WMFelt73 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 In several of the threads on here, there have been people that initiated a D-day and I don't get that move. If it happens that the BS finds out via phone records, physical evidence, etc, then I get it. But some of these D-day initiations seem to be geared towards forcing a solution that foists a no win choice on the cheating spouse. I wonder if some of these D-days are truly altruistic (I can't love with the secret) or if they're trying to break up their AP and BS so that they have a shot at dating the AP exclusively. Almost as if they are trying wrangle a move from breadcrumbs to a place at the dinner table. What say you LS members? Has anyone seen a forced D-day turn out ok afterwards or are they really doing it 'from the heart'? WMF
skywriter Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 In some A's,the om/ow,initiates exposure in order to end the A. 3
DKT3 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 First, this will likely be moved to the general forum. Its hard to say why a OM/OW would want to tell (I assume that's what your meaning). I would guess that its not as simple as "forcing ones hand" although I sure it plays a part. I think that most people are mostly good and this things have a way at weighing on the soul. Making it hard for them to see themselves as good people, we all want to think of ourselves as good people. Thus the internal struggle, tell/don't tell. Many times the deciding factor can be the relationship nearing an end or having ended and the affair partner feeling betrayed in a way. Some do it because the married person won't leave them alone. In short many factors are in play, just as many as how the justify being in that place to start with. 2
Author WMFelt73 Posted August 10, 2015 Author Posted August 10, 2015 First, this will likely be moved to the general forum. Actually, that would be helpful. Its hard to say why a OM/OW would want to tell (I assume that's what your meaning). Yes, that's exactly what I was getting at. Sorry for the confusion. WMF
Minnie09 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 It is dumb to initiate a dday if you're involved with an MM/MW. If you manipulate the situation like that all you'll get is a partner who was forced to leave their M, not a partner who had the chance to think it through thoroughly and make their own informed decision. Manipulating a situation like that will not result in anything good. Only very desperate people would do such a thing. 4
DKT3 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 It is dumb to initiate a dday if you're involved with an MM/MW. If you manipulate the situation like that all you'll get is a partner who was forced to leave their M, not a partner who had the chance to think it through thoroughly and make their own informed decision. Manipulating a situation like that will not result in anything good. Only very desperate people would do such a thing. Its not always "to get" the MM/MW, and the result they may be looking for is for it to be over. Your only looking at one side of the 1000 sided coin.
GoldieLox Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Long story short... I initiated one with my husband because I wanted to try and save my marriage. I felt that he should be given that choice at least. I did not, however, tell xAP's wife, if that's what you're referring to. That's his ball of st to deal with. She'll die without knowing, mark my words. I would take full responsibility if she ever came asking, though.
Goodbye Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 My "forced" d-day was twofold. One, I was PISSED at him for lying to me about his divorce status. Two, I knew if his wife knew the truth she'd be glued to his ass and he'd finally leave me alone. 3
Minnie09 Posted August 10, 2015 Posted August 10, 2015 Its not always "to get" the MM/MW, and the result they may be looking for is for it to be over. Your only looking at one side of the 1000 sided coin. Well, ok, I get that, but even if you want it to end wouldn't it be better to just walk away? Why mess with somebody else's marriage? If you want it to stop then stop. No d-day necessary. Unless the married person stalks you. But even then you have other and better options than run to the BS and spill the beans. Because you'll be the one that ends up stigmatized, not the WS. If they want to stay together, they will and they will gang up against you. I wouldn't interfere. Ever. 2
Gloria25 Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Thank you Minnie09!!! I don't get why some people will force a "D-day", when they gosh darn entered as a OW/OM If you find through the course of the affair that you developed feelings, then ask for the WS to make it legit with you and if he/she says "no" - you are in no position to "force" them to do a thing, cuz no one forced you into the affair with them. Now, let's say the WS "sweet talked" you and started raising your hopes that he'd make you the next "Mrs." ...and, didn't/never follow through. Again, walk away. I mean, who wants someone you had to manipulate, badger, ultimatum, and/or "force" to be with you? Doesn't matter if the person was single or married. I want someone to be with "me" cuz they wanted to. I have a gf of a gf who had an affair with a "dog". He slept around with her and other women...but nooo, she thought she was "special" and pressured him to divorce. Now, they are married, she's in debt over him and he sleeps with his ex wife and other women ....and, all she does is fight with him about it. Well, at least now she got the title of the new "Mrs." BTW, all these acronyms here...I thought the "D" in "D-day" meant "penis day" and I was like "sign me up for that!!!" I mean everyone should schedule a "penis day" - preferably ALL day of penis!!! Edited August 11, 2015 by Gloria25 1
unluckycharms Posted August 11, 2015 Posted August 11, 2015 My "forced" d-day was twofold. One, I was PISSED at him for lying to me about his divorce status. Two, I knew if his wife knew the truth she'd be glued to his ass and he'd finally leave me alone. These are pretty much the exact same two reasons I did it. I was mad that he had lied to me about being married and was desperate to get away from him but didn't trust myself to end it (sad, I know). It hasn't been very long since I told her so I'm not sure if I'll end up regretting it, but so far I haven't. 1
I4givehim Posted August 15, 2015 Posted August 15, 2015 The OW initiated D-day because she knew I would throw my STBXH out. Unfortunately, her plan of him running to her didn't work out. He went to his parents house. He says he has NC with her since D-day. Do I believe it????? nahhhh.... I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. She can have him. They deserve each other.
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