DSLR Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Met a girl in March and we hit off quite well. I was also seeing some other girls at the same time, but that was more for fun.* We start to see each other once to twice a week, and for some reason I'm a completely different person when I'm with her. I do respect this girl seeing she is intelligent, good job, beautiful, etc.* I was not ready to commit after the first few months, so I asked her mid July to start dating officially. From that moment it got weird. She agreed to start dating, but she said 'only on one condition, you really have to trust me'. This was a bit awkward seeing nobody told me this before. My friends told me that she should be worried trusting me. We are now officially dating for almost a month, but we still haven't had sex. I'm not really used to it. I confronted her with it, and she told me that I was being slow. The next day I invited her to my flat for dinner and a movie and she said 'not yet'. Her first time when she had sex was a two, three years ago and it was not that good. Her last bf had to wait quite long time to have sex, at least that's what she told me. She also told me that she sees her boyfriend only maximum twice a week. She goes to church every Sunday, so maybe that can explain her low sex drive. She is also vague about her whereabouts. She tells me that's she has to go 'somewhere' without telling me actually where, she receives phone calls late in the evening, start texting a lot when I'm with her (when I first met her, she never touched her phone while we were on dates), replies hours later to my texts (I do often the same seeing I'm busy with work, and she is too), etc. I don't care that much, but feel she is hiding something. She already introduced me to her best friend, and asked me if I want to go on holiday with her and one of her friends. When she comes back from a business trip, she brings me a gift. So all positive things.* I always trust my feelings, and I feel something is off. One day she acts really sweet and nice, the other day cold. Last Sunday we went for a drink, had a good time. She said that she wants to see me more than twice a week. Asked her out today and she said. 'I have to go somewhere today, but I'm free after today'. I'm usually busy aswell, especially during the week, but I always ay what I'm doing (dinner with client, gym, out with friends, etc. ) I still enjoy spending time with her, and it's the first time in years that I'm focusing myself only on one girl.* Am I over thinking her behavior?
yxalitis Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 As an aside, her sex drive has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with going to church every Sunday, just thought I'd put that first. Second, she asked you to trust her...that's odd. Trust is inherent in relationships, it's implied, you don't need to state that right up front. The fact that she stated this would suggest she doesn't want you to pry. This with the other evidence you offer suggests you're being played. I'd be wary
xcupid Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 If I were in your position I'd want to know what the heck is going on. What's with the "condition"? What's with the disappearing without telling you? What's with the phone calls late in the evening and texting a lot when you're with her? What's with never telling you what she has going on or where she's going? Sounds like she's got a secret something going on - whatever that might be. The sex part sounds strange too. I can understand if she wants to get to know you better before having sex but she didn't explain it that way. What was the reason she broke up with her boyfriend? I hate to think bad things but something isn't right here. And it would make me suspicious, too. Might or might not affect your relationship but it's very ODD. Red flag! Trust your gut on this one, I think.
joseb Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Yeah I agree something sounds off here. The texting a lot when out with you is rude and disrespectful, if nothing else. If I had to guess, I'd say she is seeing someone else and keeping you around as backup. But that's just a guess.
katiegrl Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Met a girl in March and we hit off quite well. I was also seeing some other girls at the same time, but that was more for fun.* We start to see each other once to twice a week, and for some reason I'm a completely different person when I'm with her. I do respect this girl seeing she is intelligent, good job, beautiful, etc.* I was not ready to commit after the first few months, so I asked her mid July to start dating officially. From that moment it got weird. She agreed to start dating, but she said 'only on one condition, you really have to trust me'. This was a bit awkward seeing nobody told me this before. My friends told me that she should be worried trusting me. We are now officially dating for almost a month, but we still haven't had sex. I'm not really used to it. I confronted her with it, and she told me that I was being slow. The next day I invited her to my flat for dinner and a movie and she said 'not yet'. Her first time when she had sex was a two, three years ago and it was not that good. Her last bf had to wait quite long time to have sex, at least that's what she told me. She also told me that she sees her boyfriend only maximum twice a week. She goes to church every Sunday, so maybe that can explain her low sex drive. ---- ***She is also vague about her whereabouts. She tells me that's she has to go 'somewhere' without telling me actually where, she receives phone calls late in the evening, start texting a lot when I'm with her (when I first met her, she never touched her phone while we were on dates), replies hours later to my texts (I do often the same seeing I'm busy with work, and she is too), etc. I don't care that much, but feel she is hiding something. **** ---- She already introduced me to her best friend, and asked me if I want to go on holiday with her and one of her friends. When she comes back from a business trip, she brings me a gift. So all positive things.* I always trust my feelings, and I feel something is off. One day she acts really sweet and nice, the other day cold. Last Sunday we went for a drink, had a good time. She said that she wants to see me more than twice a week. Asked her out today and she said. 'I have to go somewhere today, but I'm free after today'. I'm usually busy aswell, especially during the week, but I always ay what I'm doing (dinner with client, gym, out with friends, etc. ) I still enjoy spending time with her, and it's the first time in years that I'm focusing myself only on one girl.