wildpillow Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 been dating my girl for about 5 months now, things have been great. i was laying with her a bit ago and she received a text from a random number, I said who is that? She said I don't know it's a random number so I said see what they say. It was her ex boyfriend and was actually responding to a text she had sent. She didn't initiate the conversation but apparently he is back in town from school and she showed me the whole conversation. He text her and said hey I saw your cousin in the store, hope all is well. So she responded, they chatted a bit, and she actually told him about me, and basically just said thanks hope the same for you. So I was like oh been talking to your ex a little bit? Then she said see this is why I didn't want you to see because I knew you'd overreact because it's absolutely nothing, she said he was just texting her to be nice and she responded to simply be nice back. Am I in the wrong for being kinda salty about it? Then she went on to say "jeez sorry I guess I shouldn't of responded" kinda in a smart ass tone
Author wildpillow Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 No I think you read that wrong. HE initiated the conversation. She showed that to me
LoveRefreshed Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Yeah, I think she's being honest. Though not sure why she felt that she couldn't tell you. Did you keep your cool? I mean she let you read it. I had an ex call me on thanks giving once. Pissed my gf off royally. We can't control who messages/calls us other than blocking numbers. She let you read it. I think she's legit. 1
Author wildpillow Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) I think she's legit too. I kept my cool , definitely probably was a bit of a smart ass when I said "oh chatting it up with your ex?" I think it's natural to act like that, and I assume any women would do the same if my ex was texting me. I just don't like she gets an attitude if I'm kinda pissed off about an ex contacting her, even tho it's out of her control. I'm not questioning if she's legit, I'm more pissed that she thinks I'm being out of line and like, did she really need to respond to him in the first place? Edited August 11, 2015 by wildpillow
Qboro90 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I think that you handled it a bit immaturely and just let your initial reaction come out as possibly passive aggressive anger/insecurity. From what you explained it looks like this was a completely harmless and not a deliberate act on her part to keep it from you. She was right in thinking that you would over react because that's exactly what you did. Her ex didn't text her out of the blue and start flirting with her. He saw a family member and was just a "hey saw this person, hope all is well" convo. The fact that it was a random number shows that she deleted his number when they broke up and didn't store it when he texted her. She mentioned you and said she had a BF and from what you read you saw that her behavior was respectful and appropriate when talking to him. I get that no guy wants to see/hear that his gf spoke to her ex. But she wasn't the one who reached out so its not anything going on behind your back. She just figured why bring it up to you and have you over think it or react angrily when there is literally nothing going on. I think your best course of action would be to talk to her and just explain that you thought about it and realized that you probably reacted to quickly and came off as the jealous BF but you know that she's loyal, you trust her and she just didn't want to bring It up solely bc she saw no need to get you thinking or upset about her ex bc they don't talk at all. Just happened to be bad timing when the text came thru so natural reaction is to think "oh **** you're doing something wrong aren't you". I wouldn't worry about it, don't let it bother you or cause a fight. 5
joseb Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 My take on it is it's harmless. Yes, she told a white lie initially, but based on your reaction, maybe I can see why she did it. If the messages had been really flirty then I would say you have something to be worried about. Now, from my perspective, asking someone "who is that" when they get a message is a bit rude. I hate it when people check my phone - I have nothing to hide, but it really really annoys me. Just my $0.02 5
losangelena Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I agree with most of the other posters. She let you read their entire exchange. That to me says that what she's done is entirely above board. Why are you getting upset that she got pissy with you? You got pissy with her. You're allowed to have at attitude and she's not? I can see why she's annoyed. You're playing nosey parker and she's being straight up with you. She told her ex about you! That says something! If you keep up that kind of attitude even when she's honest with you about things, it might make her want to hide things from you. Just sayin'. Don't bring it up again. Just be extra nice to her for a while. 4
xcupid Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Don't read too much into it. Seems like chatting in passing between her and the ex. Nothing between them. Keep your cool and don't bring it up again.
nadine5 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 She showed you the whole conversation and didn't hesitate to. If my ex sent me a message like that, I would have responded as well. She probably didn't tell you about it initially because she didn't want to worry you for no reason. She sounds straight up.
crederer Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I had to read your post 3 times to understand what you were saying. Punctuation is important. Red flags, for sure. I'd guess that she is not over her ex. That is not good for you, my friend.
