S_A Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 (edited) This is people's early impressions of me (this isn't speculation) when they meet me: ArrogantIntenseIntimidating (this one is the worst)Strong OpinionsHardheadedBig Ego So basically, people find me to have all the least desirable qualities (those qualities listed above). While I do not completely agree that I have all the qualities listed above (at lease not in the heavy doses that people think I have them), it does not bother me when people think I have those character traits because I understand why they think those things of me. I'd definitely like for people not to think I have the qualities that I listed above; however, I know I show glimpses and flashes of all the above traits. For instance, take the "strong opinions" and "hard headed" character traits. I can come hard with my opinions/views, and I know it can make people feel overpowered. But that does not mean I can't be convinced that the other person is right. I am probably the most open-minded and easy-to-convince person you'd ever meet and I do not have an emotional tie to my views. With that said, if someone wants my opinion, I'm going to present it as if I am convinced that I am right, and I may totally come off as if I have an emotional tie to my opinion/view (but I don't). If the other person ends up being right, I will admit it and give them credit for it. I actually like getting my ass kicked and will praise someone for kicking ass. I do not have an ego that bar's me for admitting that someone else is right. I have enough confidence and security to admit when I am wrong. What's funny is what happens when I admit that the other person is right. I don't just stay quiet or sarcastically say "I give up, you're right". I will say I think the other person is right and will then explain why. It usually blows them away; you can even see it on their faces. It's likely because they perceive it as a total contradiction to how they thought I was character-wise (opinionated and hardheaded). What do you guys think? What do people tend to think about you after meeting you for an evening or a day for the first time? Can you be honest and not sugar coat it? P.S. My current GF and I definitely felt a strong connection the moment we met. Even then, she too thought I had a lot of the character traits I listed above. She actually did not mind it and thought she could totally get all that stuff under control. As she really got to know me she realized she did not have to keep any of it under control Edited August 10, 2015 by S_A 2
SycamoreCircle Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Hmm... I'm pretty interested in other people. I always feel like no matter who you are, there's something interesting about you. So, I try to be kind, open, friendly and associative with anyone I meet, in the hopes that they'll tell me something extraordinary. I think I'm pretty successful. I'm eccentric. I'm built like Thor, but dress like I'm a tour operator in Hawaii or Fiji, even in the dead of winter. Not sure how people see me: gay, eccentric, weird. I get compliments, though. Women who spend any time with me tell me I make them feel very relaxed. I'm very mellow, even without "medicating." I like to make jokes and turn phrases. So I think people might notice my sense of humor. I like to be sly and deadpan, and complicate anything into a strange joke. I'm also without directives, so I think people probably feel little pressure around me. I guess that goes back to being a relaxed influence. 6
Satu Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 People tell me that I'm sweet-natured and kind. That's good, because its all I ever wanted to be. Let each be true to their own nature. Vive la différence. 6
minimariah Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 people never take me seriously when they meet me for the first time because of my babyface. i look SUPER young... and not in a good way either. so folks assume i'm 16 & don't pay me mind, LOL. i do come off as a little bit stuck up - but that's because i'm uncomfortable around new people & i got a little bit of social anxiety going on... so when you meet me for the first time, i'm usually quiet and reserved. you'll either think i'm really annoying and dislike me when you first meet me OR you'll think i'm a sweetie and love me. no in between. 7
jen1447 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I seem to have a magnetism/intimidation yin-yang type thing going on apparently. Ppl usually have a very good first impression (so much so sometimes that they want to just be around me in general - like a dog sitting on a dog person's foot lol) - but I also see some fear in them. I think the contrast is somehow appealing. Maybe it makes them feel safe, bc the intimidation isn't like a danger thing I don't think, moreso just like I burn very brightly and they could get singed. This manifests differently for men and women. Men are like the moth-to-a-flame type thing, and women just seem to feel cozy in my warmth. P.S. My current GF and I definitely felt a strong connection the moment we met. Even then, she too thought I had a lot of the character traits I listed above. She actually did not mind it and thought she could totally get all that stuff under control. As she really got to know me she realized she did not have to keep any of it under control She had you under control the moment you met. you'll either think i'm really annoying and dislike me when you first meet me OR you'll think i'm a sweetie and love me. no in between. I pick sweetie and love. People tell me that I'm sweet-natured and kind. Somehow I figured ....easiest first impression call ever. Women who spend any time with me tell me I make them feel very relaxed. I'm very mellow, even without "medicating." Funny but despite all the weed, you don't seem to have the typical stoner persona. Somehow I doubt you've ever said "Duuuude ...." 6
