sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Hi guys, so, i'd been dating this guy for about 4 months, and he'd been away for 7 of those weeks for work, where he had been quite nice and sweet, always getting back to me and sending me cute messages. the week he gets back, he sends me a text saying how much he can't wait to see me when he gets back. He comes back, and it was just casual texting etc, and he messaged me again saying how much he can't wait to see me, I kinda skimmed over these, replying with other things, but carried on talking to him. Now, I know I need to be more reciprocating of emotion, but on thursday I sen him a text, to which he didnt reply until Sunday. I know he's just got back, and has lots of people to see, but in my eyes it takes two minutes to reply. I got a crappy text last tuesday explaining how busy he had been and how he hoped i was ok. i replied and just thought 'screw him'. I thought he ,ight be on the same page as me, but he texted me today just with a hello, and I'm just wondering what an assertive yet passive way of saying 'dont treat me like s**t, or your ass is grass'! Part of me thinks i should just ignore him, because if he cared that much, he would have replied right away, but theres such a big change of me bumping into him as we have mutual friends! why do guys text you the minute you forget about them?! ugh i feel like i'm in high school all over again!
Empyrea Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Story of my life of course. But I think this is just what "lukewarm interest" looks like. Somehow, when the guy is really into you, there's little room to question it. But with these fair weather boyfriends you really can't quite tell which side is up. One day they're texting you non stop and then suddenly there's radio silence for a week because apparently something (maybe a pretty butterfly?) caught all of their already limited attention. I would say "move on", but then again, sometimes it's worth sticking around to see if maybe they're just the type that's a bit slow to warm up. But yeah.. dating sucks. :/
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 doesnt it just?! like literally, he would message me all the time! he knows i'm not happy, but its like no one would be! i'm not going to put up with this **** for too long tbh, i just need him to know that, but i'm not his gf, so i dont wanna come off as crazy/needy/clingy etc ha
Empyrea Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Mmm it makes sense to me that the advice here would be maybe not to confront him - because just like you said, you're not his girlfriend, and it might put him off the idea if you come across as needy and controlling from the get go. But instead to give him a taste of his own medicine you know? Also act terribly busy and take days to reply. Only if you can be bothered, of course. Letting go is also a great option. I'm kind of doing the same at the moment. I have no idea if it will work - but then that would only be an added bonus, really I'm just doing it to distance myself from him as well. I mean, he used to text me ALL THE TIME, I assume because he wanted to, because I in no way pressured him into it, but maybe me being so available to him all the time took the excitement out of it. So now if he wants to hear from me again or see me again then he really has to step up his game. Or count me checked out.
Strahatmak Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I hate texting. It only makes things worse. Plus texting is the worst way to resolve issues and conflicts. Since you've said that he's been sweet all the time, I'd say give him a chance. This shouldn't be something to be solved with texting. Give each other a chance with a call.
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 the only thing that makes me want to do it, was that he said he likes girls that dont put up with his ****, so it just finding the right way to do it! yeah i'm gonna keep my distance definitely. women are not that hard work! just tell us we're pretty and get us chocolate! duhhh!! men are the complicated ones!!!
fitnessfan365 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Yet another example of why texting is the downfall of dating. So many people ruin potentially great dating situations getting insecure over response time or trying to psycho-analyze what responses mean. If people would just get back to basics focusing on planning/going on actual dates and talking on the phone more, things would be so much simpler. BTW - This mentality some people have of "If they cared they'd respond right away" is BS. People do actually have lives outside their phones.
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 BTW - This mentality some people have of "If they cared they'd respond right away" is BS. People do actually have lives outside their phones. ok what i should have maybe said, was it takes 2 minutes to reply, 3 days is excessive! a day, fine, but 3?! he facebooked it to me as well which was odd, otherwise i would have replied 'who's this' hahaha! i get people have lives out of texting, fine, so do I, but i cant be arsed with hanging around for 3 days! i'm not going to wait for this guy- i'll text him back, but i'm gonna date other people as well, screw waiting around for his ass!!!
Empyrea Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 I don't think that means of communication is key here. It's about frequency and noticing a change in eagerness if you will. Even if he'd have been calling instead of texting all this time, you'd still notice if he went from calling every day, to not ringing back for a week.. Texting/messaging is just the preferred method of this time (sadly?). For me it works well. Gives me some leeway and time to process what's being said. Phones make me anxious.