* Am I over thinking her behavior? This may sound out in left field, but between the paragraph in asterisk above (your fifth paragraph) .... combined with her comment about trusting her, my gut is screaming she could be working as an escort.. Don't let the going to church bit fool you, you would be surprised how many escorts/call girls are actually quite religious! And the fact she seems so *pure* about sex ... wanting to wait, blah blah. Not buying it. She could see men in two ways, one type to have sex with (for money) and the other type to have a relationship with, but no sex or not much. My guess would be she does not even like sex, and views it as just a business....hence why she doesn't seem too keen about having sex with you. This what my gut is telling me based on what you've posted, of course I could be wrong. Or I could be right. Edited August 11, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Author DSLR Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the replies. Haha, she is not an escort. I dated an escort before (don't ask me why), so I can see the difference. She was even worried that I was married, seeing I travel at least five times a month overseas. She is not texting all the time when I'm with her. She receives a lot of messages, she reads them but doesn't reply right away. So my mistake in my first post. I know she is busy with work, so not much on her phone. She usually replies when she is free. Same for me, I see clients every day, so not always able to reply right away. She broke up with her boyfriend because he moved to a another country. I'm going for business to the city where she grew up in, and she will be there as well for work. She immediately suggested that she will show me around. But indeed I never let my guard down, and I have a slight feeling that she is playing me. I do like this girl, seeing is nice to me. I travel a lot for work, she always asks me to let het her know when I arrive safely, she always bring my favourite type of sparkling water if we go to the beach, she gave me extra vitamines for when I hit the gym, etc. I got 'suspicious' last week. I was having drinks with her and she got a call late in the evening. Usually she answers the call without going outside bar/restaurant. Last week someone called, she ignored it first, but eventually she answered the call and went outside, just for a minute. I didn't ask who it was, but she said it was a friend who wanted to go out with her. I'm not the kind of person who ask his gf what they are doing or with who or where. From the moment I feel something is off, I plan a date with another girl. I know it is wrong, seeing I have gf. If I ask her out, she always says yes, expect for today. She had to go to 'somewhere'. Edited August 11, 2015 by DSLR
katiegrl Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Okay, but not all escorts/call girls act the same. It sounds like she is definitely hiding something though. She had to go "somewhere* - where do you think she *had* to go? And why so secretive about it? And leaving you so she could take a call in private? Again why so secretive? What do YOU think she's hiding? Another boyfriend? Maybe she's a spy ....or works for the CIA! Lol Edited August 11, 2015 by katiegrl
Author DSLR Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 I don't know where she has to go to, and I will not ask. Maybe she is seeing another guy, maybe her ex is in town, I don't know. Maybe it is just her age, she is several years younger than me. The reason why she said to me 'yes I want to be your bf, but only on one condition, you have to trust me', is because I asked her months ago if she had a boyfriend. The reason why I asked this was because it was around the 6th date, and there was no physical progress. Quite normal that I asked, it usual don't take this long. She has some trust issues. Her ex was still using some dating site while she was with him. So she went on it to see how active he was. So basically her ex was sleeping around. Maybe that can be the reason why she wants to wait to have sex with me. Apparently her ex was also a jealous guy, he didn't like it that she went on business trips, he didn't it that she texted guy friends. etc. I'm the opposite in comparison with him.
Methodical Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 How old is she? You? How often does she go on business trips and how long do they generally last?
Author DSLR Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 She is in her early twenties, and im thirty. She goes at least a few times a month, but always to the same country. Her clients are from there, she speaks the language, and has to see her family there. She usually stays a day or two, sometimes a bit longer to see her family. I don't think there is anything suspicious about that. It's weird, last Sunday was so good. Just relaxing in a bar, talking, making out, etc. Yesterday she sent me some text during the day. In the evening I asked her out, but she said that she has to go somewhere + a song (didn't mention that earlier).
Author DSLR Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Maybe Im just over thinking the entire thing. She asked me out for dinner tomorrow. Not sure if I will ask any explanation why she is so vague about certain things. Im always happy around her and she can relax me, don't won't to complicate things.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 As her official boyfriend, I don't understand why you're so hesitant to simply ask her what's up. She expects you to trust her, but she's being so evasive that it's difficult to foster that trust. It goes both ways - she can't reasonably expect you to blindly trust her when she's clearly being aloof. Did you ask her why exactly she needed you to agree to this one condition when you decided to be official? I don't believe you're over-thinking anything. Something isn't right here. She might not be hiding something, per se, but she's certainly not being as transparent as she could. I think you need to have an open, non-confrontational talk about this. If she comes back at you with "but you agreed to trust me!" without giving more insight, then I think you have a problem. Do you really want to be running an emotional obstacle course around her walls? A relationship doesn't really work that way. 2
katiegrl Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 As her official boyfriend, I don't understand why you're so hesitant to simply ask her what's up. She expects you to trust her, but she's being so evasive that it's difficult to foster that trust. It goes both ways - she can't reasonably expect you to blindly trust her when she's clearly being aloof. Did you ask her why exactly she needed you to agree to this one condition when you decided to be official? I don't believe you're over-thinking anything. Something isn't right here. She might not be hiding something, per se, but she's certainly not being as transparent as she could. I think you need to have an open, non-confrontational talk about this. If she comes back at you with "but you agreed to trust me!" without giving more insight, then I think you have a problem. Do you really want to be running an emotional obstacle course around her walls? A relationship doesn't really work that way. This! Well said Expat ...you are spot on about everything you said. OP ....communicate! Just cause she isn't does not mean you can't. Something is definitely amiss here ....ask!
Author DSLR Posted August 12, 2015 Author Posted August 12, 2015 (edited) Hmm, she just cancelled for tonight. Her 'excuse', she has a terrible cramp so she has to stay in. Sounds a bit too dodgy. I basically decided not to continue with her, will tell her this in person this week. I'm wasting my time. Positive thing is that I met fun girl last night. We both were relatively drunk, but we had a good time. Will see her again tomorrow. *update. She wants me to call her this evening when I'm off work. Edited August 12, 2015 by DSLR
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