Methodical Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 She should have been honest and let the chips fall where they may. She knew the text was from her ex, and from what you have said, she basically chose to lie bc she suspected/knew your reaction wouldn't be good. That being the case, I can understand why she tried to avoid being upfront. I'm not saying that makes it right, just that I understand her reason. Once the cat was out of the bag, she handed you the phone, which tells me she wasn't the slightest bit worried that their communication was anything other than platonic. Although relationships don't always work out, that shouldn't mean you can't be friends, or at least friendly in proper context, and she was. The real issue here is why she felt you would overreact? Sounds like maybe that has happened before and she tried the "ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" tactic.
Author wildpillow Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Why she would feel like I'd overreact? I'm hoping because probably deep down she thought that any normal person would be kinda weird bout it. How many people in here are gonna tell me if your significant other said "I'm texting my ex" would you respond with "oh great that's awesome! Tell me hi for me!" No matter if it was just a innocent chat Edited August 11, 2015 by wildpillow
GemmaUK Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Why she would feel like I'd overreact? I'm hoping because probably deep down she thought that any normal person would be kinda weird bout it. How many people in here are gonna tell me if your significant other said "I'm texting my ex" would you respond with "oh great that's awesome! Tell me hi for me!" No matter if it was just a innocent chat She felt you would over react because she knows you well enough by now. She was right as you have over reacted. This was a totally harmless conversation and completely respectful to you as she told him about you. She didn't even have his number stored. Jealousy and possessiveness can totally kill relationships. Don't sweat the small stuff like this is. 3
Gaeta Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 You have controlling tendencies don't you. Anyone can text her, she can also reply to any text she wants as long as she knows how to conduct herself while in a relationship. 2
Methodical Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Why she would feel like I'd overreact? I'm hoping because probably deep down she thought that any normal person would be kinda weird bout it. How many people in here are gonna tell me if your significant other said "I'm texting my ex" would you respond with "oh great that's awesome! Tell me hi for me!" No matter if it was just a innocent chat People who are secure in their relationship aren't threatened by kind, totally innocent texts. Btw, love the sarcasm . It highlights your personality. She felt you would over react because she knows you well enough by now. She was right as you have over reacted. This was a totally harmless conversation and completely respectful to you as she told him about you. She didn't even have his number stored. Jealousy and possessiveness can totally kill relationships. Don't sweat the small stuff like this is. Well stated, Gemma. You took the words out of my mouth . 1
kendahke Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I"m interested in hearing you girlfriend's take on the situation.
joseb Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Why she would feel like I'd overreact? I'm hoping because probably deep down she thought that any normal person would be kinda weird bout it. How many people in here are gonna tell me if your significant other said "I'm texting my ex" would you respond with "oh great that's awesome! Tell me hi for me!" No matter if it was just a innocent chat Yes pretty much that would be my response. It would not bother me. Especially given the nature of the text. You need to get over your controlling issues if this is going to work out. She is entitled to have innocent conversations. There is nothing between her and her ex but if you keep behaving like this then she will start to resent you and pull away, maybe to the point where she does start to think, well my ex wasn't this controlling.
kismetkismet Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Friendly chats with an ex are normal and healthy in my opinion. It depends on the relationship and the ex... how it ended etc. I have had exes that were deeply manipulative that i wouldn't trust to continue a friendship with because i doubt that they would ever just want to chat without there being something else behind it. But i also have a had a couple of exes that were lovely people, but that it just didn't work out with for various incompatibility reasons... those ones i like to catch up with now and then. She needs to be open and honest with you about it though, while you have to give her space to be open and honest about it. If you give her that space, and you still find that she is hiding things - that is when I would worry. It's understandable to feel a bit prickly about it because you are a human being and we are prone to jealousy haha, but if you trust her you should be able to talk it through and accept that she has had people in her past that were important to her.
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