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 yes, i'm all about consistency! not into the hot 'n' cold thangg either!
fitnessfan365 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 This should be any woman's go to text - "Can't wait to see u again! What do u have planned for our next date?" 1) The guy will like that you're thinking about him 2) It still lets him be the man and plan Then he gets back to you, plans are made, and you talk again on the date. If people would stop using regular texting as a middle man and just cut to the chase for dates, it would eliminate so much drama. 2
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 as much as i agree, with his job- he's away a lot, so texting has to be a big part in it i guess, the more i talk here, the more this whole thing seems a bad idea!
pteromom Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Hi guys, so, i'd been dating this guy for about 4 months, and he'd been away for 7 of those weeks for work, where he had been quite nice and sweet, always getting back to me and sending me cute messages. the week he gets back, he sends me a text saying how much he can't wait to see me when he gets back. He comes back, and it was just casual texting etc, and he messaged me again saying how much he can't wait to see me, I kinda skimmed over these, replying with other things, but carried on talking to him. Now, I know I need to be more reciprocating of emotion, but on thursday I sen him a text, to which he didnt reply until Sunday. I know he's just got back, and has lots of people to see, but in my eyes it takes two minutes to reply. I got a crappy text last tuesday explaining how busy he had been and how he hoped i was ok. i replied and just thought 'screw him'. I thought he ,ight be on the same page as me, but he texted me today just with a hello, and I'm just wondering what an assertive yet passive way of saying 'dont treat me like s**t, or your ass is grass'! Part of me thinks i should just ignore him, because if he cared that much, he would have replied right away, but theres such a big change of me bumping into him as we have mutual friends! why do guys text you the minute you forget about them?! ugh i feel like i'm in high school all over again! He sent you a text that made him vulnerable to you, talking about how he was excited to see you. You "skimmed over it", basically letting him fall on his face rather than reciprocating. He hasn't given up, but he is now unsure you are excited about him. When someone pours out his heart, even in text form, take a few minutes to respond. 3
Vintage79 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 OP - I don't know why you're surprised - you effectively blow off his texts when he's saying he's really excited to see you and you answer with random stuff - effectively telling him that you're not that interested and then you still expect him to be super interested? If a girl seems passively interested and doesn't mirror my enthusiasm/ interest after 4 months, she's a short step away from getting a "nice knowing you"... If you're interested in him and have been dating for 4 months, it better be super apparent that you're interested, otherwise you deserve to get thrown to the curb for the new, more attractive, more interested person...
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 just because I may not be great at getting those emotions across, does not mean i deserve to be treated with less respect than other women or ditched! however i feel i do communicate this on other ways, just not in the mushy stuff, thats all! i'm not about to say stuff like that its not me, i've always been that way, i'm working on it. its one step at a time stuff really, i'm already out of my comfort zone in dating this guy! so you think of women as posessions that can be traded in so easily, huh? fair game- maybe this is why i play my cards a little closer to my chest to avoid dating types like that...
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 He sent you a text that made him vulnerable to you, talking about how he was excited to see you. You "skimmed over it", basically letting him fall on his face rather than reciprocating. He hasn't given up, but he is now unsure you are excited about him. When someone pours out his heart, even in text form, take a few minutes to respond. yes I know, I should try to convey these emotions, but there is no way to communicate this without sounding dumb! maybe you would just have to meet me, that kind of stuff just feels so odd for me to write! it is something i'm working on, because even I realise how bad it may come across, and once you notice something about yourself it must be OOOOBVIOUS!!
smackie9 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Well that's why you are so bad with men.....attitude. Be sweet and positive....might work for you.
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 i am positive, and i only treat people the way i would want to be treated, but i don't put up with any ****. simple as!
katiegrl Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Well that's why you are so bad with men.....attitude. Be sweet and positive....might work for you. I agree with smackie. >>He comes back, and it was just casual texting etc, and he messaged me again saying how much he can't wait to see me... Good gawd, how difficult would it have been to simply respond back with "I can't wait to see you too...when are we getting together again"? (I think fitness fan suggested that too). Or is that to "mushy" for you? Anyhoo, you asked why you are so bad with men... THAT is why. You may come across as cold. Be warmer, more open...try and be a bit more vulnerable. Good luck.
Author sxbmb3388 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 yes i get you, and i agree with everyone on that point! i'm not disagreeing. but i wouldn't really say that, that's all! like i've said, its something i'm clearly going to have to work on, and thats fine, i guess because i dont need i guy to be all like that with me, i dont think to do it!
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