CK1dad Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 it worked ! I am a 45 year old man who has been divorced for 5 years. I have dated on and off after dealing with my divorce and the subsequent aftermath. A FWB (which I learned is really not my thing) a couple of 3 months hear and there but I am looking for a more long term type relationship. More than enough meets but nothing beyond I had been on Okstupid but I realized that online is just not my venue. Which I am okay with. About 6 months ago I just couldn't handle any more disappointment, my confidence and self esteem where taking a beating, and I knew that I just needed a break from the whole thing. I really just enjoyed being single but as we all know it comes with it's drawbacks. So last few weeks I have been really practicing talking to a engaging women in order to break out of shyness build up some confidence. Like no one in particular, grocery clerks, ladies in the Starbucks line up, women hiking, you guys get the picture. So tonight in the grocery store I see a real cutie wearing cycling gear. I am a huge cycling fanatic. I walk past her with a bit of crap self talk beginning. Nope not having it CK1dad. I go and start asking her how her ride was. She stops and we start chatting and having a great conversation about biking. We get to the point in the convo where it's either "have a great night" or ... CK1dad says could I get your number and we should go for a ride. She says yes ... immediately my phone is out and I put her name and number in my phone and text her my first and last name. I've learned from this site to get the time and day set while engaged. We set up for Sunday .. oppps wait she says let me look at my calendar I forgot I think I have plans. Grrrr right then her friend walks up and distracts the whole situation. We all start talking, I am thinking like please please leave lady but alas she does not. One good thing that came out of the other lady is the fact that Cycling Cutie is divorced and I can now share that I am. Finally Cycle Cutie says to us both "hey I need to shop and eat guys I am starving". I have no choice but to just respect that and say okay let me know about the ride. Grrrrrrr. I had no expectations she would let me know tonight either. So I have a plan that I wouldn't mind if anyone could comment on please. The ride (if it happens right ) is going to be about 100km, 4 ish hours or so. There is very little opportunity to get to know each other. I would like to phone her (no text, phone call) and say that I was really enjoying our conversation and would like to continue it over dinner (or is dinner too much at this point?) as I don't think we will have much of chance to get to know each other on the ride. I am not sure what time frame I should be working in here. Tomorrow or Wednesday or wait to see if she actually gets back to me? I do not participate in any type of social media so there will be no Facebooking or whatever. Any suggestions: 1. Dinner or ... ? 2. When to call to set it up? All in all I am just happy that I made a cold approach and actually walked away with her number. Even if nothing comes of it I have never cold approached a woman ever in my life. Was a real confidence booster. I can be really shy ... especially when I least want to be. Thanks in advance
Poppyolive Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 High five to you, sir!! Smooth move! Well, she has your number and you've already invited her on the bike ride. So, you should wait it out. Maybe in a few days you could call her, to see if she felt up for the ride....keeping it casual..., but if she doesn't get in touch I'd take that as she's not interested. I don't think m you should call and change the plans to have dinner, it makes the whole cycling invite insincere. You could always pack a picnic and stop.off somewhere mid ride for a get to know one another and again after the ride for a drink. So, in answer to your questions....wait for her to contact you. You've expressed interest. Don't call and change the plans.
Lois_Griffin Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Huge kudos for deciding to CALL her instead of engaging in childish, cowardly texting. You're heads above the rest of the socially stunted sheep. You purposely asked her for her number and then proceeded to put it in your phone, then texted her your name so she'd know who you are. You asked for her number, so no, it wouldn't be a good idea to wait for her to contact YOU. That wasn't the deal. I think your plan to call her SOON and tell her you'd like to continue your conversation over dinner (or brunch or lunch) is an excellent one. And for the love of God, be a gentleman and pay for the meal and don't engage in all this bitter bull-crap about how you're supposed to go Dutch on dates and how she's a 'gold digger' if she lets you pay for the date you asked her out on. I have the feeling you have far too much class to do that, anyway. Call her in the next day or two! Edited August 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
ascendotum Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Does this first time get together ride have to be 4 hrs long? I agree with PO that you should not switch plans and stay with the bike ride. Can you not incorporate a lunchtime stop off at a cafe post ride..that way you get to spend time chatting to her. Personally I believe the ball is in her court since she was unsure of her plans, but I would keep the initiative going and call her in couple of days if you have not heard from her to see if she is still up for a bike ride. If she says no too busy, then I reckon switch and suggest a dinner date.
Author CK1dad Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 Hi and thank you all for your responses. I think based on your ideas I will meld them together. I am going to call her tomorrow afternoon and offer some alternate days. Just remembering what she said she is busy Sunday. She said "is this Sunday the 16th" and pulled out her phone to check her calendar. That is right when her friend walked up. She never got a chance to look at the phone, and I didn't have any time to offer alternates, as chatty Cathy wouldn't sush up or go away. We originally discussed doing a 100km ride that will be along a very busy traffic route which involves a lot of single file riding. We both expressed our passion for this type of riding and the route. That only works for me on a Sunday because of my schedule. I have two alternate day I will suggest, and that we do a shorter ride that ends a café so that we can spend some time chatting, and eat. Lois I have learned from this site about calling versus texting and will only be calling to set up dates. Texting is the most un-intimate form of communication and the only person I want to exclusively text with is my ex-wife as it's a great, fast way to deal with kids. Oh and yes it totally is not my style to go dutch. I pay for a simple coffee or dinner no matter what. Still no matter if it goes anywhere or not the fact that it got as far as it did just wants to make me keep going. I have zero expectations on the outcomes! Thanks again for your awesome comments, Mike
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