RyanBeynolds Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 My girlfriend has a history, but so do i. We've both slept with a lot of partners. We have been dating for 6 months now. I am on vacation, and her birthday was the other night. She went out with friends and ended up going back to the house. Many of her friends are guys. So they all ended up going back to the house. One of the guys there she has previously hooked up with. The kids house she slept at was her girl friends boyfriend. She said she slept on the couch because she was too drunk to drive home and didn't wanna bother anybody. I feel very disrespected and have expressed it to her. She has apologized countless times now and says it won't happen again, yet she has previously gone over to a guys friends houses when 2 other guys were there very late night to watch a movie. I trust her, don't feel like she cheated , but I still feel disrespected because I would never be able to get off the hook if I had gone to a girls house and slept over. What is your guys take on this? Thanks
wb1988 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 (edited) I doubt you'd get much sympathy here, your title already says it all. You know the type of girl you're dating and it's your choice to be with her. If you feel like the rules are single sided then again that's also your fault for putting up with it. There is really nothing you can do but break up because otherwise you're just saying that it's all okay. Edited August 10, 2015 by wb1988
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 Everything in bold is a reason to not date a woman to begin with. There is no reason worth dating a woman like her. Better to be one of those guys she "hangs out with." Then what do you do if you don't date?
DKT3 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Then what do you do if you don't date? I believe he meant HER. Yeah I would skip over that one as well, she has some boundary issues here. 2
mammasita Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Sounds like you're in a real juvenile relationship my friend. Most mature adults I know don't spend the night at their friends of the opposite sex's house because they're too drunk to get home. Much less a house full of dudes (and wtf going to watch movies with dudes at their house very late at night? Are you effing kidding me????!!!!) Not saying partying is a bad thing and sure it can happen, but if it does, you can bet my man is with me.
JetDreams Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 It sounds like you guys have different views on boundaries on the relationship. Since you said you've both been with a lot of partners, she may be more relaxed about certain relationship things. If you really like this girl and want to put in the effort, I would sit down and talk about boundaries. See how she reacts. If she's willing to work with you, I would forget about the past and see if her actions change. Good luck. 1
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Welp, she cheated. Can't turn a ho into a housewife. Thanks for the replies everyone!
HereNorThere Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 As I was reading this, I just kept thinking to myself "If she didn't cheat, he at least thinks she did." Better to find out now than years later. Just charge it to the game, son. We've all be players and we've all been played. Dust it off and maintain your value. This one was already sort broken and you knew it. Next time don't ignore those red flags. Unless you're looking for a one night type of girl, then look out for those flags. Good luck to you.
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Never been a relationship type dude, so this was my first girl. Sucks it happened like this! Oh well, I feel it's not affecting much though
DKT3 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Never been a relationship type dude, so this was my first girl. Sucks it happened like this! Oh well, I feel it's not affecting much though How did you find out? I'm guessing its not the only time. I will say this, you need to learn the difference betwteen a woman who is comfortable sexually and enjoy sex (healthy woman) and a woman with poor boundaires ( a whore as you say). Enjoying sex and having sex with many men doesn't make her a whore, she is free to do what is right for her. That doesn't mean she isn't loyal and have morals when in a relationship.
HereNorThere Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Never been a relationship type dude, so this was my first girl. Sucks it happened like this! Oh well, I feel it's not affecting much though Just don't be discouraged, dude. Seriously, I've dated both types of chicks. Ones I can take home to mom and ones I need sneak out the house before the neighbors start judging me. Point being, if you want a good girl, date a good girl. You'd be surprised at how at how many women actually respect monogamy and wouldn't cheat. You just have to find one with empathy and isn't so self-centered. Honestly, they probably aren't as fun sometimes, I'll give ya that. On the flip side, it's nice being able to trust someone. I don't like the idea of sharing with another man, so I go for the good girls even though I'm more of the bad boy. I really do hope you find what you are looking for. I promise it's out there. 1
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 How did you find out? I'm guessing its not the only time. I will say this, you need to learn the difference betwteen a woman who is comfortable sexually and enjoy sex (healthy woman) and a woman with poor boundaires ( a whore as you say). Enjoying sex and having sex with many men doesn't make her a whore, she is free to do what is right for her. That doesn't mean she isn't loyal and have morals when in a relationship. She finally came clean after 2 days of arguing
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Just don't be discouraged, dude. Seriously, I've dated both types of chicks. Ones I can take home to mom and ones I need sneak out the house before the neighbors start judging me. Point being, if you want a good girl, date a good girl. You'd be surprised at how at how many women actually respect monogamy and wouldn't cheat. You just have to find one with empathy and isn't so self-centered. Honestly, they probably aren't as fun sometimes, I'll give ya that. On the flip side, it's nice being able to trust someone. I don't like the idea of sharing with another man, so I go for the good girls even though I'm more of the bad boy. I really do hope you find what you are looking for. I promise it's out there. Thanks man. I dont mean to sound conceited but I do have a lot going for me (about to start Dental school) so it's whatever to me really. I'm sure I'll meet my perfect girl someday!
DKT3 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 She finally came clean after 2 days of arguing Did you dump her? I hope yes, because like I said she has boundary issues, this will continue to be a problem. Who did she hook up with the guy from before or her friends boyfriend?
