want my things anymore, you trash them - you don't trash them back at me! That's extremely hurtful. I could never imagine doing that to someone KNOWING how it would make them feel. I just don't get why people think they'll hurt less by hurting someone else.
Author upset11 Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 Her presence there is definitely screaming "I want proof you did it, take me to her job and deliver it there, I don't trust you at her house." from the ex Do NOT be shocked if he contacts you soon with sweet words to remove his guilt or even tries to balance you both/return ehen it falls apart. Say NOTHING. even if you get pure silence feom him. Nothing. Delete everything. Inform friends and family what was done. No contact . To embarrass you at your place of employment!! So cold Any back story? Was the relationship good and this was out of the blue? How was his ex a constant issue? He will never contact me again, because he feels justified in doing this. He's a completely different person when he's mad. The relationship wasn't that great. When things were good, nothing was better - but when they were bad it was hell. His ex bothered me a lot in the early stages of our relationship, and then throughout our relationship there were constant fights about her and I lost my trust in him. And then at the end of it all, she's back in the picture.
Author upset11 Posted August 17, 2015 Author Posted August 17, 2015 Cuz he's a spineless piece of garbage and flake... So, with every new woman in his life he has to "purge" himself of past ones? So, he must hail his new "queen bee" and prove to her his undying allegiance/devotion to her by taking every thing an ex gave him and burn it in Town Square at midnight? What a spineless loser. When people give you a gift, you be gracious....If you believe the gift was/is inapprorpiate you TELL THEM WHY. You don't just shove it back to them and/or put it in some garbage bag and give back to them. IT'S CALLED "COMMUNICATION" FOLKS!!! People put time and consideration into getting, choosing and/or giving you a gift. For you to fling it back at them like it's a flaming bag of smelly poop is you pooping on that person and the care, time, and consideration they took into getting something for you. If you "must" return it, have some decency to give the person an explanation why and still be/express some graciousness. Be glad you are done with this garbage of a flake...don't worry, karma will get him. I mean, if his new, insecure, and controlling gf is already putting him up to doing a stupid stunt like this, trust me, he's already getting his upcomings for treating you like crap times 3. LOVE this post! Thank you for your insight. I'm glad someone agrees! I have a lot of people saying "oh that's just his way of processing the break up." But hell, couldn't he have processed it without shoving all my gifts back in my face? Just throw them in the garbage for God's sake... The only reason why I feel someone would do this would be to make the other person HURT.
Chi townD Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 The relationship wasn't that great. When things were good, nothing was better - but when they were bad it was hell. His ex bothered me a lot in the early stages of our relationship, and then throughout our relationship there were constant fights about her and I lost my trust in him. And then at the end of it all, she's back in the picture. Sounds like a nightmare. You have to remember one thing. When you're with a guy, you have to feel like he's with you because there's no other place in the world he'd rather be. Sounds like he always had on foot out the door and that wasn't fair to you. Time to heal and move on. Start making some positive changes in your life. Throw all of that stuff he dropped off to you on ebay. Collect the money and treat yourself to a well deserved trip somewhere.
seasickpeeve Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 Dropping off your gifts at work, walking away and ignoring you AND having the women you didn't trust with him in the car outside all sounds like a design to upset you. Why would he be so angry?! People are strange. He doesn't sound like a nice and mature partner. Congratulations on having rid of him!
casey.lives Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 (edited) i purge when I go through a break up. i don't think it's necessarily cruel. I do think him dropping it off at your work and publicly humiliating you is. His ex was no ex .. and her being there was her dominance prevailing. she wanted very much to be there, to engulf you in her win and to make sure you get venomous feelings towards him for making her be a part of a heartbreaking moment. whatever you do.. preserve your memories. you both shared a lovely time together and he was a wonderful person to you.. treasure them and bury them. she seems cruel .. he seems........ weak Edited August 17, 2015 by casey.lives
aloneinaz Posted August 17, 2015 Posted August 17, 2015 The relationship wasn't that great. When things were good, nothing was better - but when they were bad it was hell. Then, you dodge a bullet here. Who dumped who? The fact that this early into the break up, you're recognizing the R/S sucked anyway, means you'll heal and move on quicker. You couple those thoughts with what he pulled at your place of work? Yea, be glad you have a free future ahead of you to find someone you're more compatible with. I've never understood why people return things like that. When my last crazy ex and I broke up, I had some items that I needed back and she had things here as well. The next day, I dropped her stuff off and she had my stuff on her porch. As far as the gifts she gave me, loving cards, emails, texts, etc.. GONE! There was nothing of value. It felt good to simply throw them in the garbage. There's absolutely times when you want to wipe away any reminders of a bad R/S. For me, that was the one.
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