Author S_A Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Hmm... I'm pretty interested in other people. I always feel like no matter who you are, there's something interesting about you. So, I try to be kind, open, friendly and associative with anyone I meet, in the hopes that they'll tell me something extraordinary. I feel the same way. A big key in feeling that way though is to not be judgmental of others. There was a guy I met recently who did not have something positive to say about me, but if you asked me about him I would have said he was hardworking and responsible and that both were admirable qualities. I felt that way even though he was one of the least sociable people I've ever met. I don't even think my GF was able to get him to smile Still, I was able to sift through all his "crap" and find big positives in him. I'd also add, on top of everyone having something interesting about them, that there is something to be learn from every individual . i do come off as a little bit stuck up - but that's because i'm uncomfortable around new people & i got a little bit of social anxiety going on... so when you meet me for the first time, i'm usually quiet and reserved. I hate hearing people throw the "stuck up" label around on others. It's used excessively IMO. I feel like it's gotten to the point that "haters" call others stuck up when they have nothing bad to say about the person. I'd say almost all the people that I've ever met that were labeled as "stuck up" by another person were the total opposite. Even my GF has been called stuck up ... She's about as stuck up as my grandma She had you under control the moment you met. Ha! I can't argue that! 4
Haydn Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Boyish, scampish rogue...... `labels` everywhere. People fall hard for me:p I`m a bit like `Marmite` 7
PrettyEmily77 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 My parents think I'm mainly a good daughter, my friends think I'm trustworthy, my niece I'm the best aunty in the world (I'm also her only aunt), my BF thinks I'm all round awesome (as he should ), my bro thinks I'm stubborn, fiesty and a good judge of character, my patients I'm ok as docs go. That's the ppl I care about; anyone else's first or consequent impressions of me I can take or leave. 5
Art_Critic Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 maybe you could learn to soften your exterior while meeting someone for the first time, it shouldn't be too hard, try to fall back into the background some and not be so noticed and that will change peoples first impressions.. A warm hand shake, smile and some soft engaging conversation that both parties are interested in will also help. 1
minimariah Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) OP - when first read your posts, i totally imagined you in a suit, alpha male kind of businessman... seriously, LOL. have no idea why. Edited August 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
regine_phalange Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 When people first meet me think I'm conservative. Not sure why. The ones who get to know me better admit their first impression and how wrong they were about it. Also because my face looks kind of depressed naturally (bitchy resting face), people tend to think I'm in a bad mood or that I'm not having a good time. And they get uneasy. Sorry, can;t smile for 5 minutes straight, let my face lie in peace please, I'm totally fine and having a good time. Because I'm low profile and tend to be polite, people tend to think I won't complain if they treat me unfairly -- they think I won't speak up or tell anyone. But the truth is different, I have low tolerance levels to disrespect and I have no problem with confrontation when needed. Oh, and because I maintain a simple appearance people sometimes make the assumption that I'm boring. It's funny how the same people think I'm more interesting with different accessories and a different outfit - while I'm still the same person inside. Making an effort to look simple nevertheless -- great filter, if you ask me. 6
regine_phalange Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I first noticed S_A when he said something nice about his girlfriend (I think) in a post, so my first impression of him is as someone sensitive and loving. Satu is one of the most memorable members here. Somehow he strikes me as a monk type. Spiritual, detached and incredibly warm at the same time. I think it's adorable when he likes every post in a thread. 4
Satu Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) When I say, 'love,' I mean nothing held back, nothing conditional. Total extension of the self without reservation. 100% dedication to the wellbeing of others. Love that makes a difference. Love that is constant and unbreakable. Totus tuus. I belong to everyone, and everyone gets all of me. Here is a line from an old journal of mine: "You are to love those who are given to you to love." Another line: "I only give the best of myself to others. the less than best I work on in my own time." I live by that absolutely. Someone once asked me if the way I live is an 'obliteration of the self.' My answer was, 'No, it's an obliteration of the false self." I would rather cut my tongue out, than say an unkind word to someone, or say words that make someone think less of themselves. And you're right - there is sadness there. Not much, but some. No bleeding wounds, but scars. Apart from that, I'm a very happy person with a wonderful life. All the relationships in my life are robustly healthy and full of joy. I don't need to work, so I don't, spending my time on my great passions: flying, photography and music. I teach Aikido and Wing Chun, under the banner, "We learn to fight so that we don't have to." The way I live isn't one that would be suitable for many people, but it's right for me. I am living my dream, albeit with some visible scars. And there you have some rare (online) personal disclosure. Be well. Edited August 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to deleted post redacted 11