Keenly Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Sorry to hear that your first try at a relationship wasn't taken seriously. Peole wonder why being suspicious of opposite sex friends exist. This is why. 4
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Did you dump her? I hope yes, because like I said she has boundary issues, this will continue to be a problem. Who did she hook up with the guy from before or her friends boyfriend? She said it was one of her high school guy friend's friend. Who knows really. She could have cheated in the past. But yes I'm no longer talking to her. I'm actually on vacation! I guess her birthday present was to cheat and get left. Good riddance. Maybe she'll allow me to return her gifts, ha!
HereNorThere Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Have you ever read the fable of "The Farmer and Viper?" Im paraphrasing, but this is the best I remember. Farmer finds snake, frozen almost dead. Farmer warms and feeds snake and nurses it back to health. One day farmer reaches in to feed said snake and the snake coils up and bites him. Farmer says "How could you do this to me? I saved your life and nursed you back to health." Snakes says "What, B*tch? You knew I was a snake." You knew she was snake. Don't be surprised that she bit you. Snakes gonna snake. 4
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 Have you ever read the fable of "The Farmer and Viper?" Im paraphrasing, but this is the best I remember. Farmer finds snake, frozen almost dead. Farmer warms and feeds snake and nurses it back to health. One day farmer reaches in to feed said snake and the snake coils up and bites him. Farmer says "How could you do this to me? I saved your life and nursed you back to health." Snakes says "What, B*tch? You knew I was a snake." You knew she was snake. Don't be surprised that she bit you. Snakes gonna snake. Hahaha I actually heard that. I think that's why I'm not taking this roughly!
RoseVille Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 At first I was going to tell you to calm down, as sometimes I stay on friend's couches or in their guest rooms when we've been out drinking and an Uber isn't convenient or too costly. But then I realized: I'm single. When in a relationship, I make sure that I always end the night at home, or with my guy, not on a friend's couch or guest room. And I don't hang out with guys I once hooked up with in any capacity. Then I saw she cheated. Can't say I'm surprised; she has no boundaries.
HereNorThere Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 There are definitely people who are able to stay on someone's couch and not cheat, sure. If the only thing keeping someone from cheating is opportunity, they aren't going to last long. However, most mature people know not to put themselves in compromising positions after they've been drinking because their inhibitions are lowered. Sort of the equivalent of leaving your car keys at home so that you for sure won't be able to drive your car.
kismetkismet Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 wait a minute, what is so wrong with this?? She slept at her friend's boyfriends house on the COUCH because she was too drunk to drive home.. would you rather her drive? Her number of previous partners have absolutely nothing to do with your current relationship and whether she is capable and willing to be in a committed monogamous relationship with you... One of my absolute best friends in the world is a guy and there is absolutely nothing romantic between us. We watch movies together, go out in groups, I've crashed on his couch before. But that means nothing to my relationship with my boyfriend. He had female friends as well, that i was not threatened by because relationships are about commitment to a person. not isolation. It has absolutely nothing to do with being a good girl or not... I am the kind of girl you take home to your mother - all of my previous boyfriend's mothers were devastated when my relationship with their sons ended. Lying about it is a different story - the problem with this is that you didn't have a clear and calm discussion about the boundaries that you see as appropriate in your particular relationship. But making blanket judgements about this girl because she has male friends is ****ed up.
DKT3 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 wait a minute, what is so wrong with this?? She slept at her friend's boyfriends house on the COUCH because she was too drunk to drive home.. would you rather her drive? Her number of previous partners have absolutely nothing to do with your current relationship and whether she is capable and willing to be in a committed monogamous relationship with you... One of my absolute best friends in the world is a guy and there is absolutely nothing romantic between us. We watch movies together, go out in groups, I've crashed on his couch before. But that means nothing to my relationship with my boyfriend. He had female friends as well, that i was not threatened by because relationships are about commitment to a person. not isolation. It has absolutely nothing to do with being a good girl or not... I am the kind of girl you take home to your mother - all of my previous boyfriend's mothers were devastated when my relationship with their sons ended. Lying about it is a different story - the problem with this is that you didn't have a clear and calm discussion about the boundaries that you see as appropriate in your particular relationship. But making blanket judgements about this girl because she has male friends is ****ed up. No the problem is she F'ed another guy, and I think OP knows it wasn't the first time. 4
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 No the problem is she F'ed another guy, and I think OP knows it wasn't the first time. Must be a feminist, lol 1
Author RyanBeynolds Posted August 11, 2015 Author Posted August 11, 2015 There are definitely people who are able to stay on someone's couch and not cheat, sure. If the only thing keeping someone from cheating is opportunity, they aren't going to last long. However, most mature people know not to put themselves in compromising positions after they've been drinking because their inhibitions are lowered. Sort of the equivalent of leaving your car keys at home so that you for sure won't be able to drive your car. Still wondering what makes someone decide to cheat. I always know what I'm doing when I'm drunk. What a horrible excuse
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 Well OP, if her story is true about staying on the couch, seems responsible. If you think she cheated, then you need to question your ability to trust her and whether or not it's going to get any better? I don't think she was being inappropriate to stay on a friends couch, ESPECIALLY since she has a friend dating the man. I have been at a lot of parties with women there that didn't have their boyfriends. They don't spontaneously jump on my naked after 10 beers I have been the other guy on more than one occasion though, so...
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