Satu Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I first noticed S_A when he said something nice about his girlfriend (I think) in a post, so my first impression of him is as someone sensitive and loving. Satu is one of the most memorable members here. Somehow *he strikes me as a monk type. Spiritual, detached and incredibly warm at the same time. I think it's adorable when he likes every post in a thread. 'He' is a she. I love your posts, and many of them are close to genius. 3
regine_phalange Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 'He' is a she. I love your posts, and many of them are close to genius. Wow, how did I miss that? (even though I felt a very feminine vibe from you) I'm sorry! Then a priestess! I'm blushing 2
Satu Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Wow, how did I miss that? (even though I felt a very feminine vibe from you) I'm sorry! Then a priestess! I'm blushing The blush will only add to your beauty 3
autumnnight Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I thought Satu was male as well. Somehow every time I read her posts I feel like relaxing my shoulders and going "ahhhhh...." S_A I cannot tell you why, but my initial thought when I try to remember was that you were witty. People throughout life have had all sorts of first impressions of me. But I have noticed it tends to be a bit like Jen; like or do not like, there is no in between. (is Jen the one who said that?) 4
SycamoreCircle Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I thought the she was a he, as well. Now, :love: 1
serial muse Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 It's interesting that so many people thought Satu was a man! I can't honestly claim brilliance for knowing she's a she, since I suspect I just read a post somewhere where she identified herself as a woman. But the male/female "posting style" thing is interesting to me. I've had people here assume I'm a man too at times. 3
SycamoreCircle Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I guess it's the selfless love thing. When you eradicate the self, you eradicate the gender. 1
jen1447 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 It's interesting that so many people thought Satu was a man! I can't honestly claim brilliance for knowing she's a she, since I suspect I just read a post somewhere where she identified herself as a woman. But the male/female "posting style" thing is interesting to me. I've had people here assume I'm a man too at times. Same here, I was aware she was a she but bc I'd noticed it written explicitly somewhere. I used to think she was a he. I think Satu has a stoicism that's more commonly attributed to men. (Maybe another false gender bias, but still we do tend to make those kinds of evaluations of ppl even if we're unaware of it.) 2
Quiet Storm Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 When people first meet me they think I'm Quiet. Those who know me well see that I have a fiercely passionate part of me...a lover and a fighter. I can be quite Stormy at times. 7
William Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Respecting the topical content of the thread starter, they ask the questions: What do you guys think? What do people tend to think about you after meeting you for an evening or a day for the first time? Can you be honest and not sugar coat it? Feel free to discuss your impressions of interactions in real life. The key words here are 'after meeting you for an evening or a day for the first time'. In general, as LoveShack.org is an anonymous forum, members are presumed not to have met and discussions about any personal interactions are to be conducted in private. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive. 2
Taramere Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Well, I tend to like most people I meet unless they give me a concrete reason not to....and usually they seem to like me back. If they don't, I'll tend to take it to heart and develop quite a dislike for them. Which can be difficult if they decide, on second thoughts, that they like me after all. So I try to remain neutral and uninvolved for the most part, if I'm not sure somebody likes me. If other people give feedback at all, it's usually along the lines of empathic, a good laugh, a bit lacking in confidence, and a bit disorganised. When Bridget Jones was a popular book, back in the day, that was the usual comparison. I'm sure I'm not the only woman who encountered that. It's not a very pleasant thing to admit, but of the less positive things - I often get a sense of people not considering me to be a very competent individual. Again, the Bridget Jones syndrome. Fortunately this doesn't seem to be the case with clients, but outside of work...I tend to find people expect me to not be very good at anything, and always seem to be a bit surprised when I do accomplish something reasonably well. 6
serial muse Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 I suppose the main impression I've heard is that I'm "quiet". Which is certainly true - I'm rather shy around new people and unless I'm making a particular effort not to appear to be, I can be rather quiet while I find my footing. I think that the quietness also provides people with something of a blank canvas - because, when people do offer up their first impressions of me, they tend to say all sorts of conflicting things. First impressions have ranged from sweet to intimidating to frightened. I am a Rorschach test. 5
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